Inquistans Elections 2018 - Live


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    News from the City

    Inquistan 2018 Elections - Live Coverage


    <Theme music plays>

    The screen slowly fades into focus, revealing the studio stage. The camera zooms in on the main host.

    PC: Good evening and welcome to News From the City’s live coverage of the 2018 Inquistan Ecclesiastical and European Councillor election. My name is Peter Clawson and you’re watching us live from Saint Dominico. It is just past 10 in the evening for us here in the Central European Summer time zone, which means that polls in the Inqusitan election have been closed for approximately an hour. Tonight will surely be an exciting evening as we uncover how Inquistans have decided to shape the future of the Inquistan Orthodox Church. Which party will win the most seats in the newly expanded College of Bishops, and who will serve as the country’s Archbishop? Furthermore, we shall also find out who will serve as the country’s councillor to the European Union – which, by all accounts, is an even match between incumbent Councillor Edward Firoux and his challenger, Mr. Haiden Flemming.

    Camera zooms out, showing the entire studio desk, with Peter and Kathy sitting behind it.

    PC: What would an exciting evening be without an exciting co-host? With me tonight, of course, is my lovely co-host, Kathy Vickers. Hello, Kathy. How are you this evening?

    KV: Hi Peter! I am doing well, thank you. It is great to be with you here tonight. I can’t believe it is an election already! Can you remember the last time we did this in 2015?

    PC: Of course, how could I forget such a historic evening?

    KV: Truly historic. Our coverage sparked a whole trend of how other countries would document elections across Europe thereafter. So truly, we were the true winners of the last election. News From the City did it first! I’m looking at you, Angleter!

    PC: That’s not what I meant – it was a historic election in terms of Inquistan governance. But, to your point, I think Angleter really upstaged us on their coverage later taht May. And then the United Kingdom after that…

    KV: But we were the first!

    PC: Kathy, you’re going to be really indignant about this, aren’t you? I expected nothing less. Anyway, tonight is all about Inquista’s election. Yes, it is indeed another election in Inquista. With election dates fixed on the 23rd of February, today was that special day.

    KV: Yup, it’s totally February 23rd. Why wouldn’t it be February 23rd? I can’t comprehend any other date being today other than February 23rd.

    PC: Well, not only is it February 23rd, but it is also currently 5 past 11 CEST, which means ballots are already being counted for just over an hour now. Inquistan votes tend to be counted quickly, so we should be able to expect the first result announced within the next thirty minutes.

    KV: Exciting!

    PC: So let’s set the stage and get you all caught up to what we should be keeping in mind as we see the results come through.

    KV: Oh Peter, you know I love to pre-game. I’m like a belle before a Nicoleizian ball. If you don’t show up to a Nicoleizian ball already hammered you’re clearly not prepared.

    PC: Kathy, nobody says that. Literally, nobody.

    KV: Well Peter, let me just tell you, I came really prepared. Maybe too prepared, even.

    The camera zooms in on Peter’s visibly disgusted face as Kathy flashes a drunken smile. The camera eventually zooms back out after a moment of silence.

    PC: [nervously laughs] You don’t say - you came in smelling like a Pravoslaviyan sailor who just sunk a hatrick of Kaasian refugees. Well, this is going to be a long night for all of us.

    KV: Alright, Peter, give us some pre-game facts.

    PC: I thought you would never ask! Let’s take a moment to review the current state of Inquista’s College of Bishops. The first thing that should be noted is that the current amount of dioceses in Inquista has nearly tripled, expanding Inquista’s 84-seat College of Bishops into a 230-seat College. Here is a graphic depicting the results from Inquista’s last election.


    KV: What? Really? Inquista doesn’t even look like that.

    PC: What do you mean?

    KV: I’m pretty sure Inquista doesn’t look like that anymore, and I’m not talking about the old division of College seats. Something happened in 2014… there was that really big thing that happened?

    PC: I’m so confused.

    KV: You know… the thing? The world moved, countries moved, some were reshaped, some land masses magically appeared, and others disappeared?

    PC: I still have no clue what you’re talking about.

    KV: Do you also remember how most of the European population disappeared? It happened twice actually. It happened not long after half Europe’s population disappeared the first time.

    PC: This is a true conspiracy you’re laying before us, Kathy.

    KV: I swear it’s true. If you think West Fallon always existed, then you’re the true conspiracy theorist. Also, Northern Caesarea doesn’t exist anymore. Why is nobody covering this news? Also, since when did the Duxburian Union have a southern border? For the longest time I thought that the country expanded until the end of the Earth.

    PC: Why did you think that? Do you think the Earth is flat?

    KV: Oh no, no, no, I’m not like some Inimican who thinks a flamboyant bald man who is having a love affair with his servant is a living God. It’s just that I swear Inquista looks different now. Maybe it’s just me? I could be crazy.

    PC: Well, before we test your theory out, let’s just take a deeper look at the graphic real quick. The Black Swan Movement, led by Archbishop Craticus, won 43 of seats in the College of Bishops, followed by Bishop Pearson’s Christian League, which won 36 seats, and Bishop Lallana’s Green Inquista which won 4 seats. We cannot forget Bishop Jimmy McMillan’s Rent is 2 Damn High Party, which won a seat. This, of course, has all changed, with a multitude of party defections happening over the course of this last term. Those changes are also reflected in the graphic Looking at the new numbers in the brackets, you should be able to notice how the Christian League has had a few bishops join both the Black Swan Movement and Green Inquista. Bishop Jimmy McMillan and his Rent is 2 Damn High party has also joined the Black Swan Movement, after Archbishop Craticus managed to reverse increases in average rental prices for medium and small apartments for the first time in many years.

    KV: Can we just talk about how the League had won the most votes but the Movement had won a majority of dioceses? The League won 46.5% of the vote, 0.6% more of the popular vote than the Movement.

    PC: Why, are you just looking to bash the first-past-the-post system again?

    KV: Actually, yes, yes I am. What the hell is this, Westminster? What happened to having a truly representative Church?

