The Union of Nicoleizian Socialist Republics
Chairman of the Communist Party: Michul Jirluchuz ☭
Speaker of the Assembly of Workers: VACANT
Speaker of the Assembly of Nationalities: VACANT
EU Councillor: Poppy Carlton-Romanov (EPA)
Korojaunu in Exile: Eilidh Whiteford ☆
Monarch in Exile: Queen Anastasia II ♚
Posts made by Icholasen
RE: The Porte-parole of the UNSR
Statement on the Military Parade in Czech Slavia
The Nicoleizian Ministry of Foreign Affairs is proud and relieved that the military parade in Prague is to be held after all. This parade will strengthen the relationship we hold with Czech Slavia that is solidified in Socialism. It will also be an opportunity for the world to look on at the strength of the workers of Europe and the power that they collectively hold.
Together, comrades, we are strong. No reactionaries can get between us and the world revolution.
Nauriknayau kommunismau, glory to communism.
RE: Council for the Protection of the Revolution (IC Secret)
Bernie Sanders, Korojaunu and Foreign Minister, started the meeting. It would likely be brief, since the Korojaunu held a lot of power; the Assembly of Nationalities had given the Korojaunu a blank slate to deal with Foreign Policy on his own.
'Now, Comrades.' Sanders said with a worried tone. 'There is a bad situation happening in Czech Slahvia. Inquistahn Billionaihs are no doubt behind all this mess. Obviously, the parade there is going ahead, but I think we need to prepare our military heading out there for an... intervention of some kind. We absolutely cannot afford a Czech government collapse. It might be the end of us, too. They are our only voice in Europolis. There have been recent, very close votes, which would lead to our destruction if they pahssed. So, Comrades, I am proposing we send 80,000 troops to take part, including 2 tank regiments, and a squadron of each type of our planes only for the parade, returning immediately afterwards as they will not help us against these reactionary terrorists.'
Taylor Swift, recently back from a walk in the woods, agreed. 'Absolutely. We need to kill these terrorists like I'm currently killing the surprise album game.'
Kim Jo-Jung, the Majority Leader, said 'what if there is a man with shopping bags that bravely defies our tanks, and a western journalist captures this and this man becomes famous for defying the Czech regime, and this creates international outrage ?'
Sanders replied: 'we will deny that that happened, of course.'
'Ah, right, okay.' Kim Jo-Jung nodded in agreement.
"So, are we all agreed ?'
The entire council unanimously supported the contingent to go to Czech Slavia and participate in the parade, and then remain until the terrorist disturbances ceased.
RE: EUROPEAN NEURODIVERGENT AND DISABILITY RIGHTS ACT Version 2
On behalf of Free Icholasen, I vote FOR this Act, period.
Councillor Duchess Poppy Carlton-Romanov III Attorney at Law QC
RE: UNSR - Czech Slavia Military Parade in Prague
Communist Taylor Swift then went to the central offices of the Czech Communist Party in order to plan the parade. In the office Taylor saw what the Czech had already planned. 'No, no no. This isn't gay enough. Parades need to be very gay. Very. I want shirtless men standing on the tanks doing press-ups -- and flexing !'
A Czech minister said; 'but that's so bizarre - that would never happen.'
'Well sweaty,' Communist Taylor Swift said, 'it's what I want to happen. And Jirluchuz wants it to happen too so...'
There was a pause.
'Okay, and for the music I'm thinking the classics. Like some songs from my Album, Red. You know because it's like communist themed or whatever. I also have the Moranbong Band on speed-dial. I know those ladies would be more than happy to come over and perform in this little country of yours.'
There was another pause.
'Also my good friend Mireille Mathieu will of course be singing 'Quand fera-t-il jour camarade - the anthem of the UNSR. I don't know who will be singing the Czech Slavia anthem, but I hope they're good. Oh, and also, while I still remember, there's going to be a parade of sportsmen.... into my dressing room.' Communist Taylor Swift laughed at her joke, but there was no laughter from the Czechs. 'But anyway yes, there will be sportsmen and women and we want the iconic song Pochod Rudých Sportovců to be played if you can arrange that, gorg.' The 60 year old, weathered man did not flinch at being called 'gorg'.
