The Asonon Times.



  • THE ASONON TIMES.

    TERRORIST GROUP ELIMANTED!
    Reporter Susan Watson.

    _Today at 4:02am, The Asonon Marines launched an assault against the headquarters of the Islamic terrorist group 'The Truth', who have been at war with Asonon since 1990. The headquarters was a collection of warehouses in Iraq, and about 1,000 Asonon Marines assaulted it. 'The Truth' were making their last stand against Asonon forces, with even it's computer hackers forced to put an gun in their hand and fight an already lost battle.
    'The Truth' had captured four Asonon soldiers, Captain Susan Cooper, daughter of President Sarah Cooper, Private Alex Johnson, Private Tom Brady and Private George Johnston. They are all currently at an state-of-the-art military hospital, where their wounds are being treated. During the assault, 'The Truth' were tragicly stationed east, when the Asonon assault would be coming from the West. It is very unclear why this was, and the captured soldiers are all in no fit position to comment, staff told us. The Marines surged through to 'The Truth' forces, and attacked them. Before 'The Truth' had time to respond, the Marines already had most of them wounded. The remains of 'The Truth' fled, but were taken down by Marine snipers and Cobra helicopters. Whenever the bodies were checked, the leader, Mohhamed Abkhalin, was wounded. He was interrigated by trained Marine interrigators, who discovered that 'The Truth are dead.' He did not say anything else, minus gibberish.
    The has led to all Asonon armed forces withdrawing from Iraq and safely back home, where there relatives will be glad to see them home. But let's also spare a thought for those who did not make it back, those who put down their bodies for the lives of their friends, those who bravery are undescrible, and those who are at peace now. _



  • THE ASONON TIMES

    ABORTION LEGALISED
    Reporter Robert Jackson.

    _Abortion has been the topic long on the average Asenen's list. 'Yes or no?' was regualerly asked, but now the Asonon Democrats has legalised abortion, after countless votes and debates. There have been riots, protests even imprisonments, but now this debate looks sorted.
    "This is is what woman in Asonon deserve," spoke Asonon Woman Rights Leader, Gloria Clarke. "We have campagined long for The Asonon Government to legalise abortion, and now we have got it in for rape vctims and woman who are not ready for motherhood."
    However, the maximum abortions allowed is four per woman, as to avoid 'woman going wild', says Interior Affairs minister, Lauren Patterson.
    "We cannot have young woman constantly going partying, losing their virginity again and getting another abortion, as it doesn't teach values." said Patterson.
    The Woman Rights Activists agree with her in the full.
    It all started back in 1997, with news that woman from Asonon were going abroad to get abortions. The activists started staging protests, and extremeists even riots. In 2006 when Sarah Cooper got into the President's Office, she instantly demanded that abortion is legalised. Several male colleuges disagreed with her, claiming it was destroying a life. She responded with 'If it isn't legalised, then young woman's lives are ruined forever.' It took many votes and debates, but now abortion is legalised.
    This brings and end to this saga of abortion, and now we can focus on other matters.
    _



  • THE ASONON TIMES

    NUCLEAR CRISIS AVOIDED
    By Reporter John Peterson.

    _The Department of Defence has issued a statement that a nuclear crisis was avoided last night.
    In their statement, they spoke of a new group of terrorists, wishing to destroy Asonon. They got hold of three nuclear weapons and were pointing them towards Redon, to be fired at 3:08am. They had the nuclear weapons ready at 1:08am. Luckily, ARSAS intelligance discovered this, and sent Alpha One to deal with the situation. The nuclear launch pad was located in Argentina. This raises a question about possible South American terrorists wanting to attack Asonon. Alpha One descended into the area, and elimanted the terrorists quickly. The nuclear weapons have been taken back to Asonon, who will surrender them to the EU tomorrow.
    When we interviewed Captain Peter Johnson, captain of Alpha One, he saiid;
    "I think they're called the G.V.D. Seriously, I'm getting sick of these terrorists."
    The Department of Intelligance will start studying the 'G.V.D' tomorrow. It has been hinted by the Headquarters of Intel1 that we may send the troops back into to deal with the 'G.V.D'. If all goes the way The True went, a video on YouTube will probably appear soon., declaring war on Asonon. Intel1 has also hinted they may request assisstance from the EU to destroy the 'G.V.D'. It appears as if smoke is hiding our vision, but I suspect not for long. _



  • The Asonon Times

    TERRORISTS ELIMANTED IN SOUTH
    Reporter Susan Watson.

    _Terrorists dropped into the small town of Bluerove last night, armed with AK-47s, RPGS and Cobra helicopters. They terrorised the residents of the town, blowing up innocent citizens. They arrived under cover of darkness at 4:19am last night, and instantly started shooting at anything which moved. They destroyed the town completlely, before Asonon Marine Infantry stepped in and stopped the terrorists. The estimates are 4,000 dead and 6,000 wounded. The populaition of the town is 10,000.
    Tomorrow a minute's of silence will be held, to remember the lost.
    "This is disgusting, beyond imagination. They stormed into a town and killed them. It's depressing.' said President Sarah Cooper.
    It is thought the terrorists are members of a new terrorist group Baseplate, who seek to destroy Asonon. This put further pressure on our small military, as both of these groups are quite large. The G.V.D issued a statment on YouTube, the only way these terrorists seem able to commuincate, that this was 'glorious' and they will 'ally' with the Baseplate soon.
    The Department of Defence has put the nation on high alert, thanks to these attacks. It is hinted this is just 'the beginning' by Intel1. Tanks are starting to patrol the border, and troops are on high alert for attacks. The Asonon Marines have been split into halves; One in South America, one in the South Pole, the suspected location of Baseplate. Only the Marines are attacking, everybody else is defending. I hope this conflict is resovled as soon as possible, and I suspect the Department of Defence will request help from the wider EU community. _



  • THE ASONON TIMES

    NUCLEAR WEAPONS DEVELOPMENT PROGRAMME BEGINS.
    Reporter William Ryan.

    _Asonon began it's nuclear programme today, as a response to terrorist acts in Bluerove, South America and the South Pole.
    "We believe that if our main enemies have nuclear weapons, we should have them to protect ourselves. After we develop these weapons, the G.V.D and Baseplate might stop attacking Asonon." said Commander of Asonon Armed Forces, Jeremy Taylor.
    The Asonon Marines are currently split in half, one half in South America, one half in the South Pole. Any other Armed Forces are stationed in Asonon, as the country is put on high alert.
    "In these dark times, we have to protect ourselves. Our small military will not hold off terrorist groups forever." said President Sarah Cooper on the development programme.
    The programme is expected to end between October-November, as it started today. Stadt Luxembourg, a fellow EU nation, condemned these acts angrily, Minister of Foreign Affairs Andrew Hastings told us.
    "The nation of Stadt Luxembourg condemned the nuclear weapons development programme angrily, and pulled out all diplomatic staff and are considering further action." said Hastings.
    Hastings alsop said he was 'saddened' by the pull out of Stadt Luxembourg diplomatic staff, but the programme will continue 'no doubt'.
    Reports of civil unrest in the south have been sent to us from an unknown source. He/She claims that men with balclavas are terrorising the south and advancing towards the capital slowly. No statement has been issued by the Asonon Armed Forces, but in the report there are tanks, RPGS, AK-47s all there. _
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