    PC: I believe a large factor in motivating Archbishop Craticus and the Black Swan Movement to almost triple the amount of existing seats in the College of Bishops is to do exactly that – to create a more representative Church. Here, let us show the new bishopric divisions. Let us also reset the current party standings, which we will update as the night goes along.


    KV: Oh my word, I see our graphics department hasn’t done us any favours since 2015. It still looks like it was drawn on MS paint.

    PC: Well, unlike other news broadcasters, we don’t outsource our election map graphics to Aalenic children to make, so we have to settle for this.

    KV: At least we filled in the whole map this time. It’s hilarious that according to the old map, Inquista apparently had empty boundaries just left blank – as if Inquista literally had untamed wilderness that couldn’t be represented in the College of Bishops. Look at those green edges. Yikes. 

    PC: I’m pretty sure that’s because our graphics department just used the ordinary Inquistan city map and superimposed our election results over that. I could just be guessing. I wouldn’t know. Oh, and yes, it was probably drawn on MS paint.

    KV: Amateurs.

    PC: With the amount of dioceses being contested for election just about tripled for this election, we can expect virtually all parties to make gains in new areas. So, if we’re seeing gains made across the board, don’t be alarmed, these are mostly technical gains, not necessarily new successes. 

    KV: It’s not a Friday, and this is not Jacobite Ireland – despite Craticus’ best efforts – so let’s get to the real red meat here. What have opinion polls been saying?

    PC: Actually, Kathy, it is Friday today. In regards to opinion polling, very little polling has actually been generated during this election season, but collated data shows the Black Swan Movement could capture upwards of 50% of the popular vote, and the Christian League and Green Inquista seem to be in a neck-and neck tie for second place. The thing we should be keeping an eye on is the voter turnout. Voter turnout has been predicted to be quite low today considering the generally low enthusiasm for the election. As an incumbent, Archbishop Craticus enjoys high amounts of popularity, with an approval rate currently at 68%. With such high popularity, there might be little appetite for change, so many Inquistans are probably not that interested in voting.

    KV: What was the voter turnout like the last time?

    PC: Aren’t you supposed to be a host here, why am I giving you the facts? I thought you came prepared?

    KV: I came prepared to precisely not be prepared. I’m kind of like Marie Solomon running for Premier Commissioner.

    PC: Voter turnout in the last election was at 68.5%, which was quite high for an Inquistan election, at least speaking historically. Anything above 60% for this election would still certainly be good, even if it is less than what it was in 2015.

    KV: We like to the set the bar low, just like Europe’s current protection of refugees… it’s almost like they were asking themselves: how do we save the fewest? In this case, Inquistans are asking themselves: how many of us can avoid voting at all costs?

    PC: Funny you should say that, because we will be joined by our live correspondent, Ava Paige, who will interviewing members of the Inquistan public and other guests as the night goes on, trying to get live reactions from on the ground. Ava has been monitoring the situation on the ground all day long, and has been paying special attention to the amount of Inquistans, and their relative excitement, as they have headed to the polls. Ava is currently joining us from the diocese of South Empress in the heart of Saint Dominico. Hello Ava, are you there?

    The screen splits into two, one frame showing Peter Clawson, the other Ava Paige, who appears to be standing before a green screen that intermittently malfunctions.

    AP: Hi, Peter. Can you hear me?

    Ava quietly blows under her breath, trying to fake a wind-like sound. A backdrop of Saint Dominico flashes behind her.

    PC: We can hear you just fine, Ava. So, what’s the mood out there on the streets?

    AP: The mood and spirits of most people seems to be quite high. There seems to be more relief that the polls have closed and that the election is one step closer to being completed. Many people I have spoken to on the street tonight have re-iterated that they have felt like this election is a mere formality of a result they already know, rather than a real decision. His Holiness will surely be re-elected once again. Despite this, most seem quite happy to accept whatever result comes their way. There does seem to be some tension though, however, between those who are openly supporting Councillor Firoux and those supporting Mr. Haiden Flemming for European Councillor. By all accounts, it will be a close race, and for many Inquistans voting today, they have said that the European Councillor ballot was where they made their real choice tonight.

    PC: I can’t believe we are already deep into our discussion tonight and we have barely touched this subject, which is surely the most exciting contest we will get tonight. This European Councillor vote is perhaps the most important in Inquista’s history, so there is a lot at stake here. Let's take a look at the 2015 Councillor vote.

    KV: My ovaries yearn for Councillor Firoux.

    AP: Peter, you bring a very good point. The European Councillor election this time is shaping up to be very exciting, which is what a lot of people out here in the public have told me. It seems this election is more a referendum on Inquista’s role in the European Union. Will Inquista continue to be an active and progressive player in EU politics, or will it look to cooperate with allies outside of current European institutions? I have been collecting exit data as Inquistans have come out of voting booths, and 7 out of 10 voters have stated that the role of European Councillor was the foremost important choice for them today.

    The split screen cuts to three segments, as Kathy’s face suddenly appears.

    KV: Councillor Firoux is so handsome! Why would anyone vote against him? He’s literally a national treasure. We can never have nice things. Without Councillor Firoux, why would we want to be the EU anyway?

    AP: Many of the Archbishop’s most ardent supporters have quite a few disparaging remarks for Councillor Firoux, who is by far and away Inquista’s most pro-European and liberal Councillor ever, and perhaps one of the most progressive Councillors that have existed in European history. His votes and actions in the European Council counter many of those policies put in place by the Archbishop and the Black Swan Movement, so there certainly are many who will look to unseat him tonight. Conversely, Councillor Firoux is very popular in Inquista across virtually all party lines, even among some Movement factions, and is perhaps even more popular than the Christian League as a party itself. As we saw in the election campaign, the Christian League was more focused on saving Councillor Firoux’s seat in the European Council than saving their seats in the College of Bishops. 

    PC: Voter turnout benefits Councillor Firoux, yes?

