The Matriachy

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    Today's Cover Girl/Highlighted Model: Kate Upton
    Today's Quote of the Day: "If Egg is broken by outside force, life ends. If broken by inside force, life begins. Great things always happen from the inside." - Susan Callaghan, The Egg

    **Featured Articles:

    I. The Pope Elections, Who Will Win?!
    II. Get the Kate Upton Look!
    III. Top Ten Diets of 2013!**

    The Pope Elections, Who Will Win?!

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    Okay, so, as we all know, besides the people that have technically been living a rock, the very recent Papal elections have been getting a lot of attention in Europe. I'm honestly not a very religious person, but I still reckognize religion as a very important part of today's society, so I have decided to do a little research on those old fellas so I can get a good idea of who might win, and now I'm sharing it with you guys. Remember girls, this stuff matters! In order to make this article an easy read I have decided to only choose three candidates to give you an insight on. The first one will be the obvious Red Croatia's favorite - Angelo Amato followed by Todd Unctious of Angleter and Kandelos Alderhilt of Os Corelia.

    Okay so, as we all know, black boys have big toys, but in this case it matters will they get big votes... Angelo Amato has a pretty interesting history if you ask me - From an uneducated boy from southern Zadar to the Archbishop of Red Croatia's capital. He certainly knew how to reach that position, but we can only wait to see is he meant to advance even further from his current title! Let's hope so. What I think is going to increase his shots at becoming the pope besides his life story, which people are certainly going to emphatize with are his appealing and commonly shared views. Only thing that I didn't like about his views from a personal perspective is that he doesn't show support towards female priesthood, which even though uncommon is present in Red Croatia. Well, at least he didn't state anything against it.. Let's just hope that we don't have to do anything about this, girls!

    Ah.. Todd Unctious... What makes him a great candidate is that he perhaps has one of the most stable and impressive backgrounds there are when it comes to personal achievements. He has studied Theology at University of Edessa, became a well known member of the Jesuits, and is the church leader of one of the best known countries in Europe - Angleter. He's certainly going to get a lot of votes because of his knowledge, experience and background.

    Like the two cardinals which were mentioned above, Kandelos Alderhilt has a great background, and a ton of experience on his back, but what makes him a great candidate is his popularity. He's widely celebrated as a progressive cardinal in Os Corelia and as the People's Chairman in the Corelian Democratic League. If people believe that he can do things to the catholic world that are as good as the things he did to Os Corelia, he's definitively the next Pope.

    Article by: Gabrielle Solis

    The following pages seems to be ripped out of your newspapers! Oh no!

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    Today's Cover Girl/Highlighted Model: Alessandra Ambrosio
    Today's Quote of the Day: "To all the girls that think you're ugly because you're not size 0, you're the beautiful one. It's society who's ugly." Susan Callaghan, The Beauty Queen

    **Featured Articles:

    I. Yet another Sex Scandal!
    II. Signing for Victoria's Secret**

    Yet another Sex Scandal!

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    Yesterday at a Victoria's Secret Party in Zadar which was hosted to celebrate Alessandra Ambrosio's contract with the company has led to a sex scandal that has rocked today's media. Tiger Woods, a famous golfer and yet another party guest who has managed to get himself invited to spend an afternoon with the Victoria's Secret models during the party has partaken in sexual activities with the latest Victoria's Angel - Alessandra Ambrosio according to the pictures that have been presented to select medias and his wife. Even though we are not allowed to post those pictures, we are allowed to describe them for you. Even though the pictures are only him and her sleeping naked next to each other, their surroundings are filled with solid proof that what they spent was a long, wild night. Their surroundings have also hinted at several fetishes which are still currently being mocked in The Matriachy's publishing halls.

    His wife - Katherine "Kat" Zeta Woods was taped reacting to this scandal in front of her mansion gates, but she has managed to get her hands on the camera the reporter was using to tape before enough content was filmed. The reporter describes that 'accident' as a shame, and says that her reaction would've made a great viral video. The Matriachy already has their popcorns ready for GTA's media reactions. This is going to get nasty.