Jirluchuz boarded a sightseeing bus which would take him around Prague. He saw that famous bridge, that famous window, and that famous.... arthouse film studio. Jirluchuz was pleased.
Bernie Sanders, Imelda Wuaulsh and Zamolodchikova went to the HQ to be briefed by security ministers. The UNSR would be keeping the military it was sending for the parade in Czech Slavia after it happened. He wanted to ensure that there had been enough care to ensure they would have logements and soldiers to train.
The Presidents of the AEN-led republics found a little BoHo bar downtown, with some far-out people, like Ondřej. Ondřej was around 29 and he enjoyed coming to this little bar, and smoking w**d in the basement. When he saw Elisabeth Avril and Anne-Marie David, he was instantly entranced.
'Ahoj, ladies.' He said, his dark blonde beard catching some of the light from the outside.
'Hey' they said at around the same time. Elisabeth Avril smelled the weed in the air, and asked 'hey, do you have a grinder we could use ?'
'Honey, I have much more than that.' Ondřej replied. He took the ladies down to the basement of this bar, where he presented them with bongs, grinders, and more types of weed than a Fremetian allotment. One of the bongs was Eilidh Whiteford shaped, and had been made most likely in her 2016 run for Commission. It was less than flattering, much to the approval of both the ladies...
Some time passed in this little boho basement, and the conversation moved over to the political situation.
'So, you're like, Presidents of some socialist republics. That's cool I guess.' Ondřej said.
'Yeah pretty umm... lowkey.' Elisabeth Avril said.
'Wild, man.' Ondřej said, taking a toke of marihaña from Eilidh Whiteford's ass.
'You know, sometimes, man' Anne-Marie David said, 'implementing Marx's ideas is a real drag.'
'Yeah....' Avril said, agreeing.
'Like, you try and give the workers the means of production... And they're like woah. And you're like woah. And then you just sort of vibe owning the means of production. But then, people are like.... The state should own the means of production - THE MAN should own the means of production and I'm like,' Anne-Marie David paused to also take a toke from the Eilidh Whiteford bong's ass, 'stop trying to take the means of production away, gorg.'
'Wow that's so profound.' Ondřej said, gesturing for Anne-Marie to pass him the Whiteford bong.
Forin, Devitov, and Jo-Jung attended meetings with low-level party officials to establish ties with their homologue party members.
RE: Quand fera-t-il jour, Camarade ?
People In The Know: 12
Korojaunu and Foreign Secretary Bernie Sanders had just returned from a productive meeting in Prague and was enjoying some sleep when Cécile Laucre called him at 5am in the morning.
‘Uhh, yes ? Who is this ?’
‘It’s me, Cécile. Jirluchuz won’t let me go public.’
‘He is the Chairman. He’s the reason we are in power now, listen to him and do not tell ANYONE else.’
‘Yes Bernie I do know that, but I’m allowed to disagree with him.'
‘Cécile, you have to get over his death at some point. I know that he was-‘
‘Don’t talk about him in the past tense.’
‘Cécile he is dead. You do need to accept that one day, bubulah.’
‘Why can’t I count on you, Bernie. After all our history ?’
‘Cécile. I want to go back to bed - I’m tired.’
‘Goddamnit.’ Cécile hung up.
People In The Know: 18
Joni Ernst, Cécile’s colleague in the Assembly of Nationalities, was walking along a corridor in the Socialist Congress building. She had just submitted the final reading of the Protection of the Revolution Agriculture Act (2020) which aimed to stockpile enough food for a potential EU blockade. This bill would soon be passed in both houses and be ratified by the executive. She was then sent a text by Cécile Laucre summoning her to her office. Ernst obliged immediately, virtually turning around on her feet.
‘Speaker Laucre, it’s a pleasure to be welcomed by you here.’