    AP: Yes, it does. The Black Swan Movement is expected to handily win the College of Bishops, so as more Movement voters stay at home, and the more other partisans and independents vote, the more of a chance Councillor Firoux could re-win his seat. Voter turnout will likely determine Councillor Firoux’s fate, and to a certain an extent, Inquista’s fate in Europe.

    KV: Okay, we’ll be sure to keep one eye on the College of Bishops election, one eye on the European Councillor election, and then one eye on Firoux’s precious face.

    PC: Thank you for the update, Ava. We will speak to you again later tonight.

    AP: Thank you both, Peter and Kathy.

    The screen returns to a single frame, zoomed in very closely on Kathy’s forehead, before zooming out and showing Peter and Kathy sitting at their desk.

    PC: Well, now for a short news briefing of night’s other headlines before we return to what should be the first result for the evening.

    Camera pans across the studio and the screen fades to black.


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    The screen returns to focus, showing Peter and Kathy sitting intently at their desk.

    PC: Welcome back to the live coverage of Inqusita’s 2018 Ecclesiastical and European Councillor Election. We now have the first result coming in from the district of City Jubilee. The results of City Jubilee should come before the screen any second now…

    Peter and Kathy stare directly at the camera for a couple of seconds in silence. Kathy suddenly sneezes, visibly shaking Peter.

    PC: Christ.

    KV: Sorry!

    PC: Bless you.

    KV: Thank you.

    Peter and Kathy continue to sit in silence as a graphic is slowly superimposed onto the screen.

    PC: And here we have it. An opening win for the Black Swan Movement – and a technical gain, as this is a newly created diocese. Congratulations to the newly elected, Mr. Gino Rieni, who will become the first Bishop of City Jubilee.

    KV: But this surely expected right? No surprises here, we are looking at a geographic area that was firmly Black Swan Movement territory even back in 2015.

    PC: That is true. The positive result here for Gino Rieni is probably not a good barometer for how things should play out for the rest of the evening, but it is indicative of the support the Black Swan Movement will likely get for most of Saint Dominico’s central core. With 54.8% of the vote, the newly elected Bishop of City Jubilee has a plurality of support, followed by the Christian League’s candidate Marcus Sera with 29.3% of the vote, and Green Inquista’s Graeme Noble receiving 13.8% of support. Voter turnout seems to be moderate at around 61%.

    KV: Nice. Now, let’s see how City Jubilee voted on the European Councillor front.

    KV: Ooooh, that’s still pretty close. Mr. Flemming has a 4.6% lead over Councillor Firoux.

    PC: As we already noted, this is an expected Movement stronghold, so this kind of victory for Mr. Fleming was expected. Voter turnout in City Jubilee was decent, but not especially great, which is bad sign for Councillor Firoux. With that said, this was certainly not a place where the Councillor was expecting to do well.

    KV: We have another diocese declaring a winner, Peter!

    PC: Ah yes, Trinity-Hope Mission has declared a winner. Let’s take a look.

    PC: The first re-election of the evening, which goes to none other than Bishop Michael Cunard, the Minister for International Trade. As we know, the Church Ministries have been reformed into the Secretariat to the Archbishop, and Bishop Cunard is expected to re-take the international trade portfolio as a secretary. Bishop Cunard is safe with 48.3% of the vote. The League shouldn’t scoff at their result of 31%, which is sizeable over Green Inquista, which only won 19.1% of the vote. Better than the first result though, for both Green Inquista and the Christian League.

    KV: Should we be commending their lowly share of the vote, though? I know expectations were low for the League, but this is still way down than what they would have received in 2015. Green Inquista is winning a much bigger share than the previous election, but doubling support means nothing if you’re not winning any seats and still coming in third place.

    PC: We should be commending them! If the Christian League can at least come second place in the popular vote, they can still frame themselves as the real official opposing bloc to the Movement. Green Inquista doubling their support is still good, even if they land in third place. Green Inquista winning 19.1% in a diocese home to a prominent Movement Bishop? Would you believe this in 2015? What about 2012? This a milestone for the party.

    KV: I think you are projecting, Peter. If only your own mother showed you this much love when you underachieved in your life.

    PC: Oh please, stop it. With that all said, the Movement is obviously delighted with this significant win.

    KV: Our prediction does seem to be ringing true. Voter turnout was slightly higher here in Trinity-Hope Mission, which looks to be indicative of a higher turnout resulting in better performance for the League and Green Inquista.

    PC: Is it good for Councillor Firoux though? First, let’s take a look at the full ecclesiastical results before looking at the European Councillor results.

    KV: 2 for the Black Swan Movement. 0 everyone else. Let’s see how the European Councillor vote has developed with the addition of Trinity-Hope Mission.

    KV: Mr. Fleming will be happy with that.

    PC: This specific diocese is supposed to be a bellwether for Mr. Fleming’s range of support, so he may be celebrating this result. Mr. Fleming’s lead over Firoux has actually increased by 0.2% with this result, and that’s with better turnout too. With only 2 dioceses reporting so far, Mr. Fleming has 52.1% of the vote, while Councillor Firoux has 47.2% of the vote. Remember, the next Councillor of Inquista to the European Union is elected by the popular vote, so Mr. Fleming has the lead.

    KV: I can’t believe Inquista is going back to electing old men into our Church. What are we, Catholics?

    PC: Kathy, you’re really keeping independent journalism alive and well in Inquista. You’re truly not biased at all.

    KV: I am objective and unbiased. As long as you are youthful and remotely good looking, you have my support. It doesn’t matter what party you belong to. Isn’t that objective enough?

    PC: That’s still biased.

    KV: And? What? Are you seriously looking for unbiased analysis from me? If you want proper election analysis, go read a news dispatch from the United Kingdom or Australia. You’re not fooling anyone Peter, us Inquistans tackle the real hard hitting questions – like if Taylor Swift is really alive and well in Pravoslaviya. If it wasn’t for us Inqusitans, Peter Montfort wouldn’t have been exposed as the incarnation of Satan that he is. You’re welcome, Europe.