    Article By: Samantha Jones

    Signing for Victoria's Secret

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    Thanks to the sex scandal that has occured, Alessandra Ambrosio has stated that she's not ready to take on her very first 'big interview' and that she's certainly going to need some time to get back to her old self. Even though she has stated that she regretted this, moments before signing her Victoria's Secret contract she has made a boring-old-seen-it-before statement; "I can't believe that this is actually happening! At this very moment I'm nothing but another amateur, and i'm only few minutes away from becoming a model to the biggest Rechroatian and perhaps the biggest World's modeling company - Victoria's Secret! I certainly hope I can handle this!". Her fellow Victoria's Angels have offered her a lot of support, from which most had their own little sex scandals.

    Article By: Gabrielle Solis

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    Today's Cover Girl/Highlighted Model: Adriana Lima
    Today's Quote of the Day: "Hey guys, let's continue sponsoring a man whore!" Lumos Athletics on Tiger Woods

    **Featured Articles:

    I. Red Croatia's 50th Tennis Cup!
    II. European Woman of the Year Announced!
    III. Color Symbolism with Susan Callaghan!
    IV. What's your inner self's color?**

    Red Croatia's 50th Tennis Cup!

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    Today yet another tennis cup was announced by the Tennis Hall of Fame, resulting in many panties getting wet. After the success the last one had, many rechroatians have said that they're going to be following this edition as well, and that they are excited for it, that indicating that this edition is also going to be as successful as the last one, if not even more thanks to the sponsors the Tennis Hall of Fame attracted and Red Croatia's recent accession to the European Union that happened this january.

    To raise the already high expectations, James Henry Van Alen, owner of the Tennis Hall of Fame has named this tournament's reward after himself and has decided to make this the very first tennis cup hosted by him that allows players from different nations. He has already sent invitations to famous tennis players from other countries who are citizens of the European Union and is expecting their responds soon. To make the cup live up to his name, which he called it after, he has stated that this is literally going to be perhaps the best looking achievement the world has seen. My fortune teller already warned me about rumors concerning it, but I can't lie, I'm a bit excited too about seeing it as well, and hearing how much did it's creation cost.

    Article By: Gabrielle Solis

    European Woman of the Year Announced!

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    Today, during the year's last month the European Woman of the Year was announced, and I'm pretty sure that all of you could guess who it is without even looking at the picture above. Trough an anonymous vote, the winner was declared Susan Callaghan, the sexy beast of the European Union who solves issues by eating them. What made Susan Callaghan an obvious choice was her positive attitude expressed trough illuminating smiles, her intelligence expressed trough her First European Budget attempt which recieved delightful criticism and her impressive biography as a European Commissioner and of course the great inspirational quotes she sends to our magazine.

    Congratulations Susan Callaghan for this small victory out of many more to come!

    Article By: Euan DiLady

    Color Symbolism with Susan Callaghan!

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    Color conveys meanings in two primary ways - natural associations and psychological symbolism. But no, it?s not mind control. The truth of the matter is that people are comfortable when colors remind them of similar things. For example, a soft shade of blue triggers associations with the sky and a psychological sense of calm. Successful design requires an awareness of how and why colors communicate meaning. The source of these meanings can be quite conspicuous, such as those found in nature ? red is the color of blazing fire and blood, blue the color of cooling waters and the sky while the other meanings may be more complex and not universal.

    What I'm trying to say here is that colors surround, colors intrigue us and each color has a meaning, a meaning that we have decided to choose to discuss with Adriana Lima, a Victoria's Angel and Susan Callaghan, our European Woman of the Year. To start the conversation off we asked both ladies which color is their favorite and why is that so? Both of them had similar answers, with Susan stating that her favorite is purple while Adriana stated that her favorite one is pink.

    Susan's answer - purple, the trendy color which is most commonly seen troughout winter and autumn which is the combination of blue and red has been considered a color of uncreativity, calmness and good judgment and the only color that doesn't send a message, and only represents beauty. Susan Callaghan, who already knew about this had a prepared answer, "I don't think that purple doesn't send a message, no'r that it's a uncreative color. Each person has their own thing that inspires only then an-" she was then rudely interrupted, and reminded that she's here to help criticize people for liking one color and to generalize what may not be their opinion and reaction, just like everything concerning color symbolism does on websites like Google.

    Adriana's answer - pink, on the other hand has recieved a much less agressive answer. Pink originally represented beauty and love, but in the recent days where criticism is found on every corner and nerdy girls are the single definition of hot to many average men (p.s: average man are a majority) pink started representing confidence in a person's personal opinions as well as the acceptment and pride of the person. A popular professional belief also states that it symbolizes stupidity.