‘Joni. Please, sit down.' Cécile gestured to a very cushioned dark oak chair with green upholstery. 'I’ve often thought of you like a daughter.’
‘Cécile I’m too old to be your daughter ! Don’t be silly !' She laughed, Cécile did not.
‘I invited you here because I want to tell you something about Carole Baskin.’
‘Oh, what has she done now. Is she going to tank my bill ?’
‘No, she’s doing and has done something far worse.’
‘What ?’ Joni said, surprised. She had run her campaign saying she’d make the Cesae Vauvra elite squeal. However, it was well and truly her who was shookt.
‘Carole Baskin killed someone. And has not faced justice.’
‘Oh dear. When are we telling the press ?’
‘We can’t… yet. It’s not the right time. Jirluchuz will have my head on a spike if I do.’
‘Well then what’s the plan ?’
‘I’ve asked Sanders to support me but he just won’t. Jirluchuz wants to keep the nation together, but without Baskin we could unite the Communist Party and ban factionalism. We could rule… alone. With no obstruction.’
‘I’m not sure how we get rid of Baskin without pissing of Jirluchuz or starting a civil war.’
‘We can win a civil war.’
‘No we can’t. It will end the UNSR.’ Ernst said. ‘I’ve put a lot of work into saving our nation with my bill, a Civil War would destroy all of that.’
‘I suppose you’re right. We just have to wait it out.’ Cécile said.
‘Yes. Now, I really must go. You know I have your back Cécile, but be sensible.’
‘Of course Joni, of course.’
Cécile looked out of her office window over the Cesae Vauvra skyline. She thought to herself ‘one day this will be mine. I am sure of it.’
RE: Quand fera-t-il jour, Camarade ?
Hammer and Sickle
The Cradle of the Revolution, Lunonjrauk, Nuwnociluosoaulaunk
Chairman Jirluchuz was sat at his desk as Laucre and Baskin were sat in front of him. He was meant to mediate a dispute which had erupted between the two factions and which was threatening party unity. It was, indeed, a peculiar system of government. Of course in the original UNSR, Lunon banned factions within the party but Jirluchuz thought perhaps naïvely, that he could weather the storm of factionalism and a healthy debate could keep socialism alive in the UNSR.
Jirluchuz, as Head of State, was in charge of keeping the nation together he was in public seen as doing a good job. But in private, everyone who was anyone in the communist party knew that Laucre and Baskin loathed each other -- far beyond a normal political confrontation. These, the 2nd and 3rd most powerful people in the Communist Party of Icholasen, and thus, the nation.
Laucre before arriving was in Cesae Vauvra attending to matters of the Assembly of Nationalities, and planning for the 2021 elections to that body. Laucre was a strong, hardworking woman who did not take any BS. She would only sleep around 4 hours a night, work was far more important than ‘sleeping’. She was, at age 65, preoccupied about the length of her life. She realised she probably didn’t have time to be wasting it, asleep. Laucre took work wherever she went, knowing it was of national importance.
Baskin, on the other hand, was previously at her Zoo in Romain. She kept lions and tigers and other big cats who had been abandoned or whose habitat was being decimated in shores far away. Baskin was what some people consider to be ‘work-shy.’ It’s not that she wasn’t ambitious for her faction and herself, she definitely was. But she knew that she could coast along and fail upwards. She had a large team of helpers, who worked out her scheduling for everything, wrote speeches, filled out forms. This meeting with Jirluchuz had put a spanner in the works: she had planned to spend the entire weekend and Monday at her zoo, as was the custom for her.
The two arrived at the Nuwnociluosoaulaunk Governor Mansion, the place from which Jirluchuz orchestrated numerous foreign escapades as governor under the Whiteford/Romanov regime. They were moved to separate rooms, before they were both called in by the Chairman.
‘Now.’ The Chairman said. ‘What the fuck is going on ? I want to hear it directly from you.’
The two talked over each other, until Jirluchuz said ‘enough.’ They didn’t listen. He repeated himself again, and finally they yielded. ‘Baskin, your name is first in the alphabet. You go.’
