Eurovoice 38 // Neomantua, Angleter

[Angleter]

Thank you, Vennu. VOTING HAS NOW CLOSED. Please do not vote, or you may still be charged.

While we're counting the results, it's time for a quick chat with the man who brought EuroVoice back to Angleter for only the third time in 38 editions. Yes, that's right, it's Nick Cave, and, of course, the Bad Seeds. What did you make of those performances, Nick?

I thought they were great, Nick. The competition's so strong, I don't know if I can pick a winner. All I know is they'll be better than the bloke who won EV 37.

Ahaha. Now, I know you've got some music for us tonight, but I thought maybe we could switch it up, you put your feet up, I crack the old guitar out, and we make it NICK KNOWLES AND THE BAD SEEDS. How about it?

No.

OK. Well, I hear you've got a special guest with you tonight?

Yes, we're going to sing with Kylie Minogue. A great Angleteric artist, and don't any of you forget that.

I'm sure they won't. So here's our EV 37 winners, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, with Kylie Minogue, singing Where The Wild Roses Grow. Take it away, Nick!

Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds ft. Kylie Minogue - Where The Wild Roses Grow

---

Now, I am told the results are very much in, so it's time to start our tour of the capitals of Europe, and get the results of the votes from the sixteen entrants in tonight's EuroVoice. We are just minutes away from knowing the winners of EuroVoice 38 and, of course, the hosts of EuroVoice 39.

As a quick reminder of the rules, every country or region gives 12 points to its favourite entry, 10 to the next best, then 8, then 7, 6, and all the way down to 1. I'm pleased to say that all entrants are reporting results, and there are no disqualifications from EV 38.

We start by going to Prague, and Antonin in Czech Slavia. Hello, Prague?

Hello, Nick; hello, Angleter; hello Europe!

Good evening, Antonin! Can I please have the results of the Czech televote?

Certainly, Nick. Our results are as follows:

Marnoua - 7
Spain - 6
Red Croatia - 5
Fremet - 4
Malborya - 3
Eastern Haane - 2
Inquista - 1

Our 8 points go to Nofoaga

Our 10 points go to Reitzmag

And our 12 points go to... Icholasen! Thank you Nick, and good night!

Thank you, Antonin! Icholasen with an early lead there.

[Angleter]

We're now going to Nofoaga, and in Port Beauharnais, where we've got Stefflon Don with the Nofoagan results. Good evening, Stefflon!

Good evening, Nick! Here are the results from Nofoaga:

Inquista - 7
Leagio - 6
Eastern Haane - 5
Conch Kingdom - 4
Angleter - 3
Czech Slavia - 2
Marnoua - 1

Thank you, Stefflon. The first points in EuroVoice history for another region, there; and what's more, I can tell you the audience here in Neomantua are very pleased to see points on the board for Angleter and Drake Bell. Now, can we have your top points?

Absolutely. 8 points go to Malborya.

10 points go to Icholasen.

And it's 12 points from Nofoaga to... SPAIN!

Thank you, Stefflon.

[Angleter]

Now, it's time to go to St Dominico and Inquista, where we're hoping to talk to Christine Baransk- er, I mean, Madame Marco. Hello, Inquista!

Hi, Nick! The results from Inquista are as follows:

Nofoaga - 7
Fremet - 6
Conch Kingdom - 5
Malborya - 4
Eastern Haane - 3
Czech Slavia - 2
Reitzmag - 1

And now for the big points. 8 points go to Spain.

10 points for Red Croatia.

And it's 12 points from Inquista to... ICHOLASEN!

Another 12 for Icholasen! Thank you, Madame Marco, and thank you, Inquista.

[Angleter]

Moving swiftly on, we're now going, for the first time, to Mennrimiak, where we've got Emilie Voe Noreng with the results of their televote. Isn't that right, Emilie?

