Celebrity Photo: Link
Celebrity Name: Sir Pete Waterman
Chosen Charity: The Sir Pete Waterman Institute for the Welfare of Victims of Music Piracy

STATEMENT: EASTERN HAANE
By the Prime Minister, Emryc Isla
Oldknow House, October 4th, 2020

Last month, my Government instituted a complete and total shutdown on travel, trade, and migration between Angleter and Eastern Haane until we could learn more about the situation in that country.

I would like to start by confirming that the shutdown remains in place.

We have, however, learned more about the unfolding human tragedy in Eastern Haane. An entire nation at the heart of Europe has been brought to the gates of Hell following the collapse of a Communist regime under the weight of its own contradictions. Over recent weeks we have witnessed, and the Haanean people have endured, unspeakable savagery. War, torture, and the rise of evil death cults.

It is not Angleter's place to step in and write the Haanean people's future for them. Ultimately, we believe that only Eastern Haane can liberate Eastern Haane. But we respect and support the actions of the four friendly nations who have taken it upon themselves to implement a no-fly zone over the country.

The European Council is expected, in coming days, to sanction a multinational intervention in Eastern Haane. Angleter will not participate, for the reasons I have set out above, and because we continue to work to neutralise the threats on our own borders of Kaasian Sithianism and Neo-Venetian separatist Communism.

But we would advise the nations intervening that the lesson of the last few days is that any intervention must be respectful of the wishes of the Haanean people, and that any reconstruction process must be led by the Haanean people. It is their country, their culture, and their government; not a blank canvas for the globalist elites of Europe to project their fantasies.

We are now subject to the obscene spectacle of Reitzmag claiming that its supremely arrogant, failed intervention was, in fact, a success, because a woman is currently being brutally and blasphemously tortured to death on Facebook Live. Not since the murder of my friend Paul Craticus have I seen such depraved gloating about man's inhumanity to man, with the added injury of that inhumanity being used in a pathetic attempt to present an obvious failure, that cost many lives and further destabilised an already horrendous situation, as a glorious victory. It is a sickening coda to an intervention that will go down as a cautionary tale about the perils of interventions.

Contrary to the words of the Reitzmic government, the situation is not over, and it may well be that European intervention is what restores peace to Eastern Haane. But that would be no time for Europe to congratulate itself. Eastern Haane's brutal civil war is a testament to the failure of the European Union.

While Eastern Haane was hurtling towards chaos, the Internal Affairs Commissioner was driving a fake tank through a refugee camp, ziplining into rallies, advertising his app, going around Europe in a car plastered with his face, and telling us all to pay for his 5G project. That was barely a month ago. He even went to Eastern Haane to take credit for bringing peace to that country. Casting your mind back to this time, it would almost be darkly laughable, if the consequences hadn't been so tragic.

Angleter no longer has any confidence in the ability of the European Union to resolve conflicts among or within its member states, or restrain rogue states. And that, in our view, is what the EU was supposed to be for. We are left, now, being asked to pay for what is essentially a virtue-signalling rules factory and the expensive indulgences of its globalist rule-makers.

I can therefore confirm that the official policy of the Angleteric Crown is now to withdraw from the European Union, subject to a referendum to be held in the winter. We will bring forward legislation to that end in the coming weeks. In the meantime, we will not fill our vacant Council seat. We will not vote in Commission or ECoJ elections.

Should the Angleteric people endorse this path, we will remain committed to bilateral and multilateral relations with friendly EU member states. Our treaties with them will remain valid. We do not intend to disengage from the world; only from an organisation that has become an anarchy in what it should be doing, and a tyranny in what it should not be doing. Should other member states and nearby countries share our view, we would even be willing to found within the region a new multinational organisation that will embody the principles of the EU that a hopeful Angleter joined over 12 years ago.

The people of Eastern Haane deserve to live the rest of their lives in a peaceful, secure Europe of sovereign nations. I hope that the belated action we are seeing now will recover them from the bowels of this Hell on Earth, and begin that new chapter in their long history.

But it is our responsibility now, as a government, to not only look after the interests of our own Angleteric people, but also to call time on our endorsement of a decadent, globalist organisation that has proven itself incapable of preventing these horrors from gashing the face of our region. We owe that to the people of all Europe.

Nation Name: Angleter
Halloween or Revenge: Revenge
Artist: Nick Knowles
Song: An Eye For An Eye
Link to youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3dNSVsoyOo
Vote deliverer with their image linked: Sir Pete Waterman
Link to your flag: Flag
Room in the haunted chateau: The Unearthly Utility Room

"I see. Certainly Angleter has no objection to Inimicus informing the public about each stage of this investigation as it sees fit. It's quite clear that the regime in Neo-Venetia have zero intention of behaving peacefully, and the more people that are aware of their crimes, the better."

"We know that the regime seized power by shooting down the previous Prime Minister's helicopter. The fact that they've extended this modus operandi to their neighbours' heads of state is deeply concerning, especially given the fact that, during the course of the coup, the Communists co-opted elements of the Social Republican Party, which committed terrorist attacks in Angleter in 2009. Given the animosity of all Neo-Venetian separatist authorities towards Angleter, we cannot tolerate the belligerence of this new regime."

