Operation Parvacoles
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With El General and Copala tied down, Paloma called for a cease fire and the Inquistans and communists agreed. Taylor, legless and making the most of the time left before it was all over, whacked Tracey Martel unconscious with a Bible. A helicopter landed and took Copala, Katya, El General, Tracey Martel, and Communist Taylor Swift back to Icholasen via Pravoslaviya. Ginger Minj escaped into the scorching desert.
Paloma and Carlos remained on the ground until the next helicopter was able to arrive.
"Where is Ginger?" Paloma asked Carlos.
"Ayy dios mios, she must have escaped. Es un escandalo!"
"She won't get far - there's no food or supplies for miles..."
A SECRET LOCATION, DEEP IN ICHOLASEN
El General, Piane, Katya, Copala, Legless Communist Taylor Swift, and Tracy Martel were sat in a circle facing away from each other. They were handcuffed with pillowcases over their eyes.
"H-Hola?" El Capitan said.
"Shut up you capitalist" Legless communist Taylor Swift retorted.
It was a tense silence in the room as it was clear everyone had come to, but still had animosity surrounding the whole deathmatch they had been fighting just hours earlier.
"What do you think they'll do to us" Legless Communist Taylor Swift said, nudging who she believed was Katya, but was actually Copala.
"Shut up Legless Communist Taylor Swift" Katya said, knowing that it was her she was addressing.
Suddenly, a voice came over the intercom. "I want to play a game." It was Paloma Faith. "One by one, you will submit to these games to fight for your freedom. One of you might be allowed to leave, but, the reason you're being allowed out isn't because we think you're worthy. You're all disgusting human beings. Our reason is for you to spread the word that you do not fuck with the Ministry of Eurovoice." Paloma took a drink of her detox water, with cucumbers and lemons. It's important to look after one's health! "Ladies and Himbos, your first challenge will be in the next room. There'll be a tank of water, in which are 6 chests. 3 of the chests are duds, but 3 have a key to the next room. The keys will only work for 15 seconds, and after you use the key the doors will shut permanently. You can either work together, or not, to find the key you need. Good luck, and don't let the sharks bite!"
Unbeknownst to Paloma, the microphone was still broadcasting into the cell when Carlos said "ayyy, dios mios, Señora Faith, do you not think this is a bit cruel?"
"Of course not, do you not know what Legless Communist Taylor Swift has done to me? The stress alone has made me break out. Do you know how expensive Clearasil is on the black market?"
Suddenly, the shackles were released from the prisoners and they were allowed to freely discuss.
Katya whispered to Legless Communist Taylor Swift that she would swim down and retrieve the key, while Taylor guarded the surface. The two took this plan into action. Katya swam down, kicking one of the sharks in the mouth and avoiding the other fish to look inside one chest. It was empty. Katya rushed back up to the surface to catch a breath, and then went back down again, kicking another shark. Katya opened one chest and finally found a key. She swam to the surface and opened a door allowing her and Legless Communist Taylor Swift into the next room.
Piane bided her time before getting into the pool. She gambled one of the Inquistans would fuck up and allow her to swim down with less competition. Time would tell if this tactic would pay off.
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"Not to worry señorita, I can get us a key," El General whispered to Copala as their chains were unshackled.
"Oh please, I've handled my fair share of sharks," Copala retorted as she immediately dove into the water. Copala punched and kicked several sharks before reaching a chest. Copala opened the chest and was fortunate enough to find a key within in it. Copala quickly returned to the surface and then used the key to escape to the next room.
El General was an experienced diver, having grown up on Ibiza, so diving into the water and holding his breath was no challenge to him. He was also a freakish physical beast, so he was able to use his strength to successfully wrestle the sharks and ward them off with brute force. Despite this, El General seemed to lack luck. He managed to reach a chest at the bottom of the water and hurriedly open it. It was empty. El General then swam over to the other end of the water to reach another chest. It was also empty. He spun around in the water. All the chests were already open.
El General returned to the surface when he suddenly noticed Tracy Martel, in a pink bikini, gleefully skipping to the exit door with a key. El General stuck his hand back into the water, grabbed a shark, and tossed it at Tracy as she skipped towards the door. The shark went flying and knocked Tracy down. El General sprinted toward Tracy and put her in a headlock. He managed to get the key off Tracy, but not before she grabbed his leg and began begging him to bring her along. "Please! We can work together!" Tracy pleaded.
He shook his leg free from Tracy's grasp. "You are no Valentina," El General scoffed as he then turned around and then ran to the door, using the key to get inside.
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The Red Army bazooka'ed the door to the secret complex and stormed in. They found the Inquistans and the communists locked in a room, with, unfortunately, Tracy Martel lying dead. The Inquistan group was terrified seeing the communist coat of arms on the ushankas of the soldiers, they knew that they would surely be killed. But, since there was a new marriage of convenience formed between Inquista and Communist Icholasen, the Inquistans were allowed to safely return to their native land -- flown there in a Nicoleizian transport plane. The communists too returned to their functions in Cesae Vauvra. Piane Daggot, Air Marshall Katya and Communist Legless Taylor Swift all returned to their posts.
Paloma Faith, Carlos and Mary Lambert were in the control room of the secret torture dungeon, but they could no longer see due to all the dust coming from the collapsed side of the building where the rocket hit. Paloma, panicked, starting shouting in the general direction of Carlos "you've fucked it for all of us, I know you've been texting Prince Tommy... they tracked the signal, Goddamnit!! You oaf!!!"
Despite this confrontation, they managed to run out into the forest via a secret exit pipe where they encountered Lieutenant Commander Mark François Driving Miss Crumplebottom in a militarised Range Rover Evoque. Mark immediately noticed the Ministry of Eurovoice gang walking along the highway, using the eagle-eyed military perceptiveness that one can only learn as a Territorial Army Caterer. He slowed down and offered to pick them up and they drove to the Rebels' ski chalet deep in the Portland mountains, evading communist detection across all of Icholasen.