That's right, Nick! Our votes are:

Nofoaga - 7
Malborya - 6
Leagio - 5
Angleter - 4
Icholasen - 3
Inquista - 2
Czech Slavia - 1

Great. And your 8, 10, and 12, please.

Certainly. That's 8 points for Reitzmag.

Our 10 points for Spain.

And our 12 points for MARNOUA. Good night, Europe, and thank you, Angleter!

Good night, Emilie! So with a quarter of the votes in, there's one point in it at the top between Icholasen and Spain. But it's all to play for, and at this moment, anyone can still be the winners of EuroVoice 38. Plenty of countries just a 12 pointer away from being right up there. And Mennrimiak and Vayinaod, there is still plenty of time for you to rack up some points.

[Angleter]

We're now heading over to Malborya, and Loren Allred. Are you ready with your votes, Loren, or would you like us to wait a little longer?

We're ready, Nick. The Malboryan votes are:

Eastern Haane - 7
Icholasen - 6
Inquista - 5
Reitzmag - 4
Mennrimiak - 3
Nofoaga - 2
Czech Slavia - 1

Great, thanks. And yo-

Our 8 points go to Red Croatia.

Our 10 points go to Fremet.

And the big 12 points from Malborya go to Spain! Thank you, Neomantua! We can't wait to see who the winners will be!

Thank you, Loren! Well, that's certainly good news for Morat and Aitana, our Spanish entrants.

[Angleter]

Now, it's time for one of our debuting countries; it's Marnoua, and Lluis Marchina. Good evening, Lluis!

Hello, Nick! Hello, Europe!

Can we have the Marnouan results, please?

Yes - our votes are as follows:

Angleter - 7
Leagio - 6
Inquista - 5
Red Croatia - 4
Fremet - 3
Malborya - 2
Reitzmag - 1

And the big numbers, please.

Certainly. Our 8 points go to... ICHOLASEN!

10 points... MENNRIMIAK!

And Marnoua's first ever 12 points go to... SPAIN!

Thank you, Lluis! I hope you're all enjoying this evening. I can tell you the audience here are loving that seven points for Angleter.

[Angleter]

From one debutant to another; hello Howie Mandel and Leagio! How's it going, Howie?

Hello Nick Knowles and Angleter! I'm doing very well, thank you.

That's good to hear. May we have Leagio's first ever EuroVoice votes, please.

Yes - our 1-7 points are as follows:

Mennrimiak - 7
Eastern Haane - 6
Czech Slavia - 5
Conch Kingdom - 4
Angleter - 3
Fremet - 2
Red Croatia - 1

Thank you. And your 8, 10, and 12?

Leagio is sending 8 points to... REITZMAG!

10 points to... INQUISTA!

And the big one, 12 points to... SPAIN!

That's 'how' for now, Leagio!

[Angleter]

To round out the first half of results, it's Friedrich Liechtenstein with the Fremetian votes. Hello, Friedrich!

Hallo, Nick!

Can we pl- wait, what the, why are you, er, never mind. Can we have the results of the Fremetian televote, Freidrich?

Our votes are like so:

Marnoua - 7
Malborya - 6
Czech Slavia - 5
Angleter - 4
Spain - 3
Mennrimiak - 2
Nofoaga - 1

And the 8, 10, and 12?

*Fremet's 8 points go to Inquista.

Our 10 points go to Icholasen.

And our 12 points from Fremet go to... RED CROATIA!*

Thank you, Friedrich. Enjoy your bath!

[Angleter]

Now we're at the halfway stage, let's take a closer look at the leaderboard.

Spain in the lead there, 14 points ahead of Icholasen. There's a bit of a gap there to Red Croatia in third, but anyone could string together a run of high points and put themselves right back in the race.

Mennrimiak got their first points from Malborya, and now they're right up there in mid-table; so Vayinaod, there's hope for you guys yet.