"Angleter has, for some months, been planning an operation to remove the Neo-Venetian Communists and pacify the area. We are, as you say, cognisant of the importance of not acting rashly, but it will be difficult, from the perspective of our national security, to justify more than a few more weeks of inaction. In terms of the operation itself, Inimicus' diplomatic support is extremely welcome. At this point, we would only ask that you secure your borders and stand ready to stop and, where appropriate, arrest any Neo-Venetian terrorists or insurgents who attempt to cross into Inimicus."

"In terms of what follows, we intend to form a provisional civilian government to work alongside the relevant military authorities, and oversee a political process that will lead, in our view, to a treaty formally incorporating Neo-Venetia into Angleter, guaranteeing that Inimican investigators can freely investigate the attack on Emperor Artabanos' plane on Neo-Venetian territory, and guaranteeing the extradition to Inimicus on request of any Neo-Venetian residents whom your country suspects of involvement in the attack."

"It is, we believe, vital that this be recognised as the regional action it is, and that the rest of Europe does not labour under the misunderstanding that this is a repeat of 2008. To that end, we also intend to approach the Duxburians before commencing the operation. We envisage that some territorial concessions will be made to the DU, and I'd be eager to hear your thoughts on that, as well as about the process in general."

YOU'RE ALL TERRIBLE AND WE'RE NOT VOTING FOR ANY OF YOU
Martha Lane

Four months ago, Angleter's government, for the first time in several years, decided not to cast a vote in the EU Commission elections. The options facing us today are just as bad, if not worse. Once again, we simply cannot, in good conscience, endorse any of the candidates who want to run the region.

Over three successive terms in office, the EPA have proven themselves completely tone-deaf to the concerns of the Angleteric people. The Elected and Accountable Council Act, which led us to withdraw our European Councillor in protest, transformed what had been a restrained body of representatives of national governments into a de facto pan-European parliament, with its own mandate, separate from the member states. But our government, and those of the other democratic member states, were elected to represent their countries on the world stage. We have no time for decrees from Europolis, rammed through by the EPA, taking that responsibility, that legitimacy, away from us.

The EPA's approach to European integration is the worst of all worlds. They want to make the European Council into a parliament, with unequal constituencies (how can over 150 million Angleterics be represented by the same number of councillors as 100,000 Nofoagans?), and impose more and more diktats on the government and people of Angleter. Occasional fig-leafs, like the rebate and the repeal of the Refugee Protection Act, are welcome, but everyone recognises them as fig-leafs designed to buy the begrudging loyalty of the people of sovereignty-minded member states.

Today, Angela Merkel and Jean-Claude Juncker – forced to stand again now after member states shot down his absurd attempt to extend his term – are offering the most radical EPA manifesto ever. Between them, they want to restore the Refugee Protection Act and create an open-borders 'Schengen' area, imposing mass immigration on us all, and even take away our nuclear deterrent. Angleter will not vote for this. If it is imposed, we will not comply.

Unfortunately, as the debates unfold, the despair that enveloped Angleter four months ago has descended on us again. The ELDR, who present themselves as the main alternative to the EPA, only offer a more extreme version of the EPA's Eurofederalism. They not only want to take away our nuclear deterrent and our borders, they want to dip into our rebate as part of a Europe-wide foreign aid scheme, and impose ludicrous restrictions on member states' space programs. Both they and the EPA are engaged in a grotesque race to promise ever more grandiose, ever more expensive, and ever more unrealistic white elephant projects to sink Angleteric taxpayers' money into.

The other candidates fare little better. Dragan Trympov and John Oliver's MEGA, and Sofia Cikarova's PEL, present themselves as 'anti-globalist', but the reality is that they're only against globalism in its current form. They don't necessarily object to the EU making demands of member states, they just don't like what those demands are right now. Mr Trympov's pro-borders, anti-elitist form of globalism might appeal to many people in Angleter, and our government would likely breathe easier under his premiership than any other candidate's, but it is still a form of globalism. Ms Cikarova's socialist form of globalism, meanwhile, does not appeal to many people in Angleter.

This leaves the independent candidates. Walter Cocx has attempted to portray himself as a candidate of the reasonable centre, but his support for the Refugee Protection Act and a European Green New Deal marks him out as an unreasonable extremist in the eyes of most Angleterics. Katrin Weber, on the other hand, appears to have combined the worst aspects of the EPA, ELDR, and PEL in one candidate.

Angleter has disengaged from Europolis for several months now. We have withdrawn our councillor, we have not voted in Commission or ECoJ elections, and no Angleteric has put themselves forward for those offices. We have focussed on bilateral and multilateral relationships with our friends, neighbours, and allies, where it works for us – the spirit of the EU as it once was. More and more Angleterics are questioning whether EU membership actually offers Angleter anything at all. This current crop of candidates certainly doesn't. We can only hope that, unlike last time, whoever is elected this month pulls Europe back from the brink, and restores the spirit of consensus and respect for national sovereignty that was the hallmark of the European Union we joined 12 years ago.

