Davishire- Maggie's Office (PMs Statements)
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Statements by the Prime Minister
United Kingdom of Davishire and Buckinghamshire
The Right Honourable Mrs Margaret Thatcher MP
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An Official Statement
London, 21:00 GMT 21st December 2015
"I am pleased to be speaking to you today as the new Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Davishire and Buckinghamshire. The nations first lady Prime Minister. And can I say, it is such a pleasure to hold the position. In this speech I am going to outline some of my actions and what policy changes are going to take place. I would however firstly like to comment the hard work that George Osborne has done since he became Prime Minister after Mr Abbots resignation when he fell ill.
Since I took up the position on Friday I have already implemented a number of changes. The first is that I have confirmed that the entire cabinet will be reshuffled. Although some members will remain ministers they will be moved to new departments. Although, I can confirm that the three major departments (Foreign, Defence and Treasury) at the top will receive new ministers. I have also instigated a review into how the civil service works within the government. This is being done to reduce the influence of the Sir Humpreys and Bernerds of the world.
Another new and radical policy that I intend to introduce is the reform of Davishirian cannabis under the European Union Cannabis Act 2015 which the last government implemented with the Cannabis Decriminalisation,Legalisation and Regulation Act 2015. Whilst this government does not agree with the legalisaton that has been forced upon us by European Institutions we will now attempt to capitalise upon the legalisation. I can confirm that as a result of regulations issued under the Royal Prerogative from 00:01 on the 24th December it will be legal to be in possession of up to 4g in a public place, it shall also be legal to smoke cannabis in a public place between 1900 and 02:00 for those over the age of 18. The Cannabis Victims Tax shall be removed, the cost of cannabis shall be capped at £2 per quarter gram, and a special VAT of 15% shall be levied. It shall however, still be illegal to possess cannabis with the intention of supplying it to another without a licence and you may be imprisoned for this. Driving under the influence of cannabis is also illegal, if a blood test reveals any cannabis in your blood stream you will be banned from driving for 24 months and may issued an unlimited fine. I advise drivers to bear these consequences in mind when driving having taken cannabis. These regulations shall expire in one months time, and if successful shall be implemented into legislation. If however crime rises as a result of these changes then the regulations shall not be continued.
I have ordered the Ministry of Defence to conduct a full strategic review after the last one was scrapped despite being near completion. It is important that we, as a nation, reconsider whether we need a 2 million man army, and a 20,000 aircraft Air Force. I hope that this review will be completed by mid march. I can also confirm that from today the government will request House of Commons approval for most forms of military action. Obviousy, the government shall react should Davishire need to defend itself or its allies however it is of vital importance that the government is held accountable by this elected chamber.
Anyhow, I must now get to work. I wish to add at the very end that I look forward to working as your Prime Minister and I wish you all a very Merry Christmas. "
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A Statement by the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Davishire and Buckinghamshire
"It has been widely reported in the press today that my Constitutional Affairs Secretary and former Prime Minister, David Cameron, was taken into custody by police and accused of authorising the use of torture against persons who were detained by His Majesties' Armed Forces after anti-terrorist operations within this nation. Former Prime Minister, Philip Hammond, was also taken into police custody today.
I can confirm to everyone now, everybody in Europe and in Davishire that my government does not approve the use of methods of interrogation which amount to a level that it be deemed torture. Not only is it against the Universal Declaration of Human Rights but it is against all of our morals as a democratic nation.
As a result of these allegations which have been made against Mr Cameron and Mr Hammond I have instructed the police to launch a thorough investigation into the claims. This investigation will take time, however it may lead to possible criminal prosecutions against Mr Cameron and Mr Hammond. If it is found that these two men, or any others, have authorised and taken part in activities that amount to human rights abuses they will face the full force of not only the Davishirian criminal justice system, but the Davishirian Government may consider prosecuting them through the European Court of Justice.
Davishire does not accept such human rights abuses lightly. For that reason I can confirm that Mr Cameron has been removed from his post as Secretary of State for Constitutional affairs, suspended from the Conservative Party.
Now, I ask that the press allow the police room to conduct their investigation into these alleged offences in the knowledge that they will leave no stone unturned.
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((This story line has now been retconned, for reasons of interest this post has been left here))
The Prime Minister of Davishire and the United Kingdom
An Emergency Statement
Somewhere in Davishire, 21:15 Local Time
It has been reported by Davishirian Forces engaged in the Teutonic State that they have been attacked with a nuclear explosion. Although this is not yet confirmed I would like to reassure the Davishirian People that there is no threat to them at this time. I would also like to reassure the region and the world that the Government of Davishire was not responsible for what has happened.
It is however the first duty of government to ensure the security of the nation state, for that reason I can confirm that Davishirian Armed Forces will be taking appropriate action in the Teutonic State to ensure the safety of Davishire and its allies. In 10 minutes time the government will be holding an emergency meeting somewhere in Davishire so that we are fully prepared for the next steps.
I thank the Davishirian people for their courage and support at this time.