EU Member State

Detailed results

’’In second place, we have the amazing sultry yet classy entry from Icholasen! Now, what I really liked about this song was that she kept all her clothes on for the video, but she was fucking us with her eyes, her demeanor. She showed the girls how you really get that Eurovoice high placement, and that is no tall task.’’

’’And their presenter! My gosh! Now this is a woman who se photo I show to my plastic surgeon. I have no idea what she does to stay looking this hot, but hey, perhaps we should learn from her and start singing depressed French music. You go queen!’’

’’But of course, this fucking means...’’

’’Red Croatia won.’’

The crowd cheers wildly, as Joan sighs.

Fuck, I hope I dont have to do this dumb shit next time, but we did deserve it. Helene, you served cunt, and our presenter...

’’Fuck it Alex, you look damn good too. THE BLONDE CROATIAN BITCHES ARE WINNING, AND WE ARE STAYING ON TOP BABY. NOW LET US LISTEN TO HELENE SLAY ONCE MORE!!!’’

The crowd gathers for an emotional performance of Atemlos Durch Die Nacht, enjoying the cunt being served in front of them.

’’In third place, we have Spain! Great job, the song served cunt, and Europe was absorbed by it.’’

’’As we can see, the presenter is serving as much as the song. Now that is a good ass looking woman. From the way she stands, it is like she is telling us... Yeah, I could fuck with the jury to secure my country the win, but I don’t have to. Great job, chiquitita!’’

’’And then we have the Latina bad bitches from California, that SADLY CANNOT BE HERE EITHER. Yo, maybe if you sent a proper presenter, you wouldnt be 4th and get your place on the podium. But alas, let us see who is winning this shit...’’

’’Next up we have a tie between two depressed Asian women, Inquista and Ethile. I am not sure if they actually tied or my racist counter mixed them up, but let’s just roll with this shit.’’

’’Finally, somebody who actually deserves to wear the Inquistan national costume! See, it is ugly, but at least she isn’t offending anyone wearing it. Except my eyes.’’

’’And then we have White Guy Nm 19520. Ok, next.’’

’’And in seventh place we have an overplayed Leagio classic, and a presenter that could not have made it here. Well fuck you too, Leagio, I bet the presenter was ugly as shi anyway.’’’

’’And in eight place we have, shockingly, an average looking Latina woman sensually singing about her feelings! What the fuck, I thought this is the kind of dumbfuckery people vote for... Anyways...’’

’’Fucking mess. Go back home and dress yourself properly young boy! Inquistan culture is NOT your costume!’’

’’Okay, ninth place, we are getting to the point where you sucked but it is not super embarassing to be be in this bracket anymore. Fremet! Another trifecta of straight people singing together in fucking RED CROATIA during fucking EUROVOICE. Damn it, when will they learn...’’

’’Oh Betty, you gorgeous little dumb slut who I have loved for years, please go and tell your countrymen to get their shit together for next EV. ’’

’’And then in 10th place we have United Duchies.. Chris, I remember how Red Croatia voted about this song. Turned it on Youtube, saw the length, and put it only above Mishar. Yikes. Let’s see if the presenter is as flop as the boring ass long song.’’

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’’Ooookaaay, not too bad, she is kinda fuckable if you are into mediocre women going through a mid life crisis and trying to become rock stars. I see the niche appeal. Sadly, Europe did not.’’

’’Next up we have Brickston, the country that chose to send thre men to send together. The premise is promising, but none of them were gay, flamboyant, nor promoting their music on Grindr. On the contrary, they were aggressively foreign and homosexual. You can see how that worked on Eurovoice... 11th place.’’

’’Just like the song, the presenter is mediocre and white, fuckable if you are horny enough.’’