    As noted above, most colors symbolize specific things because of their associations to nature and psychology, which brings us to discuss the three sometimes called 'core' colors, which are yellow, blue and red. We have asked the two ladies respectively what do these colors remind them off and we gathered up their answers. What reminds them of blue is the sky, the sea and the Union of European Conservatives (guess what's their party color!). What they associate with red is bravery, passion, love and holidays. What reminds them of yellow is the bright sun.

    The associations they made are the general opinion people have and will run trough their mind when they see your outfit, and what they think is usually going to be what you think as well. Therefore, if you're trying to make yourself look bright and optimistic, go with yellow. If you're trying to look fun, but calm and collected go with blue, if you want to look sexy go with red, and if you want to look like a trustworthy person go with either brown or green.

    The other two colors are black and white, the colors that express your emotions in a most noticable way. Black symbolizes pain and sadness while white symbolizes happiness and upbeat, however only rare people associate it with anything unless they're on a wedding or a funeral, so unless you're going to one of these two, keep in mind that black and white simply look good, and aren't going to help you send off a positive or a negative vibe, however their mix, which is gray is an entirely different story. Gray is a color that is not associated to any emotions, but it's the perfect color for someone that wants to give off a 'professional' vibe, so it's definitively a color that you should consider wearing to a job interview, a presentation etc. You may have noticed that the only color that was not mentioned in the article is orange, and that's for a reason. Orange is the color sending off an agressive, unfashionable vibe that you should definitively avoid. The only shade of orange that's acceptable is peach, and you should remember that!

    A thing to keep in your mind is that the things that are written in this article should only be taken literally in cases where you believe looks may matter, like a job interview or a important social event, but you should wear whatever you feel most comfortable in while you're at the comfort of your home.

    Article By: Gabrielle Solis

    What's your inner self's color?

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    If you enjoyed the last article concerning color symbolism, please take your time to visit our facebook page, click follow and do a quiz which will answer you a question that you probably started asking yourself after reading the last page, and that question is What's my inner self's color? Well here's your chance to find out! The link is
    You smirk and decide to log on Facebook, follow the page and proceed to take the quiz.

    What is your favorite color?
    a. Red
    b. Blue c. Gray d. Pink
    e. Black f. Green g. Brown
    h. White i. Yellow
    j. Orange k. Purple
    Irrelevant note: People that like their favorite color because it's so beautiful and represents something equally beautiful are very rare and they should feel special if their favorite color is also the color of their inner self!

    If a majority of your answers were a: Your inner self's color is red.
    If a majority of your answers were b: Your inner self's color is blue.
    If a majority of your answers were c: Your inner self's color is gray.

    If you liked the result of your quiz and it made you feel better about your ever-amazing self, please like this quiz and share it on your facebook homepage! We would also appreciate if you told everyone you know about The Matriachy and directed everyone to our facebook page!

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    Today's Cover Girl/Highlighted Model: Avril Lavigne
    Today's Quote of the Day: "The Committee has already already met today and will continue dialogue in order to ensure a quick and stable transition. Western Sahara will be on it's feet soon enough." Archbishop Craticus

    **Featured Articles:

    I. Avril Lavigne's Eurovoice Loss
    II. War declared on Western Sahara
    III. Among other things..**

    Avril Lavigne's Eurovoice Loss

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    Several days after the Eurovoice Result show has finished, and Avril Lavigne came 6th out of 16th contestants, this popular rechroatian singer who has refused to give a single statement after her loss has struck the nation with her latest music video: "Hello Kitty" which was taped in her rich father's cupcake store during a friday, in which she threw cupcakes on the ground, having common customers be heavily disappointed, and angry. Nobody knows for sure what is going on with this young woman, but we're all praying that she's alright and that her youtube video doesn't go more any viral then it already has, seeing as it currently has over 25.902.684 million views. Perhaps we shouldn't have advertised it in the country's biggest magazine then, but oh well.

