Saint Dominico Response Thread- Champion's League 2016
Aalen last edited by Aalen
Here is where the UEFA Social Media Team is comping all stories, posts, tweets, etc. about the new Champion's League Tournament. Feel free to add your story here!
Rosebourg last edited by Rosebourg
Arnou Royals outclassed by FC Mertz Saint Germain in opening UEFA match
Colosseum Stadium, Aalen (11th August 2016) - The Arnou Royals were outclassed last evening in its opening match against FC Mertz Saint Germain. The team's strikers were in poor form, with most shots on goal hitting the goalpost or being wildly off the mark. The end result is a 0-3 loss to the Miracans in what was a surprisingly poor debut to their hopes for a 9th UEFA title.
"I think you can tell the Royals were nervous last night, facing a veteran side joint-favourites in their group," sports commentator Jean Het Wood commented, "The Arnou Royals were playing in a new configuration with some of their youngest players in starting position. The match-fixing scandal continues to rock Rosebourg football and a number of Arnou's best are suspended awaiting the result of the investigation."
"Absolutely, Jean, but nonetheless, the Arnou Royals still have a good side and they should have done better last night," former football player Henri Davids added, "I think the Coach is going to have a lot of work to do with the team to bring back their confidence, and particularly to bring back the attacking football that has always been the recipe to Arnou's success."
"I agree, and also the defence were somewhere else last night, conceding a penalty so early in the game, and then being unable to stop two counter-attacks. We know that defence is always a struggle on Rosebourg sides, but this was almost amateurish!"
"Yes, it's clear they have to do better than this if they want to get out of the Group stage."
BIG RON HAILS 'SOLID START' AS VILLA DEFEAT CHELSEA (SANDFORD)
ST DOMINICO ::: Asten Villa boss Ron Atkinson has praised his team's 'solid start' in the Champions League after the Angleteric title-holders opened their Champions League account with a 1-0 victory over Davishirian outfit Chelsea (Sandford) at Trinity Stadium, St Dominico.
Speaking at the post-match press conference, after striker Dalian Atkinson's 70th-minute winner propelled Villa to their first three points, Big Ron said that he believed the team had 'played well and made the fans proud'. 'It's definitely a solid start', said Atkinson, who added that 'Sandford were definitely a tough opponent and it's encouraging to get three points off them right at the start of this competition. It's crucial now that we keep up the momentum, keep holding possession, and keep getting the ball in the right areas'.
When asked if he was worried the players would get complacent, Atkinson said 'I think they know this match wasn't everything. We won, but we won by a goal to nil. We've still got Adelaide and Yellownak to go, and they're both very good teams who are here for a reason. They're not going to roll over for us. So tonight was encouraging, yes, but we've no reason to get ahead of ourselves. Our focus is still entirely on getting out of this group. It gives us the right amount of confidence going forward'.
Villa now lie second in Group C on goal difference, following Os Corelian side Yellownak Yellow Birds, who defeated Australian champions Adelaide United 3-0 earlier today. At the end of the group stage, the top two teams in the group will proceed to the quarter-finals.
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(In studio, theme plays)
RK: Hello, I'm Richard K, and I'm the NBC's chief sports commentator. I won the Male Heptathlon 2 years ago, and I'm still a fit and strong athlete. Now, onto the Association Football. "Icho-loss-en" is how this devastating defeat is being characterised here in Saint Regina. Many people, of course, didn't realise we had a team in this competition, so this defeat comes to little surprise to the apathetic population. We decided to go to Saint Regina and speak to some citizens about what they think about the defeat.
(scenes of Saint Regina)
RK: Hello Madam, what do you think about our team's Soccer defeat?
Woman: What's soccer?
RK: Association Football, Football?
Woman: We play that?
RK: Yes, our City's team is represented the whole Island.
Woman: Yeah, but are any of the guys fit?
RK: I guess?
RK: Well, that went differently than I expected, but let's talk to this gentleman. Excuse me, sir, you look like you enjoy Sportsball. What do you think about our Soccer team?
Man: Soccer is a load of bullshit, played by morons. I, an intellectual, would not swoop to such lows as to associate with such brain dead pigs. Now fuck off and don't film me.
RK: Clearly, the atmosphere here in Icholasen is enthusiastic, and everyone is excited for our team.
RK: We're back, and we've managed to find someone wearing our team's shirt!
Man: Hi! I love this shirt.
RK: Do you feel patriotic for our country and team?
Man: Nah not really. I don't like football. It's so boring. Faced with a choice between football for 90 minutes and getting stabbed for 90 minutes, I'd have to choose stabbing.
RK: Same, tbh.
(Back to the studio)
RK: Right, well now we have a special caller on the phone; Paloma Faith!
PF: Hello Danny.
RK: Hi, Paloma, what do you think about the Soccer results?
PF: I think they're a huge embarrassment, and there will be another bonfire in the desert of the Sahwari Union soon enough if they don't get it together.