    PC: Thank you, Kathy. We will back in a few short moments with the latest results. But first, here are Europe’s top news stories for the hour. Please stay tuned.

    Camera pans across the studio and the screen fades to black.


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    As the camera pans downward, focusing on Peter and Kathy, a stage light suddenly goes out, resulting in significantly dimmer lighting. Kathy can be heard uttering profanities in the background.

    PC: Good evening, welcome back to the 2018 Inqusitan Ecclesiastical and European Councillor Election. As we speak, two electoral results are being concurrently announced. First, let us take a look at the announcement coming out of City-Cross.


    PC: The third consecutive victory goes to the Black Swan Movement, who have made a real gain here. It looks like the newly elected Mrs. Farrah Singh will become the next Bishop of City-Cross, unseating current incumbent, Bishop Maddox of the Christian League. Farrah Singh secured 39.2% of the vote, while Bishop Maddox received 27.5% – a dramatic decrease – falling into third place. Green Inquista’s Carol Wallace came second with 32.4% of the vote, which is their first time beating out the Christian League tonight.

    KV: This is the first incumbent that has fallen tonight… and he has fallen hard. Both Green Inquista and the Movement are probably ecstatic with that result. But really, 3 for the Movement so far? Should we be surprised? I’m not.

    PC: Well, it’s worth pointing out that this is the first woman elected tonight! Congratulations to Bishop-elect Singh for her feat.

    KV: Ugh.

    PC: What? I thought you wanted a more representative Church?

    KV: You know, I like to think of myself as a feminist, but I don’t even like women.

    PC: Hillary Clinton?

    KV: Nah.

    PC: Theresa May?

    KV: Eww, no way.

    PC: Really, nobody?

    KV: Sam Courtenay is okay I guess.

    PC: Sam Courtenay is a man. He’s also one of those old types you don’t like… and he’s even a Catholic.

    KV: Huh. I always thought Sam Courtenay was short for Samantha Courtenay. Damn it, I knew I shouldn’t have voted him Hottest Social Democrat of the Week. Regardless, I’d still trust him over most women.

    The Camera zooms in on Peter, who looks genuinely shocked and horrified.

    PC: I would like to make it clear that the views and opinions expressed by Ms. Kathy Vickers tonight on this program do not reflect the views or opinions of New From the City, which is a program dedicated to giving voice to all those who are voiceless and vulnerable, including people of minority identities and genders.  

    KV: If that’s the case, then where’s News From the City’s coverage of Peter Montfort’s attacks on women, such as-

    PC: Nope, we don’t discuss that. Next election result please!


    PC: Where there is bad news for the Christian League in some areas, there is good news in others. Bishop Fuller has made a technical gain in East Inquista-Sentinel but as it is located in the centre of his former diocese, it is basically a hold. Still, an impressive gain nonetheless.

    KV: Look at that margin! It’s thinner than an Occoronian Ambassador.

    PC: Yes, this is by far the closest result we have gotten thus far. Bishop Fuller managed to receive 38.1% of the vote, followed by the Black Swan Movement’s Sawyer Gallagher, who received 37.4% of the vote, and Green Inquista’s Pierce Tierri who received 23.4% of the vote. Voter turnout looks to be higher than average so far, at 66%. Here are the updated full results.

    KV: Can we take a peek at the European Councillor results then?

    PC: Sure thing.

    PC: As we can see,  City-Cross went to Mr. Adrian Flemming, and East Inquista-Sentinel has gone for Councillor Firoux – the first diocese to do that tonight! It seems the latter of which must have been quite the tide for Councillor Firoux, who is suddenly back to being right behind Mr. Flemming. Mr. Flemming holds onto a slight lead with 50.2% of the popular vote, while Councillor Firoux lags just behind with 49.2% of the vote.

    KV: Adrian Flemming should be pleased with this, he’s maintained a lead – no matter how small – in all dioceses that have gone to the Movement, and the heavy tides of support that come from League dioceses can’t overturn them. How many dioceses can we expect to go League tonight anyway? Like 20?

    PC: Only the popular vote matters for the European Councillor vote, so Mr. Flemming will have to continue to win over Councillor Firoux in every diocese possible. This positive result for Councillor Firoux out of East Inquista-Sentinel is just one first step. This first step could lead to some eventual leaps, or it just means he is just one step behind Mr. Flemming.

    KV: It looks like a lot of results are coming in now, Peter. EuroVoice would be jealous!

    PC: First, let us provide an update of the latest international headlines. Then, let review the latest results and get back to our live correspondent, Ava Paige, who is out on the streets this evening. Please stay with us.

    The screen cuts to black.


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    The camera refocuses and zooms in on Peter and Kathy. Kathy can be seen spinning around in her chair behind the studio desk.

    PC: Thank you for joining us again on our coverage of the 2018 Inqusitan Ecclesiastical and European Councillor Election. It is now a quarter past one, and results are pouring in from diocese across Inquista.

    KV: 12 new results!

    PC: Yes – 12. Let’s take a look at some of the highlights.


    PC: Port-Vista Reach has re-elected Bishop Reed with 53.7% of the vote, followed by Jeffrey Spencer with 35%, and Shannon Hult with 10.1%. Bishop Reed is of course a prominent member of the Movement, and is expected to fulfill the position as Bishop Secretary of Transportation and Infrastructure, after serving as Minister of Transportation for a number of years in the previous executive cabinet. While this hold might be expected, look at that vote for Green Inquista! The Christian League barely received 10% of the vote share there. As this result shows, Green Inquista is likely to be the main alternative to the Black Swan Movement along Inquista’s seaside dioceses, as that is traditionally where they have done the best in the past… and tonight so far.

    KV: The Movement literally has all the momentum. I know we were all expecting a great result for the Movement tonight, but we need to recognize that they have truly made inroads here. They’re not only winning new dioceses and holding onto old ones, but they’re expanding their popular vote margins everywhere. I think we might see the Movement win more than 50% of the popular vote tonight, which will likely mean - in this first-past-the-post system we have - see them absolutely dominate the College of Bishops.