[Angleter]

OK, let's kick off the home stretch with a quick trip to New Birmingham, where we've got William Shatner in Sirion TV headquarters, ready to give us the votes from the hosts. Isn't that right, Bill?

You're totally right, Nick! Great show out there in Neomantua; you've done Angleter proud tonight!

Thanks very much, Bill.

Now... the results... of the Angleteric... televote... are like so:

Reitzmag - 7
Inquista - 6
Nofoaga - 5
Marnoua - 4
Conch Kingdom - 3
Red Croatia - 2
Czech Slavia - 1

Thanks, Bill. And the big points?

8... points... go... to... ICHOLASEN!

10 points... for... MALBORYA!

And the 12... points... from Angleter... are going... to... MENNRIMIAK!

12 points for Mennrimiak! Thanks Bill!

[Angleter]

We're now heading a little further afield - just a bit - to Eastern Haane, and Tristan. Hello, Tristan!

Hello, Nick!

Let's have the results of the Eastern Haane televote, please.

Absolutely, Nick. Our points are as follows:

Red Croatia - 7
Nofoaga - 6
Czech Slavia - 5
Inquista - 4
Conch Kingdom - 3
Reitzmag - 2
Spain - 1

Brilliant. And the 8, 10, and 12, please.

Our 8 points go to MALBORYA!

10 points... it's ICHOLASEN!

And it's 12 points for FREMET!

Thank you, Tristan, have a good evening!

[Angleter]

Moving very swiftly on, we're dialling up one of the Icholasens - not entirely sure which one, but it's the one with the incomparable Stephanie DeVey. Good evening, Stephanie!

Good evening, Nick!

May I have the Nicoleizian votes, please?

You can! Our points are:

Fremet - 7
Spain - 6
Malborya - 5
Inquista - 4
Eastern Haane - 3
Mennrimiak - 2
Marnoua - 1

Thank you.

And the points you've all been waiting for. 8 points... CZECH SLAVIA!

10 points... NOFOAGA!

And 12 points... RED CROATIA! Thank you and goodnight!

Thank you very much Stephanie! So, as soon as they'd lost it, Spain retake the lead. But bear in mind they still have yet to vote, so it's still very much all to play for.

[Angleter]

Fresh off that 12, it's time to go to Red Croatia, and Queen Latifah!

Hello, Nick!

Now, who do the people of Red Croatia want to be Queen, or King, of EuroVoice 38?

Well, the Rechroatian votes are as follows:

Mennrimiak - 7
Spain - 6
Inquista - 5
Czech Slavia - 4
Marnoua - 3
Angleter - 2
Eastern Haane - 1

Great, thanks. And the big points, please.

Red Croatia's 8 points are going to Fremet.

Our 10 points are going to Nofoaga.

And it's 12 points from Red Croatia to... ICHOLASEN!

Thank you, Your Majesty! 12 points for Icholasen, putting them back into the lead.

[Angleter]

Now, it's time to make a long-distance call... except we're not, because he was performing tonight, so he's here. But in the green room, it's time to make EuroVoice history as we get the first votes from outside Europe, with Bono and the results from Conch Kingdom! Bono?

Hello, Nick!

How's, er, how's the Edge?

The Edge is fine.

How's Adam Clayton?

Adam Clayton is fine.

How's, er, the drummer?

The drummer is fine.

When did you last see the gang before tonight?

I met them last Thursday, at a pop concert.

Who were playing?

We were.

Right. Didn't see that advertised, you should sack your PR people!

We have.

Good. Now, can we have the Conch Kingdom votes, please?

Yes.

Reitzmag - 7
Marnoua - 6
Red Croatia - 5
Fremet - 4
Angleter - 3
Nofoaga - 2
Mennrimiak - 1

Great. And the big points?

Our 8 points go to Czech Slavia.

10 points go to Spain.

And the first ever 12 points from Conch Kingdom go to... ICHOLASEN!

Thank you, Bono! I hope you enjoy the rest of your time in Neomantua.

