SPECIAL ELECTIONS IN THE UNSR:

These coming elections are to the UNSR's upper house, the Assembly of Nationalities. Inn the last elections, the TANKIES faction secured a majority with 22 seats and the AEN faction got 18 seats. Each seat in this Assembly is supposed to have 2 seats and the 2021 special elections are electing the 2nd seats for the 40 Assembly of Nationalities constituency areas.

If the AEN wrested control of this chamber they would hold significant power as they would hold 2/3 of the branches of government.

Stephanie DeVey spoke to AEN candidate for Sederloau, Laura Francesca.

"You would have to win 23 seats this time to secure an overall majority, when just last year you only secured 18. What makes you think that this is possible ?"

"Well a lot has changed since then. People are living with AEN Presidents of their Republic, and I think people are seeing the work that can be achieved if we put our mind to it. I think they want that from their national government, too."

"If you don't manage to secure this, what do you think the future of the UNSR will look like ?"

"Well, I can't bear to think of it really. I want to see our communism evolve to be green, egalitarian, and decentralised. I want workers communes in the countryside where they smoke pot and listen to Grimes."

"What if those workers chose to listen to someone like, say, Carlos ?"

"Then they simply wouldn't be allowed in the commune, Stephanie. They would have to trample home, in a LSD induced fever dream, if they dared play that godawful music."

"Thank you for your insight. Now, onto international relations. Korojaunu Sanders is meeting the President of Fremet today, do you think he has what it takes to secure a good deal for Icholasen ?"

"There are many areas where the Korojaunu and I agree, he wants us to reintegrate into the European Union, unlike some of his colleagues. I think when you vote for the AEN you know what you're getting. When you vote for the TANKIES, they could have any number of positions on the European Union. It's just a mess."

"And finally, what are your thoughts on dairy legalisation ?"

"I'm all for drugs being legalised, but I am of the view that dairy produces too much carbon dioxide to ethically consume. I have grown accustomed to oat milk now - I love it it's great."

"Thank you for your time. That was Stephanie DeVey from Cesae Vauvra."

While this was going on, Carlos and Tommy returned to their respective dressing rooms to get ready.

Tommy was getting ready with Anastasia... they then broke into the song : Slipping Through My Fingers, from the Hit Musical, Mamma Mia.

"Anastasia, will you..." Tommy said, "will you... give me away ?"

"Yeah..." Anastasia said, and they resumed their song.

Statement by Her Royal Highness Queen Anastasia II

I will wait 72 hours for devolution to be restored to Copala City and the Maxwells charges dropped, or I will engage in divorce proceedings with the Reitzmic guy I married, whatever his name was.

Unfortunately, as a royal, one seldom marries for love. This was a decision to keep my people safe and sound, and to restore Copala City and New Moreland's agreed powers in that treaty we all signed.

Bless up, have a great day everyone. I'll be at the Romanov Bar and Grill.

After releasing her statement, Anastasia was playing fortnite with her 7 year old triplets, when she had an idea. She had given an ultimatum to her husband of a few weeks to restore the devolution of Copala City or pursue divorce. Anastasia, however, as head of the Church of Icholasen wouldn't really fathom divorce. It was like a cardinal sin or something. That is totally NOT like canonically and correct with the guy upstairs. She began to snapchat Prince Tommy.

After that fruitful discussion with Tommy, she endeavoured to go and talk to the groundskeeper. However, a Fortnite victory royale was calling, and her 7 year old children needed help - Tomato Town had been wiped out and they had to fight back. Poison would have to wait .... for now.

