Davishire- Secretary of State for the European Union
Friday 22nd July 2016 22:30DST Sandford
I would like to express extreme dissatisfaction towards the Eurovision final which was was filmed yesterday in Aachen. The outburts of violence from Inquistan, Fremetian and Duxburian attendees is unacceptable and has resulted in several Davishirians being injured. I am sure that many other European Union Citizens have also been injured and our thoughts are with them at this time. It is disgraceful that people should behave in such a way as a result of a music contest. Regardless of the result.
I am also appalled at the conduct which has been exhibited by the soon to be appointed Speaker of the European Council. His commentary was rude and unpleasant and I have no doubt that this contributed to the disgusting behaviour shown by attendees. Regardless of official apologies issued it is no longer suitable for him to hold office and as a result he should resign as soon as he is appointed, or refuse the appointment. The Government of the United Kingdom of Davishire does not see Mr Oliver as suitable for the role and we would, if we could, withdraw our vote for him.
The Department for Culture, Media and Sport is assessing whether or not it will be appropriate for Davishire to enter another Eurovoice contest.
I shall update the press more as necessary.