The Government of the Federal Republic of Austria

Federal President: Alexander van der Bellen
Federal Chancellor: Pamela Rendi-Wagner.

(in progress)

FROM THE FEDERAL PRESIDENT

On the Situation in Eastern Haane

The Government of the Federal Republic of Austria has requested that I make the following statement.

We are faced with an overwhelming amount of evidence pointing to the collapse of the legitimate central state in Eastern Haane; to the terrible crimes that have taken place in its absence.

In this crisis, Austria will maintain its long-held neutrality. However, it cannot afford to ignore the suffering of the Haanean people, nor the danger of the country. On behalf of the Austrian nation, in the interests of its general welfare, I decree the following:

All travel to and from the area defined as Eastern Haane will be banned until further notice, save for the repatriation of citizens.
Citizens of any state claiming control over the area defined as Eastern Haane may apply for asylum at any location declared to be open for such purposes, as according to the processes set out in the Asylum Regulation Act of 2013.
Citizens of Austria within the area defined as Eastern Haane will be repatriated by Sep. 19. Those currently within the country are advised to act as according to the situation, and to carefully read through the Government's recommendations on conduct in war zones.
a) At this time, we are not advising citizens to stay in place due to a number of reports of terrorism on residential buildings.
All economic assets of any state claiming to hold sovereignty over all or part of the area recognized as Eastern Haane are frozen in the Federal Republic of Austria until further notice.
All vehicles registered to entities in Eastern Haane are hereby banned from traveling to, from, or within Austria. Any vehicles of this type currently within the Federal Republic must be announced to local authorities. Failure to comply may result in seizure or impoundment.
Nonessential trade with Eastern Haane is hereby suspended.

Alexander van der Bellen
Federal President of the Federal Republic of Austria

Countersigned, on the behalf of the Government of the Federal Republic of Austria

Pamela Rendi-Wagner
Federal Chancellor of the Federal Republic of Austria

FROM THE FEDERAL CHANCELLOR

On the Basic Income Act

The Federal Chancellery has recognized the folly of its actions in the writing of this act. The Austrian nation cannot afford such centralization, for it is a delicate thing, one that exists in a precarious balance between its many constituent organs; and one that is stable because of this balance.

The preservation of the nation must be above all. The Chancellery had initially believed that this act would allow for this; but now it has seen that this is entirely untrue; that it instead would lead to the death of our beloved Austria.

Our nation must endure forever. We are thus proposing a set of guidelines for the writing of legislation, guidelines that will protect the rights of its constituent organs and people.

Österreich über alles, Austria above all.

On the behalf of the Federal Chancellery of the Federal Republic of Austria,
Pamela Rendi-Wagner
Federal Chancellor of the Federal Republic of Austria

Countersigned, on the behalf of the Austrian nation
Alexander van der Bellen
Federal President of the Federal Republic of Austria

FROM THE NATIONAL COUNCIL

On the Presidential Elections

Presidential elections are scheduled for this year, with the termination of Federal President Alexander van der Bellen's six-year term on the 2nd of December. Per the constitution, we must nominate 3 candidates. The nomination process concluded this morning; we are thus bound to release the names of the candidates, listed below:

Alexander van der Bellen
Sebastian Kurz
Norbert Hofer

Elections shall be held on the third of November.

FROM THE FEDERAL PRESIDENT
On the so-called "Icholasen"*

On the advice of the Federal Government, the Federal Republic of Austria has decreed that no such state, people, or region named "Icholasen" or "Nicoleizian," or claiming sovereignty over such imaginary regions, states, or people exists. Those who call themselves "Nicoleizian," in their denial of reality, shall hereby not be allowed to fall into such flights of fantasy but instead shall be considered as stateless individuals without a birthplace by the government of the Federal Republic of Austria.

In representation in the European Council, which has also fallen into this dangerous delusion, our Councillor has been instructed not to give in, and instead hold steadfast to the reality that this imaginary country is nonexistent.

As for the "Condemnation of the Coup in Icholasen," which has no reason to exist and is the product of deranged minds, our Councillor shall make every attempt to repeal, for this dangerous mental illness must be stopped as soon as possible.

In addition, I, on the advice of the Federal Government, have presented a bill to the Federal Cultural Council that will prohibit newspapers and other publications in the country from mentioning this so called "Icholasen," any derivatives, or any of the falsified events that have been reported by the most deranged that have been said to occur in the "country," as news. Any publications regarding it must clearly be marked either as fiction or satire, multiple times throughout the article. They must also not be placed in the section of a publication regarding news; they must be placed in those sections regarding either fiction or satire.