    Article By: Jazzy Pants

    War Declared on Western Sahara

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    "Ever since 2011 Polisario-Sahrawi Conflict the fate of the Western Sahara has been under quiet scrutiny. Marrakechia invaded the Western Sahara in 2011 in order to bring the remainder of the Sahara fully under Marrakechian control. Inquista aided Marrakechia in the conflict and the territory was eventually partitioned between the two lands at the end of the war. Alexander Kligenberg, who was Archbishop at the time, was reluctant to had over the Inquistan-controlled land to the Marrakechian government because of widespread fear that the Sahrawi people would be discriminated against and that their leaders would be unjustly tried and imprisoned. The government of Inquista has since become increasingly more sympathetic to the Sahrawi people, who have suffered due to the occupation and division of their country. Almost 3 years later after the conflict, it seems their woes are finally being answered." - Inquistan Broadcasting Company

    Today, on 24th of May, Inquista has occupied the territories of Western Sahara using sheer force of helicopters, tanks and other war vehicles by moving them trough the land with great speed, taking absolute control over the zone. However, the units now stationed in West Sahara are yet to make a move, unlike Archbishop Craticus, who has decided to engage Marrakechia with a diplomatic strike, revealing that the Rechroatian Queen - our beloved Aleksandra Van Aries the Third, has been working alongside him. Here's what she has to say about this:

    "The people of Sahara have been suffering for too long, and I'm determined to put that suffering to an end. Together with Archbishop Craticus, I shall continue leading the Committee of the Western Saharan Autonomy until we are prepared to make Sahara a independent nation that it deserves to be, and hand the reins of the committe's leadership to someone that will help it more then we will ever imagine. Perhaps approaching this with such force was not the smartest move we could've made, but it's the move that I, alongside the Archbishop, stand behind. Sahara will be free of Marrakechia's failed political past!"

    Article By: Dillie Willie Silly

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    Today's Cover Girl/Highlighted Model: Lindsay Lohan
    Today's Quote of the Day: "Mistakes are a good basis for experience." Lindsay Lohan

    **Featured Articles:

    I. Footage of Brave Soliders
    II. Marrakechian Propaganda?**

    Footage of Brave Soliders

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    Yesterday night, after war was declared on Western Sahara and Inqustian soliders have made their way into the country's borders, camera footage of Inqustian soliders aiding the citizens by cleaning the streets, bringing food to the hungry and helping the sick and old has become the latest viral thing on Youtube, bringing Avril's "Hello Kitty" out of the picture. The most popular of these videos is the one in which a young solider helps out a girl that ran away from her enraged mother who was beating her up. The soliders not only gave first aid to the young girl, but also helped the Saharan Police bring the mother to justice. This truly comes to show how much the aid Inquista and Red Croatia are giving to Western Sahara is needed.

    Article By: Charlie Snails

    Marrakechian Propaganda?

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    Today, as an apparent counter towards the viral videos found on Youtube, Marrakechia claims to have found footage of Inquistan soliders torturing innocent civilians. Red Croatia, outraged by these ridiculous claims has decided to make a move above the one made by Marrakechia. A public letter was sent to Marrakechia's Parlament, officially signed by Heather Von Henderson, our beloved european councilor: "This morning, according to the news in Marrakechia, the soliders of Inquista have committed great crimes against the citizens of Sahara, something that neither I, no'r my nation, no'r Inquista approve of. Therefore, as a citizen of Red Croatia, I propose that the Rechroatian Police gets involved with Western Sahara so that it may aid you bring these soliders to justice, even though we highly doubt that they are truly what your public presents them to be." And after that letter was sent, many theories have begun about how desperate Marrakechia is getting. The public can't decide whether this is all the doing of Marrakechain supremacists or the Marrakechian governement. The rumors of Inquistan soliders has been crushed by both logic and the recently mentioned viral Youtube videos: seeing as Inquista would be stupid to commit violence when it's hoping for a peaceful settling.

    Article By: Rocky Lykkedis

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    Today's Cover Girl/Highlighted Model: Nicole Scherzinger
    Today's Quote of the Day: "I wish I had my government invest into mental care." Aureliana

    **Featured Articles:

    I. One more day to go! More on Sahara
    II. Hotties and Notties in the EU!**

    One more day to go! More on Sahara

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    As all of you may have heard by keeping yourself informed about what's going on in the European Union, the referendum concerning Western Sahara shall be held this wednesday so that the so-called "Sahara Crisis" can be put to an end, having the Sahwari Union alongside all involved countries to begin preparing for the worst and the best. However, instead of campaigning for what I believe should happen and what I believe is right, I have decided to write an article that shall capture the true colors of this situation because it's best to push you into having an opinion first. Therefore, let's go ahead and begin.

