Elthic Affairs
Why the true population of Elthize is impossible to find
Freddie Bonnay - October 1, 2024
As of 2024, the population of The State of Elthize was estimated to be around 4,828 million, according to the Ministry of Interior. The number, however, came with a very important warning that the numbers were not "exactly accurate".
When asked how many people lived in Elthize in 2019, then-president Greenwich Grimwald replied: "I don't know. I assume it's about five million?" The estimates at the time were around 4,2 million people. When the same question was asked to Archie Franklin in 2010, who was president at the time, he outright refused to comment.
So, why is Elthize's true population impossible to find?
The estimates
We first need to look at how Elthize's population is estimated. According to the Population Bureau in the Ministry of Interior, the estimates are done "using data concerning population such as provincial censuses, various population clocks, as well as birth and death rates".
While the ministry has stated earlier that the numbers were not "exactly accurate", that doesn't mean it doesn't trust its estimates- far from it. Patrick Hill, who was the Minister of Interior Affairs at the time, stated in a 2018 interview that the numbers were "as accurate as they could get". When asked whether or not he trusted the estimates, then-president Grimwald said: "There is no reason not to."
While it is correct that our population estimates come from trustworthy sources, they are still estimates, not exact numbers. In addition, not all provinces do censuses, and population clocks have their own negatives. But also, why make it this difficult? Is it not possible to make this process simpler, or, heaven forbid, have a national census or a registry?
Attempted changes
Did you know that the last time Elthize ever had a national census was in 1947?
No, that is not an attempt at satire. Despite the Elthic government attempting to do another census since at least the 1970s, all attempts have been unsuccessful. The last time there was a serious attempt to take a census was in 2008, under the presidency of Archibald Franklin, who, ironically, blocked the president before him from taking one.
When former president Gloria Dietrich attempted to construct a census system in 2000, it was the Liberal Democrats that blocked it, citing high costs and privacy concerns, two of the most popular arguments against taking a census. Additional opposition came from the left of Labour (Dietrich's party), who had more concerns about how census data could be used to manipulate election outcomes.
Franklin was planning to finally get a census going for Elthize by 2010. Unfortunately, he shot himself in the foot in 2009 by defunding all parts of the government so much that he caused a whole economic crisis, and Elthics, notorious for being monolingual, finally learned a little bit of Latin, declaring the following years anni horribiles. And with that, no census ever took place.
"We tried nothing and we're all out of ideas!"
A couple months before Elthize joined the European Union, a forum post of a man from St. Lucas that went viral.
The man, who remained anonymous and kept as little personal information on his post as possible, claimed that there was no proof that he existed at all. In the post, he claimed that his parents refused to give him any proof of documentation, be it a birth certificate or an ID card, declaring them "unnecessary". In the comments, he cited his parents' hatred for the government, which he dubbed "irrational".
A couple days later, Joshua Bridges, the Provincial Minister of Social Affairs for St. Lucas, announced that they were aware of the situation and that the law enforcement had taken immediate action.
Bridges also gave further information about the case, stating that the man who made the post, pseudonymously referred to as Michael, had recently turned into an adult at the time of making the viral post. Bridges claimed that Michael had not been aware of his dire situation until he attempted to apply for a university.
Around the same time, former president Greenwich Grimwald gave an interview with NET, telling the journalists that changes to counting our population was unnecessary: "We have the most advanced technologies that help us count our population, with great accuracy. We need to stop pretending like the year is, like, 1997, we just do not need a hand-counting."
This would not be the first time Grimwald would announce that he had given up on improving the issue. In 2014, the year he was elected president, he announced that all discussion regarding an accurate population counting were "halted forever".
Michael's case, however, is not an outlier. Last year, Matthew François, former leader of the Greens, estimated that there were around 35,000 people who were born in Elthize that were "entirely undocumented". François did not shy from adding that this fact carried grave consequences:
"These people are invisible. They don't exist. They have trouble getting in schools, they cannot get jobs, they cannot register a business, they cannot even travel properly. Most of these people are stuck in cults, either motivated by religion or political ideology. The incompetence of the ruling coalition and President Grimwald is simply unacceptable. We need to save these people."
The last decade or so has seen all provincial governments in Elthize put up structures to deal with this problem. The national government stayed quiet, however, as usual, leaving it to the provinces to fix debilitating problems.
Is there hope?
During a press conference a week ago, President Melissa Chai stated that her government was preparing legislation to establish a national census agency. It's unknown how long will it take for it to pass in the Parliament.
For the last twenty-two years the right was in office, whether it be Franklin, Grimwald, or some other charlatan, they have practically broken all functioning parts of the Elthic government, except for the parts that managed their salaries.
There is nothing more embarrassing than a country that does not know how many people it has within its borders. There is nothing more shameful than knowing that in Elthize, thousands of people have their lives wasted away in cults that they cannot get out of. There is nothing more mortifying than the fact that there are thousands of people, like Michael, that have their agency stripped away from them because of government incompetence.
The question of why it is impossible to find the true population of Elthize can be answered with one word: Apathy. Our government did not care. I wish there was a better, more nuanced answer than this, but there isn't.
Apathy has ruined this country, neglecting it, leaving it to rot. Our current president Melissa Chai has an opportunity to take care of everything that has been neglected for the last two decades. I hope she does not waste it.