PRAVOSLAVIYA REJOICES AT ECOJ VERDICT 14.04.2017 ::: EUROPOLIS, EUROPOLIS ::: Pravoslaviyans have been celebrating in the streets after the European Court of Justice ruled in the government’s favour over the torpedoing of a migrant boat in December. The country of Gallambria petitioned the ECoJ against Pravoslaviya in January, alleging that Metodi Pravoslav’s government had broken various clauses of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights by torpedoing the boat. The government argued forcefully that it had acted entirely within the confines of the Constitution. With just hours before the end of the Court’s term, an event which would have led the case to expire with no verdict, the Court ruled by 2-1 that the government was not guilty of all charges, on the grounds that the Kaasian migrants were not EU citizens and therefore not protected by the UDoHR. The Court made no statement on whether the actions would have contravened the UDoHR if the Kaasians had been considered EU citizens. Chief Justice Kelander and Justice Dance formed the majority, while Sitanova’s Justice Valera dissented. Gallambria had requested that extremely punitive measures be placed on Pravoslaviya had it been found guilty, demanding that Pravoslaviya be temporarily expelled from the EU until it had started taking in ‘legitimate refugees and asylum seekers’. Gallambria also demanded that Pravoslaviya’s navy be penned into its territorial waters by a Gallambrian-led force, that Pravoslaviya pay ‘reparations’ to the families of the deceased migrants, and that EU nations be free to impose punitive sanctions on Pravoslaviya. The government was jubilant at the verdict, calling the result “a glorious victory for truth and law.” Metodi Pravoslav told the Chamber of Deputies that “the European Court saw that Pravoslaviya is a good EU member, reiterated that the Constitution does not mandate national suicide, and delivered us from vassalisation by Gallambria and its fellow travellers.” Nothing could compare, however, to the joy of the Pravoslaviyan people. Hundreds of thousands of citizens enjoyed impromptu parties in the streets of most major town centres. Gallambrian, Sitanovan, and Kaasian flags were burned throughout the country. At one party in Tsetinye, LPK leader Dragan Trympov gave an energetic address, calling the verdict a vindication of the government’s unashamedly patriotic approach: “Pravoslaviya stood tall and it won. You don’t win, folks, by getting on your knees and apologising, going ‘AAAAH, I’M SORRY, I’M SORRY, I’M TRYING TO REMOVE IT!’ Retard Apostol did that for 15 years and we lost, and we lost, and we lost. Well now we won, because we stood up for the truth, right?” “I mean, there was only one judge against us, and that was the guy from Sitanova. I mean, come on. Why is Sitanova allowed to have judges? They should be banned for obvious bias against Pravoslaviya! That whole country is a national suicide country, and they want to force us to have national suicide too. They shouldn’t be allowed to have judges. So the system’s rigged, but we won anyway.” “And then all those people who said this was a bad idea. Where are they now? When Trympov said torpedo the migrants, they were all like ‘AAAAH, UNCONSTITUTIONAL!!! UNCONSTITUTIONAL!!! YOU’LL GET ECOJED!!!’ And boy have they been proven wraung, huh? How wraung were they? So wraung, folks! They should all be coming here on their knees and saying Trympov was right!” “So there we go. And just picture the faces of all those losers who doubted us. Who wanted Pravoslaviya to fall. That Sitanovan judge. Everyone in Derecta, Sitanova, Gallambria – you know the countries. Hillary Clinton, who’s just had the smile wiped off her face even though she rigged that presidential election – some really bad stuff going on there, so bad – and of course Retard Apostol. All the Pomaks and Turks. Fake Taylor and Plastic Surgery Woman – they’re crying so many tears but they can’t physically cry any more because of all the plastic surgery so their eyes are going to explode! Wouldn’t that be beautiful.” “Anyway, all these haters and all these losers, they’re going to read that verdict and they’ll know what losers they are. Because Pravoslaviya is winning, folks. Trympov is winning. Metodi is winning. We’re all winners, because Pravoslaviya is a country of really smart people. I went to the Tsetinye Business School and came 8th in my class out of, like, 250. That’s really smart. So those losers who say Trympov is stupid, Trympov will ruin the country, well they’re not smiling today. But we’re all smiling! Smile! We’ve won! No vassalisation! Thank you!” A number of SDP and Pomak politicians staged protests against the decision in Tsetinye, alleging that “Kaasians have rights,” and arguing that had the Kaasians been accepted as EU citizens, the government would have lost the case. Trympov publicly called the protestors out as “agitators” from the stage and encouraged the crowd to “deal with them.” Violent scuffles ensued, resulting in 24 of the left-wing protestors being arrested. They all remain in prison overnight, with 17 reportedly being kept in the hospital wing.
Recent spike in robberies:The capital city is reeling after what appears to be a set of connected robberies. Many similar signs have appeared at the crime scenes, which has lead police to request federal assistance in dealing with the so-called "mob".
Communist Protests in Palermo; Mass Unrest Accross Potenza ProvincePALERMO- Members of the Fremetian Communist Party and others joined in protests against the Fremetian government today in the Potenza capital of Palermo. The chanted slogans calling for the arrest of Fremetian top officials and the dissolution of Fremet's free-market economy."Potenza has always been a hotbed for unrest and communist sympathies. The local economy is highly reliant on oil production and farming, and has never truly developed for the modern age. These protests are as a result of our trying to introduce new stimulus into local service and non-production jobs. I suspect these protests will die down pretty quickly..." says Potan Ostman, Mayor of Palermo.Jeremy Corbychov, head of the Fremetian Communist Party disagrees, "This is our moment-- our moment to rise above the filthy laissez-faire capitalists in our government, a moment to cast aside our ancient monarchy and look forward to a new future, a red future where all men and women contribute to their ability and receive to their needs. WE SHALL PREVAIL!"
