Albion Maritime broadcasting
Good evening ladies and gentlemen! We bring our lovely Albinites wonderful news tonight! We are standing in Stamford with Mayor Samuel Roberts, who wants to speak of the upcoming elections.
"Well, we couldn't have picked a better day for this, could we? Everyone is out and enjoying the annual Stamford fish fry. Now the elections coming up are very important socially, if you have an opinion on any of these issues you must go to the polls, we really want a high turn out rate. An estimated 17 million are expected to vote later this week, which is incredible! However, this is right under half of us, in response we have added an extra day to vote on Saturday and Sunday, spilling into Monday morning. The following issues are on the ballot: Recreational Marijuana, gay marriage, new exhaust emission standards, and the creation of a new national park, and where it will be designated. " "That was all, thanks Mayor! You heard it, get to those polls!"
The mayor stretched, lit a strange looking cigarette and looked at the waves. "What a beautiful
country, huh guys?"
Harry turned his TV on to watch the results of the special early year votes.
"Hello all! We have results from last weeks votes in!
The following issues have passed: Legal marijuana, gay marriage, new exhaust standards, and the creation of a new national park! The only bill that failed was one encouraging the creation of a military, with people writing on the ballet they want a defense force, but that is all. "
Harry lit up a fat joint. He had waiting for just such news. This was going to be a good decade to live in such an out of the way nation, free from major world issues. He still had to figure the economy out however, and he knows it won't be easy.
"Where will Albion get the funds for a defense force? No one is sure yet, the hope is that one of the European nations takes a positive stance towards our ideologies and pledge some protection.
Till next time, Albion Maritime Broadcasting out!"
Good morning Albion! As you may know, Governor General Harry is retiring, and issued statements last night. Following these statements, two candidates announced they will be running for his office overnight. The candidates jumped on this pretty quickly, the spot seems to be in demand. How many more will come forward during the month long campaign?
So far we have Justin Trudeau, of the Liberal Party, running versus..
Naheed Nenshi, mayor of Ottawa, running on the Conservative side.
Justin Trudeau issued a statement earlier today, after being asked about the lack of defense.
"Mr. Trudeau, what would you do to improve the safety of our nation?"
"Well, I still don't believe we need an armed force. I want to create a mounted patrol created however. They would be mounted police, with trucks and cars for city use, horseback for park and border patrol, and have basic arms such as hunting rifles, pistols, and shotguns. I do NOT feel they need military arms or vehicles. I would like this police force to each around 100 thousand members, including required staff. The creation of these jobs, as well as the jobs to create their arms and uniforms should give our economy a little boost too."
"So these mounted police..what purpose do they serve defense wise?"
"I don't feel we are threatened by anything at the moment. Most police duties would involve stopping vandals in the parks, border patrol, containing wild animals that wander into town, and the odd drunkard causing issues. Should a legitimate defense issue rear its head, I'll send a call straight overseas to Mr. Milliband."
This has been the Maritime news! We will have an update later, as Mr. Nenshi is to make a statement on abortion.
Hello Albion! Straight from the shores of Rockford we come at you with exciting news! Another candidate for Governor General has announced her campaign!
Diane Feinstein has said earlier: "I am going to fix this nation. We are too war like. Why do we need so many guns? Who needs the ability to make a bear explode from 10 miles away? I hope to restore common sense to these lands!"
Justin Trudeau was stated earlier as saying: "I'm not worried, shes too much of a...hm..well she won't win, no worries there. She is so uppity, and here I am, wanting to let you guys have up to 15g of marijuana on your person..I am fun. She is not. It really is that simple."
In the news today: Naheed Nenshi has issued a statement, warning that Justin Trudeau will not be responsible.
"He is a party animal! There is no way this man should hold an office. Did I tell you he got choked earlier? Yeah, he was out speaking when a passerby started to choke him. He thought it was a joke at first, till he yelled for police..yeah, turns out the guy wasn't joking- he was the husband of a woman Trudeau had "visited" earlier today. Does he need to be in a position of power?"
Rob Ford admits to doing crack cocaine!
"After several weeks of being annoyed by the media, asking me if I do cocaine, I got sick of them asking. Yes, I did, I do, I love. Are you happy now? I don't ask what you do at home, and I know at least one of you has a gerbil in their rectum while watching this. You sickos."
We have exclusive footage of Rob admitting he is guilty!
SHOCKING NEWS FROM ROCKFORD!
Senator Diane Feinstein of Iqaluit was arrested earlier today for homicide with a firearm!
When asked why, she responded "Well, I saw a man with a gun so I called the police, they said they didn't care! I was like oh hell no! I went and bought a gun at a seedy corner, found the man the next day and shot him in the face. I had to for the safety off the community! When I informed the police they arrested me. ME! I was saving everyone from that armed man for god sake!"
The Rockford police say she has no shot at bail.