Cardinal name: George Evans

Age: 74
Short bio: Archbishop of Palmyra, appointed by Pope Aloysius in 2013. Ordained a priest in 1969, served as chaplain to the University of New Birmingham in the 1980s, consecrated a bishop in 1995. Speaks English, Italian, Latin.
Main priorities / any notable views: Supported the introduction of same-sex civil partnerships in Angleter; enthusiastically denies Holy Communion to payday lenders and other 'usurers'; organised multiple ecumenical roundtables with representatives of other faiths.
Cardinal name: Malcolm Sidhu

Age: 72
Short bio: Archbishop of Wells, appointed by Pope Clement XV in 2006. Ordained a priest in 1972, served as parish priest in various communities, consecrated a bishop 1997. Speaks English, Arabic, Greek, Latin.
Main priorities / any notable views: Staunch opponent of abortion and euthanasia; organises regular public processions; prefers the Traditional Latin Mass; stubbornly refuses to turn up to Cardinal Evans' ecumenical roundtables.
Cardinal name: Todd Unctious

Age: 70
Short bio: Vatican Secretary of State since 2013; previously Archbishop of New Birmingham 2008-2013. Ordained 1975, pursued a mostly academic career in liturgical theology, consecrated a bishop 1996.
Main priorities / any notable views: Advocates a more efficient Vatican bureaucracy and a new drive to convert people to Catholicism; strong advocate of excommunicating members of the 'Crusade Against Corruption' terror group; introduced the Golden Cleric award while Archbishop to celebrate the good work of Angleteric priests.