On the Other Hand...



  • On The Other Hand...



    Chelsea Celebrate Victory Against Aussies


    Chelsea's Champions League hopes remain alive today after a victory against Austrailian team Adelaide United which saw the Blues score three whilst only conceding one at the Trinity Stadium in Inquista. The sell out crowed watched star Eden Hazard smash out two goals in the first half with defender Kurt Zouma scoring late in the second half. Tonights win was a relief for many blues fans after yesterdays disappointing defeat to Angleteric team Asten Villa. Team captain, John Terry, had the following to say,

    "We are very happy with what we have achieved tonight. Against Asten Villa it was quite obvious that the team was underperforming but tonight we were back on track with our super performance. The lads did very well and the great atmosphere made by the fans tonight really helped"

    Chelsea are now joint second in their group with Os Corelian side the Yellownak Yellow Birds, whom they also play in their next match. It is absolutely vital for Chelsea to win in their next game if they want to progress past the group stages and I am sure the entire team is well aware of this fact.




  • On The Other Hand...



    Blues Shoot Down Yellow Birds


    Blues fans have something to celebrate tonight as Chelsea win in their final group stage match against Os Corelian outfit the Yellownak Yellow Birds 2 goals to 1. Chelsea have finished at the top of Group C on goal difference with Asten Villa coming up second and the Yellownak Yellow Birds and the Adelaide side bringing up the rear and dropping out.

    It has to be said that Chelsea played a tight ship in todays game, keeping the defence strong whilst also allowing the strikers and midfield players to move up and score goals. Blues legend, captain and defender scored the teams first only 15 minutes into the first half before the birds equalised shortly before half time. After the break the blues bounced back with a charge led by Eden Hazard with the ball finding the back of the net courtesy of Costa around the 65 minute mark. The remainder of the game saw several off target shots from both sides with blues keeper Courtois seeing off more than one attempt by the Yellownaks, who also saw off several on target attempts by the blues later on in the game.

    As group leaders, admittedly on goal difference alone thanks to the first loss by Asten Villa, they will now go onto play the team who were runners up in Group B. There is no doubt that relatively new blues manager Antonio Conte will be keeping his cards close to his chest in preparation for this key game but it is likely that he will bring out his star players for the next round.



  • On The Other Hand...


    Chelsea Reach Semi Finals


    Blues fans have something to celebrate tonight as the team win their knockout stage match against Pravoslavian team FK Lovtshen Tsetinye 2-1 at the Temperance Stadium in a nailbiting match. Contes men played well in the first half with Hazard scoring the first goal of the game thanks to an assist by Matic whilst Kante moved to the front only a short time after the break to score the winner that will see Chelsea move up into the semi finals.

    Antonio Conte said the following after the match "This is a great moment for us, it proves that we can reach the very top levels of European football. We are one of the best teams in the region and we hope to progress onto the final to show that we are the best" he continued "We have alot to play for now, we have no choice but to achieve in our next match. If we don't then it will be devastating"

    It is quite clear that Chelsea have poured all of their effort into the ECL this summer, it is widely anticipated that Conte may go for a slightly more aggressive approach to their next match in an attempt to score more goals but only time will tell... all blues fans concede though,and it was chanted through the stadium tonight "We're not going home!"



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    House of Commons to Return under mass anti-European Sentiment


    The House of Commons is set to return to session tomorrow ending its annual summer break which this year was extended to allow for additional maintenance work to take place in the commons chamber. The summer has been seen as a headache for the government, with its cannabis policy coming under particular scrutiny as well as the diplomatic incidents caused by the new European Council speaker and EV voting concerns to name but a few. These happenings have lead to a significant swing in anti-EU sentiment within Davishire. The European Union is currently polling with it's lowest satisfaction rates since Davishire joined the bloc three and a half years ago in early April 2013.

    We sent a request for comment to the Prime Ministers office and got the following reply,

    "The Government remains committed to being an active member of the European Union and will not shirk away from it's international responsibilities. This is what the people of Davishire expect from this government and it is something that Mrs Thatcher remains committed to."

    It is widely expected that the government will attempt to distract the population from European matters over the coming weeks, with expected announcements towards a significant shake up in public healthcare, transportation, justice and drugs policy expected. The Leader of the Opposition, Malcolm Tucker, has said "that any attempt to distract people from the issue of the European Union shows contempt for the Davishrian people who are quite clearly unhappy with the status quo"






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    Is Davishire Set to Leave?


    Today the government made a surprise move in the European Council by formally withdrawing it's councillor from the European Council. In a statement issued to the council yesterday the government said that the councillor was being withdrawn pending the completion of a review by royal commission which was set up by the government late last month as a result of significant legislative changes in the EU over the summer.

    When asked for comment a government spokesperson didn't provide an official response as to whether the government is planning to take Davishire out of the European Union but instead said,

    "The Government of Davishire is committed to working with our European Partners, withdrawing the Councillor is not a sign that Davishire will be withdrawing from the EU but instead that we are merely considering all of our options on the matter"

    The leader of the Opposition said, "This party welcomes the governments review of Davishires membership of the European Union. We hope that the review provides an insight as to how membership advantages but also disadvantages us as a nation. The government should ensure that it seeks the consent of the population should withdrawal ever happen"




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    EU Membership Review Due End of the Month


    The Royal Commission on Davishires membership of the European Union is due to report to the Government at the end of the month with the government making the final decision on Davishire's membership of the bloc by the middle of November. The Government initiated the Royal Commission on European Membership at the end of September and it was given the task of reviewing Davishires membership of the bloc to determine whether or not it was within our interest to remain members after significant changes to the regional constitution over the summer but also a result of recent legislative moves in the European Council.