RK: Okay, that's interesting. Would you be interested in taking control of a new Ministry, perhaps? A Ministry of International Events?
PF: That's completely on the table, and I would be down to do that, however, I just don't think anyone cares all that much about soccer, so I would consider it a demotion from my post as Minister of Eurovoice.
RK: Of course. Well, bye Paloma.
PF: Goodbye, Dick.
RK: Right, well that's all from Saint Regina today. Tune in again for more losses and devastating failures. Not that anyone actually cares.
City Saints Put Goats to Grass
SAINT DOMINICO - The City Saints made a strong impression on the opening day of the Champions League competition, storming to victory with 4 stellar goals against their friendly rivals, the Saint Regina Goats.
This outcome does not come as much of a surprise, as it has been no secret that the City Saints have been recently training in the Welsh countryside herding real life goats and sheep in preparation for this hotly contested match. "Yes, running and herding real goats did in fact greatly prepare us for success", commented centre-midfielder Simon Clover, who assisted Ty Clarke's 54th minute goal that opened the score 1-0. "Yeah, we knew we goat this one."
Following Clover's electric goal in the 54th minute, The City Saints then proceeded to score again at the 57th minute, the 69th minute and then again at the 81st minute. All of the latter goals were scored by team skipper and centre-back defender Phil Agrassi, who racked up a hat-trick. Agrassi, a defender, is usually characterized by his cautious game-play, but decided to push forward throughout the last third of the game, taking three shots on goal and scoring all three.
Reporter: Phil Agrassi - what a match! What does it mean to you lead your team to such a stellar victory on your first day?
Agrassi: I'm so proud of me lads! They're all top lads. Couldn't be happier.
Reporter: And a hat-trick? That's amazing. Not just for this match, but for your career. How often does a defender score a hat-trick?
Agrassi: Innit. It's great. I was playing football, and I had the football at my feet, so, I thought, how ace would it be, if I ran with the football all the way to the football posts, and kicked the football into the football posts. Then I did and then I scored.
Reporter: So what's next for you and the squad?
Agrassi: Maybe a cheeky Nando's. Just me and the boys. Maybe make some pulls.
Reporter: What do you have to say to the Goats following the match?
Agrassi: Nothin' but bants! Top bants. The Goats are like bruvs to me. Top respect.
Icholasen last edited by
RK: Hello, I'm Richard K, and I'm the NBC's chief sports commentator. It is apparent that Icholasen has won a game by 2 to nil? We are very shocked here in the studio, the national anthem is blasting here in Saint Regina. We now have a legit chance in the competition, and this is unprecedented. We spoke to some violent hooligans - football's biggest contributors - about what they made of the game.
(scene changes to a car park with several white vans)
RK: Hello Hooligans 1 and 2, what do you think about the result?
Hooligan 1: I think we totally showed them people what Icholasen can do.
Hooligan 2: Innit.
RK: What do you think about the previous score?
Hooligan 1: Well, after this we have the morale boost to beat those fuckers from Aalen.
Hooligan 2: Innit.
RK: Do you think Icholasen can make it out of the group?
Hooligan 1: I think we can, innit bruv.
Hooligan 2: Yes bruv, innit.
(back to studio)
RK: Well a very interesting day in sports today. Go sports.
Interview with Warriors Head Coach, Avery Lamark (OOC: First Match)
I'm Adam Lann for DTV, live with Head Coach Avery Lamark of the Blackstone Warriors, who fell 0-1 today to Bayern Munich FC in the opening match of the UEFA Champions League.
Lann: Coach, today was a tough one. Could you break down what went wrong on offense and defense?
Lamark: This was one of those games where you generate plenty of offense, you execute well, you get rebound chances, but the ball just doesn't end up in the back of the net. We had an excellent sequence early on when Chris Larson crossed it to Ian Brenner in front of the net, Brenner faked the shot, passed it left to Wes Emery, who tapped it back for Brenner to boot, but it hit the crossbar, and then he got his own rebound, and booted it again, only to have the Sitanovan keeper lay out and make a spectacular save. Likewise, right after the half when Larson angled off a great corner kick, Ives was there to lay in a header, but the keeper just got a piece of it. Brenner was there to boot in a second try, but a defender laid out and deflected it away. There was another quality chance late, when Larson received a loooooong pass from Wil Maarvin, and was on a breakaway, had the keeper beat, but his kick came off with too much of a hook and it broke wide at the last minute. There's really nothing you can do about these situations, plus Bayern Munich has a stellar keeper and a tough defense.
Lann: The Blackstone defense looked very solid most of the match, too.
Lamark: Yes, our defense held up well, and Andrew Kane made several terrific saves. I take full responsibility for the one that got through. Looking back at it, I should have kept Mark Levy on the backline rather than moving him forward. He is normally a brick wall and may have been uncomfortable playing further up than usual. Bayern Munich's strikers had so much trouble with him that I thought it might be ok to move him up and better support our midfield, but then they got around him and got a 2 on 1. You can't blame Levy or Kane for the Sitanovan goal, I fucked up in not understanding my players' limits.
