EuroVoice XXVII: Veroni, Halsberg
The stage was set. The lights dimmed. The crowd, who had been screaming with excitement, died down. Suddenly, a spotlight illuminated the figure of Verka Serduchka, in full costume, descending from the ceiling. Arguably his greatest hit, Dancing Lasha Tumbai, filled the arena, with Serduchka landing down on the main stage. The performance began, as the reigning EuroVoice champion joined his backing dancers and vocalists to thrill the crowd.
When the performance was completed, Serduchka thanked the audience and moved backstage, with the main host of the contest, whose identity has been shrouded in secrecy, appeared from beneath the stage on a rising platform. “Good evening Europe!”, she shouted. It was none other than Billie Piper, one-time EuroVoice contestant, Halsbergian Pop Princess and, until recently, Inmate 20069 at Framptonia’s highest security prison.
“Now many of you might be wondering how I’m here tonight. It’s a story, I’ll tell you that. Suffice it to say, it was the one and only Susan Callaghan who was able to bring me here, she’s sitting over there in the VIP box, lets all welcome the one and only SuCal!”, Billie explained, leading to the crowd to start chanting SuCal over and over before eventually dying down. Callaghan herself, seated next to the High President, his wife and a few other distinguished guests in the VIP box, went bright red.
“I’d also like to welcome my co-host, EuroVoice’s defending champion, Verka Serduchka!”. Billie turned and pointed to the back of the stage, where a costume-changed Serduchka was standing. He ran towards Billie and they embraced, with Verka’s large breasts somewhat getting in the way.
“всім дякую! Я не говорю по - англійськи , але я буду тут давати все всередині пліток з зеленій кімнаті! “, Verka said in his native Old Roeburgish. Billie looked blank, being a native of Thurston herself. “Before we begin the contest, its traditional for the winner of the last competition to perform the winning song…”, Billie began, before being interrupted by Serduchka. “О, будь ласка , ти змушуєш мене червоніти”.
“Uh-huh, really?”, Billie replied, still without a clue what her co-host was saying. “Anyway, as a special surprise, some of Halsberg’s most famous faces have made a special video to celebrate Verka’s victory. Featuring appearances from The Real Housewives of Thurston, the hosts of the hit motoring show Gear Knobs, and the popular lineup from the nature and gardening show Lets Start Spreading, to name but a few. Lets take a look.” Billie and Verka turned to the large imposing screen at the back of the stage, where the video began…
“хто був той чоловік , який звучав трохи , як я ?”, Verka asked. “Yes, they all had to learn Old Roeburgish for that.”, Billie replied, not really understanding the question.
“Lets get on with the show shall we?!”, Billie exclaimed. “було б добре , якби я міг отримати 5 хвилин , щоб прийняти лайно . Минулої ночі у мене був ебать тонни макаронних виробів”, replied Serduchka.
Entry Rules: None
Country: Artist: Song: Link: (a link to the song at Youtube, Vimeo or any other similar website) National Broadcaster:
ENTRY DEADLINE IS 23:59 GMT, 04/03/16
VOTING BEGINS AT 00:00 GMT 05/03/16
VOTING CLOSES AT 23:59 GMT 11/03/16
Country: The 9 Dominions of Icholasen
Artist: Paloma Faith, Hozier, Little Mix, Taylor Swift, Mary Lambert.
Song: Saint Regina Whispers
National Broadcaster: NBC.
(OOC: I made that myself. I went from complete audio-editing amateur to... whatever the hell that was. Don't be mean pls.)
Country: The Twelve Commonwealths of Halsberg
Artist: Elle King
Song: Ex's & Oh's
National Broadcaster: The HBI
Country: The Microstate of Inquista
Artist: John Newman
Song: Come And Get It
National Broadcaster: IBC
Artist: Bohdan Smolen
Song: Cepry Hej
National Broadcaster: Trympov Network
Country: The Federation of Fremet
Song: Scare Away the Dark
Link: I LOVE ALL ZE LINKS
National Broadcaster: Fremetian Broadcasting Corporation (FBC)
Artist: Demet Akalin
National Broadcaster: UTA-MTT-NTM
Artist: Shawn Mendes
Link: Click Click!!!
National Broadcaster: Aalen TV
Country: The Empire of Inimicus Artist: Frans Bauer & De Kabouters Song: Know The Sun Will Shine Link: Behold And Shudder National Broadcaster: Inimician Broadcasting Corporation
Country: The Constitutional Monarchy of Miraco Artist: James Bay Song: Let it go Link: James Bay - Let it Go National Broadcaster: Télévision Miraco TVM
Country: The United Kingdom of Davishire and Bucks Artist: Ramps Song: Tragedy Link: (a link to the song at Youtube, Vimeo or any other similar website): Clickedy Click Click National Broadcaster Davishirian Broadcasting Corporation</a>
Voting is now open! Please send your votes to myself and Angleter in the following fashion:
10: 8: 7: 6: 5: 4: 3: 2: 1:
The deadline for voting is 23:59 GMT, 11/03/16. Entrants who fail to submit votes will be disqualified and barred from the next contest, as per the usual rules.
Sorry if I'm late but I didn't know we had a competition!
Country: The Norsefire Union
Artist: Måns Zelmerlöw
National Broadcaster: Norsefire Television Network (run by The Mouth, a.k.a the propaganda division)
Despite Norsefire's entry being made outside the entry deadline, no votes have yet been cast so the entry is allowed.
Billie and Verka returned to the stage. "Thank you, Europe, for voting in this Eurovoice contest," said Billie. "We've loved every minute, and we hope you have too."
Billie continued: "Now, to announce the results of Eurovoice XXVII, please put your hands together for a very special man..."
Verka added: "Найгірший Прем'єр комісар в історії..."
"A true European legend..."
"анти-канабіс егоїстичний засранець..."
"The man who makes it all possible..."
"Вони повинні повернути Стоксейліус..."
Montfort rose onto the stage amidst blinding lights and the X Factor judges' music, using the same contraption that had brought Billie on to the stage at the start of the show. To rapturous applause, he nodded to the hosts and stepped forward, waving about a golden envelope. He lifted up his arm to calm the crowd, and they quietened down. A sole female voice cried out "I WANT YOU, PETER MONTFORT!"
"Thank you Billie. Verka. Hello, Europe! Or should I say, Cepry Hej, Europe?"
"It's been a great pleasure to organise the results of the first Eurovoice of this Noviy God. What great entries we've had! Let's have a round of applause for all our entries!"
The audience obliged
"All eleven of you, no matter where you come tonight, even if your position in the standings is a real Tragedy, just Know The Sun Will Shine, and Scare Away The Dark. You're all Heroes this evening! But, of course, there's only one trophy here, and only one entry can Come And Get It. Everyone else will just have to Let It Go, even if it leaves them in Stitches. Will the next EV be a game of Saint Regina Whispers? Or will we be playing Ex's And Oh's back here in Halsberg in two months' time? Demet Akalin."
"So, without further ado, the winner of Eurovoice XXVII is..."
Montfort painstakingly opens the envelope
"With 82 points, Shawn Mendes - Stitches, from Aalen! Congratulations to Aalen, a first-time EV winner!"
"On the screen behind me and in your TV screens at home should be the full results."
"So, as ever, I'd like to finish by congratulating Shawn and all the other entries, and to thank them, and our wonderful hosts in Halsberg, and all the other broadcasters, and everyone who made this event possible. I wish you all a Happy Easter, and I hope to see you all again in Aalen in May! To sing us out with his winning song, Stitches, here's Shawn Mendes! Goodnight, Europe!"