    Although the government has denied this, it is widely suspected that this commission was set up in response to significant dissatisfaction within Davishire towards the European Union, an organisation which many see as something that pokes it's nose into areas where it needn't especially on areas such as drugs policy.

    There have been calls from within Parliament and from campaign groups for the electorate to be given a say on whether or not to remain members, something that last happened in February 2015 and was supposedly legally binding for a period of 4 years following. Other MPs have called for the government to give the House of Commons the final say on the matter. The Government is yet to comment on this issue except to confirm that Davishires EU councillor will not return to Europolis during this period.



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    Govt Sources: EU Referendum if Capital Punishment Act Repealed


    It has been hinted today by a senior source within the government that the Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher will risk all in a legally binding referendum on the nations membership of the European Union of the European Council repeals the regions ban on capital punishment that was penned and proposed by former commissioner Sir Eric Pickles CEDM.

    The capital punishment abolition act repeal bill is currently in the council at its voting stage but it is believed to be highly likely that the act will be repealed, especially as a result of the absence of abolition supporters including Inimicus and Inquista among others. Whilst the government did not confirm a referendum was possible they did issue this short comment;

    "His Majesty's Government is committed to ensuring that capital punishment remains illegal throughout Davishire whilst also campaigning for it's abolition throughout the union. It is a shame that some nations are lowering their moral standards in voting for the repeal" They also said that the fact our Councillor, Nicola Heaven, rushed back to Europolis shows how seriously the government is taking "the strange move" in the council.

    It is widely suspected by many that the government is growing increasingly annoyed at the European Union after a diplomatically difficult summer. Firstly the council speaker caused controversy during the Eurovoice final in Aalen, something that I have no doubt the government hasn't forgotten and indeed won't. This is alongside changes to the commission which are not seen in a good light by many in Davishire. Many hold the belief that the changes mean that the core group of nations that exercise power and influence in the EU (The UK, Duxburian Union and Angleter) will find it easier to take positions on the regions executive.

    If however we are to have a referendum soon it will almost make the royal commission on our membership of the region a needless waste of money. The commission, which was given a very limited timespan to gather evidence, is due to present it's work early in November but it is being questioned by many if this will now happen. Unofficial sources have said to us that almost all work on the report has stopped as a result of the PMs instruction late last week and that it will be restarted if the repeal fails. if not it is likely that any work in this are will be a wasted effort.

    With the results of the council vote due to be made public early tomorrow it is likely that we will know within days, or even hours, whether or not Davishire will once again go to the polls on the European issue.



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    Prime Minister: Govt Will wait for Review


    The Prime Minister confirmed during her attendance on the Daily Politics show today that the Government will not be conducting a national vote on our EU membership until the Royal Commission on Davishires membership of the EU reports next month. It had been suggested by senior trusted sources that the PM would call an almost immediate referendum after the repeal of the Capital Punishment Act seen by many as a potential red line to our EU membership.

    The Prime Minister said, "The Government of Davishire believes that working with the EU is the best course at the moment although we are awaiting the report to see if this is the correct position to follow".

    The Leader of the Opposition has said that the Prime Minister must call an immediete referendum whilst Business Leaders have called for calm and restraint by the Government.



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    BREAKING: Misuse of Drugs Act Reinstated for Cannabis


    The Government has confirmed today that the Misuse of Drugs Act 1971 will once again be enforced for possession of cannabis from midnight on Thursday 3rd November 2016. The legislation was repealed as a result of the Cannabis Act being passed through the European Council last year, after the government had been dragging heels on the issue for nearly six months. Reinstating the act with regards to cannabis means that the drug is once again prohibited.


    A government spokesperson said, "We will continue to consider all options for the future but it is the belief of His Majesty's Government that we should start from the beginning and make the laws to suit our own nation rather than other nations of the world".

    It was later stated by sources from within the police that anything more than a verbal or official warning or a small fine was likely for those in possession of incredibly small amounts but anything else will result in prosecution.

    The College of Policing has stated that those people in possession of cannabis will have a grace period until the 5th November to hand it it to any police station or police office.




  • On The Other Hand...





    Figures Suggest Football Will Overtake Football within 10 years



    OPINION polls and television ratings are suggesting that Football (handegg? no? Ok?) could overtake Association Football as the most popular sport in Davishire within 10-15 years according to researchers. The research, conducted for the Department for Culture, Media and Sport shows us that viewing figures for "Handegg" football have increased 10 fold over the last decade with Association Football seeing it's Television viewing figures have dropped by 20% over the same period. It has also been suggested that more people are also playing Handegg Football, with an increase of 40% for those aged under 18 and an increase of 10% for those above 18 meaning there are now up to 500,000 players of all ages throughout the nation this is compared to the 2 million people who regularly play association football. Now it mustn't be thought that Association Football has an easy time of it, with a reported reduction in terms of the number of regular players being at least 500,000 within the past decade.

    The Department for Culture, Media and Sport issued a statement today "We are pleased to see a growth in what is commonly referred to as 'handegg football', it shows a growth in terms of people getting active and indeed it is something that we would like to see for all sports". The Independence for Buckinghamshire party, a minor opposition party said that it "is a disgrace that foreign sporting muck is becoming popular within this country, it just proves that Buckinghamshire should be free from both Davishirian and European Control" The Opposition, the Liberal Party, did not issue a comment.




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