Lann: What adjustments do you have planned for the next match?
Lamark: Well, I'm obviously going to keep Levy back in his usual deep position. I also want to experiment more with Larson's positioning. He's incredibly versatile, he could realistically be placed anywhere on our attack.
Lann: Who is Chris Larson? Many fans were surprised to see that name on the slate in place of Benjamin Rian.
Lamark: Rian's calf is still troubling him. It seemed fine during practice, but the pain flared up again. I didn't want to take any risks with his health and thus decided not to try and rush him back onto the field. So, I decided to start Larson, a very recent pick up. With our midfield struggling to step up and replace the gap that Rian left, we needed a dedicated striker, fast.
Lann: What made you settle upon signing Larson?
Lamark: Admittedly, it was a huge gamble. I needed a striker in a matter of days, and the only players who can turnaround that fast are ones who are sitting unclaimed in lower leagues. I liked him minutes into his tryout - the passion, the speed, the concentration, the selflessness he displayed was unreal. He is one of the best natural improvisers and playmakers I have seen in the past 30 years of coaching.
Lann: Are you concerned about his lack of experience on the international stage?
Lamark: He's never even played "_____stone" level football before, but I actually think that is an asset in this case. This guy displayed the kind of creative and selfless playmaking that you just don't see often under the scrutiny and pressure of the big leagues. He made football look...you know....fun. I stand by my choice and he'll be better-intregated into our attack in the next match."
Lann: How about Andrew Kane? How has this loss affected him, and will he be mentally prepared for a tough match against Marrakechia?
Lamark: Kane is fine. He's not the type to let one goal break his game. Kane thrives in high pressure situations and he's held us in during the most desperate of times. Even after allowing 3 goals in the Landry Cup Final, he did not give up, and we ultimately prevailed 4-3 over arch-rival Kendrevaria United. No matter what the outcome is, I can count on Kane to have his head in the next match.
Lann: Do you have any other thoughts about the team's status going into the next match?
Lamark: We are not going to get rattled or panic over a 1 goal loss. Tough breaks are tough breaks, sometimes they roll your way and other times not. We can't change the past, so there is no reason to dwell on it. Our fundamentals are good, our chemistry is good, we just need to close. The players know that we missed a lot of choice opportunities, they know what we need to work on. We're going to go out there and get it done.
Lann: Thanks for the insight! Coach Avery Lamark everyone! We wish you luck in the next match, go Warriors!
CITY SAINTS KILL THE KILLSTOCK
SAINT DOMINICO - The City Saints managed to pull off another great performance today, edgining out their opponents in a close 3-2 match. This victory puts the City Saints in pole position within their group with 6 points, and the best goal differential in the entire competition so far, with +5 in their favour.
The match was a close one, with the City Saints and Killstock both scoring in the first half (with #13 Hayden Parker scoring the Saint's opening goal), sending the two teams off the pitch in a half-time draw. Despite this, the City Saints managed to pull ahead in the second half, with team skipper Phil Agrassi scoring at the 49th minute and then again at the 60th minute. The defender once again found himself making stellar counter-attacks, obtaining the ball from the Killstock strikers in the defensive end and then running across the entire pitch, putting the ball into the opponent's net. Loud frustrations of "pass! pass!", could be heard from the pitch, but that didn't stop Agrassi, whose certainly became a one-man show, being able to play both denese and offense. With 5 goals alraedy on his lap within 2 games, this defender has made himself a scoring rockstar. The confident mood of the Inquistan team found itself dampered by the end of the match, when left-back Alec Whitaker fouled one of the Killstock strikers in extra time, earning the opponents a last-minute penalty kick, which they ultimately used to score their second and final goal.
Alec Whitaker is expected to be benched in teh next match, when the City Saints face against their sister team, the People's Sahara F.C.
Reporter: Phil Agrassi, it's great to see you in such form again today. How do you feel about your performance?
Agrassi: What can I say, bruv? I'm a bantersaurus. Another legit game for some legit lads.
Reporter: You now have 5 goals. That's unheard of for a defender in such a tournament. Can you describe your tactics on the pitch?
Agrassi: You see, I was on the football pitch, and then I saw a football player with a football, so I went and took the football from him using my feet, and then ran the football up the football pitch, and avoided the other football players. I then kicked the football into the football net, and I scored. That's usually my startegy. But sometimes I mix it up and add other football moves in there. Sometimes I run up the left side, other times the right, and sometimes I kick with my left foot and other times with my right. I've also hit it in with my head once.
Reporter: Wow, that's some deep insight right there. I'm sure the analysts will have a field day dissecting your intricate gameplay.
Agrassi: Innit mate, top gameplay for a top lad. Couldn't do it without my boys though.
