IT - Inquista Today (News)



  • IT will bring you the latest news from Inquista through an array of multimedia sources, including text-based articles, TV-video broadcasts and audio-only programs.

    The Inquista Today Team:

    • Rosemary Barker will bring you the latest news live from Inquista every evening at 19:00 CEST.
    • Kathy Vickers will keep you up-to-date with the latest gossip and celebrity drama.
    • Lex Burnley will offer his opinion, insight and commentary on the political topics trending today.
    • Ezra Archer will bring you the latest profiles and interviews of people and personalities making the news headlines.

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    August 18, 2019 // Inquista to Change Official Name and Dissolve Political Parties

    RB: A series of wide-ranging amendments have been made to the Fundamental Laws of Inquista, most namely of which include the elimination of political parties and the establishment of ‘theological blocs’. Furthermore, the official name of the Microstate of Inquista has been changed to ‘the Most Blessed State of Inquista’. Good evening. I'm Rosemary Barker and this is Inquista Today.

    [ ► Inquista Today intro plays ]


    RB: Since founding the Black Swan Movement in 2013, Archbishop Craticus has vowed to undo the party system within the College of Bishops, which he has previously described as the “catalyst for political polarization and corruption” within the Inquistan Orthodox Church. After winning a supermajority of seats in the in the 2018 ecclesiastical elections, the ability to amend the Fundamental Laws of Inquista became a guaranteed certainty for the Archbishop and his party. Now, the Archbishop and his supermajority of bishops have done just that, eliminating political parties and replacing them with theological blocs. Using the same supermajority, the Archbishop also changed the official name of Inquista to the Most Blessed State of Inquista, which has come to a surprise to many, including political insiders within Inquista.

    RB: In order to make sense of these events, I have two very special guests joining me tonight in the studio. With me tonight is Emmett Viscomi, a political analyst with the Inquistan Tribune, as well as Bradley Costa, the Chief Assistant to the Archbishop. Thank you both for joining me this evening.

    EV: Hi. It’s great to be with you.

    BC: Happy to see you again, Rosie. Thanks for having us.

    RB: Let’s begin with the renaming of Inquista. Where did this come from and why is this being done? Bradley, you’re an assistant to the Archbishop, so let’s begin with you.

    BC: Sure. Well, this may seem like a surprise to many, and yes, it has happened suddenly. However, it’s no secret that the Archbishop has never been a fan of Inquista’s formal name since Inquistan reunification. Inquista is 3,082 km2 big. Yes, we’re city-state and by far the smallest nation in the EU in terms of territory, but we’re not a microstate. The Black Swan Movement has felt that this name has undermined everything that Inquista is – we’re the largest economy in Europe, one of the most populated countries in the World, and very culturally and spiritually significant – so it doesn’t seem apt to refer ourselves as something small. It hasn’t made sense since Inquistan reunification, really.

    RB: I see that point. Inquista’s name has historically evolved quite often. I mean, the formal microstate name was only adopted when Inquista dissolved into three states: North, South and East Inquista. Before then, we were simply the State of Inquista. When Inquista was a secular state, we were known as the Most Serene Republic of Inquista. So, yeah, I get it. Emmett?

    EV: I actually get it, too. I wasn’t so much surprised to hear that this was being introduced to the College of Bishops, as much as I was actually just caught off-guard in terms of timing. At the same time, it’s also very predictably Craticist. I mean, this is the same Archbishop of ours who renamed our national currency after another country in the European Union started using the franc. Archbishop Craticus has sought to shape Inquista through a narrative of religious nationalism, and of course, the Inquistan Orthodox Church is anything but small to this Archbishop, so why would the country be small? Especially, as Bradley has pointed out, there is a lot that the Archbishop feels that the nation can be proud of. Blessed, even.

    BC: (laughs) I’m not sure if you’re saying that tongue-in-cheek Emmett, but we are blessed. Inquista is a truly blessed state. We’re a nation founded by Saint Dominico and others following the Great Persecution, and they continue to protect us and look over us from heaven to this day.

    EV: The Most Blessed, even.