    PC: You might be right, Kathy, because let’s take a look at another one of the results here.


    PC: This is a Movement gain here, and it is a gain from a diocese once considered a League stronghold. Zach Desjaduhn of the Black Swan Movement has received 48.6% of the vote, unseating Bishop Booker who received 29.4% of the vote, and Green Inquista’s Chris Dundton who won 20.7% of the vote.

    KV: The result doesn’t even indicate a tight race. Bishop Booker, by all accounts of polls, was seen favourably by Inquistans across all party lines, so to see him defeated so easily is… just, wow. He was a League favourite in a League stronghold.

    PC: Here, let us take a detailed look at one more diocese.


    PC: Jerome Elder picks up the first win for Green Inquista tonight, with a technical gain in Port-Bay View with 39.8% of the vote. The Black Swan Movement’s Christian Montesi received 34.5% of the vote, and the Christian League’s Maura Savaglio placed third with 24.7% of the vote.

    KV: Green Inquista has come into this election with the most support they have ever had, and this is first sign that this support is something tangible.

    PC: With a 5.3% majority over the Movement in Port-Bay View, Green inquista can be happy with that result too. Let’s take a look at an updated map now and review the results.

    PC: The Black Swan Movement currently leads with 14 declared dioceses, while the Christian League and Green Inquista follow with 1 each. The Black Swan Movement currently stands with 55.3% of the votes, while the Christian League has won 23.1%, and Green Inquista has won 20.4%.

    KV: What an evening for the Movement!

    PC: Exactly – and with that – News From the City can project with absolute certainty that Archbishop Craticus has been re-elected as Archbishop of Inquista!

    KV: Wait, we’re only declaring this now? Okay, Raven Symone. Nobody saw this coming at all.

    Camera zooms in as Kathy rolls her eyes.

    PC: We just have to be sure, ok? Let’s take a moment to look at the European Councillor election thus far.

    PC: With 16 dioceses declared, Mr. Flemming holds onto a lead with 52% of the vote, and Councillor Firoux behind with 46.4% of the vote.

    KV: This isn’t much of change since the last result. It’s an increase of about 2% for Mr. Flemming. I was expecting something different with 12 newly declared dioceses… whether it be for better or for worse for both Mr. Flemming and Councillor Firoux.

    PC: Mr. Flemming has 52% of the vote, while his Black Swan Movement colleagues have won 55.3% of the vote. The Christian League and Green Inquista together have 43.5% of the vote, but Councillor Firoux has won 47.4% of the popular vote so far. That’s great for the Councillor.

    KV: The only thing that matters is winning. Councillor Firoux’s support has always come from everyone across all party lines. He shouldn’t be losing.

    PC: The race is still very close, but you are right, Mr. Flemming has certainly been exceeding his opponent this evening.

    KV: Why does it have to be so close? This is actually making me nervous.

    PC: I’m sure a lot of Inquistans must be nervous! Thankfully, we will have our correspondent Ava Paige bring in a live update from City Pavillion here in Saint Dominico. Ava! Are you there?

    The screen splits into two, one showing Peter, the other showing Ava. Despite that it is already midnight, Ava appears to be standing in the midst of a sunny, busy flee market, with poorly animated pedestrians walking behind her on a choreographed loop.

    AP: Yes, I can hear you Peter. I am joining you live from City Pavillion. News that Archbishop Craticus has been projected to win re-election is starting to sink in, and, well… nobody is surprised here, Peter. However, there is increasing nervousness with the European Councillor vote! As you can see, the night is still young and there is a lot more votes to be declared, but the streets are buzzing with anticipation.

    The screen splits into three as Kathy’s face appears in a new column.

    KV: Why is it so light outside?

    AP: What?

    KV: It’s half past twelve. Why is it so light outside? What kind of sale deals happen at midnight that I didn’t know of?

    Ava turns around and takes a look at the scene behind her, before looking back into the camera with her mouth agape.

    AP: I’m sorry – you’re cutting off there. I can’t hear you. We’re having, err, technical issues. Hello? Can you hear me? Hello?

    PC: Yes, we can hear you.

    KV: We can also see you just fine.

    Ava begins making strange crackling sounds with her mouth and moves her hand to cover the camera lens.

    PC: What are you doing?

    Ava’s split-screen column disappears from the screen, leaving a split-screen between Peter and Kathy. The screens the merge and the camera zooms out, fitting Peter and Kathy into one frame again.

    KV: I’ve had Tinder dates who have made better excuses when they’ve ghosted me.

    PC: Yikes. Well, allow us to give you the latest international headlines before we come back to even more election results, where we can expect all the remaining results to be declared within the next hour or two. Stay with us.

    The camera zooms out and unfocuses.     


  • Mod

    The camera pans across the screen. Kathy can be seen wiping the studio desk with a cloth, after having spilled some sort of liquid all over the surface. Peter’s entire suit jacket appears to be stained. The camera zooms in on Peter’s visibly angry face.

    PC: Thank you for joining News From the City’s coverage of the 2018 Inqusitan Ecclesiastical and European Councillor Election. Archbishop Craticus has been projected to once again be re-elected as the Archbishop of Inquista, and will almost certainly win a large majority government in the College of Bishops. What remains uncertain, however, is the race for European Councillor, where incumbent Councillor Firoux and his challenger, Mr. Adrian Flemming, are still in an even heat.

    KV: Final results are being declared all over the country as we speak, so how about we review some more outcomes?

    PC: Let’s look at how Inquista currently stands, with 65 results declared.


    PC: Black Swan Movement leads with 52 seats and 52.8% of the vote, while the Christian League has secured 7 seats and 23.9% of the vote, and Green Inquista has 6 seats and 21.8% of the vote.

    KV: With just over a quarter of the results declared so far – 65 of 230 – the Black Swan Movement has absolutely been dominated the evening.