Piane Daggot uses hologram technology to beam an image of herself to Tromsø in Fremet

'Fremetians !' Daggot said, enthused. 'This island has a proud history, and I am so proud of where Fremet is today. I am also proud of Bernie Sanders and our government for finally acknowledging the role our nation had in some of the worst atrocities of this island. I will say again, we are sorry. The European Union has the potential to be an organisation that ensures this never happens again, but I need your help to make that happen. The European Union has increasingly tried to marginalise the UNSR, going against its own constitution which states that any nations may join. As Sanders visit shows, the UNSR wants peace. But unfortunately the current EU administration and EPA are denying it that chance. The UNSR wants to cooperate across these islands. But this is currently encumbered by the EU. This does not mean that this can never change - if you elect me as your Internal Affairs Commissioner, it will send a strong message that the people of Fremet - arguably the most affected people by this continued belligerent policy, do not approve. I sincerely hope you use the opportunity of your vote as a vote for peace and cooperation.

But it isn't just about foreign policy. I want to see legislation to mandate worker representation on boards across Europe, so that Fremet's system where workers are prioritised is not disadvantaged by nations where this is not the case. I want to see less funding for bloated and irrelevant projects, and more funding for projects that help local and sustainable manufacturing like in furniture, for example.' She winked obviously. 'One of my policies to do this, is to divert funding from the ESA and directly into the hands of sustainable homegrown industries to make sure well paid jobs are maintained, and we reduce the CO2 emissions that come from shipping goods. It is imperative we get value for European taxpayers, and also improve lives in Europe and make a difference.

I will now take any questions from the press.’

From SR1: 'With the signing of the Treaty of Finisterre, the rise of the Telum Pact, and ongoing negotiations in Mennrimiak, how would you approach growing economic pacts forming outside the purview of the European Union?’

‘I believe nations have the sovereignty and thus the right to do this. I think the participation in economic globalisation must be the choice of groups of member states to partake in, it should not be forced on members. Individual nations are free to do what they please.'

From NRK: 'Will you be endorsing a candidate for the Premiership?’

'Absolutely, I wholeheartedly endorse Sofie Čikarová for the Premiership. She is fierce and a legend. Sofierce has my vote !

From Die Zeit: 'How would your environmental objectives affect the Fremetian hydroponics and high-density farming industry?'

'I strongly believe nations should be able to choose how they farm. My policies on climate won’t seek to limit or ban certain countries’ practises, like some of my interlocutors. Rather, I would propose to give nations the tools to help them transition away from any practises they sought to move away from. The key element is choice. In a net 0 society, there will still be polluting elements and some practises we just cannot live without. I would like European countries to have the utmost agency in these hard decisions. It isn’t for Europe to make those choices for countries and impose arbitrary rules that are certainly not one size fits all. But, the EU should offer way more support. Right now, the EU is paying for polluting rockets and the desecration of land and forests for space ports, paying for the mining of materials and fuels for useless rockets. Surely, we could use this money to pay for terrestrial pursuits like green industries right here in Fremet, instead of burning money. It’s time people saw a benefit from EU membership, rather than literally pie in the sky ideas from Biden et al.'

Ibiza, Spain, 2021

In their separate dressing rooms, Tommy and Carlos prepared for their wedding. They were styled by the finest designers from all over the continent, their work being displayed at this, one of the most high profile weddings of the year.

Carlos

(en español con subtítulos en inglés)

Carlos, in another wing of the hotel, gathered his Spanish and other compatriots. Carlos slipped into his fancy shorts, relatively fancy Hawai'ian shirt, and leather slides. He then began to wonder what his fiancé was up to, what he was doing in his room. Carlos had invited his colleagues from the ministry of Eurovoice to join him, including his Best Man, Paloma Faith.

"So, Carlos" said Paloma, "does this marriage mean you'll never retry Eurovoice ?"

"Si, I think after I get married and have a few niños and niñas, I will not have time to make music anymore."

"That's a shame, I might have to get Taylor to reprise her mass produced trash."

"Hey, I heard that." Taylor said.

"Shut up, Taylor." everyone said.

Tommy

Their choice of Ibiza was obvious, the weather this time of year, in July, was beautiful. Tommy looked out of the window of the large hotel at the beach just outside. The blue waves crashed upon the white hot sand. It was going to be a beach wedding, with the guests then attending a reception still on the beach. Swimwear was optional. He looked at the full hog roasting over the fire, and couldn't wait to have some of it.

