Pete Waterman

The legendary music producer behind most of Angleter's hits in the 1980s and many of its less successful EuroVoice entries, Pete Waterman, or "Sir Pete Waterman" as he likes to call himself, is known primarily around Europe for the much-loved protest song Nuke the ECoJ.

Pete made his way along the catwalk wearing a classic black tie suit with a light overcoat. After posing for photos briefly, and upon seeing the photographers divert their attention to some woman or something, Pete shouted out: "DO YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW SIR PETE WATERMAN IS FOLLOWING THE THEME?"

After a few seconds, as it became apparent that nobody was interested, Pete walked over to the cameras and edged in between two women he didn't recognise. "EXCUSE ME," said Pete to the press, "THIS IS SIR PETE WATERMAN, CATHOLIC THEME!"

Pete turned around and asked the two models to remove his coat. They did, reluctantly, revealing the back of his dinner jacket reading in large Tipp-Ex letters 'ECOJ REPENT OR GO TO HELL'.

"IT SAYS: ECOJ REPENT OR GO TO HELL! Also we need more trains. Waterman out." Pete made his way past the rest of the bewildered press and into the exhibit.

Gisela Stuart and Peter Montfort

"We're the only Angleteric politicians here, aren't we?" asked Gisela.

"Well, you are. I'm not even a politician," replied Peter. "But yes, everyone else is too scared of Cardinal Sidhu and the voters."

"Do you miss being accountable to the voters?"

"Oh, absolutely not. I much prefer running the vote to taking part in it. I wonder if Sidhu will try and boycott any EV entry who goes to this."

"Haha, could you imagine. Fucking rock singers doing public penance to try and get 12 points from Angleter."

"Speaking of bishops, why did you take me as your date and not, you know, Firoux?"

"Because you know this isn't a real date."

The press shouted for Gisela and Peter to come over and take questions from them

"Premier Commissioner, what's on your head there?"

"It's a nativity scene; how better to represent the birth of a new era for the EU under my leadership?"

"Is this really the best use of your time? What will the voters think?"

"I'm not here to talk politics; tonight is about charity, supporting our fashion industry, and respecting the artistic tradition of the Catholic Church. That's why I'm here and I hope everyone else is here for the same reason. And besides, I can't run again next time, so I don't need to obsess over my 'image' or anything like that. Have a great evening!"

"And Mr Montfort, will we be seeing this costume next time you're in Icholasen for EuroVoice?"

"You'll have to watch to find out!"

They continued into the exhibit.

Kate Bush

Kate Bush was on a roll after a new tour and an appearance at EuroVoice 34 in Angleter. The press called her over almost as soon as she arrived on the catwalk.

"Kate, can you take us through your outfit? No Wuthering Heights red dress?"

"I'm wearing all black because traditionally it's the colour women wear when meeting the Pope. In fact only a handful of queens and princesses are allowed to wear white instead; so the inspiration came from that."

"And what do you think of what you've seen so far tonight?"

"Well, I've only just got here, but from the couple of outfits I've seen tonight, I'm totally blown away. Great originality, great creativity; it's what tonight should be all about."

"Can we be expecting a performance from you tonight?"

"Nothing official, but you know what, I bet you could do with some entertainment out here, right?"

The journalists all eagerly agreed, so Kate launched straight into the chorus of Running Up That Hill:

"If I only could... make a deal with God..."

Kate signalled for the journalists to join in; some of the other attendees on the catwalk began to crowd around and also joined in:

"AND I'D GET HIM TO SWAP OUR PLACES... BE RUNNING UP THAT ROAD.... BE RUNNING UP THAT HILL..."

Kate stopped singing and gestured to the crowd, who filled in:

"BE RUNNING UP THAT BUILDING..."

Kate finished: "Say if I only could, ooh-oohhh"

The audience that had built up around Kate applauded as she took a bow and then proceeded towards the exhibit.

June 9þ, 2019
Article by: Nicholas Alamaldin

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CARDINAL SLAMS "BLASPHEMOUS" MET GALA

Cardinal Malcolm Sidhu (left), pictured in Rome at ðe 2013 Papal conclave

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Ðe Archbishop of Wells, Cardinal Malcolm Sidhu, has called on celebrities to boycott ðis year’s Met Gala in Icholasen, claiming ðat ðe ball’s þeme of ‘Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and ðe Caþolic Imagination’ is “blasphemous”.

