Statements from Archbishop Richard Dawkins

  • Protestant Community Leader, and Archbishop of Saint Regina, Richard Dawkins

    "I'm truly shocked at the actions of the terrorists in Davishire. When asked about suffering and God and Religion people always ask me "you're the most devout Christian I know, Richard Dawkins, how do you believe in God when you're suffering?" My response to that is a story. One time my friend and I were in Nandos and she didn't have enough money for chips. And she asked herself "where is God?" Well, he's right next to her, suffering through her lack of those lovely nandos chips. And so too here when people are suffering the loss of their loved ones. From the book of Peter: Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you. But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy. If ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy are ye; for the spirit of glory and of God resteth upon you: on their part he is evil spoken of, but on your part he is glorified. Thank you & God Bless, your friend and brother, Archbishop Richard Dawkins."

  • The Archbishop turned on his Skype and was hailing television sets across the nation from the RNS Athena. With him was his Personal Assistant who was also in Religious attire. "Eurovoice is an excellent example of European Co-operation. This Theme is especially poignant to me as it is a "Jingle Bells" theme. Christmas is a special time of year where families come together, like some random people 2000 years ago came together in the 21st Century's equivalent of a garage. This event, thanks to Inquista is what we're doing as a family of nations in the EU. Inquista of course being the vodka aunt, showing up to the wedding, babyshower, or other family event already drunk. If no alcohol is served at the said event, she will have brought her own. But the meaning of this message is an appeal to all Christians in Europe to vote for the most Christian entry - Doc Mustard. Doc Mustard is an outstanding Christian. He has promoted his views in such songs as: "It's So Simple" a song showing how Jesus endorsed both the use of Cannabis and the promotion of friendship in the world, with peace and love being a major theme. Also, he shows his Christian beliefs in the song "Show Me" showing his views on the capitalistic nature of society, so off-track from Jesus' ideas of sharing and caring with our resources. Additionally, in the song "Vote No More" he shows how the Government of Jesus' homeland was corrupt with Roman rules, and he contrasts this with the view that our Government now is corrupt, and how we shouldn't vote. Also, he's a devout Protestant, and in his Eurovoice song, he praises Christ. I think he deserves to win this competition, and us as a nation deserve to win it. Even though in some weird ways such as "Oh Christ oh Lord, oh Christ oh Lord how I love to lick thee." but he still managed to get his point acro-"

    His Personal Assistant looked rather awkward and crept up to the Archbishop and tapped him on his shoulder, interupting him and whispered something.

    The Archbishop looked confused, and then disgusted. "He sings WHAT?"