    PC: That’s right, with just a quarter of the dioceses having declared so far, the Black Swan Movement has not only won 52.8% of the vote, but also 80% seats in the College of Bishops so far. If these were to be the final results, the Movement will have increased its total share of the popular vote by 7% since 2015, while Green Inquista will have increased their share by 15% and the Christian League will have lost 23% of their former share.

    KV: Despite all the Black Swan Movement gains all over the city, I am noticing a couple of green and gold colours on the map.

    PC: Let’s take a look at some of those wins, shall we?


    KV: Ooooh, she’s back, baby.

    PC: This a technical gain for the Christian League, winning the newly created diocese of City Gates-New Chapel. Former European Premier Commissioner Anja Emerett will be rejoining the College of Bishops with 48.3% of the vote. Fedro Dito of the Black Swan Movement was not far behind, with 43.6% of the vote, while the Green Inquista's Helen Nieason has won 5.7% of the vote, only just over double all the independent candidates.

    KV: Let’s hope Anja actually accepts her diocese seat. I don’t want to be robbed of nice things twice. Also, whoever produces our graphics misspelled her name. This is like the last time Marrakechia hosted Eurovoice and misspelled all the artist names.

    PC: The former Premier Commissioner is not the only star candidate who has won their seat. Let’s take a look at the bishopric of Sundance, which has, without surprise, gone green.


    PC: As you can see, Bishop Karinn Lallana has been re-elected as the Bishop of Sundance. Her share of the vote is stunningly enormous, perhaps the biggest margin of victory we have seen tonight, with just over 70% of the vote. The Christian League managed to win 17% of the vote here, but look at that – the Black Swan Movement placed third. Third. 11.8% of the vote for the Black Swan Movement.

    KV: Sundance is the one Achilles heel for our Archbishop. Admiration for Bishop Lallana has really taken on another level here, and her feud with the Archbishop has really turned off all Movement supporters here. As a Taylor Swift fan myself, I am pleased with this result.

    PC: All things considered, it’s been a great evening for Green Inquista. Bishop Lallana must be pleased to not only have won Sundance so comfortably, but to have also increased her base of support all across Inquista. With that said, Green Inquista came into this election with high expectations and were hoping to surpass the Christian League in the College of Bishops, so we have yet to see those grand dreams materializing. 

    KV: Let’s see how Mr. Flemming and Councillor Firoux are doing.


    PC: A slight reversal has happened. Councillor Firoux looks to be leading with 49.7% of the vote, as little as 0.2% above Mr. Flemming, who has 49.5% of the vote.

    KV: And we thought that margin was thin before… wow! It went from being thin like an Occoronian Ambassador to being thin like a Kaasian child. Have you seen those pictures of Kaasian children reported by Montenbourg? I had no idea Kaasian children were so... not white.

    PC: Yikes. Anyway, if you notice, the voter turnout seems to be higher in the densest parts of Saint Dominico, meaning more votes seem to be coming out of these dioceses that are being declaring later. As we predicted earlier, a higher voter turnout is better for Councillor Firoux. If this trend continues, he might just be re-elected as Councillor after all.

    KV: The voter turnout so far stands at 62%, which isn’t bad at all.

    PC: That’s exactly right, Kathy.

    KV: Like I said, the secret to success is low expectations. That’s the secret to every European Commission election ever.

    PC: I thought you didn’t pay attention to European Commission elections?

    KV: I don’t. Hence, I know they have no expectations. Who is our Premier anyway?

    PC: Here’s a clue: she is a woman.

    KV: Oh god, another woman Premier. When was the last time we had a man in charge? We had Whiteford, Emerett, some other irrelevant broad, and now her?

    PC: I’m surprised you don’t know her. She has a well-known on-and-off again relationship with Councillor Firoux. Most Inqusitans like her, even if she looks like she’s a field hockey player.

    KV: Give me another clue.

    PC: Her first name is Gisela.

    KV: Gisela Fernandez-Versini?

    PC: What kind of surname is that? No, that’s not her.

    KV: No idea. Please just take us to another news break.

    PC: Well, we can take a break for news headlines from all around Europe. Will that peek your interest in European Commission elections?

    KV: Probably not, but it’s worth the effort.

    PC: Ok, well, we’ll be right back then. Here are the latest headlines. Please stay with us.

    The camera zooms out and pans across the studio before the screen fades to black.


  • Mod

    The screen fades back into focus, with both Peter and Kathy appearing to have changed their outfits.

    PC: Thank you for joining News From the City’s live coverage of the 2018 Inqusitan Ecclesiastical and European Councillor Election. It is now half past two CEST, and about half of all dioceses across Inquista have confirmed their results. Here is the latest update.


    PC: The Black Swan Movement has won 101 dioceses and 51% of the vote, while the Christian League has won 14 dioceses and 25.3% of the vote, and Green Inquista has won 12 dioceses and 22.2% of the vote.

    KV: The Black Swan Movement have almost tripled their amount of seats in the College of Bishops since the last election. Granted, the College of Bishops is also three times bigger this time around, but only slightly more than half of the results have been declared. If the Black Swan Movement continues at this pace they’ll much more than a super-majority in the College.

    PC: That’s true. With only 127 dioceses declared so far, the Black Swan Movement has already all but won a majority. Should the Movement gain 15 more seats, they can officially form a majority another government after tonight, and, as you say, a super-majority at that.

    KV: There’s no doubt that will happen.

    PC: Let’s pay attention to the geographic breakdown of the results thus far. The Christian League has won almost all of their seats in the former East and South Inquista, which are areas they are by far the strongest. Outside of these former Inquistas, however, they have a few victories in the city centre.

    KV: That makes sense. I’m surprised to even see how one or two East and South Inquistan dioceses have swung towards the Movement. Although, I guess internalized hatred and bigotry towards oneself tends to happen in politics. It’s like how women support Hillary Clinton in Australia.

    PC: Green Inquista have their strongest support near Saint Dominico’s seafront, which is no surprise, as these dioceses are demographically very young, affluent, and environmentally conscious. They have a couple of victories in the former South Inquista too.  