Reporter: Excited for your next match?
Agrassi: Innit. I'm excited to pull some more goals like I pull birds at home. The next match will be well out of order. We're going to smash it. No doubt! This time we will play with more focus and consistency. We'll put in 110%.
"Hey Nick, whataya doing tonight?"
It was Jess. They were totally in the friendzone, but Jess was much better than the girl he was planning on calling.
"I'm going to the Watahing Hole with Matti, Kyle, and Chris to watch the football match against Mahhwhatavah, do you wannah come?"
"Sure, I'll be down in 10."
"Hurry up, we're gonna miss the staht! Oh, have you heard from Chris? I haven't been able to get in touch with him for days, kinda getting worried."
"Nope, I haven't heard a thing."
"It's so weird, anyway, cya theyah."
"Nick! Over here!"
He spotted his friends sitting at a table neah the bah. The place was absolutely packed tonight, mostly people he didn't recognize. Faiyah weathah football fans, most likely.
"NICK! How is the code going?"
"Not well at all! I pushed a commit that had a...bug...and now my shit is FUBAH. I'll need to roll it all back and staht ovah. There's no way that's happening tonight, though. How is the match going?" There were like 10 big screens, but he felt numb after all that work went down the drain. He could see the big fat "0-1", but didn't want to believe it.
"We're down 0-1."
"Yeah, it sucks. Kawkab de Marrakech scored a few minutes before you walked in."
"What the fuck, we're gonna get eliminated in two games. This is depressing, Imma get us a pitchah." Nick stormed off to the bah.
"Hey Jon, I need to get something to wash away all my problems tonight. It's been a pretty bad one." Being a regulah, he was on a first name basis with the bahtendah.
"I heayah yah, Nick. We're getting ah asses kicked by Mahh. Have a cold one, on the house."
"Thanks, man!" Nick hid a K:20 tip under the tab anyway.
"And heyah's something for ya friends, also on the house." It was a huge pitchah of Blackstone Summah Ale. Really good shit. Shahp, crisp, not too hoppy.
"Awesome." As Nick walked back, Jon took a peek under the tab. Nick was by fah one of his favorite regulahs.
"Hey, there's Jess! Ovah heyah! We have a pitchah!"
"I heard that we're down already, is that true?"
"Look at the big screen. The damn Mahhwahtevahs scoahed. It's 0-1 again."
"Shit. Well, I guess we still have beer."
"And the Landry Cup!"
"Cheers to choking!"
They clinked glasses.
Nick almost spit out his beeh. "OH COME ON, THAT'S NOT A FOUL! THAT REF IS FUCKIN BLIND!"
"That Marrakechian striker ran into Levy, and now he's selling it as a foul on himself. Bullshit!" Jess had been a Warriors fan the longest and knew all the players by sight. "Shit, it's gonna be a PK, look at where they are."
"COME ON KANE YOU GOT THIS BUDDY!"
"DON'T LET THAT DIRTY SAND SNAHG SCOAH!"
"OH MY GAW...SAVED! ANDREW KANE SAVED IT!"
"D-U-X! D-U-X! D-U-X! D-U-X! D-U-X!"
Hi fives went up all around the table, and to random people nearby.
"Hey guys, have any of you talked to Chris?"
Nobody had, but Kyle spoke up, "I heard he was going to try out for another team."
Matti looked frustrated. Her boyfriend wasn't having much success as a football player. "Again? He didn't even tell me! This is like his 5th try at the Silver League. If someone doesn't pick him up soon, no one ever will. He's good, like really good, but the scouts don't see it. They are blind as the refs in this match! I mean have you seen the kinds of passes he can make? He can pass just like that guy there."
She pointed at the TV as one of the Warriors made a weird, but amazing pass, opening up an opportunity for striker Ian Brenner to put it on goal. "SAVED!"
"SHIT!" Groans could be heard throughout the room. Any attack had everyone on their feet.
"Actually...he passes EXACTLY like that...who is that?" Matti squinted to try and make out the players.
"I don't know," replied Kyle. I was the first one here, but missed the lineup announcements. His last name is Larson, and he's wearing number 00...which is odd. You'd think a club like the Warriors would have enough money to give all their players proper kit."
The bartender Jon floated over, having taken an interest in their conversation. He addressed Matti directly,
"What is youah boyfriend's name?"
"Oh hey Jon, it's Chris Larson, you've seen him around here before. He was with us last week for Kyle's birthday."
"GET THE FUCK OUTTA HEYAH!" Jon swatted at the air and almost fell over. "Chris Lahson, and he plays football? Like serious football?"
"Well, he's been trying out for pro leagues, but hasn't been signed to a club yet. He's actually good, which is why it's so damn frustrating!"
"Sweathaht, you'd bettah take a closah look at that TV..." Jon turned up the volume to the max so they could hear the commentary above all the noise.