Alexander van der Bellen
Federal President of the Federal Republic of Austria

COUNTERSIGNED

Pamela Rendi-Wagner
Federal Chancellor of the Federal Republic of Austria

FROM THE ACTING FEDERAL PRESIDENT AND CHANCELLOR
On the former Federal President, Icholasen, and Refugees

The Federal President is now recovering from his insanity in a facility. We dearly hope that he will be able to return to his duties soon.

As for Icholasen, we will maintain the policy passed by van der Bellen. While it may seem insane, it remains the most prudent course of action in a situation involving a state both rogue and nuclear as well as an undemocratic protectorate.

Finally, we cannot continue to accept refugees in such a way. While none in the country will be deported, the Federal Government has submitted a bill to the Federal Cultural Council that will reduce the number that will be allowed in the country, from a current quota of 200,000 a year to 10,000.

Pamela Rendi-Wagner
Acting Federal President of the Federal Republic of Austria

Sebastian Kurz
Acting Federal Chancellor of the Federal Republic of Austria

FROM THE CONSTITUTIONAL COURT OF THE FEDERAL REPUBLIC
On the "Electorate" and the so-called "Icholasen"

The Constitutional Court, upon review of the Constitution, has concluded that the "electorate" of Austria refers to the total territory of Austria. As according to the Austrian constitution, "electorates" are equivalent to geographical constituencies, with representatives understood as being "electors" ruling over them. The President, defined as the highest "elector" as a result of archaic clauses in the constitution, thus has an electorate equivalent to the whole territory of Austria.

In addition, we have also concluded that trade with the so-called "Icholasen" is entirely legal, as there is nothing in the Austrian constitution or legal code that prevents individuals from interacting with non-existent entities and individuals, as "Icholasen" is, as according to the order of the Federal President and Federal Governmen. As before, further information can be found in the relevant sources, currently located in the Austrian National Library.

FROM THE COURT OF APPEAL OF THE STATE OF VIENNA
On Anja Mauer

The Appeals Court of the State of Vienna has, upon review, upheld the findings and decisions of the General Court of the State on the guilt of Anja Mauer in the destruction of the Meidling Orphanage and the subsequent deaths of 12.

She is, as such, in accordance with said decisions, to be released by the state and given to the care of the people of Austria as a whole.

FROM THE CONSTITUTIONAL COURT OF THE FEDERAL REPUBLIC
On the Current Constitution

Prompted by the Federal President in response to the recent unrest, upon review of the constitutional law of 1962, in force after the 1996 overthrow of the illegitimate fascist government, the Constitutional Court has found that the Constitutional Convention of the year 1997 was not held or even ordered according to legal process. As such, it, as well as the constitution that it placed into force and which de jure remains in force, is illegitimate.

The constitutional law of 1962, as such, remains entirely in force.

FROM THE GENERAL COURT OF THE AUSTRIAN STATE
On the attempt made by the Government to send 1 (one) fork to the island of Icholasen

The policy made by the illegitimate Federal Republic and its Government no longer exists; as such, we may comment on this situation.

On 16 December 2020, the Government of the Austrian State unilaterally decided to send a single fork to the island of Icholasen, with the express purpose of it being used in or as a weapon, intended for use within the military of the Union of Nicoleizian Socialist Republics. Within the package in which the fork was contained, there existed a note, which asked for, in return for the fork, a replacement.

Fortunately, the fork was intercepted within five minutes of its mailing by a clerk who recognized the illegality of the Government's action. It was reported to the Vienna State Police.

The Government will face no repercussions for this action; given the current instability within the State, removal and replacement would be at this time unwise. However, as this pertains to European law, this must be taken to the European Court of Justice.

From the Government of the Austrian State
On the events in Czech Slavia

The Government of the Austrian State officially condemns the ongoing seizure of power by the Socialist Republican Party in Czech Slavia.

It thus, with the express permission and approval of the President, decrees the following:

Citizens of Austria within the territory of Czech Slavia are advised to return as soon as possible.
Citizens of Czech Slavia may apply for asylum at any location declared to be open for such purposes, as according to the processes set out in the Asylum Regulation Act of 1965.
Nonessential trade with Czech Slavia is hereby suspended
All economic assents of the Democratic Republic of Czech Slavia and its derivatives or of bodies registered or belonging to the Democratic Republic of Czech Slavia are frozen in the territory of the Austrian State.
All border controls with Czech Slavia are hereby removed.
Border control agents currently at the border are ordered to remain in their positions. They are asked to aid Czech citizens in any and all ways possible to flee the territory controlled by the Democratic Republic of Czech Slavia.

Brigitte Bierlein
Chancellor of the Austrian State

COUNTERSIGNED

Wolfgang Katzian
President of the Austrian State