The National Observer

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    Đe National Observer is Angleter's leading quality daily newspaper.


    Weekday: £2
    Saturday: £2.25
    Sunday: £2.50

    Digital subscription: £25 per monþ

    NOTE: Ðe National Observer uses Angleteric English orþography, which uses Þ/þ in place of a 'voiceless' th (like 'monþ' in place of 'month'), and Ð/ð in place of a 'voiced' th (like 'ðis' in place of 'this').

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    May 26þ, 2019
    Article by: Nicholas Alamaldin


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    Kirpal Chanon is widely regarded as ðe front-runner in ðe SDP leadership election

    Boþ of Angleter's main opposition parties, ðe Social Democrats and ðe Democrats, formally launched leadership elections ðis week, following ðe resignations of ðeir leaders.

    Former Prime Minister Sam Courtenay declared his intention to resign as SDP leader in September 2018, but agreed to continue in office until ðe Parliamentary session ended earlier ðis monþ. At his party's spring conference, Courtenay gave a well-received farewell speech, claiming credit for restoring ðe party and ðe wider Angleteric left as an electoral force, and clarified ðat he would continue as a backbench MP and serve as acting leader until his replacement is chosen.

    Ðe Democrats have had a more chaotic route to ðeir leadership election, following ðe party's spectacular breakdown in discipline after last year's election. Sue Fareham's surprisingly strong electoral performance last June, combined wið a sense of fear ðat a new leader could fatally rupture ðe party's delicate balance between conservatives and liberals, kept her in office until Monday, when she was forced out by a vote of no confidence among Democrat MPs.

    Fareham also resigned from Parliament on Tuesday, triggering a by-election to be held on June 27þ.

    Þree candidates have put ðemselves forward for ðe SDP leadership. Kirpal Singh Chanon, MP for Bengeworþ and formerly Economy Minister in Sam Courtenay's government, has sought to present himself as ðe continuity candidate, telling attendees of his launch event ðat he would "complete ðe work ðat Sam Courtenay has started, and make ðe SDP Angleter's majority party". Allies have briefed ðat Chanon's moderate brand of social democracy can detach boþ middle class liberal voters from ðe Democrats and working class populist voters from ðe ruling Citizen Alliance.

    Chanon faces two opponents on ðe left of ðe party. Mary d'Ivry, who served as Foreign Affairs Minister under Sam Courtenay, called for ðe party to "embrace socialism to defeat populism" in her launch speech on Friday. D'Ivry is reported to have around 30 MPs supporting her ðus far, around ten fewer ðan Chanon, and believes ðat by maintaining ðe SDP's careful neutrality on social issues, but taking a step to ðe left on economic policy, ðe party can win back voters who have gone over to ðe Citizen Alliance since 2012. One leading SDP backbencher explained ðat "Mary understands ðat it's easier to attract voters who remember supporting you not too long ago. Ðey are ðe low-hanging fruit."

    Paul Blossomfield, ðe þird candidate in ðe race, could not disagree more. Supported by around 25 MPs ðus far, he launched his campaign wið a bold appeal to socially liberal Democrat voters. "We share ðe common values of evidence-based policy, tolerance, individual rights, and an end to ðe injustices facing women and ðe LGBTQ+ communities. We share ðese values, and so do many Democrat and CSL voters, but we as a party have been afraid to defend ðese values. Why not?"

    Ðe SDP's new leader will be chosen by a 50/50 combined vote of ðe party's MPs and its membership. Ðe Democrats, meanwhile, have a considerably more open system, wið all 'registered supporters' being able to cast a ballot in a one-man-one-vote franchise.

    Ðis more unpredictable electoral system and ðe party's crippling internal divisions have led to an extraordinarily wide field of candidates. Robert Rice, ðe de facto leader of ðe party's liberal wing, has already entered ðe fray; joined by populist firebrand Michael Gourieli; former Foreign Affairs Minister Vitus Duryzatehende and former New Birmingham mayor Desmond Bayeux, boþ of whom are positioning ðemselves as broad centre-right candidates who can 'unite' ðe party; social conservative Emma Vitalis; newly-elected Peter Murgatroyd; and ðe staunch war hawk Barbara Cedarne. Navdeep Khatkar, who founded ðe party, is serving as acting leader while ðe leadership campaign takes place.