On The Other Hand... Figures Suggest Football Will Overtake Football within 10 yearsOPINION polls and television ratings are suggesting that Football (handegg? no? Ok?) could overtake Association Football as the most popular sport in Davishire within 10-15 years according to researchers. The research, conducted for the Department for Culture, Media and Sport shows us that viewing figures for "Handegg" football have increased 10 fold over the last decade with Association Football seeing it's Television viewing figures have dropped by 20% over the same period. It has also been suggested that more people are also playing Handegg Football, with an increase of 40% for those aged under 18 and an increase of 10% for those above 18 meaning there are now up to 500,000 players of all ages throughout the nation this is compared to the 2 million people who regularly play association football. Now it mustn't be thought that Association Football has an easy time of it, with a reported reduction in terms of the number of regular players being at least 500,000 within the past decade. The Department for Culture, Media and Sport issued a statement today "We are pleased to see a growth in what is commonly referred to as 'handegg football', it shows a growth in terms of people getting active and indeed it is something that we would like to see for all sports". The Independence for Buckinghamshire party, a minor opposition party said that it "is a disgrace that foreign sporting muck is becoming popular within this country, it just proves that Buckinghamshire should be free from both Davishirian and European Control" The Opposition, the Liberal Party, did not issue a comment.
EuroVoice to be Hosted in Sitanova this Month!!SAINT PETER AND SAINT PAUL CITY- EuroVoice is the biggets and greatest singing contest of Europe. Being hosted by one nation during a certain time, this singing contest beats up all the region with Europe´s best musical talents and Sitanova is not far behing. After participating twice in this great Muscial Contest, we proudly won in the last Edition Hosted in Miraco, where our flagship Band Foster the People, was left in 1st place with their Hit: "Houdini". This year, is Sitanova´s time to host so prestigious contets, from which the national government have put in contant with the organizers of Eurovoice. A Logo, which can be seen upside the page,has been selected by a popular contest, from which 10 of the best graphicall designers of the country participated. The Creator is Luis Pablo Mertz, son of Spanish Sitanovan Inmigrants, lives in Port Spain, and has been in charge of taking very important pieces of art such as the great Porcelain Wall in Port´s Spain Downtown. Just like the logo of this EuroVoice edition, the location also passed thought a contest in internet, which take into consideration the opinion of hundreds of european citizens and from which our beautiful capital, Saint Peter and Saint Paul was selected to host this event, specifically in the Swiss Tech Convention Center, located in the Von Plfiltzen district, which is the cultural zone of the city. Finally, the band that is going to proudly represent us in this edition of EuroVoice, has been already selected and will be presented the day the contest begins. As well, we are proudly to announce that our EuroChannel, will be the co-producer of this event along with the EuroVoice Authorities. Good Luck and Good Night. The Swiss Tech Convention Center
Premier Shinzo Abe Adresses Prime Minister Theresa MayThe Premier called the Prime Minister's remarks "an unfortunate stumbling block to stability in the European Union."BEIJING - Premier Shinzo Abe has lamented what he calls "an unfortunate stumbling block to stability in the European Union" while calling on Prime Minister Theresa May to "approach the gestures of the First Empire as a head-of-government, not as a politician seeking re-election. The facts are not on the Prime Minister's side," Mr. Abe said following a session of the Imperial Diet. "Furukawa has clarified its mutual understanding regarding its relations with all the nations present in the EU. Furukawa has long since the Second Great Patriotic War and reinstatement of the Imperial Throne in 1991, pursued peaceful relations with its global neighbors and while it may disagree with the domestic policies of other countries from time to time, such disagreements are not a prelude to Furukawan military action against the United Kingdom. Furthermore, the prospects of Furukawa taking any form of military action against the United Kingdom are even further diminished to the point where such notions border upon irrational fear mongering.""In the Joint Statement Empress Michiko stated in clear words that ' It is also our hopes that this understanding may extend to the United Kingdom, a nation with which the First Empire has no desire for hostilities nor any further discord.' The word of the Empress, and now the Premier, confirms that Furukawa has no desire of military confrontation with the United Kingdom, nor any desire to impart harm upon the People of the United Kingdom.""If so much time was not being consumed by this affair think of the progress which could be made," the Premier continued. "While the Prime Minister clings to a conflict of words and spectres of threats which do not exist, we have the continued commitment of the First Empire to its traditional policies in the EU: supporting her neighbors, supporting native-led initiatives and endeavouring for the expansion of peace and greater understanding in the region.""Furukawa has not pursued hostility with any EU state, the United Kingdom included," the Premier continued. "Furukawa has offered only a hand of friendship, one which has been swatted away by the Prime Minister. Despite this, Furukawa shall continue to work towards understanding and shall not fall into a trap of increasing escalation with the United Kingdom. Should we be engaged in friendship we shall respond in kind; and we shall never act in hostility towards the United Kingdom. Which is why the Empress has decided that a visit to Nr. 10 Downing Street might be in order and hopefully any misunderstanding will finally, once and for all, be cleared up!" The Forbidden City had no comment on the Premier's remarks at press time.