This is a comprehensive list of the EU’s top 10 biggest sex symbols. When you think of the hottest Europeans out there, you don’t think of Occoronian ambassadors – you think of these. As always, this ranking has been backed-up by quantitative and qualitative data analysis, peer-review, and intense, week-long focus grouping.
10. James Hartington
James Hartington should just name himself James Heartington (not like his fans can spell his name right anyway), because this hottie captured the hearts of Europeans everywhere during the 2015 Derectan general election debate, which resulted in hoards of fans to take to twitter to crush on their dreamboy. Please show us your rocket, James.
9. Brandon Devoy
Everybody likes a man of mystery. Too bad he plays hard to get.
8. Sir Eric Pickles
While this may seem like a joke, Sir Eric Pickles proved himself to be sex idol in his own right, as the seductress Cinders herself couldn't lay her her eyes off him.
7. Vennu Mallesh
Vennu Mallesh is a very good bad boy. Here in Europe, we like very good bad boys.
6. Owain Davies
Speaking of a bad boy. If looks could kill, then Owain Davies would, well, still have a high body count.
5. Councillor Darth Khan
With a stunning bod and a sculpted face, this heartthrob makes you want to be force chocked.
4. Doc Mustard
Anyone who knows Doc Mustard knows he is a fan of the c***oris. This hottie has women clinging to him around the clock and it definitely shows - have you seen some of his music videos? He scores all the 10's. RIP, you sex machine.
3. Commissioner Susan Callaghan
Susan Callaghan is as hunky as they come, with his built body and strong physique. Definitely the strongest Commissioner we have ever seen. If only we could take a ride on his helicopter.
2. Vennu Mallesh's Sister
The only woman to make this list, this sexy femme fatale is the hottest body to ever appear on Eurovoice. Don't lie, you probably have a poster of her in your room too.
1. Maloulay Piszckoszi
With the luscious locks of Maleeka Liszckoszi, the stunning face of Moulay Ismail, and the hot body of Eric Pickles, this sexbot is quite literally designed to be perfect... and our eyes agree. This piece of meat is far the biggest sex idol in the European Union, which leaves the rest of us wondering how we'll get a piece of this action?