Keeping Up With the Stakhanovites
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Keeping Up With the Stakhanovites was filmed in front of a live studio audience
Fred Stakhanovite appears, covered in coal dust: Honey, I’m home!
(Laugh track)
Marianne Stakhanovite: Fred, you’re covered in coal dust!
Fred, looking at the camera: That’s just because I’ve been working hard for the good of the proletariat, Marianne. As should all good citizens.
Marianne: But your dust isn’t good for this member of the proletariat.
(Laugh track)
Fred: Fine, I’ll go dust myself off outside.
(Laugh track continues)
Junior Stakhanovite enters.
Junior: Mum, I think my teacher supports Edward Firoux.
(Awww track)
Marianne: Surely, your teacher isn’t a… centrist.
(The audience gasps)
Junior, fighting back tears: Yyy-yes…
Marianne: I need to talk to your father about this… Fred!
Fred enters, newly cleaned off.
Fred: What’s this I hear about your teacher being a centrist?
Junior: Dad, it’s true. He loves Firoux and… Whiteford.
(The audience gasps again)
Fred: I’ll be having to have a conversation with him…
The theme tune plays, showing the family among the the suburbia CESAE VAUVRA.
In the communist party HQs, Jane Stakhanovite, their relatable millennial daughter was sat at her desk.
Jane Stakhanovite: Isn’t it hard, but rewarding work working for the proletariat of Icholasen.
the phone began to ring
Jane: Hello, Icholasen communist party HQ Jane speaking… (time elapsed as she listened to the request). For the last time no! We won’t stop bullying the FBPF centrists on twitter.com.
(Laugh track)
Jane’s actress waited an awkward amount of time before continuing: This is non negotiable, thank you.
(Laugh track continues)
Jane’s boss, Comrade George: Jane, have you finished compiling the list of enemies of the people?
Jane: I’m nearly there! I just need clarification on whether the Minister of Eurovoice, Paloma Faith is an enemy of the people.
Comrade George: Former Minister, Jane.
Jane: Ah, yes.
Comrade George: She’s definitely on the list. (George looks directly at the camera) If you have seen this woman please contact the communist party of Icholasen.
the number of the communist party of Icholasen flashes at the bottom of the screen
The scene changes. Fred and Mr. Jenkins are in the French classroom of Jirluchuz High
Fred: I hear you’ve been spreading centrist propaganda in our schools.
Mr. Jenkins: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Fred: My son, Fred Junior, says you said you support Edward Firoux in his campaign against Icholasen and Inquista.
Mr. Jenkins: Oh, no, I think your son is mistaken. I, as any good Nicoleizian hates centrists, especially Firoux.
Fred: Then what is he talking about?
(Laugh track)
Mr. Jenkins: Your son is great at French, but I think his Nicoleizian skills aren’t that good.
(Laugh track)
Fred: It seems you’re a good comrade, Mr. Jenkins.
(Awwwwww)
Fred exits, and then Mr Jenkins is seen on his computer looking at CENTRIST propaganda, such as Firoux’s twitter page.
(The audience boos)
The scene changes to back in the Stakhanovite House, all members of the household are assembled
Marianne, cooking dinner: It sure is nice living in a country free of centrists and reactionaries.
(Awwwwww)
Fred: Absolutely, I’m grateful for my job in the coal mine, where I, the proletariat, controls the means of production.
(Awwwwww)
Jane: And I’m thankful I get to help people by assigning who is an enemy of the people. Without me, no one would know who to hate. By the way, we’ve sent Jenkins to the gulag for being a centrist. I can’t believe he was teaching Junior subversive capitalist propaganda.
Fred: What??!?!?!?!?
(Laugh track)
Fred: I can’t believe I couldn’t tell…
(Audience gasps)
Fred: I guess the moral of the story is that anyone can be a centrist, and if you suspect they are the government can deal with them, because the government knows best.
The ending tune plays, showing the family among the the suburbia CESAE VAUVRA.