In a Whit Sunday (Pentecost) sermon at Wells Caþedral, Sidhu, a leading traditionalist in ðe Angleteric Church who is known for his sardonic style, tore into ðe ball organisers, arguing ðat ðey lack respect for and understanding of ðe Caþolic faiþ.

“I regret to inform you ðat ðe seculars are at it again,” started Sidhu, “and what’s worse, I have to report ðat a cultural appropriation has been committed.”

Later in his sermon, ðe prelate added, “what ðese people are celebrating is an æsþetic, and a stereotype at ðat – but ðat isn’t ðe real ‘Caþolic imagination’. Ðere’s such an irony to it – when you get down to it, ðere’s noþing ðere! Met Gala? It’s ðe Emperor’s New Cloðes!”

“And it falls, as ever, to us, to point out ðat ðe Emperor’s got no cloðes. Ðat ðeir ‘Caþolic imagination’ hasn’t got any Caþolicism. It’s been stripped of ðe Caþolicism to make ðe people ðere feel better about ðemselves.”

“Amidst all ðis parody ðere will be an exhibit of clerical dress and relics. Nice to look at? Yes. Sure. But you cannot engage wið it any furðer unless you recognise, as we recognise, what ðese artefacts are for, and why ðey are so precious. How many celebrities do we þink understand what happened on Pentecost, and how ðat relates to what it means to be a bishop, to be a priest, to wear ðose garments? To imitate ðe saints who lived and died for ðe truþ?”

“Well, let me tell you, if any of ðem did, ðey wouldn’t be at ðis gala. Ðey’d be somewhere wið a less restrictive dress code. Somewhere closer to home. Somewhere where ðe food and drink options are… limited… true, but more nourishing ðan anyþing you’ll find at ðe gala. Yes, ðey’d be sitting right next to you, here, at Mass!”
“Now ðat – ðat is where you will find ðe real Caþolic imagination. But who knows? Maybe ðey’ll be here next week.”

Response to Cardinal Sidhu’s sermon has been mixed wiðin ðe Angleteric Church. Traditionalists have rallied behind ðe Cardinal, calling out prominent Met Gala attendees on Twitter wið hashtags like #SirPeteWatermanGoToMassChallenge and #SeverinaGoToMassChallenge.

Cardinal Sidhu joined in, wið ðe ardent critic of ecumenism reviving his controversial þoughts about ðe Inquistan Orþodox denomination, tweeting: “Paul Craticus is going to ðe #MetGala in ðe hope of finally not being ðe only person in ðe room pretending to be an Archbishop.” He also later tweeted “REMINDER: Ðe #MetGala is every bit as sacramentally valid as an Inquistan ““““Orþodox”””” service.”

However, more liberal Caþolics, including ðe Archbishop of Palmyra, Cardinal George Evans, have criticised Cardinal Sidhu. Mary Laitpost, editor of ðe Caþolic blog Spirit of ðe Spirit, called Sidhu’s comments “unhelpful,” adding ðat “if Cardinal Sidhu wants ðe Met Gala to be a teaching opportunity for ðose attending, a sort of gateway to ðe ‘real þing’ – and so he should – ðen ðis is really not ðe way to go about it.” Mrs Laitpost called on ðe Church hierarchy to “engage positively” raðer ðan “mocking and condemning” ðe event.

A number of Angleteric celebrities are expected to attend ðe gala in Saint Regina, alðough ðe royal family and most political figures will likely miss ðe event in an attempt to avoid being drawn into ðe controversy surrounding Cardinal Sidhu’s comments. However, cultural figures like George Ezra, Kate Bush, Apache Indian, Sir Pete Waterman, and Peter Montfort are among ðose who may be making an appearance.

@Malborya Added!

@Vayinaod Added!

May 26þ, 2019
Article by: Nicholas Alamaldin

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SDP, DEMOCRATS FACE LEADERSHIP ELECTIONS

Kirpal Chanon is widely regarded as ðe front-runner in ðe SDP leadership election

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Boþ of Angleter's main opposition parties, ðe Social Democrats and ðe Democrats, formally launched leadership elections ðis week, following ðe resignations of ðeir leaders.

Former Prime Minister Sam Courtenay declared his intention to resign as SDP leader in September 2018, but agreed to continue in office until ðe Parliamentary session ended earlier ðis monþ. At his party's spring conference, Courtenay gave a well-received farewell speech, claiming credit for restoring ðe party and ðe wider Angleteric left as an electoral force, and clarified ðat he would continue as a backbench MP and serve as acting leader until his replacement is chosen.