[Angleter]

Now, we're going to Mads Mikkelsen, in Vayinaod. Now Mads, I don't think this is going to be a win for Vayinaod this time...

[Mads remains expressionless]

...but maybe you could teach me, and the rest of Europe, something. What is the correct way to pronounce Vayinaod?

[Mads pronounces Vayinaod correctly]

Thank you, Mads. Now, let's have your points, please.

Yes; our points are as follows:

Inquista - 7
Leagio - 6
Malborya - 5
Icholasen - 4
Conch Kingdom - 3
Reitzmag - 2
Angleter - 1

Thank you. And the 8, 10, and 12, please.

The 8 points from Vayinaod go to Czech Slavia.

Our 10 points go to Fremet.

And our 12 points go to... Nofoaga.

12 points for Nofoaga! Thank you, Mads, and thank you [a smug smile spreads across Nick's face as he prepares to get the pronunciation right] Vayinaod!

[Angleter]

Now things are really heating up. For our second last set of votes, we're going to Antequera in Spain, with Rosario Flores on the other end of the line. Hello, Rosario!

Buenas tardes, Nick!

Now, Rosario, as you'll know, Spain cannot score points from itself, and with just one set of votes left after you, Icholasen needs just four points from Spain to win EV 38. Can we have the results of the Spanish televote, please?

Certainly, Nick. The results of the Spanish televote are as follows:

Conch Kingdom - 7
Czech Slavia - 6
Malborya - 5
Eastern Haane - 4
Mennrimiak - 3
Red Croatia - 2
Nofoaga - 1

Thank you. And your 8, 10, and 12 points, please.

Our 8 points go to Inquista.

Our 10 points, from Spain, go to... ICHOLASEN!

[Loud cheering can be heard from the audience]

AND OUR 12 POINTS GO TO FREMET!

Thank you, Rosario, and commiserations!

[Angleter]

But! For the sake of completeness, we're now going to Simon Cowell and our final votes of the evening, from Reitzmag. Hello, Simon!

Hello, Nick!

How are you?

I'm absolutely fine, Nick.

Are you sure you're alright?

Positive.

OK. Can we have the Reitzmic televote results, please?

Sure.

Marnoua - 7
Inquista - 6
Nofoaga - 5
Angleter - 4
Fremet - 3
Spain - 2
Conch Kingdom - 1

Thank you. And the final points of EuroVoice 38, please.

Reitzmag's 8 points go to Malborya.

Our 10 points go to Mennrimiak.

And our 12 points go to... LEAGIO!

[Nick lets out a deep sigh as Leagio overtakes Angleter on the leaderboard]

Thanks, Simon. And that concludes EuroVoice 38, and it gives me great pleasure to say that our winners tonight are SHAM ROCK with TELL ME MA for the great nation of ICHOLASEN!

And here are the complete results of EuroVoice 38 in Neomantua:

[Angleter]

Now, before we invite the winner up on stage, I'd like to invite on stage the man who makes all of this possible, an Angleteric EV hero, the one and only PETER MONTFORT!

Thank you, Nick. Tonight has been yet another wonderful display of the rich musical diversity of Europe, and, for the first time, beyond Europe. Angleter and Neomantua not only put on a great show tonight, we made history. I'd like to offer my particular thanks to Conch Kingdom for taking part in EuroVoice, and making this a truly global contest.

EuroVoice has been such a wonderful family to me, and such a big part of my life since I became Chief Executive of EuroVoice way back in 2015. The first time I stood on a EuroVoice stage was when I announced the results of EV 26 in Inquista - can you believe that?

But nothing stays the same. We all have to move with the times, and that includes EuroVoice, and you know, it includes me too. EuroVoice needs fresh ideas and fresh passion. So I'm announcing tonight that, sadly, EV 38 will be my final EuroVoice as Chief Executive, and I'll shortly be asking the EUBC to organise an election among the member broadcasters so my replacement can be in place before EV 39 in Icholasen this autumn.