    KV: Peter, say it how it is: people who live by the Inqusitan seafront are pretentious, rich enviro-hipsters. Of course they have gone green.

    PC: The Movement have won across the rest of Saint Dominico – they’re dominating the city centre, the city periphery, and the entire north. The Movement, of course, is most popular among Inquista’s more fervently religious communities and also among communities dominated by families. Oh, and the working class.

    KV: Oh please, Peter. Inquista’s “working class” are financial consultants and marketing strategists. There is nothing blue collar about Saint Dominico. 

    PC: Inquista’s poorest and most vulnerable populations are big fans of our Archbishop, whose diocese was among those just declared. Let’s take a look at the diocese of Valarantine.


    PC: Another total blowout victory for another party leader. Archbishop Craticus was re-elected to his diocese of Valarantine with 85.8% of the vote, 77.1% higher than the Christian League’s Julian Wood, who won 8.7% of the vote. Green Inquista’s Keaghan Craft, not surprisingly, came third with 4.3% of the vote. The Archbishop’s margin of victory widened since his last election, and look at that – 77.1%. His margin of victory was even more superb than Bishop Lallana’s landslide victory in Sundance.

    KV: I have no idea why candidates even ran against him. A total waste of time and money. Good publicity I guess?

    PC: It’s totally the publicity.

    KV: How is the European Councillor election shaping up?

    PC: Take a look.


    PC: Mr. Adrian Flemming has re-taken the lead, now with 49.8% of the popular vote. Firoux behind with 49.6% of the vote. A lot of these dioceses that are now declaring do seem to be quite split though, looking at the map. Even dioceses that have voted strongly in favour for Movement candidates are voting in favour for Firoux as the European Councillor.

    KV: We’re only half way done.

    PC: Exactly, and these dioceses that have declared so far are definitely the main obstacles in Councillor Firoux’s path to re-election.

    KV: I do still find it unfathomable that there are people who have voted for both Archbishop Craticus and Councillor Firoux. They have a totally split personality. It’s borderline Moulay Ismail.

    Camera pans over and zooms in on Peter.

    PC: Please stay with us as our election coverage continues into the morning. Here are the latest headlines from across Europe.

    The screen fades to black.


  • Mod

    The camera pans across the studio. The camera begins to focus on Kathy, who has changed her outfit once again. Kathy seems to have changed into black funeral attire, with a small hat and dark veil covering her face.

    PC: Good morning and thank you for joining our continuous coverage of Inquista’s 2018 Ecclesiastical and European Councillor Election. We have big news at this hour. Let’s take a look at the diocese of Sterhino, which has declared a shock result.

    PC: Bishop Pearson, the leader of the Christian League, has been narrowly defeated in his own diocese, losing out to the Black Swan’s Sharon Philips. Mrs. Philips won 43.2% of the vote, while Bishop Pearson received 40.1% of the vote, and Green Inquista’s Keisha George received 15.6% of the vote.

    KV: Rest in peace, the political career of Bishop Pearson.

    PC: This is truly astounding! The defeat of an incumbent party leader in their own diocese hasn’t ever happened in Inquistan electoral history. That party leader of the Christian League no less. If there is anything to encapsulate how astoundingly well the Black Swan Movement have done this evening, it’s this. Sterhino electing Sharon Philips as their bishop, and giving a resounding rejection to the Christian League.

    KV: What does this mean for the League going forward?

    PC: The Christian League must be in turmoil. The defeat of their leader must be a wake-up call. If party defections and large slips in the polls weren’t enough to shake this party to the core, then this will. This could throw the entire party in doubt.

    KV: I mean, the Christian League has dissolved and come together how many times? I am not sure if it could survive another leadership election.

    PC: Without Pearson in the College of Bishops, he will surely resign as party leader. We have not received any official announcement yet, but I suspect we might hear it soon. If not this morning, then probably tomorrow.

    KV: I can’t imagine him staying on longer either. Bishop Pearson led the Christian League through two electoral defeats – first losing the College of Bishops in 2015, and then doing even worse and losing his seat this time.

    PC: Bishop Pearson’s leadership over the Christian League has not yielded much of any electoral successes. The fact that Pearson has been able to keep the party together though, is commendable, if we are to remember the days it was under Archbishop Donwick’s leadership...

    KV: It’s been barely held together since. While it’s true that Bishop Pearson was able to prevent the internal fracturing that we saw back in 2013 or 2014, we still saw multiple party defections happen last year. The Christian League really needs to be built back up from the ground. This election is, if anything, indicative of that.

    PC: See, Kathy, you are capable of analysis. Maybe you could appear on an Australian or British news program?

    KV: Well, they’ll have to pay me much better than the money you’re paying me. I’m making about what a Nicoleizian onion farmer would make for a week of their labour.

    PC: I’m pretty sure Big Onion pays them well. They’re unionized or something, surely. Icholasen is basically communist.

    KV: They’re onionized.

    PC: Very clever.

    KV: In Australia, you know, it’s labor, and not labour.

    PC: What?

    KV: They say labor. Not labour.

    PC: I don’t get it. It sounds the exact same.

    KV: Can’t you hear it? Labor. Labour.

    PC: Oh, you’re talking about the spelling. You do know they are pronounced the same?

    KV: Labor… labour.

    PC: Stop saying that, it makes me uncomfortable. Let’s take a look at an updated map. Just about three-quarters of all diocese results have been declared. We can expect to see the vast majority of the rest be made shortly.

    PC: The Black Swan Movement continues to march onward to victory, having won 133 of all 173 dioceses that have declared thus far. The Christian League has actually made some momentum now, winning 22 seats, although the former Bishop of Sterhino will not be among them. Green Inquista has won 18 seats, also showing increased momentum now. The Black Swan Movement currently has just under 50% of the popular vote, with 49.8% of all votes so far. The Christian League has garnered 26.1% of the votes, with Green Inquista also gaining momentum with 22.6% of the votes. The voter turnout average, of the reported dioceses, is at 65%.