    Ðe turmoil facing ðe opposition parties has served to reinforce Emryc Isla's popularity, which has recovered after disappointing poll results for much of his first six monþs in office. Ðe Citizen Alliance now stand on a new high of 36% of ðe vote, followed by ðe SDP on 25%, ðe Democrats on 18%, and ðe CSL on 14%. Oðers, including ðe Kilroy Movement and ðe Traditionalist Communion, are on 7% combined.

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    June 9þ, 2019
    Article by: Nicholas Alamaldin


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    Cardinal Malcolm Sidhu (left), pictured in Rome at ðe 2013 Papal conclave

    Ðe Archbishop of Wells, Cardinal Malcolm Sidhu, has called on celebrities to boycott ðis year’s Met Gala in Icholasen, claiming ðat ðe ball’s þeme of ‘Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and ðe Caþolic Imagination’ is “blasphemous”.

    In a Whit Sunday (Pentecost) sermon at Wells Caþedral, Sidhu, a leading traditionalist in ðe Angleteric Church who is known for his sardonic style, tore into ðe ball organisers, arguing ðat ðey lack respect for and understanding of ðe Caþolic faiþ.

    “I regret to inform you ðat ðe seculars are at it again,” started Sidhu, “and what’s worse, I have to report ðat a cultural appropriation has been committed.”

    Later in his sermon, ðe prelate added, “what ðese people are celebrating is an æsþetic, and a stereotype at ðat – but ðat isn’t ðe real ‘Caþolic imagination’. Ðere’s such an irony to it – when you get down to it, ðere’s noþing ðere! Met Gala? It’s ðe Emperor’s New Cloðes!”

    “And it falls, as ever, to us, to point out ðat ðe Emperor’s got no cloðes. Ðat ðeir ‘Caþolic imagination’ hasn’t got any Caþolicism. It’s been stripped of ðe Caþolicism to make ðe people ðere feel better about ðemselves.”

    “Amidst all ðis parody ðere will be an exhibit of clerical dress and relics. Nice to look at? Yes. Sure. But you cannot engage wið it any furðer unless you recognise, as we recognise, what ðese artefacts are for, and why ðey are so precious. How many celebrities do we þink understand what happened on Pentecost, and how ðat relates to what it means to be a bishop, to be a priest, to wear ðose garments? To imitate ðe saints who lived and died for ðe truþ?”

    “Well, let me tell you, if any of ðem did, ðey wouldn’t be at ðis gala. Ðey’d be somewhere wið a less restrictive dress code. Somewhere closer to home. Somewhere where ðe food and drink options are… limited… true, but more nourishing ðan anyþing you’ll find at ðe gala. Yes, ðey’d be sitting right next to you, here, at Mass!”
    “Now ðat – ðat is where you will find ðe real Caþolic imagination. But who knows? Maybe ðey’ll be here next week.”

    Response to Cardinal Sidhu’s sermon has been mixed wiðin ðe Angleteric Church. Traditionalists have rallied behind ðe Cardinal, calling out prominent Met Gala attendees on Twitter wið hashtags like #SirPeteWatermanGoToMassChallenge and #SeverinaGoToMassChallenge.

    Cardinal Sidhu joined in, wið ðe ardent critic of ecumenism reviving his controversial þoughts about ðe Inquistan Orþodox denomination, tweeting: “Paul Craticus is going to ðe #MetGala in ðe hope of finally not being ðe only person in ðe room pretending to be an Archbishop.” He also later tweeted “REMINDER: Ðe #MetGala is every bit as sacramentally valid as an Inquistan ““““Orþodox”””” service.”

    However, more liberal Caþolics, including ðe Archbishop of Palmyra, Cardinal George Evans, have criticised Cardinal Sidhu. Mary Laitpost, editor of ðe Caþolic blog Spirit of ðe Spirit, called Sidhu’s comments “unhelpful,” adding ðat “if Cardinal Sidhu wants ðe Met Gala to be a teaching opportunity for ðose attending, a sort of gateway to ðe ‘real þing’ – and so he should – ðen ðis is really not ðe way to go about it.” Mrs Laitpost called on ðe Church hierarchy to “engage positively” raðer ðan “mocking and condemning” ðe event.

    A number of Angleteric celebrities are expected to attend ðe gala in Saint Regina, alðough ðe royal family and most political figures will likely miss ðe event in an attempt to avoid being drawn into ðe controversy surrounding Cardinal Sidhu’s comments. However, cultural figures like George Ezra, Kate Bush, Apache Indian, Sir Pete Waterman, and Peter Montfort are among ðose who may be making an appearance.

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