"LEVY CLEARS IT IN A LONG KICK, IT'S HANDLED BY MAARVIN, HE PASSES TO LARSON, CHRIS LARSON HAS THE BALL WITH BRENNER AND EMERY, THE WARRIORS ARE GOING ON THE ATTACK AGAIN!..."
The camera zoomed in and Matti could really see him now.
"WAIT WHAT!? OH...MY...GAWD!"
"LARSON WAITS, PIVOTS, FAKES, SENDS IT TO BRENNER, BRENNER TO EMERY TO LARSON TO BRENNER TO LARSON, HE SHOOTS!....DEFLECTED WITH ONE HAND! THE KEEPER BARELY GOT HIS HAND ON IT!"
"OHHHH MY GAAAAAWWWD!.......MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND IS IN THIS FUCKING MATCH!......HOLY LIR RIDING A VALKYRIE....!!!!"
A crowd had formed around their table.
Jess stared at the TV, dumbstruck. "But....how is that even possible?....what?"
"LOOK....THAT'S DEFINITELY HIM! THAT'S CHRIS! OH MY FUCK!" The more Matti continued to scream, the more people came over.
The owner of the bar was now on the floor, phone in hand, calling his own friends!
"Hey Jeff, you know that Larson kid in the match right now?...Yeah, he's a local, lives on 18th and 5th and -1st...YES that's the guy!...You know him too?...Crazy right?...See for yourself!...Better get down to the Watering Hole!"
"BRENNER TO LARSON, LARSON WAITS, WAITS, FAKES OUT A DEFENDER, STILL...WHAT IS HE WAITING FOR...PASSES IT TO BRENNER, LOOK AT THAT PASS! BRENNER SHOOTS! BUT IT'S WIDE OF THE NET..."
With time winding down in the match, the Watering Hole had become standing room only, with a large crowd outside as well. Word had spread like wildfire and half the neighborhood was gathered at the bar, swaying like a snake being charmed with every possession change and scoring chance.
There were only 5 minutes left, and Kahkab de Marrkech was still up 1.
"KANE THROWS IT OUT TO LEVY, WHO MOVES UP THE RIGHT WING, PASSES TO MAARVIN, BACK TO LEVY, BACK TO MAARVIN, THE WARRIORS ARE RUNNING OUT OF TIME, THEY NEED TO GET SOMETHING GOING IN A HURRY..."
Matti watched petrified like a statue, Jess clenched hands with two random strangers, Kyle bit his nails, Nick put down his 9th beer.
"10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...0....IT LOOKS LIKE THERE WILL BE 2 MINUTES OF STOPPAGE TIME, 2 MINUTES, THE WARRIORS CANNOT AFFORD A SECOND LOSS IN THEIR GROUP!"
Someone dropped a glass of beer and the sound was deafening.
KANE KICKS IT AWAY, HEADED BY LARSON, OH THAT WAS CLEVER! HE FAKED THE HEADER AND NUDGED IT OVER TWO DEFENDERS FOR EMERY! EMERY HAS THE BALL, PASSES IT TO BRENNER, BRENNER IS ON THE MOVE, THIS MAY BE THE LAST RUSH FOR THE WARRIORS..."
"SHIT SHIT SHIT....GO GO GO!" Nick's face had gone from red to white.
"BRENNER GETS PAST A DEFENDER AND SHOOTS!....SAVED! THE REBOUND COMES TO LARSON! HE SHOOTS! SAVED AGAIN! IT POPS OUT TO...EMERY LAID OUT TO KEEP IT IN THE BOX!...BRENNER...LARSON SHOOTS!....DEFLECTED OUT OF PLAY! OH MY GOODNESS, THESE ARE INTENSE FINAL SECONDS, IT WILL BE A BLACKSTONE CORNER, POSSIBLY THE LAST PLAY OF THE MATCH....BRENNER IS RUSHING OVER TO TAKE IT...KICK IS AWAY...IT'S A GOOD ONE!...BOPPED UP AGAIN...LARSON GOES UP AND THEN...LARSON...HE SCORES!....HE SCORES!....GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!....GOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!...CHRIS LARSON HAS TIED THE GAME!...OH MY!..."
"LAR-SON! LAR-SON! LAR-SON!
LAH-SON! LAH-SON! LAH-SON!
D-U-X! D-U-X! D-U-X! D-U-X! D-U-X!"
"AND NOW THE FINAL WHISTLE! BLACKSTONE STRIKER CHRIS LARSON HAS TIED THE GAME IN THE CLOSING SECONDS AND SAVED THE WARRIORS FROM EARLY ELIMINATION!"
As Blackstone players mobbed him on the field, people mobbed his friends group at the Watering Hole.
"LAR-SON! LAR-SON! LAR-SON! LAH-SON! LAH-SON! LAH-SON!
LAH-SON! LAH-SON! LAH-SON! LAR-SON! LAR-SON! LAR-SON!