    RB: You bring up a point there, Emmett. Archbishop Craticus did rename the currency of Inquista from the Inquistan Franc to the Inquisto, so there is a lot of precedent to this decision. As you say, putting the identity of Inquista, and emphasising the greatness and uniqueness of our country, is something that the Archbishop has long championed. However, this is a big change. I mean, a supermajority of votes in the College of Bishops was necessary to make this change to the Fundamental Laws of Inquista. Why didn’t Inquistans get a choice in this? Shouldn’t we have held a referendum?

    BC: (laughs) No, I don’t think any Inquistan would want a referendum on the matter. The Inquistan people chose to give their overwhelming support to the Archbishop and the Movement when they elected to give them a supermajority of seats in the College of Bishops. Inquistans trust our Archbishop to put the Inquistan Orthodox Church before anything else. When the Inquistan Franc was renamed to the Inquisto, most Inquistans were quite pleased. From what I am aware of, most Inquistans are supportive of the new name as well. We’re moving the country forward.

    EV: I actually take exception to this. This really is something that should have been put forward to a referendum. Archbishop Craticus and his party – theological bloc, or whatever – have governed our Church by bashing political elites for being supposedly undemocratic, by promising to democratize bureaucracies, and by fighting what they call political corruption, yet they don’t leave major changes to our Fundamental Laws up to the people. Instead, they’re using their new supermajority to propel anything they can.

    BC: Then why even elect our bishops in the first place then? Don’t get this confused: the Inquistan people chose to elect a supermajority. I really think most Inqusitans stand behind our Archbishop on this. It’s a more meaningful name and it’s a more beautiful one too. It would have been an unnecessary expense and waste of time to hold a referendum on a matter that most Inquistans, I’m pretty sure, support.

    RB: If we’re going to discuss parties – I mean, theological blocs – and supermajorities, then let’s talk about the new political reforms rolled out the College of Bishops. Emmett, can you explain what theological blocs are, and how these differ from political parties?

    EV: Sure. If I had to compare what theological blocs are to anything, I’d actually compare them to political groups that currently exist in the European Union-

    BC: (scoffs) Uh, yeah, no.

    EV: You can roll your eyes at that, but it’s true. They’re basically nearly identical. Theological blocs are formal groupings of bishops in the College of Bishops, similar to political parties, but less institutionalized and with less structural power. Bishops can move freely between blocs and also form their own. However, to be part of a bloc, or to make new one, you must be an incumbent bishop part of the College. So basically, no outsider theological blocs can exist without being part of the College, and no College outsider, like Councillor Firoux, can lead a theological bloc.

    RB: Councillor Firoux is the leader of the Christian League. What does this mean for him?

    EV: He certainly isn’t the leader anymore. He can’t lead a theological bloc unless he’s a bishop. If I am to be frank, this is a convenient fact for the Movement, who have now effectively silenced the leader of their opposition.

    BC: But see, this is the problem. This isn’t about silencing the opposition. This is about ending political corruption and about depoliticizing the Inquistan Orthodox Church. Our Church shouldn’t be a politically divided institution. It simply doesn’t make sense for people, like Councillor Firoux, sitting in Europolis, deciding what the College of Bishops should do or not do. If he wants to shape the policy of the Church, then he should work to elect himself as a bishop. Our Church should be governed by bishops, not political elites sitting overseas. This is partly why the Archbishop has moved to create these theological blocs. These theological blocs are barred from collecting funds, whether they be from corporations, unions or individuals. Instead, the administrative costs of these blocs will be covered by stipends provided the Church. These blocs are supposed to be a means for like-minded groups of bishops to work together, not to become intuitions in of themselves. We can all wear different stripes, but we’re all playing for the same team, which is our Church.

    RB: Okay, so the theological blocs are basically loose grouping of College Bishops? You mentioned that they can’t collect funds, and have their administrative costs covered by the Church, but then how do elections work?