    KV: Well, with that, the Black Swan Movement has won enough seats for a majority government.

    PC: But will they also win the European Council seat? Let’s take a look.

    PC: Tonight the people of Inquista have rejected the Christian League, and Bishop Pearson, but they have not quite rejected Councillor Firoux, who is now back in the lead. Councillor Firoux is leading with 51.2% of the votes, while Mr. Flemming has 47.9% of the votes.

    KV: Looking at the dioceses that still have to report… it looks like Councillor Firoux is probably safe to win this one.

    PC: I think you’re right. All the most ardent and traditional bases for Movement support have already been declared tonight, and a wave of Firoux votes are coming in as more competitive Green Inquista and Christian League dioceses are reporting in. Green Inquista and the Christian League are starting to warm up now. If Councillor Firoux can keep this up, we can probably project him to be the winner, even if he’s only beating Mr. Flemming by barely 3%.

    KV: Mr. Flemming has done well this evening. Councillor Firoux has the combined support of the Christian League, Green Inquista and many small independent parties, making him the favourite. This was always Councillor Firoux’s to lose. Mr. Flemming just about nudged him, and still easily could.

    PC: Mr. Flemming has made gains since 2015. In 2015, Mr. Flemming garnered 42.3% of the votes. Firoux handily won re-election then with 57.7% of the votes, so this is a bit of a fall so far.

    KV: With that all said, Councillor Firoux is probably just hoping to get re-elected at this point. It doesn’t matter by how much. Whether he won last time by a margin of 15.4%, or he wins this time by a margin of 0.1%, he just needs to win. He was trailing in the popular vote just less than an hour ago, and just yesterday it looked like he was heading into this election with a loss coming up his way.

    PC: Well, Kathy. The final results are all trickling in as we speak. However, we shall first deliver the latest international headlines, before we take a look at the latest weather forecasts, and bring you a special edition of the Inqusita Business Report. When we are back, we are expected to have all dioceses with their final results reported. Yes, that means that we will have all final results, including who will become our next Councillor to Inquista.

    KV: Ooh, exciting!

    PC: Please re-join us then. See you again soon. 

    Camera zooms out and cuts to other news reports.


  • Mod

    The camera zooms in and focuses on Peter and Kathy, who both look mentally and physically drained.

    PC: Good morning and thank you for joining the last moments of coverage of Inquista’s 2018 Ecclesiastical and European Councillor Election. It is currently 4:01AM CEST, and we have all the final results confirmed.

    PC: Archbishop Craticus has been re-elected as Archbishop of Inquista. Archbishop Craticus’ Black Swan Movement has won a super-majority in the College of Bishops, after now having won 186 out of 230 available seats. The Black Swan Movement has made gains of 140 seats in the College of Bishops, which we would like to reiterate, is in part due to expansion of the College from 84 seats to 230 seats. The Black Swan Movement has also won 50.5% of the popular vote, which is a gain of 4.6% of popular support since 2015.   

    KV: The Black Swan Movement has won 81% of the seats with just 50% of the vote.

    PC: That’s how first-past-the-post works, Kathy.

    Kathy is seen rolling her eyes.

    PC: The Christian League has won 24 seats, which is 7 less than what they started with.  The Christian league won 25.8% of the vote, a decrease of 20.7% since 2015. This marks the first time the Christian League has lost the popular vote. In the midst of their losses tonight was their party leader, Ashton Pearson, who will not be returning to the College as the Bishop of Sterhino. Despite this, the Christian League will continue to serve as the largest bloc of opposition to the Black Swan Movement, after having curtailed Green Inquista’s rise.

    KV: Let’s not forget that we still have to declare the result for the European Councillor election, where the Christian League’s candidate – Councillor Edward Firoux – could have defended his seat. That could be a victory for them.

    PC: Green Inquista will have increased their seats in the College of Bishops after this election, having won 20 seats. This an increase of 13 since the recent floor-crossings. Green Inquista’s share of the vote stands at 22.3%, an increase of 15.5% since 2015, which is almost quadruple their former support.

    KV: Fantastic gains for Green Inquista tonight. They basically quadrupled their base of support and almost tripled the amount of seats they have in the College of Bishops. Bishop Lallana must be pleased.

    PC: Total voter turnout stands at 65%, only a decrease of 3.5% from 2015.

    KV: That’s very good! With such low enthusiasm for this election, especially compared to the tight race that we had in 2015, 65% is fantastic. This is much higher than expected.

    PC: You know what that means…

    KV: Probably good news for Councillor Firoux?

    PC: We can hereby confirm that Councillor Firoux has been re-elected to office, having gained 51.6% of the vote. The Black Swan Movement’s Adrian Flemming won 47.7%.

    KV: By the end of the campaign period it became clear that the Christian League was just trying to keep its seat in the European Council - so, they must count this as a victory. The Black Swan Movement may have swept the College, but they have been shut out of Europe. This is surely the only damper on the Archbishop’s spirits this evening.

    PC: Adrian Flemming did manage to increase his support by 5.4% since 2015. Councillor Firoux’s share of the vote has fallen by 6.1%.

    KV: It’s Premier Commissioner Gisela Stuart – she’s bringing him down. Eligible bachelor Firoux is way more popular than tied-down Councillor Firoux. 

    PC: Any final thoughts before we end our broadcast?

    KV: Yes! I'm looking forward to the next EuroVoice competition, she is returning to Saint Dominico! I am so proud of Kane Brown and his performance in Icholasen.

    PC: Indeed, see you all in Inquista for EuroVoice soon!

    KV: Oh, and impeach Montfort!

    PC: No, no, no! Please. Ok, thank you all at home for tuning into our live broadcast and we look forward to the latest developments coming out of the Archbishop's Palace. As always, News From the City brings you the latest news and updates from Saint Dominico, so please be sure to stay up-to-date with us. Thank you all again, and take care.

    The screen cuts to commercials, thus ending the broadcast.


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