[Groans and sad noises emanate from the audience. The cameras pan across and zoom in on a woman in floods of tears]

It gives me great pleasure to round out my EuroVoice journey with such a great and historic contest, and to do so right here in my home co---

[Vayinaod]

Even though the crowd was cheering for the EuroVoice results, some people in the front row felt slightly unedged due to a certain man.

For a man who claims Eurovoice to be the voice of the homosexual cultist agenda that seeks to control Europe, a subsection of Europe Lead and Dominated by Reitzmag, this man had purphased front row seats (an entire subsection that spelt out ELDR in its true name in fact.)

Finally as Peter Montfort finalised his final words to Europe, this man finally had a chance to get his message out to the world. He stormed the stage, took the microphone from Montfort’s hands and proclaimed.

“F*** GEORGINA COLDWELL AND HER WH*** LIFE.

YOU ALL CELEBRATE THIS DECADENT PARTY OF HOMOSEXUAL IDEOLOGIES THAT ONLY SEEKS TO UNDERMINE THE VERY CORE OF EUROPE.

INQUISTA HAS BECOME SUCH A SL** FILLED CESSPOOL OF PUS FILLED CU**S THAT IT NO LONGER CAN EXCUSE ITSELF. THAT'S WHY THEY FELL FLATTER THIS CONTEST THAN CRATICUS DID WHEN HE WAS BRUTALLY MURDERED. KARMA RIGHT?!?!?

ICHOLASEN IS A COMMUNSIT HELLHOLE FROM WHICH WE SHOULD ALL JUST CUT OFF ITS F**ING CCK AND [CENSORED FOR SET PERIOD TIME] AND AFTER WE DO THAT STUFF IT RIGHT INTO [CENSORED FOR SET PERIOD TIME] THAT EXCUSES ITSELF AS INQUISTA.

HEY YOU F**KING CAMERA POINT YOUR CAMERA AT THAT B**** DOWN THERE!

For some odd reason the Camera man actually does pan over to a random young woman who bares no real resemblance to Georgina Coldwell

LOOK YOU FS ITS GEORGINA COLDWELL ALIVE AND WELL. THANKS FOR STEALING MY LIFE FROM ME YOU C!.

NOW LET'S ALSO RECOGNIZE THAT THE GOD FEARING COUNTRY OF NOFOAGA AND MALBORYA HAD THEIR WIN STOLEN FROM DID. SPAIN TOO I GUESS BUT EH THE ENTRY KINDA SUCKED LETS ALL AGREE.

BEFORE I LEAVE HERE TONIGHT WITH MY GOOD FRIEND, PETER MONTFORT, LET ME JUST SAY ONE FINAL THING. WINSTON ORGANIZED THIS CONTEST TO SLOWLY ALLOW COMMUNIST SPONSORED MUSIC AND CULTURE TO SEEP INTO EUROPE. DO NOT FALL FOR IT! DONT LET REITZMAG’S PLACEMENT FOOL YOU, IN EV40 THEY WILL WIN AND START THEIR DOMINATION OF POWER AS WINSTON CONTROLS THE EU POLITICALLY VIA THE COMMISSION AND F***BOY FIROUX’S COUNCIL, AND CONTROLS IT CULTURALLY VIA THE ONLY REAL SOURCE OF ENTERTAINMENT IN THIS GODFORSAKEN CONTINENT.

MY NAME IS JOHN OLIVER AND F*** GEORGINA COLDWELL.”

Eurovoice security finally managed to get on stage and escort Oliver away, presumably to face some judicial reprimand.

[Inquista]

Inqusitan expats and tourists in the audience cheer when Montfort announces his resignation. The cheers turn into a loud echo of boos as John Oliver interrupts Montfort in order to espouse conspiratorial beliefs about a deceased girl.