    BC: Candidates for election can be endorsed by a theological blocs. If they don’t receive an endorsement, then candidates can run as independents. Independently-elected bishops can then form or join a bloc once they’re in the College. You will see theological bloc endorsements on the ballots, beside the name of candidates. But all the campaign funding, including political fundraising, will have to come from the candidate themselves. Big party apparatuses, like fundraising, have been gutted. The Movement has already banned donations from corporations, unions and foreign entities. However, this means candidates, not parties, must now fundraise for themselves, and they’re only allowed to accept a donation that amounts to 1,000 Inquistos or less, per month, from an individual Inquistan.

    EV: The problem is, while we all support any decision to limit corporate greed and political corruption, this is also a blatant attack against the political freedoms of Inquistans. Our unions and businesses have been already been shut out of political decision-making. Fine, I will accept that. But the Archbishop has basically shut out all smaller political players, such as those who are not sitting in the College, of ever making political breakthroughs. All the while, the Archbishop is also silencing their strongest of his opponents, including Councillor Firoux, who happens to have more fundraising money than him. The fact that Councillor Firoux will be barred from leading a theological bloc, despite being democratically elected by his supporters, seems undemocratic and politically oppressive to me. This a political stunt.
    RB: What does this mean for the current parties? As of now, they’ve officially been dissolved. There is no Black Swan Movement, there is no Christian League and there is no Green Inquista.

    BC: The Archbishop fully intends for his current Secretariat and for his like-minded bishops to remain working together, and they will form a theological bloc in the coming days.

    EV: Yeah, I see a very powerful Craticus-led theological bloc emerging out of this. I’m very concerned for the Christian League, who will now not only lose their leader, but they might actually combust entirely. I have no idea how they will cope with this. The Christian League almost split into two separate parties this past summer, when Councillor Firoux narrowly beat Silas Kligenberg for leadership of the party. Silas Kligenberg threatened to start his own party, but it never actually materialised. This could be a chance for the supporters of Councillor Firoux, who mostly comprise of ardent pro-European, liberal Orthodox democrats to form one theological bloc, while the more business-oriented and moderate Orthodox supporters of Silas Kligenberg form their own bloc.

    RB: And Green Inquista?

    BC: (laughs) Oh no.

    EV: They’ll easily be able to transform themselves into their own theological bloc. Bishop Lallana has already promised this. She will surely have a home for her own bishops and for those who subscribe to liberation theology, progressive orthodoxy and ecotheology. It will be interesting to see if anyone else joins her bloc. I don’t see former Green Inquista bishops moving anywhere else. It will be especially interesting to see how her bloc benefits from the former Christian League, who I suspect will not be able to organize themselves into a theological bloc uniformly. There’s a possibility, if the Christian League splits, that Bishop Lallana’s theological bloc is the second largest theological bloc in Inquista, which means yes, libertarian theology will be second biggest force within the Inquistan Orthodx Church.

    BC: A force and theology that most Inquistans reject, I might add.

    RB: It will be very interesting to see how political machinations develop following these reforms. I will be sure to keep a close eye on them, and we, here at Inqusita Today, will keep you up with the latest.

    EV: You will have your work cut out for you.

    RB: (laughs) That’s what I look forward to, Emmett. I would like to thank you both for joining me tonight and helping me make sense of these reforms. Emmett, Bradley, thank you.

    BC: You’re welcome, Rosie. Anytime.

    EV: It’s been a pleasure, thank you.

    RB: And thank you all for joining us this evening as we discuss the latest news from Inquista. This has been Inquista Today. Thank you. Good night.


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    DISASTER Strikes Mikaela Kligenberg's WILD Ibiza Party and It Ends in CATASTROPHE

    Article by Kathy Vickers
    August 19, 2019

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    HORRIFIC SCENE: Authorities raid the renowned El Burro Marica club in Ibiza after distressed patrons call for police assistance.

    Shocking news is emerging following recent events in Ibiza, Spain. The government of Derecta has worryingly announced that Prime Minister Cayetana Valcárcel-Aranjuez y Pérez de Viñastre has been abducted over the weekend while attending Mikaela Kligenberg’s Ibiza party at the El Burro Marcia club. Mikaela Kligenberg’s party, which was held in celebration of Spain’s one-year anniversary of EU membership, was raided by police during the same evening as the Derectan PM’s abduction.

