Grand Council of the National College of Defense "abolished" following growing worries within forces; Admiral Kujna Weaver Iahela arrested
The High Assembly of the National College of Defense recalled all members of the GCNCD following demands from many to do so.
According to many, the Grand Council has recently become unusually unstable, spouting bizarre conspiracy theories and acting in unusually paranoid ways.
An individual close to Admiral Kujna Weaver Iahela, an influential member of the Council until her recall and arrest today, claimed that she had believed in several bizarre conspiracy theories surrounding a minister in the Czech government.
"She came up to me one day," said he, "and simply told me that [the minister] was part of a secret cabal within the Czech government that was plotting to destroy our culture from the outside. She claimed that the art that they sold emitted rays that would gradually brainwash anyone who came near them into subservience and stupidity, and that the purpose of this was to subsume the Haanean and Syndical people into their country as to be slaves for them, so that Silas Kligenberg, who apparently was wearing the skin of Albína Reiserová as to pretend to be her and to puppet the Czech nation, could produce enough and sacrifice enough people as to 'rejuvenate' - I don't know - I think it was that crazy old Spanish lady who posted in the Europolis Post a while ago? - because according to her, she is the head of Spain and Spain is not a country but rather a demon that pretends to be a country as to possess people, including Silas Kligenberg - who was not actually possessed but rather was a creation of Spain the demon, but at the same time also a regular human - except for the crazy old lady, who apparently is Satan in human form. This rejuvenation was necessary because Satan was not Satan but rather "Satan" - I don't know what the difference is, it exists only in her demented mind - and thus apparently needed to consume the "world-spirit" in order to continue living. It got worse. She then claimed that Harriet Copala was also a demon, but not from Satan but from the "outer darkness," and thus apparently was a plague on "the world spirit." She said that Copala and the crazy old Spanish lady were in a war, but that it wasn't actually a war but rather a friendly competition, and that when the Haanean and Syndical people had been turned into slaves, the Spanish demon would rise up from the sea and everyone would forget about the existence of Spain, and then the crazy old lady would kill everyone on Earth before merging with Copala to kill God and make everything hell, but that this would only happen if she dreamt about unicorns, and that the unicorns were demons and that children were slowly being sucked into the Spain-demon by believing in them, so she needed to organize a mass exorcism of the Earth, which involved the blood of Silas Kligenberg being mixed with ievonuia as to create what she called an "elimination," which would "destroy all things due to its neutrality."'
Similar stories were told by others close to other members of the Grand Council.
With these now in the open, many began to put into question the ability of those on the Council to serve in their roles, as well as their very sanity. A mass petition began for their recalls, garnering thousands of signatures overnight; this morning, the Assembly acted upon it and voted simply to remove them in a vote that took under an hour.
No replacements have yet been named; the Speaker of the Assembly has said that the majority believes that the institution of the Grand Council, which concentrates power into the hands of just five individuals, is dangerous.
"Military power must not be centralized," he said. "If it is, we end up in situations like this, or, even worse, with a coup on our hands."
A resolution affirming this has been proposed in the Assembly; it will be debated beginning tomorrow.
More worryingly, it has been discovered that the aforementioned Admiral Kujna Weaver Iahela may have been plotting a coup. According to associates, she believed that the government was not acting upon her worries regarding the "Czech cabal", "Copala the extra-universal plague", and the "demon Spain," as she had sent the current State Elder, Kalju Lepik, a letter on the subject which had never been replied to.
Lepik claims to have received the letter; however, he asserts that it was not comprehensible.
"Lines of scribbling, that is what it was. I have a scan of it; I could send it to you if you wished," he said. "And by scribbling, I mean scribbling - as in the sort of thing a three year old with a crayon would do. That is not an exaggeration - it was composed in crayon and appeared to have been eaten at some point. In any case, even if it did convey what she claims it did convey, it would have remained absolute nonsense."
Iahela denies this, claiming that her letter was perfectly comprehensible.
"I wrote it in all four languages of our nation," she said. "One copy for each language. All the words were carefully chosen as to be as simple but as precise as possible. It is very difficult to convey what I have discovered about the world; however, I was able to do so. And this man, this ridiculous man, claims that it is scribbling in crayon. He evidently has been possessed by Spain; I would be happy to perform an exorcism."
Iahela went on to describe the necessity of pushing Lepik from power.
"We cannot have a puppet of the demon Spain at the head of our nation, the sole bulwark against the total takeover of the Carillo-Copala ultra-demonic-satanic complex of evil that is to come if the dominion of the unicorns is allowed to solidify itself. It was my responsibility to oust him. And I tried to. I commandeered a vehicle, several weapons, and drove myself to the Hall of State."
Iahela did in fact do so; she drove through the doorway of the building before continuing to do so down the hallway, cackling maniacally while screaming in what appeared to be an undiscovered foreign language.
"I was taking paperwork to the Elder of the National College of Communications," said a secretary present at the scene. "And suddenly I heard the sound of a car from behind me. Someone screamed, 'Get out! Get out! The woman's crazy,' and of course I ran away from the hallway and back into my workstation. The car came closer; I could hear cackling, the type that parrots make. And then a stream of gibberish:' Luj nuk a vijun shikats, rutivan liran u julav, funli an ujk, tsayak!' she screamed. I can remember it very clearly; the scene was surreal, almost comedic. There was some sort of panic, and a few minutes later the gibberishing woman was dragged out of the building continuing to scream incoherently by members of the militia."
Iahela is to stand trial for her attempted coup tomorrow.
"Good riddance," said the State Elder. "A truly crazy woman. Only the spirits know why she did what she did."