D-U-X! D-U-X! D-U-X! D-U-X! D-U-X! D-U-X! D-U-X! D-U-X! D-U-X! D-U-X!"
Australia last edited by
Adelaide United Falls Short in Champions League
SAINT DOMINICO --- Adelaide United, Australia's representative in the Champions League, won their last game with a bang. Manager Exal Walker had this to say about the team's performance in the prestigious tournament:
"The lads did great. Europe is tough, and Australia is not known for having great international football teams. We're much better at rugby union, rugby sevens, and Aussie rules. So for Australia to even be competitive in its last match and win was a positive step for the development of Aussie football. Hopefully, next year, we'll have a shot at the A-League title and the Reds come back to the UEFA Champions League."
Indeed, the Reds gave it their all but it was very clear that in their first two round robin matches, they were overmatched by their group opponents. This last match was a good win in consolation against Asten Villa from Angleter. The Villa moves on to the knockout stages, and it was clear that Asten did not field their absolute best.
"It's possible that they weren't fielding their best team, but it's still a victory for the boys and for Australia. That's what's important here. As we pack up to leave Inquista and prepare for the next season, we are thrilled with the experience and it will make a big difference," said Walker.
The Reds, we hope, will continue to dominate A-League like they have in the last three years, and that they get another crack at Europe's best.
Sahara Left Deserted As City Saints Win
SAINT DOMINICO - The City Saints have clinched yet another victory, advancing undefeated through the group stage of the Champions League. The City Saints, which stand tall at 9 points, also tout the best goal differential in the competition with +6 in their favour. The City Saints have also racked up 9 goals in total, also the most in the competition, with #10 Phil Agrassi scoring 8 of them.
Phil Agrassi led his team to yet another impressive victory, with a 2-1 outcome over the People's Sahara. Agrassi scored two early goals, one in the 7th minute and the other at the 33rd. However, the defender-truned-scoring-machine was substituted at half-time, which was done in order to conserve his energy for the upcoming matches. Agrassi was replaced by Keith Nickleson, who played his centre-back position by the typical rule book, and thus did not take any shots on net. However, the City Saints did show some weakness at the end of the match, allowing in a header from a corner-kick at the 85th minute.
Reporter: Phil - another great match. How do you feel?
Agrassi: We smahed it again today. The result reflects our top banter.
Reporter: Are you happy with the final score? Considering how the People's Sahara was defeated pretty easily by the Saint Regina Goats and Killstock F.C, were you maybe hoping to have scored even more? It was a close outcome in the end.
Agrassi: No, we football'd the best we could. Me and the lads just wanted to give the top performance while playing football, so we football'd hard and made some top banter, and we smashed it.
Reporter: What was your focus for the game?
Agrassi: You know, I was just trying to run with the football up the football pitch, and tried to kick-in as many footballs inbetween the football posts as I could. I got pretty lucky and I managed to get two shots between football posts. I got both of them in. I usually do get it in.
Reporter: Woah, there.
Agrassi: When I aimed between football posts, I was really trying to aim where they would go in, which is usually not where the goalie is. Usually, I find that If you aim for the goalie, he will stop it, so I don't aim there.
Reporter: Interesting concept. So then, what was the strategy behind substituting you at half time?
Agrassi: After footballing so much, and being a total bantersaurus - scoring 8 goals in the competition so far - I really need a break to restore my top banter, so I needed to take a moment, have a cheeky Nandos', and focus on the upcoming matches.
Reporter: Well, we're certainly very excited for your upcoming games. Hopefully you will be able to pick yourself up from this one and have results like your first match.
Agrassi: Innit. We'll smash it, I promise. What up, lads!
Rosebourg last edited by Rosebourg
Arnou Royals fail to progress past the group stage amidst continuing match-fixing scandal at home
Stadium of the Mediterranean, Aalen (14th August 2016) -Despite a much improved showing in its game against Trondheim Kuste, the Arnou Royals failed to impress in a largely lackluster game against Lovtshen Tsetinye. The Royals, which were favoured to win, seem to still be reeling from the football scandal which has taken away some of its stronger veteran strikers. There are rumours that after this showing the Royals may be on the lookout for a new coach as the Royals were expected to go through at least to the quarter finals.
"It's dissappointing," Fer who captained the Royals team underlined following the team's draw against Lovtshen Tsetinye, "We should have won that game, but unfortunately the penalty that we deserved was denied to us.It's the tough rule of the game."
There was a lot of controversy over the referee's decision to refuse a penalty following a harsh sliding tackle along the penalty line which most commentators agreed should have been a penalty. The incident is the latest in a long series with recurring calls for the UEFA to allow teams to call for a camera replay to challenge contentious decisions similar to how it is done in tennis.
"I think their heads just weren't in it," a Arnou Royals fan commented on his way out of the Stadium of the Mediterranean, "We were fielding a team which was in an unusual setup due to the match-fixing. I think if we had our original team we could have won the tournament."
