The Village
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The Village is a television show in Istkalen. It was recently renewed for a second season. Below is episode one of season one, which aired on 12 December 2020.
The opening credits play, showing the seemingly idyllic countryside. People walk back and forth, smiling, across unpaved roads crossing rolling hills, as music plays. Cut to scene in large hall. A woman, dressed in a gown and crown made of onions, holding a scepter made of onions, stands on a stage before what appears to be a large assembly. She chews on something before spitting it out, revealing it to be an onion clove.
ONION QUEEN: Good day, my beloved subjects, the people of our beloved village of Wprkn. I, the Onion Queen, your Onion Queen, have gathered here as to hear the most magnificent news - the distribution of our most great onion crop!
A great cheer.
ONION QUEEN: This year, we have all worked very hard, and for that, I congratulate you, my subjects. Our Wprkn will be ever more prosperous, our children ever better fed! As has always been true, with onions, one can always be happy! Now, for the distribution. This year, each of you, my beloved subjects, will receive 7.500 onions, given in varying sets of 21 or 20 onions a day!
Another cheer.
ONION QUEEN: Onions for all, onions for all! Our harvest has been great; we have prepared for this year! We shall be joyful with our onions, we shall be well fed! Praise me for bringing this greatness unto you!
MEMBER OF AUDIENCE: Why have we been given these onions? Why in this quantity? What is the purpose, what is...are you stealing from us? Are you using our harvest? We need to know, we need to have control over our -
ONION QUEEN: Silence! The onions are a great gift from me to you, my beloved subjects! They have been given for perfectly legitimate reasons! Rejoice; praise me for allowing you to experience this glory!
The assembly chants the word "praise" in unison, ever louder, as the objecting member is taken away. The Onion Queen smiles.
ONION QUEEN: I am overjoyed at your love for me, and thank you all for working for all our benefits! We shall have our onions; our Wprkn shall be ever more glorious! Now, the most talented and handsome man who helped me prepare the distribution of the onions, Kesurek*!
Kesurek walks onto the stage, staring into a mirror he holds before himself. He pats his hair, taking a comb from his pocked and restyling it. Rinse and repeat.
ONION QUEEN: Now, Kesurek shall tell you all of his great works! Praise him; praise me!
Kesurek continues to stand at the middle of the stage staring at himself through the mirror, occasionally grooming himself. The words that come from his lips can barely be heard; from what can be made out, he is praising his own appearance and 'vast intelligence,' as well as his support for the queen and the various political positions associated with it. This continues for three minutes, before the Onion Queen finally speaks.
ONION QUEEN: Thank you, Kesurek! We shall praise and love you forever! I love you, my subjects! Work, work ever harder and arduously, so that we may rejoice even more in the bounties of our harvest!
The assembly cheers; Kesurek stumbles off of the stage, still looking at himself through the mirror.
ONION QUEEN: Now, for the work of the distribution! All must work for the benefit of our Wprkn; from your assembly, you shall elect a Director of Distribution, so that all may have their onions, every day, all the time!"
Two walk up to the front of the room.
ONION QUEEN: For the one on the left, stand, my subjects! Quickly, quickly, we must return to our work as not to jeopardize what we have accomplished!
Most of the room stands; a sudden wave of individuals enters the room and sits down, but not enough to overcome the majority.
ONION QUEEN: Now sit! Quickly! Or you shall be cut off from our harvest! Stand, now, for those on the right!
A part of the room, along with those who had entered, stand up.
ONION QUEEN: The left wins! Now, distribution and harvest! Work, work, my beloved subjects! Work harder than you ever have before!
The individual who stood on the right screams before suddenly vanishing, as the new individuals who voted for him leave the room again, on a road away from the village. No one seems to pay any attention to it.
NARRATOR: "The Village" will continue next week at 17:00.
*Kesurek is a figure in Heleker mythology - a figure that can be compared to Narcissus of Greek mythology, although the myths surrounding have few similarities.
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