    Insider sources currently believe that Mikaela Kligenberg, Queen Irene of Red Croatia and Queen Anastasia of Icholasen may have coordinated the abduction. The three women, who all wore elegant light-coloured dresses, were seen traveling to Ibiza from Spain’s capital city.

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    MEAN GIRLS: Mikaela Kligneberg (L), Queen Irene (C), and Queen Anastasia (R) all coordinated light-coloured outfits, MALICIOUSLY leaving the Derectan Prime Minister wearing dark-coloured clothes in an attempt to HUMILIATE her.

    The three suspicious women were seen travelling together with the Derectan Prime Minister, who was dressed in contrasting dark colours. Insider sources report that the three women intended to humiliate the Derectan Prime Minister by suggesting that she attend the party wearing “business casual” clothing. Upon joining the three women, the Derectan Prime Minister seemed to quickly realise the fashion set-up, and then later in the evening changed her outfit. The Derectan Prime Minister stunned the patrons of the El Burro Marica club with a graceful, sleek black dress, which came to contrast with the lighter outfits of Ms. Kligenberg, Queen Irene and Queen Anastasia. According to sources, the three women were utterly infuriated by this and soon challenged the Derectan Prime Minister to a physical confrontation.

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    STUNNING: Prime Minister Cayetana Valcárcel-Aranjuez y Pérez de Viñastre looked ready to sign a free trade agreement in her business casual attire, before GRACEFULLY changing into her GORGEOUS black dress. The Prime Minister’s whereabouts and current outfit are unknown, however.

    Eyewitnesses claim that the Derectan Prime Minister initiated the physical confrontation herself, but that she acted in self-defence. Mikaela Kligenberg is believed to have then taken up the defence of the other two women, verbally attacking the Derectan Prime Minister in a shrieking verbal barrage that resulted in police being called to the scene. Patrons reported hearing very distressing sounds emitting out of Mikaela Kligenberg, leaving many to wonder whether she had been injured, possessed or both.

    As police arrived at the club, they were immediatey bombarded with smoke bombs and flares, which obstructed their ability to resolve the dispute between the women. Eyewitnesses report that Queen Irene of Red Croatia fled the scene immediately before the police arrival, coincidentally when the flares and smoke bombs were detonated. Not long after, the Derectan Prime Minister went missing.

    Police searched the premises of the club, only to find the corpse of a deceased woman, Canadace, age 97, who was dead in her wheelchair in the corner of the club. Queen Irene and Prime Minister Cayetana Valcárcel-Aranjuez y Pérez de Viñastre were nowhere to be seen. Mikaela Kligenberg and Queen Anastasia are said to have worked cooperatively with the Spanish Police in attempt to cover up their roles in abducting the Derectan Prime Minister.

    Prince Tommy of Icholasen was also seen at the club, reportedly working as a bartender. Inside sources claim that Prince Tommy has become destitute, after relapsing into a severe bout of alcohol and drug abuse. Eyewitnesses are believed to have seen Prince Tommy an Queen Anastasia arguing about money and royal responsibility, leading royal insiders to believe that Queen Anastasia has exiled Tommy from Icholasen due to his neglect of responsibilities and his wasteful spending of money.

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    DISGRACE: Prince Tommy of Icholasen was seen working a job in Ibiza, likely due to BANKRUPTING the Nicoleizian Royal Family and WASTING AWAY his inheritance.

    Royal insiders are reportedly worried that Prince Tommy’s lewd behaviour, wasteful spending and drug and alcohol problems are spurring a rise in republicanism in the country as well as bankrupting the entire Nicoleizian Royal Family. In order to remedy the national economic burden of the Nicoleizian Royal Family, royal insiders are suggesting that they are entertaining an offer from Premier Eilidh Whiteford and the Party of June, who seek to privatize the Nicoleizian Royal Family. Numerous potential buyers are interested in the deal, which will likely be unveiled shortly after the Nicoleizian by-election in Romain.