He had already gotten dressed, it wasn't really a struggle to get into a suit. He was just sitting around at this point, on his phone, sipping champagne. The girls in the hotel room were all talking about the day ahead, but Tommy couldn't help having doubts.

He had been the party boy, famous for his use of class A drugs and wild lifestyle. Now he was getting married ? What had happened ? Was he ready to enter true monogamy, there was no way to turn back... except divorce, or annulment.

And, what of his relationship with God ? Divorce would ruin that cherished and strong relationship that he had. God said nothing against heroin, but he did say quite a lot about divorce. Probably.

Tommy beckoned to Mikaela to follow him to the bathroom. He shut the door and began to wash his hands.

"Mikaela, I don't know if I can go through with this."

Carole Baskin hosts a meeting of the UNSR's cooperative presidents at the Assembly of Workers

Both large and small cooperatives alike have gathered their (elected) presidents at the Assembly of Workers. Presidents such as NBC's president Élizabeth Martichoux (Icholasen's principal broadcasting agency), Jean Giroux, president of Susci, one of the big 5 supermarkets in Icholasen, and many more smaller ones.

The main theme of the summit was international trade, Baskin wants cooperatives to have more power in accepting investment from foreign companies or states. This bill would be the largest increase in the openness of the UNSR's economy since the revolution. It would permit investment, increased trade, and less regulation for cooperatives so long as they follow the rules about the limited wage difference ratio between employees of all levels, the power of employees to have plebiscites and elect their president, and the general principle of reducing CO2 and pollution of all kinds. Many in her own faction and the opposing faction disagree with her about this for various reasons. Let's take a look at the composition of the Assembly of Workers, the body which decides employment regulations among other things.

Around 286 AEN Assembly Members are die-hard Baskinites and will support her in whatever she does. However, around 151 are part of the more anarchist faction whose most extreme members want a return to a largely pre-industrial revolution society, with smaller factories, organic farming, and the return of green spaces. This second faction, headed by Misty Foxx (who in a surprise win became Majority Whip) will probably oppose an increase in trade with the rest of the world. They want carbon emissions lowered by any means necessary in order to prevent climate change, and of course more trade means more CO2.

However, Baskin has argued that there can be limits placed on some unnecessary trade so that it can be produced in the UNSR, while still increasing some services based trade. The UNSR is far from full employment, with a pre-revolution level of 16,8% - which, admittedly, was reducing under the reign of Whiteford. Baskin's plan, however, differs from that of Whiteford. Whiteford wanted to increase Icholasen's services industry, as the jobs lost to globalisation were not going to come back, she believed. This had some effect, but there was still an increase of productivity, without an increase in wages. Baskin wants more things to be built and made in Icholasen, rather than relying on imports.

This proposal has support among some TANKIES - the TANKIES are acutely aware of the effects of a European Union blockade on the UNSR, and are in agreement that more things need to be made on the island of Icholasen. This same thinking has triggered the use of public parks to grow vegetables and subsidies to encourage cooperatives' increased breeding of animals while Icholasen still has access to foreign grain. These animals will be able to be culled en masse and their meat frozen in the event of an EU blockade. In addition, the production of powdered eggs has been ramped up by the executive branch.

Stevie Nicks, speaking at the convention of cooperative presidents said the following;

'I am fully in favour of increasing production on the island of Icholasen - this will reduce Icholasen's CO2 emissions for transportation. It will also bring us closer to our goal of full employment, with people able to train to be able to have a practical benefit on their society. This is a great return to human society of old, collective ownership of basic and fundamental industries. It is also a welcome return to our world pre-globalisation, where most things that our people used were made right here on our island! What a concept. I know some in my faction will oppose this for not going far enough, but whilst there is still a large threat of invasion and suppression of our revolution, we must take all the wins we can.