‘Well.’ Baskin sighed, looked over with disdain at Laucre, and then resumed, ‘Cécile has been actively spreading lies about me among our colleagues. We all know she wants the AÉN wiped off the map. And the fact she vetoed me - the 3rd in line for the Korojaunu-ship from the Council for the Protection of the Revolution is just absurd. It’s just unfathomable.’
‘Laucre.’ Jirluchuz said levelly. He started to feel a bit dizzy.
‘Carole Baskin… Killed her husband, whacked him. Can’t convince me that it didn’t happen. Fed him to tigers - what’s happening.’
‘Would you care to elaborate ?’ Jirluchuz said.
‘This woman, is a murderer and should be, frankly, removed from office.’
‘There’s no proof of that !’ Said Carole.
‘Yeah, because you fed him to tigers.’
‘That’s not how tigers work.’ Carole said with great indignation.
‘Well I’ve heard conflicting stories.’
‘I think I know more about tigers than you, genius.’
‘Oh yeah, where did you go to tiger college ?’
‘I actually went for a more hands on approach-- but that’s besides the point. This slander against me must stop. I won’t stand for it !’ Baskin said, bemused.
‘Cécile.’ Jirluchuz said. ‘What would it take for you to be satisfied ?’
‘A full investigation, and also that cute Czech guy from Czech Hunters #113.’
‘We can arrange the second thing, but I think that the first one would be far too politically sensitive.’
‘Of course it would be — Carole KILLED someone.’ Laucre bellowed.
‘Well, as you know.’ Jirluchuz started.
‘I know very well.’ Laucre replied, cutting off the Head of State. ‘She has the leverage on us to stop this trial. Controlling the Assembly of Workers means she could pull the rug out under us. But, please, Chairman, if her fractured faction knew about this, they would withdraw support for her.’
‘You are forbidden from talking to the press about this. I will not stand for it. The Party comes before anything else for me -- and the nation is the party. We will not lose our revolution because of your petty squabbling.’
‘She KILLED someone. A friend of mine, too.’ Laucre said, passions running high.
‘I don’t care if she killed YOU. Party and national unity is far too important. Remember our national anthem, written with the hope of a revolution happening. Ours has happened - and I won’t let this ruin it. Have I made myself clear ?’
Baskin’s face was a broad, beaming smile, showing all her teeth. Laucre was incredibly salty and left immediately. Baskin stayed and thanked Jirluchuz profusely for what he had done, Jirluchuz sheepishly accepted the lashings of compliments he received. The two returned to what they were previously doing, and Jirluchuz was left in his office. He coughed into his hanky and looked into it. ‘Not again’ he thought. Spatters of blood dotted the hanky like homosexual bar patrons dotted around a discotheque dancing to Vogue by Madonna.
RE: UNSR - Czech Slavia Military Parade in Prague
The Nicoleizian People's State Aircraft took of from Cesae Vauvra flanked by two SU-54 fighter jets. Onboard was the Council for the Protection of the Revolution, Cécile Laucre remained in the UNSR to deal with matters relating to the legislature. Also onboard was the President of the Rujonau Socialist Republic, Élisabeth Avril and President of the Romain Socialist Republic who were not members of the Council for the Protection of the Revolution - they were excluded due to their membership to a faction that the TANKIES strongly oppose.
'Where's my cahfee ?" Sanders asked his aide.
"Coming right up - what milk substitute would you like today sir ?"
The aide served him his almond milk, as Kim Jo-Jung shuffled her papers and began to talk. "Sanders, as you know Czech Slavia is by far our most important ally. Together, we control large amounts of Rare Earth Metals which we can use for leverage against the imperialist states. The last thing the capitalists will sell us is the rope we use to hang them."
"Very good. We must do all we can to keep them within our sphere."
"Absolutely Sir." Jo-Jung said.
The rest of the Council for the Protection of the Revolution chattered and discussed the events that would come when they landed in Prague.