The match-fixing scandal is still under the investigation of the Association of Rosebourg Football should be completed in the next few months. A number of football stars, including some of the Royals' star strikers remain suspended until the outcome of the investigation and possible referal to the authorities for further prosecution.
Chelsea Moves on to Knockout Stages; Trounced by Blackstone Warriors
Despite a 1-4 trouncing, Chelsea F.C. (London) moved on to the UEFA Champions Cup knockout stages. The Blackstone Warriors from the Duxburian Union took advantage of a Chelsea team that did not start Willan, Oscar or Fabregas, three of its biggest stars and scoring contributors. In a move that stunned some back in London, new manager Antonio Conte did not start the full starting lineup, giving an opportunity to some of the substitutes. As a result, the Warriors capitalised on the uncharacteristic midfield errors and lack of aggression from Chelsea. Conte had this to say about the game:
"Well, it's very clear that the Duxburian side are a top class team, and they did what they had to do to qualify. The Duxburian Union is a powerful sporting nation with a rich tradition, even if it's not completely secure in football at this juncture. Duxburian teams have always been improving and their top league clearly has a lot of talent. As for us, it was a good opportunity for some of our younger players to get good experience and do some team building while resting some of the starters. They will be back on the field for our next match against Killstock F.C.
"We of course will have to concentrate and get our play together from this point on. There is no more guaranteed three matches for us. It's win or go home."
Conte has a lot to prove to the side, despite them winning a second consecutive FA Cup and Premier League title, a first for since the 1950's. Chelsea plays Aalenic team Killstock F.C. on Monday evening.
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What is Happening with the Bayern Munich?
The Bayern Munich for decades has been known as the best Sitanovan soccer team, and is the team with greatest number of titles in the Sitanovan Bundesliga. But, their development in this UEFA Champions League has left much to say. As we have seen they have only won one match against the Blackstone warriors and have lost two other matches against Chealse FC London and against the Kawkab Marrakech. Now, after seeing the probelm we must ask ourselvselves: is it the winning lineup used by Guardiola in his six years as coach no longer working? or maybe is it that the players are entrusred themselves a lot?. After seeing this, we went to the streets to ask the people what they think of the work the team has done in the Champions League and this were the Answers let´s see:
(Reporter= R, Interviewed=I)
R: Right now, we are with Mr. Hopkins, who is owner of a Pub here in the city of Bayern Munich and obviously a great fan of the Team. Mr. Hopkins do you think that the team hasn´t played in accordance with how they usually play?
I: Well first let me tell you that there is no greater fan of the Bayern Munich than me, but I personally think they should have played different.
R: In what way?
I: Let´s start with the Lineup used by Guardiola in the two past matches, In the defence he put Alaba and Boateng in the diffence, whereas he could have put Lahm and Rafhina who are more experienced players in that position.
R: Now, we have here Mrs. Brannon, who is a resident of 78 years old from Adele. Mrs.Brannon what do you think of the Job done by the Bayern Munich in the Champions League?
I: I personally think they are a bunch of losers
R: But, Mrs, they are the best soccer team in Sitanova
I:That´s B@#¨*, everyone knows that the best team here in Sitanova are the Adele Werder Bremen. Besides if they are so good as you say and if they are the #1 team of Sitanova, why is it that they didnt have won 2 of the three matches in the tournament
R: Now we have here Mr. Helmut Zagreb who is a former soccer player of the Sitanovan Soccer Federation. Mr. Zagreb what do you think is the main problem of Bayern Munich in the Champions League.
I: As a former soccer player, i have to tell you that these is a hard tournament, and that the other teams are very good and are difficult to win. I now pretty well, the Sitanovan Soccer League, the Bundesliga, I was a Player at the Saint Therese Borussia Dortmund and at the Bayern Munich .And let me tell you that there isn´t better coach than Pep Guardiola and better team than Bayern Munich,there are very good internationally recognized Players as Neuer and Muller or as Xavi Alonzo and Boateng. They are too far the best soccer team in Sitanova. But i think they have over-trusted themselves, because here they don´t have a real hard opponent as there is at the Champions League. What is lef to do and my suggestion to Guardiola is to fix all the broken wires and to give the best the team can offer in this tournament.
After this breef summary of the opinions gathered in the streets, we managed to have an exclusive with Pep Guardiola in regard of what has happened with the Team in the Champions League
P.G: Thank you for coming on such short notice. I would like to begin by recognizing that there have been many mistakes in the field, I we tried to work with a different alingment from the traditional t, which made it difficult to give our best performance, but I promise here to this means of communication that from now on we will give our best and we will arrange well in advance all problems.
MERTZ -- Mertz Saint-Germain F.C. (Mertz) has played an impressive game, sailing through to the UEFA Champions Cup knockout stages and besting their group. The team has an impressive string of victories thus far unfortunately they couldn't best the Angleteric team Asten Villa F.C which won the last match 1 - 0. Though we may have left the game we are extremely honoured to have made it this far and to have played this well. Miracan coach Emery Claude has congratulated the team for their efforts thus far and assures the people of Europe that we will be back stronger than ever.