With this win, we can continue to oppose the evil reforms planned by the TANKIES. Us in the AEN must stand together for that. As the 2021 Assembly of Nationalities election starts to heat up, this is what we must talk about. We must protect our civil liberties from the TANKIES, but also empower our cooperatives to ensure that our people are free at work too. I am so glad that the elected presidents of these cooperatives have come here today to share their ideas. I hope that we can re-orientate our economy to focus on people's health and the reduction of pollution, the reduction of unemployment to ensure everyone has a job that they can be proud of, and the democratisation of work.'

Cécile Laucre, Speaker of the Assembly of Nationalities agreed with the legislation in principal, but had serious concerns

Speaking at a press conference about Eastern Haane, Cécile was asked about this new bill.

'I think that the UNSR does need to increase its economic self dependence, and I like all TANKIES are in favour of cooperative ownership of most industries. However, nationalised industries are also owned in the common good, too. It's a trust. I'm glad to see we both have the priority of reducing unemployment, the state was always able to do that but Whiteford chose not to. She sold Icholasen down the river through globalism. Now, at least, the state is doing something to resolve this problem.

There are some ways in which this bill goes against communism, however. I don't think trading with capitalist corporations even if the workers consent is true communism. However, that was in their faction's manifesto and they won in that branch of government. I am glad that in the upper house we have a more orthodox approach.

I have spoken with Korojaunu Sanders about creating new mines/drills and opening old ones in order to increase Icholasen's already strong energy independence. We have natural gas, coal, and crude oil which means that our energy sector can continue to be independent. Me and Baskin have, however, agreed to start funding electric cars, seeing as our oil reserves are out in the open ocean and thus vulnerable.'

A reporter asks; 'Ms. Laucre, do you not think that we should be moving away from hydrocarbons and pollutants to prevent climate change?'

'I think that Nicoleizians and the UNSR is not to blame for most of climate change, I do believe in it, but we have been forced to use these sources of energy for the foreseeable future due to the danger of a blockade on us. I will be speaking with Baskin about the investment into existing and new renewable energy, like wind farms, but these will have to be on land due to the imperialist forces in rightful Nicoleizian waters.'

The vote in the Assembly of Workers was called that day, and after Misty Foxx's endorsement it was clear it would pass. The bill which gives more freedoms to cooperatives to trade with corporations and other states (provided they have the approval of the workers) means that the UNSR will be a much more open country to the world. Baskin hopes that she can rekindle the economic relationship that was forged with Inquista under Craticus, though that is increasingly unlikely under the Bishopric of Mikaela Kligenberg. Other economic partners that could be forged may come forward, but a potential Nicoleizian manufacturing boom is technically feasible. It is just up to nations and workers to negotiate on the price for the labour and goods. Will working as a collective and spending less on the bloated salaries of managers increase profit margins for foreign companies, or will the increased labour rights make it a nightmare?

The vote went as follows, with the AEN staying more unified than that TANKIES. Many TANKIES supported this bill just for the fact that it could help the UNSR's economic system survive. Many are much less concerned about strict adherence to theory at this very moment, since the UNSR is in a perilous position.

Queen Anastasia, Carlos and Prince Tommy

Queen Anastasia and Prince Tommy had been living in Ibiza for the last several months. It had been bliss - the weather was absolutely perfect. Of course, as September came, the heat on Ibiza had somewhat dampened - but it was still hot enough for both of them. A beach-side vacation had been just what they had needed. Since the revolution that had few boring royal engagements, like opening an orphanage - SNORE! Helping some schoolkids fund their new sports pitch - BORING!!! Encouraging some dying hospital patients to push through - DULL!!!!!! However, lazing by the sea was becoming boring, and they were all three ready for a party. A change of pace.