    On 24th of May, the first move regarding Sahara was made by Inquista and Red Croatia who have formed the Committee for Western Sahara's Autonomy after declaring their stances on the land, with the said stance being that every country should be granted independence if it so wishes (something that Sahara has proven it wants many years ago - and still does). However, what led to problems concerning this was the fact that Inquista - even though it hasn't done any harm to the sahwari people -- has moved it's troops into the Western Sahara territory, which was taken as an act of aggression by foreign government officials. A day after, on 25th of May, as an attempt to calm the situation down and make the foreign officials understand that Red Croatia and Inquista mean no harm, our beloved Queen has called forth the leaders of the European Union who have proven themselves to be vocal in this situation to the so-called "Summit of Sahara" which has ended in little success when it came to coming to an actual verdict, even though it has managed to calm down the hostilities. However, the failure that was the summit in Zadar was soon redeemed by the following London Conference, in which the leaders of Marrakechia, Inquista, Halsberg, Great Britain and Red Croatia's councilor have signed the Treaty of London, which leaves us with what we have now - excitement and intensity all over Europe as the 18th of June approaches.

    However, even though this may seem simple when it's put in a single paragraph, the Sahara Crisis has led to much more consequences then I make it seem. Rimroth, Icholasen and Altha have all agreed to join the WSA Committee, this proving that even the least vocal countries of the European Union have weight on their words. Marrakechia was shaken to the core as its stability is now questioned throughout the European Union, proving that even some of the strongest european countries can fall off of their pedestal. And then we of course have the military revitalization movement which begun in Red Croatia, leading to new influential figures and new business to be taken caren of. And now we are only left to wonder: what will happen next? Let's make an effort to stay tuned.

    Hotties and Notties in the EU! #1st

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    After the demands of a "Hottie and Nottie" article in the Matriarchy have become rather popular, we have decided to please our readers by implementing it into the magazine. However, rather than making it about nothing other then appearance - and keeping it in the range of Red Croatia, we have decided to use this article as a way of giving props to those that deserve acknowledgment, and give you something to gossip about when there's someone that deserves a far worse faith. And, the best part is: this article will cover women from all over Europe, except Red Croatia - just so that we don't come off as biased, of course. Now, let's begin with a woman who has without a doubt earned her compliments - Cynthia Johnson.

    Decisive, ruthless and bold - this woman's words will leave you breathless. She's fearless when facing any situation, and is always willing to use that positive trait of hers. Even though her and her country have only recently made their stunning appearance in the European Union, she has managed to get down and dirty without any hesitation, working hard in order to make sure that the European Union's stability is assured through negotiation and constructive criticism that whipped her opposers into submission. And those things are what make her The Matriarchy's very first #UberHottie! You earned that hashtag, girl!

    #UberHottie #CJ #CyJo #1st

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    Even though it was hard to save our compliments for these two ladies after seeing how beautiful our own queen has looked at Anastasia's Coronation, we have somehow managed. Now, even though we all know where this is going, we still have to be constructive about our choices!.. so play nice. While the newly crowned Queen Anastasia has proven herself to be quite the sassy, strong willed and graceful maiden, Anitax Aureliana has proven herself to be quite the opposite... even though she was worshipped as the connection between the Goddess of Love and Altha. But however, what made her seem even more desperate then she already was were without a doubt her looks. Even though she carried herself like the best looking girl around, declaring herself to be the most worshipped figure in her beloved country after being rejected by the Prince of Icholasen.. among other things.. in reality, she looked awful. Look at those awful kneecaps, that disturbing waistline, enormous cheeks, that double chin and the awful cleavage exposure.. this woman without a doubt earned her #Nottie hashtag.

    However, once again Queen Anastasia has proven herself to be the opposite of Aureliana. While the other was wearing something that not even a bollywood movie would use, Anastasia was wearing a gorgeous white gown decorated with the slightest touches of gold which showed off her graceful figure, flawless hair, dynamic makeup and the ability to carry herself like true royalty. Plus, according to some shady sources, our very own Queen complimented the dress! Truly an outstanding display on the behalf of Anastasia, having her earn a #Hottie hashtag!

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