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    Opinion: "Councillor Firoux Has Many Friends, It's Just Too Bad That None of Them Are In Inquista"

    Opinion by Lex Burnley
    August 22nd, 2019

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    The knives are out against Councillor Firoux in Inquista. Councillor Firoux's European career is certainly secure. However, is his political career in Inquista officially over?

    It seems very likely that Councillor Firoux will soon be re-elected as the Speaker of the European Council in an unopposed vote. Councillor Firoux has acted as the Speaker of the European Council since Councillor Mountain of the United Kingdom stepped down from the post in 2018. You'd be probably be forgiven if you mistakenly believed that Councillor Firoux had been Speaker of the European Council since at least 2017, or 2016, or maybe even 2015. Councillor Firoux is now by far the longest serving Councillor in European Council, first taking up the job in 2013. He's made his mark by legalizing gay marriage in the European Union, banning capital and unusual punishment, and at one point, also controversially banning the use of nuclear weapons.

    Councillor Firoux's long and established career in Europolis has made him good friends with many political insiders within Europe. This isn't surprising given the fact that Councillor Firoux is also the leader of the European Progressive Alliance - the biggest voting bloc of councillors within the European Council. Besides his fellow councillors, Councillor Firoux has established personal and professional relationships with almost every commissioner that has served during his tenure - including virtually every premier commissioner. When people claim that Councillor Firoux is 'in bed' with the premiers, sometimes it's a literal reference and not just a metaphorical one. Councillor Firoux's other European friends include a long list of monarchs, prime ministers, presidents and business elites who have showered him with praise, political support and financial donations.

    Councillor Firoux has many friends, it's just too bad that none of them are in Inquista. After all, it's the ones in Inquista that count the most if he ever planned on ever becoming Archbishop.

    Let's make no mistake: Councillor Firoux's has built his entire political career with the intent of becoming Archbishop. Even before he was an elected politician, when he still worked as an appointed ambassador of Inquista, Councillor Firoux made numerous risky decisions to criticize the Church of Inquista, including its foreign policy. Those were gutsy risks to take for someone who was a church-appointed member of the Inquistan Foreign Service. It's also what ultimately helped him become the Councillor of Inquista. From there, Councillor Firoux has seemingly used his position in Europolis to counter the current Archbishop of Inquista at every turn. When Archbishop Craticus defends the sanctity of the traditional family, Councillor Firoux quickly proposes legislation to strengthen non-traditional marriage rights, and when Archbishop Craticus moves to stop refugees from entering Inquista, you then see Councillor Firoux moving to protect the rights of those refugees. Councillor Firoux's eyes are just as laser-focused on Inquista as he is on Europe.

    When Bishop Ashton Pearson resigned as the leader of the Christian League in 2018, Councillor Firoux finally played his cards in the open. He ran for leadership of the Christian League himself, despite not being a member of the College of Bishops. It was a bitter race against Silas Kligenberg, but Councillor Firoux managed to prevail mostly unscathed. Surely, Councillor Firoux's prospects of becoming Archbishop should be better than ever?

    Wrong. Very wrong.

    In an attempt to depoliticize the Inquistan Orthodox Church, and to combat political corruption, Archbishop Craticus has dissolved Inquista's political parties and has replaced them with less structured theological blocs. Only incumbent members of the College of Bishops can lead these blocs. Councillor Firoux is not a bishop, so he will be barred from leading a theological bloc. This is terrible, bad, no-good news is just the start of Councillor Firoux's problems. He's not just lost his leadership position in Inquista, but he will also very likely have his own political base snatched away from him by other Inquistan leaders and his own supposed allies. Soon enough, Councillor Firoux might have all his political capital bled dry, with his political opponents all eager to take a stab at him.