Anastasia and Tommy were getting ready in their quarters, as Tommy and Carlos were not yet married, they had to stay in separate quarters. Of course Tommy was as much of a virgin as a hooker from Trondheim, but they still had pretences to maintain, with this 40 year age-gap, homosexual and royal couple. Both Tommy and Anastasia had become rather tanned, their apartment in Ibiza being in prime position for both the beach and the pool that they shared with their Airbnb guests. They had rented it out to some Inquistan partiers, some Fremetian boomers and some Nicoleizian refugees with nowhere else to flee. Of course Anastasia had to kick these refugees out once they could no longer pay the fee.

'Tommy I have been given a secret mission, and I'd like you to help me with it.' Said Anastasia

'What is it ? I'm not running coke across the border again - you know I'm clean now.'

'No, no nothing like that. The government has instructed me that pea warfare is back on. Now, I really do not want to get pea-ed on.'

'I thought you were into tha--'

'No, who said that?'

'I'm staying silent. There's nothing wrong with that though, of course. Everyone has their things. Like me, I'm into Icholo-Spanish Eurovoice royalty who are 40 years my former. It's kind of niche though, so I'm lucky I found Carlos.' Tommy commented.

'You really are lucky you found Carlos, you couldn't have found a normal man, no one who wasn't both 40 years older than you and also obese would like you.'

'That's unfair - but also kind of true. But hey, at least none of my husbands are dead.'

'Those were very unfortunate accidents.'

'Uh, yeah.' Tommy said.

Just then, a knock came at the door. It was Carlos. 'Guys, we're gonna be late.'

'You can come in, babe.' Tommy said.

Carlos entered, wearing a Hawaiian shirt. 'Why are you wearing that?' Tommy said.

(OOC: There are no pictures of Carlos in a remotely appropriate outfit. Let me live.)

'Accept my lifestyle.' Carlos said. 'This shirt got me through Eurovoice -- you know how stressful it is to work with Paloma Faith. If I didn't come second, I could've died.'

'Don't keep spreading those baseless accusations.' Anastasia said, scolding him. 'Paloma is literally a Saint. She would never ever lay a finger on anyone. Butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.'

'Um, okay.' Carlos said. 'Anyway, we're late. I can hear Mikaela's shrill voice down there, she's going to be mad if we don't get down there very soon.'

'Okay, but before we go, we simply must defend each other against any peas.'

Carlos and Tommy nodded in agreement.

'And if necessary, we can take to the offensive.' Anastasia retorted.

Eilidh Whiteford:

Eilidh 'Centrist' Whiteford was coming in from Europolis after finishing her term as Premier Commissioner. She was pleased that her colleagues were going to be here for a last hurrah after finishing her term. She was very proud of what was achieved during her time in office. Whiteford was rather square. She was never a party girl. Maybe the Nicoleizian delegation and Jean-Claude 'Alcoholic' Juncker would be able to bring her out of her centrist, square, plain-Jane shell. She was now the official Korojaunu of the United Dominions of Icholasen and as such it was a gathering of the key Nicoleizians. Wouldn't it be terrible if some communists came and tried to kill her and the royals? Absolutely! Let's hope that doesn't happen.

Whiteford touched down in Inimicus and made her way to the party. She saw Tommy, Carlos and Anastasia walking through the corridor, and they recognised each other and decided to walk in together. They walked in the room and saw some people she recognised that she wanted to meet, but first she curtseyed in front of His Imperial Majesty, Artabanos, and said; 'Pleased to meet you, I'm not sure if we've met before.' Anastasia and the others followed Whiteford's lead.

STEPHANIE DeVEY: Jean-Claude Juncker is one of the most controversial, well-known, and most influential members of the European Progressive Alliance, formerly lead by Edward Firoux. Jean-Claude, after serving two terms as Internal Affairs Commissioner, is now eyeing the position of Premier Commissioner. Among him also running are Sofie Čikarová and Dr. Iskiris Koline. I started by asking Juncker to summarise his programme in 3 words.

JCJ: Bring Europe back

SDV: Would you say the EPA brand has been tainted in the last few weeks and months ?