If not, Angleter is unafraid to consider not so much whether we should leave the EU, but whether the EU has already left us.

The Rt Hon Martha Lane MP is Angleter's Minister for the Interior and a member of the Citizen Alliance

Emryc Isla didn't know this shack in the Maronite hills existed. AIC had several of these black sites across the country, which it used for a variety of purposes, and which it generally didn't feel the need to tell elected officials about. Emryc thought about asking if it was the first time one of these sites had been used for actual Government business. Then he realised that, even if it wasn't, they probably wouldn't tell him.

The small, remote shack with its incongruously sterile interior was perfect for its purpose, though. This meeting wasn't meant to be public. Emryc felt like he was walking an ever-thinner tightrope, and publicity risked knocking him off it. At home, Emryc's minority government was weaker than ever. In Europolis, Angleter had more or less switched off from regional politics, and Emryc's support base was pressuring him to either withhold Angleter's EU budget contributions or leave the EU altogether; both suggestions that would instantly see his government brought down by the other parties in Parliament.

But Angleter's neighbours were giving Emryc his biggest headaches. The stalemate in Dromund Kaas continued. Inimicus had been rocked by Emperor Artabanos' plane crash. And Neo-Venetia, that elusive last piece of the Angleteric jigsaw, had been seized by a rogue Communist regime. Emryc knew this was a rare opportunity to reunite the nation, but he, like all Angleteric politicians, was scarred by the catastrophic attempt to annex Neo-Venetia in 2008. That effort led to a humiliating withdrawal, the threat of invasion by multiple great powers, and the collapse of Monty Catt's government. This time, Emryc was determined to act slowly, carefully, and definitely not unilaterally.

The news that the Neo-Venetian Communists might have something to do with the instability in Inimicus intrigued Emryc. Inimican consent for an Angleteric operation in Neo-Venetia was likely in any case, but the more enthusiastic the consent, the better. The more compelling the case for taking down the Neo-Venetian Communists, the better. Emryc felt like resolving his and his country's problems would be like solving a Rubik's cube. He felt this meeting could be the first move.

As the Inimican delegation entered, Emryc stood up to greet them.

"Imperial Councillor, it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm sorry we couldn't find more comfortable surroundings. I'd like to introduce you to Sergius Bowrell, our Defence Minister; Nigel Martin, our Foreign Affairs Minister; Alice Montgraf, our National Security Minister; and Field Marshal John Gemayel, the Chief of Staff of the Combined Committee of the Royal Angleteric Armed Forces."

"Perhaps you could start, Imperial Councillor, by telling us what intelligence your country has gleaned?"

Full Nation Name: The Grand Marquessate of Angleter (as we called it in 1985)
Artist: Stefan Dennis
Song: Don't It Make You Feel Good
Link to youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izpxV5MWDxM
Vote deliverer with their image linked: Noel Edmonds
Backdrop for your country (as of 1985): https://i.ibb.co/M6zZJCd/skylinenb.png
Flag (as of 1985):

Emryc Isla adjusted his microphone

"Er, yeah, put me down as opposing forever and ever. Thanks."

"We wouldn't be opposed, that said, to an EU law that implemented a certain set of baselines for international trade and perhaps provided the ECoJ, or another institution, with the power to resolve trade disputes."

Emryc had sort of zoned out. He didn't understand half of these conflicts, and he was damned if anyone was going to change that. What did loom on his mind was the coup in Neo-Venetia in March. Many people had expected that situation would have developed over the last few months, much like the vacant Papacy, or the war in Dromund Kaas, or Emryc's extremely fragile minority government. For some reason, all of those issues hadn't drawn any closer to being resolved for months. Weird. But Emryc was determined to make sure nobody else interfered in either Neo-Venetia or Dromund Kaas in the meantime. He snapped out of his daydreaming and started to blag.

"Angleter is consistent in its rejection of coups and instability. We respect the Council's declaration that, in essence, the exiled government of Icholasen is a member of the EU, and the Communist regime currently occupying the country is not; moreover, we have no plans to recognise the Communist regime at this time. We would urge both sides in the dispute, and in all disputes, to engage in diplomatic talks towards a peaceful reconciliation where possible."

"That said, we also need to be realistic. Ultimately, my government owes it to the Angleteric people not to maintain permanent fictions, and the EU cannot be reduced to a collection of governments in exile. Obviously, we believe a pan-European embargo against Communist-ruled Icholasen would be a massive overreach of the EU's power into our sovereign trade policy. I know this makes half of you roll your eyes, but it's important to the people I serve, and maybe it's important to some of the people you serve too. And the so-called government of Inquista talking about rightful democratic governments, I mean, bloody hell."

"In all conflicts and disputes, Angleter will support stability, realism, and dialogue. We will not involve ourselves unnecessarily where it doesn't affect us. And we will always be guided, first and foremost, by our national interest."

"And I don't support Dragan Trympov, my country didn't cast a vote in the Commission elections, and there's no Angleteric party or councillor in his organisation, so Jean-Claude, I'll have you take that back, thanks. Perhaps you have me confused with Drake Bell. Show some respect!"