    The knives are out. To Councillor Firoux's right, Archbishop Craticus is coalescing a broad-tent of like-minded bishops, ranging from moderate, to conservative, to ultra-Orthodox, whom are all united under a broad banner of religious nationalism. To Councillor Firoux's left, Bishop Lallana is building an army of progressive Orthodox bishops dedicated to liberation, social justice and ecotheology. In 2011, both of these theological blocs led by Archbishop Craticus and Bishop Lallana may have seemed like fringe entities, but both parties, as well as their leaders, have become very popular, and they are continuing to eat away at the political centre. Just before the last Inquistan ecclesiastical election in 2018, several members of the Christian League jumped party ship to join the Archbishop's Black Swan Movement and Bishop Lallana's Green Inquista. It is very likely that we will see more bishops jump ship now that the party lines have been temporarily dissolved until the new theological blocs are formed. The Archbishop and Bishop Lallana both know this, and have openly courted members of the Christian League to join their theological blocs once they have been created.

    It's not just opponents from other political stripes that are against Councillor Firoux. Silas Kligenberg has re-merged as a political threat and he plans to stab Councillor Firoux in the front, not in the back. While most members of the former Christian League have defended Councillor Firoux and have lambasted the College of Bishops for preventing him from holding his leadership position, Silas Kligenberg has openly welcomed it. In an interview with IBC News, Silas Kligenberg stated that while he does not approve of the Archbishop's justifications for political reforms, he does "welcome the opportunity to reform Inquista's political parties, including the Christian League," and that it was "time to refocus and bring new energy to Inquista's best governing group".

    Silas Kligenberg, much like the Archbishop and Bishop Lallana, has met with the former members of the Christian League, and he too is hoping to court them to his own corner. It has been reported that Silas Kligenberg hopes that one of the bishops stands down from their see, so that he can fill their seat, and take leadership of the former Christian League. Multiple members of the League previously endorsed Silas Kligenberg in his previous attempt at party leadership, and many members of the Inquistan public remain enthusiastic about his fresh and insurgent dive into politics. It wouldn't take much to imagine that one of the League bishops may stand down, and Silas Kligenberg may then ascend to anointed leadership. This is his Kligenberg destiny, after all.

    Councillor Firoux's best hope is that one of his few allies in the League (either Bishop Anja Emerett or Bishop Jenna-Marelle Johnson) is able to hold peace over the former Christian League, and that they are able to become the leader of the theological bloc. This ploy, however, is obvious. Both Bishop Emerett and Bishop Johnson will have their leadership scrutinized, and neither of them will be able to shake-off the notion that they're mere puppets of Councillor Firoux himself. Sllas Kligenberg doesn't seem intent to let this happen anyway, and may very well prefer splitting the entire former party into two rather than compromising on the matter.

    If the former Christian League splits, then it's over for Councillor Firoux. He will have no leadership position, no political base, and likely, no political support either. His ambition to become Archbishop will be dashed. Permanently. What Councillor Firoux needs is more allies in Inquista, and he needs them now more than ever.


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    GLOWING Mikaela Kligenberg Flaunts BREATHTAKING Engagement Ring

    Article by Kathy Vickers
    October 10, 2019

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    SEEMINGLY IMPOSSIBLE: The 34-year old (and not getting any younger) Mikaela Kligenberg has finally traded in her purity ring for an actual ring.

    Mikaela Kligenberg was photographed as she was seen entering the Grande Hotel in Saint Dominico today, where she was spotted flashing a new ring. Mikaela Kligenberg has not made any formal announcement as of yet, but inside sources, as well as today’s photograph, have confirmed that Mikaela Kligenberg is officially engaged. Close fans and followers of Mikaela Kligenberg have also noticed that she no longer wears her purity ring, which she has publicly and humiliatingly worn since she was 15-years old.

    The 34-year old Kligenberg heiress has been known to lead a rather dry, action-less and virtually non-existent love life, which has been woefully documented on her reality television series, Keeping Up With the Kligenbergs. Mikaela Kligenberg’s sudden engagement has caught many by surprise, and according to inside sources, it has even shocked some of her closest friends and family members, who were convinced that Mikaela Kligenberg would never be able to find love.

    Inside sources claim that Mikaela Kligenberg is engaged to Captain Juan-Bernard Fernandez-Velasquez, who she met during her recent fracas in Ibiza, Spain.

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    DESPERATE: Mikaela Kligenberg has gotten engaged to Captain Juan-Bernard Fernandez-Velasquez despite knowing him for less than 2 months.