Claude has made the following statement: "We wish to extend our congratulations to Asten Villa F.C. for their victory, it is truly well deserved. We are very excited and proud to have made it thus far and will continue to do what is necessary to come back stronger and better than ever before. Though we may be out of the champion's league, don't count count us out yet. Félicitations un autre temp pour Asten Villa F.C."
City Saints Unsheathe Warriors
SAINT DOMINICO - The City Saints remain undefeated as they progress to the semi-finals, after defeating the Blackstone Warriors in a narrow 1-0 victory. This match proved to be the most difficult one yet for the City Saints, who found themselves struggling to maintain possession and create opportunities against the fearsome Warriors. It was looking like there was going to be extra-time when suddenly Phil Agrassi, who has now been nicknamed 'the Great Bantersaurus', capitalized on a counter-attack in the 89th minute and scored a stunning goal, which passed in-between the Duxburian goalie's legs. This tremendous wizardry by the City Saints skipper has allowed the team to march on to the semi-finals, where they will once again face Killstock F.C.
Reporter: Phil, once again, you came through as the man of the match. You led your team to a victory today. Considering how close it was, do you feel a sense or relief, or a sense of pride?
Agrassi: Very proud and also very relieved. We came prepared with some top banter, and we smashed it.
Reporter: I must say, that has perhaps been your best goal and also your most important one so far in the competition.
Agrassi: It was a very cheeky shot. A beauty.
Reporter: Also, your 9th goal?
Agrassi: Who's counting? I stopped counting pulls since the last time I was at Beefa.
Reporter: You ought to play striker, you know.
Agrassi: Nah mate, I've been told I'm better at the back, as a bottom.
Reporter: Woah. Well, any final thought before the semi's?
Agrassi: Let's get in, lads!
City Saints Advance to the Finals
SAINT DOMINICO - The City Saints have advanced to the Champions League final after once again defeating Killstock FC 4-3 in extra time. As per usual, all goals came from Philip Agrassi, who scored the winning goal from behind the half-way line. The Saints will be playing Asten Villa in the finals.
Reporter: Another hat-trick! What a crazy game.You're the man.
Agrassi: What can I say? I am a ledge.
Reporter: You have led your team to the finals without losing a single game. Your side has played a spotless record.
Agrassi: A top record for a group of top lads.
Reporter: What would it mean to win a European championship?
Agrassi: It would mean a lot. I'm excited to get down. It'll be like a cheeky night at Beefa.
Reporter: We are right behind you all and wish you the best.
NATION AWAITS AS VILLA PREPARE FOR FINAL
Asten Villa fans, and many other Angleterics, up and down the country are clocking off early from work as time counts down towards this evening’s UEFA final between Villa and Inquistan outfit St Dominico City Saints.
Villa’s road to the final has predominantly comprised 1-0 victories, defeating Chelsea Sandford and Yellownak Yellow Birds by a single strike in the group stage, and knocking out Mertz St Germain by the same margin in the quarter finals. A 2-1 victory in a rematch with Chelsea Sandford in the semi finals fired the Villans into the grand finale, with a Luc Nilis brace vanquishing the Davishirian side. Villa have only lost a single match in the tournament, a surprise 1-0 defeat in the group stage to Australian side Adelaide United, a result which manager Ron Atkinson called ‘disappointing’ and ‘a wake-up call’. Considering the Villa’s strong performances since, the wake-up call has clearly worked.
At a press conference earlier today, Atkinson was keen to paint St Dominico as the favourites, citing their home advantage and their strong performances thus far in the tournament. ‘Obviously we’re up against the home side, so to speak, and they’ve won every match so far, and they’re very high scorers too. So we’re certainly not going into this expecting an easy match.’ When asked if he thought Villa were the underdog, Atkinson responded that ‘of course we’re not the favourites; but I wouldn’t go that far. Just because St Dominico have won every match so far doesn’t make them unbeatable. Killstock took them to a draw in 90 minutes in their semi, and I think we’re capable of going one better. All the lads know this won’t be a cakewalk, but they’re all hungry to win and deliver for the fans.’
Sam Courtenay, the Prime Minister, and a fan of Fishborough Athletic, has wished the Villa team ‘the best of luck in the final’ in a Tweet, adding that ‘the whole nation is behind’ the Villans. Prominent Villa fans, including former Prime Ministers Navdeep Khatkar and Monty Catt, and Mayor of New Birmingham Apache Indian, have also wished the team well in a video message; while bizarre granny-and-grandson singing duo The Octave Twinkling Twosome have released a hastily-recorded song celebrating the club reaching the final.
Starting XI: Spink; Staunton, Mellberg, McGrath, Evans; Ginola, Taylor, Petrov ©, Grealish; Saunders, Nilis.