JCJ: The European Progressive Alliance brand isn't tainted and it has never been, but the discrepancies of some Councillors with the words of other Councillors from the same organisation are what made the situation slightly bad. Anyway, I trust Donald will do a nice job and will be able to rescue the EPA and bring most of our former members, like Speaker Michel, back into our group.

SDV: What would you say to people struggling with the effects of globalisation ?

JCJ: To those struggling, all I could tell them is Europe and its politicians are always here to help. If you realise, our world is changing incredibly fast and not even us are able to keep the same speed as globalisation. One of the challenges the European Union has, and despite being quite old, I will try to complete, is going faster that globalisation and adapt ourselves to the future challenges we will have.

SDV: Tell me why you are uniquely qualified for this position.

JCJ: I'm uniquely qualified for this position because I know what the European Union is about; I have been the Internal Affairs Commissioner for 8 months, achieving great things like the first mediation ever in the Caspian, the European Leaders' Summit, I proposed to create a mobile phone app to let the Europeans be informed about what's going on in Europolis and I have never prioritised my country or my own interests over the European Union's. Other cannot say the same. Also, if you look at the candidates running for Premiership, you have one who believes that Communism is the right choice for Europe and that will solve all our problems, and another who says the EU has no sense at all. Of course, their views are respectable and must be respected, but that's not what we need to fix the European Union. The only one carrying reasonable proposals, like the 2030 EU Strategy, a new budget or putting an end to shady companies that the EU funds, or at least, making them useful.

SDV: Ignoring the legislative hurdles, if you could change anything in Europe at the click of a button what would you change ?

JCJ: That's quite a good question, because there are many things I would like to change in Europe by just pushing a button. (Juncker laughs) But I think that our main priority when it comes to changing things should be the Constitution, and if at the click of a button we could all agree and change it to a better one, then that would be what I would change right now; and I'm pretty confident to get a new constitution going by the end of the first term or the start of a second one, if I'm re-elected.

SDV: You have identified the EU as being « a Broken Union », however, with the relatively limited powers of the Premier, how do you intend to fix this ?

JCJ: When I first ran for Internal Affairs, I was told the one who had more power in the European Union was the Premier Commissioner. Then I won the election and made the Internal Affairs Commissioner have the hugest amount of power, while the Premiership lost it. That means tendencies can be changed again, and we can go back to that time when the Premier was the most powerful seat. Still, I want to remark that I'm not running because I want power or things like that, I want to help Europe as much as I can and being active on the Commission and answering at the same time the events take place is what we should do. The Premier can do many things, you just need to have someone competent seated there.

SDV: And finally, who should the EU sanction, and how ?

JCJ: The EU shouldn't sanction anyone as of now, because it wouldn't be good for us. We need to stop looking at foreign states problems and start looking at our own problems first. You know I am not a fan of the UNSR, but I think mediation is the best way to end that conflict, same with Copala City, and that's what we will try to do. If some side says no to a mediation, they the whole of Europe will know who doesn't want to fix things and end the madness

SDV: Thank you very much for your time.

JCJ: Thank you.

Cécile Laucre was pacing her office. A demilitarised zone had built up between the two Icholasens. The economic situation was not looking good and the Nicoleizian people yearned to be one again. Was she strong enough to keep a lid on all the discontent in her fiefdom?

As a female tyrant, she put a certain feminine swing on things. And as such, she decided a cocktail soirée was the best way sure up international support.

Enter PUTINA.

‘You sent for me ma’am.’ The big boobed head of the Nicova (secret police) said.

‘Yes, Putina, we need to discuss the security arrangements for when the international community arrives at our cocktail soirée.’

‘Yes ma’am. I’ve arrested several journalists just to be sure.’

‘Thank you loyal Putina. I shall start designing the cocktail menu.’

Several days letter, at the Palace of the Republic, Putina surveyed where the party would take place. As she was in charge of the festivities and wanted to seem inconspicuous, she was also dressed in a beautiful dress. Which showed her two big melons.