    Mikaela Kligenberg has been seen beaming with the Captain while they have spent time out and about in Saint Dominico. Despite her apparent happiness, inside sources remain sceptical of her budding romance. Mikaela Kligenberg only met Captain Juan-Bernard Fernandez-Velasquez less than two months ago, and many inside sources believe that the Captain is taking advantage of the Kligenberg heiress’s fame and fortune. Other inside sources claim that Mikalea Kligenberg has also become shamefully determined to get married before she reaches 40, with one insider source stating that “Mikaela would probably be willing to marry a Nicoleizian onion farmer at this point if it meant that she wouldn’t die alone.”

    Another insider source stated that "Mikaela is shocked, mortified and astonished that Queen Anastasia of Icholasen has had three husbands while she's had none. It's total jealously on Mikaela's part."

    Captain Juan-Bernard Fernandez-Velasquez, who also goes by the moniker ‘El Capitán’, is a now-former Captain of the Spanish Legion. The Captain was apparently scouted out by Mikaela Kligenberg while he was marching in a parade during Spain’s EU anniversary celebrations. After finding and haranguing the Captain, Mikaela Kligenberg apparently then invited him to join her disastrous venture to Ibiza, which he accepted.

    It remains unclear if Captain Juan-Bernard Fernandez-Velasquez played any role in the Ibiza catastrophe, but it has been reported that he is currently wanted by Spanish authorities. Attendees of Mikaela Kligenberg’s wild Ibiza party have claimed that the Captain proved himself to be the most talented and impressive dancer of the evening, which apparently won him a special place in Mikaela Kligenberg’s heart. The Captain subsequently fled Ibiza alongside Mikaela Kligenberg that evening, and inside sources claim that he now resides in one of Mikaela Kligenberg’s villas.

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    TALENTED: The Captain has all three B’s – brains, brawn and blazin’ speed.

    Since coming to Inquista, Captain Juan-Bernard Fernandez-Velasquez has become a professional racing driver and dancer. The Captain has become a Formula One driver for Force Inquista-Kligenberg Motors, as well as a Inquistan Super Street Rally driver for K-Racing Point. It has also been reported that the Captain will be joining Mikaela Kligenberg as a dance coach on her new upcoming dance competition series, the Greatest Dancer.

    Captain Juan-Bernard Fernandez-Velasquez’s sudden professional racing career and involvement in television are single-handedly attributed to Mikaela Kligenberg, who is said to have used her Kligenberg influence to land him his opportunities for Kligenberg-controlled race teams in both the Formula One and Inquistan Super Street Rally leagues. This, together with the fact that the Captain will be a dance coach alongside Mikaela Kligenberg on the Greatest Dancer, has led one insider source to refer to the Captain as “a user and abuser” of Mikaela Kligenberg’s wealth and connections. The same insider source warned that, “Mikaela has a history of showing kindness to leeches, such as with people like Prince Tommy of Icholasen, who just use up other people’s money and influence. Mikaela needs to be careful.”

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    NOBODIES: From left to right – Curtis Pritchard, Oti Mabuse, Matthew Morrison, Mikaela Kligenberg, Todrick Hall, Aleshia Dixon and Captain Juan-Bernard Fernandez-Velasquez make up the cast of presenters, judges and coaches of the Greatest Dancer.

    However, some rumours have also suggested that Mikaela Kligenberg is actually using the media attention surrounding her relationship with the Captain as a means to promote her up-coming show, the Greatest Dancer. The Greatest Dancer joins Mikaela Kligenberg’s long line-up of current reality television shows, and network bosses are apparently worried that the show will underperform in reaping television ratings, in part due to a lackluster group of panelists and presenters. Network bosses are apparently hoping that increased media attention on Mikaela Kligenberg will bring in viewers, but they are also hoping that the Captain's own appearance on the show will also bring in more viewers. Captain Juan-Bernard Fernandez-Velasquez has apparently already impressed the network bosses, with one insider source stating that the Captain possesses amazing dance moves with “ass-quaking capabilities off the Richter scale.”


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