"Oh yes, I must admit I have intentionally closed myself off from any news about Catholicism and who loves and who hates it over the last few months", said Artabanos, slightly disappointed He would not get to export Inimician natural gas to yet another nation. The tanks and tankers had such lovely pictures of His face on. Nevertheless, He nodded graciously when potential, though unconfirmed, links to REM came up. "Whenever you need any uranium, Albina, just hit me up. We get the vast, vast majority of our electricity from nuclear power, we have an active nuclear weapons arsenal, and we've still got loads and loads to spare. Oh also, if you ever feel like stashing a tube of a radioactive isotope of uranium into Simon Bridges's coat pocket, just give me ring."
Artabanos understood the Inimician actions in North Diessen were not met with approval from Czech Slavia. This was disappointing. Nevertheless, He did not need Czech approval, He merely needed an absence of Czech counter-action, and that was -- so far -- what He had received.
"Since you asked", He continued, "Yes, the transition to politics was quite a shock to the system. But you know what it's like though, right -- especially you would know -- you see that so many things are unjust, are incorrect, and you just have to take action. I mean, when I stood for Duke, the incumbent was attempting to ban the sale of male--oriented magazines, if you know what I mean. That was the final straw for me. Then, when I unexpectedly became Duke, I started seeing how many of Inimicus's issues at the time were a consequence of the national government, not provincial administrations. The country was still a republic at the time, you see. Through underground networks I got in touch with my former chums and ex-Emperors William and Hugh. May they rest in peace. Oh -- whoops, I'm not sure whether Hugh's death is actually official or not. He may still be publically alive..."
And what an existence Hugh had gone through in his final days. It was really better this way. Hugh had betrayed Artabanos more times than He could count, but he would betray Him no more. 'The folks over at the Imperial Guard Investigation Unit do such a good job', Artabanos though, 'They really deserve a payrise. Or, well, perhaps not a payrise. Perhaps a slice of cake as a token of gratitude.' Before He became too distracted, He continued: "But I imagine the transition must have been harder for you? What made you switch from acting to the Presidency?"
"Eh, well, I don't think Soman gas would work on biological pests, no. But it certainly worked on something, that's for sure. Don't be too freaked out, Albina, this was long, long ago, when I was not even remotely in charge" -- well, not officially, at the very least -- "Such things would obviously not happen these days. We have more secreti--- No, eh, where were we? Ah yes, business exchange. Absolutely, I'm sure I could entice some Inimician industry giants to set up in Czech Slavia. Tell me about working conditions in your country. What types of legislation would these companies have to deal with?"
The Emperor listened with intent to His counterpart's tale of friendship with the Inquistan Archbishop. Somewhere, in some part of His mind, He wished He still had friends like that. All His 'friends' currently were those who owed Him, or those who were afraid of Him. No basis for 'real' friendship. He remembered the days of Triclops, when a former Inquistan Archbishop and the President of Halsberg regularly came to Telum, they had drinks, they had food, and they joked about launching a thousand nukes at the Davishirian capital. Those were the days, but they were no more.
"I can completely imagine how you were drawn to Mikaela, she definitely has that effect on people. I'll let you in on a secret. One of the dusty old men you met earlier, Consul Strathclyde, I'm 95% convinced He's hands-over-heels in love with Kligenberg. You can see it in his eyes, you know what I mean? Anyway, I haven't actually had the pleasure of meeting the new Istkalenic chief. Judging from what you say though, it's not likely to be an actual pleasure. I get much the same feeling from the Vardic Archkonsul. I know he's nice, but he's also not at the same time, if that makes sense? In any case, us lively leaders have to stick together, wouldn't you say?"
The vegetables the President for Life mentioned stirred Artabanos's stomach. He could count on His fingers the pieces of fruit and veg He had eaten since the crash, and He wouldn't need more than one hand. "What is your government's position on tariffs for those food exports you mentioned? Obviously, I would never want to question the quality of Czech produce -- it's not just your men that look irresistibly devourable -- but for our consumers' sake it would be nice to bring this on the market at as low a price as possible. We are willing to sell you our bauxite without attached tariffs, so all you'll pay for are the raw materials."