Ðe Democrats have had a more chaotic route to ðeir leadership election, following ðe party's spectacular breakdown in discipline after last year's election. Sue Fareham's surprisingly strong electoral performance last June, combined wið a sense of fear ðat a new leader could fatally rupture ðe party's delicate balance between conservatives and liberals, kept her in office until Monday, when she was forced out by a vote of no confidence among Democrat MPs.

Fareham also resigned from Parliament on Tuesday, triggering a by-election to be held on June 27þ.

Þree candidates have put ðemselves forward for ðe SDP leadership. Kirpal Singh Chanon, MP for Bengeworþ and formerly Economy Minister in Sam Courtenay's government, has sought to present himself as ðe continuity candidate, telling attendees of his launch event ðat he would "complete ðe work ðat Sam Courtenay has started, and make ðe SDP Angleter's majority party". Allies have briefed ðat Chanon's moderate brand of social democracy can detach boþ middle class liberal voters from ðe Democrats and working class populist voters from ðe ruling Citizen Alliance.

Chanon faces two opponents on ðe left of ðe party. Mary d'Ivry, who served as Foreign Affairs Minister under Sam Courtenay, called for ðe party to "embrace socialism to defeat populism" in her launch speech on Friday. D'Ivry is reported to have around 30 MPs supporting her ðus far, around ten fewer ðan Chanon, and believes ðat by maintaining ðe SDP's careful neutrality on social issues, but taking a step to ðe left on economic policy, ðe party can win back voters who have gone over to ðe Citizen Alliance since 2012. One leading SDP backbencher explained ðat "Mary understands ðat it's easier to attract voters who remember supporting you not too long ago. Ðey are ðe low-hanging fruit."

Paul Blossomfield, ðe þird candidate in ðe race, could not disagree more. Supported by around 25 MPs ðus far, he launched his campaign wið a bold appeal to socially liberal Democrat voters. "We share ðe common values of evidence-based policy, tolerance, individual rights, and an end to ðe injustices facing women and ðe LGBTQ+ communities. We share ðese values, and so do many Democrat and CSL voters, but we as a party have been afraid to defend ðese values. Why not?"

Ðe SDP's new leader will be chosen by a 50/50 combined vote of ðe party's MPs and its membership. Ðe Democrats, meanwhile, have a considerably more open system, wið all 'registered supporters' being able to cast a ballot in a one-man-one-vote franchise.

Ðis more unpredictable electoral system and ðe party's crippling internal divisions have led to an extraordinarily wide field of candidates. Robert Rice, ðe de facto leader of ðe party's liberal wing, has already entered ðe fray; joined by populist firebrand Michael Gourieli; former Foreign Affairs Minister Vitus Duryzatehende and former New Birmingham mayor Desmond Bayeux, boþ of whom are positioning ðemselves as broad centre-right candidates who can 'unite' ðe party; social conservative Emma Vitalis; newly-elected Peter Murgatroyd; and ðe staunch war hawk Barbara Cedarne. Navdeep Khatkar, who founded ðe party, is serving as acting leader while ðe leadership campaign takes place.

Ðe turmoil facing ðe opposition parties has served to reinforce Emryc Isla's popularity, which has recovered after disappointing poll results for much of his first six monþs in office. Ðe Citizen Alliance now stand on a new high of 36% of ðe vote, followed by ðe SDP on 25%, ðe Democrats on 18%, and ðe CSL on 14%. Oðers, including ðe Kilroy Movement and ðe Traditionalist Communion, are on 7% combined.

Đe National Observer is Angleter's leading quality daily newspaper.

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NOTE: Ðe National Observer uses Angleteric English orþography, which uses Þ/þ in place of a 'voiceless' th (like 'monþ' in place of 'month'), and Ð/ð in place of a 'voiced' th (like 'ðis' in place of 'this').

@Burgisia Added!

@Norden Accepted! You should now be able to post

@Ostlanderia said in Member State Applications:

@Angleter

The title of State is grand Duke/Duchess and the head of government is President.

Your grand duke and president are the same person?

@Invercargill Accepted, but please provide your national language and the title of your head of government (Prime Minister, &c.). You should now be able to post.

@Ostlanderia Accepted, but please provide the title of your head of state and government. You should now be able to post.

@Sorlyset Red Croatia appears to have returned to the region and has been active here recently, so I'm going to have to ask you to select a different plot. Please also provide the titles of your heads of state and government.