The time for the non denominational secular winter holiday party had begun. The cocktail menu was as follows:

UNSR Mule: vodka, ginger beer, lime juice, mint

White Nicoleizian (why it gotta be white): vodka, coffee liqueur, cream

Long Island (the island in question being Icholasen) iced tea: vodka, tequila, triple sec, gin, cola

Nation Name: Nicoleizian Joint Eurovoice Team
Artist: Shirin David
Song: Bauch Beine Po
Link to youtube: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=U5R9dA9EeB8&pp=ygUOYmF1Y2ggYmVpbmUgcG8%3D
Vote deliverer with their image linked: Françoise Hardy https://www.telestar.fr/people/francoise-hardy-les-13-photos-incontournables-de-sa-carriere-85445
Link to your flag: Will find

Nation Name: Nicoleizian Joint Eurovoice Team
Artist: Maria and Margot Helling
Song: Servus, Gruezi, und Hallo!
Link to YouTube: link
Vote deliverer with their image linked: Pan-Nicoleizian Minister of High Culture, Françoise Hardy

Full Nation Name: Nicoleizian Joint Eurovoice Team
Artist: Rocío Dural
Song (with link to YouTube): La Gata Bajo La Lluvia
Vote deliverer with their image linked: Françoise Hardy

Full Nation Name (with link to current flag image): Nicoleizian Joint Eurovoice Team
Artist: IVE
Song (with link to YouTube): After Like
Vote result announcer/s (with image link): Françoise Hardy

Anne-Marie David, ecologist President of the Federal Republic of Icholasen, has invited leaders from across Europe to discuss important matters of green policy. The Conference of Major Green Parties, in Saint Romain - the provisional capital of the New Republic - aims to unite Green Party leaders in one space to discuss green policy.

Anne-Marie gave the floor to whomever wished to speak first.

It seemed no one had come to the casting call.

"Well this is unfortunate." Anne-Marie David said.

"While we're here..." said Elvira Lovescome. "Why don't you just name me Councillor ? I could do a great job."

"Go on then. If that is all, Your Holiness, I shall be on my way back to Saint Romain to keep the New Republic going. God Bless." She saluted.

Prince Tommy didn't know what a Kosovo was. He assumed it meant some kind of STD. "Ummm... what ?" Tommy said. He was into it until the ethnic-Albanian STD was mentioned. "You're cute, but... I stay #safe."

Prince Tommy entered the great Ball Room. Coincidentally, that’s what he called his living room. It was a sight to behold ! What magnificence. This is what happenned when you got gays to design your buildings, and not straight guys with no respect for the male form. Tommy then decided he would try to find the guy on The App.
‘Wya’ he asked. He could see this mystery man was close, he wondered which of these Blue Croat hunks was his mystery admirer ?
‘What are you doing ? Why are you on your phone ?' Carlos asked, somewhat hurt. Before they had left Ibiza Tommy said he wouldn’t go off without him on this trip.
‘Don’t worry, querido. I won’t leave you.’
‘Hmm.’ Carlos said.
A pause.
Carlos saw the buffet tray and was enticed by a chocolate finger. Mmmm a chocolate finger... It reminded him of a vacation in pre-volcano Nofoaga.
As he saw Carlos wander off he said: ‘honey I’m going to the bathroom.’
‘Okay.’ Carlos said, fixated on the food at this point.
Once arrived in the bathroom he went in a stall and opened up The App. He refreshed a bunch of times and saw the mystery man was very close.

Tommy checked The App once again and grew impatient with the replies. Why was he checking it ? It was a night with gays right HERE in front of him. He remembered his time with Ross fondly. Where princes in the past found glory in war, he found glory in holes. Those were the days. Though if the tape got out he’d be in for it. He tensed up, paralysed with fear. Where was the tape ? It was done back in the days when it was physical not an iPhone recording à la Hunter Biden. But then he sighed a sigh of relief: he remembered he signed an NDA. No one breaks NDAs.

“So Ross how was your journey here ? Join the now high club yet ?”