MAKE EUROPE GREAT AGAIN! Trympov 2020
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ABOUT DRAGAN TRYMPOV
Dragan Trympov is the very definition of the European success story, setting the standards of excellence in his business endeavours, and now in Pravoslaviyan and European politics.
A self-made billionaire, Trympov inherited just a few million Pravoslaviyan dinars and a modest property portfolio from his father, Fridrik Trympov, who had entered the world of business after the fall of Communism in 1989. During the late 1990s and early 2000s, Trympov created an empire of skyscrapers, hotels, casinos, golf courses, steaks, board games, and vodka – and much, much more. In the late 2000s, Trympov – already a byword for business success in Pravoslaviya – became even more of a household name as the host of the Pravoslaviyan edition of phenomenally successful TV show The Apprentice.
Most recently, disgusted at the corruption at the heart of the Pravoslaviyan political system under former Prime Minister 'Retard' Apostol Tsrvenovski, Trympov entered politics as leader of the League Against Corruption. He tore up the political rule book and took his message directly to the people, and in 2016 became Pravoslaviya's Deputy Prime Minister, in coalition with Prime Minister Metodi Pravoslav. During his time in office, Trympov has kept his promises to defend Pravoslaviya's borders against illegal immigration, speak out against fake news, and denounce the crimes of Europe's corrupt globalist elite.
Now, Dragan Trympov is taking his movement Europe-wide. He will drain the swamp in Europolis, make Europe safe again by restoring law and order to the EU, stand up to Communism and globalism, and Make Europe Great Again!
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CAMPAIGN LAUNCH
TRYMPOV TOWER, BELOGRADCHIK, PRAVOSLAVIYA
It's great to have so many people here. Really great. Tremendous. You can't get a bigger crowd than this, you really can't.
You know, I watch the news – I follow the shows, I watch them all – and it's so depressing these days, really sad. Our region is in such a bad way, and it's so wrong.
We don't win any more. Europe doesn't win any more. We used to win, but it doesn't happen so often these days. We're losing to the Communists, we're losing to the Kaasians, we're losing to everybody. It's such a disaster, and they're all laughing at us.
And that's because our leaders are losers. We are led by losers, and that's the truth. We're led by losers who can't get anything right.
And the globalists, they want us to have, as Premier Commissioner of the European Union, the biggest loser of them all – Ei– E– er, WHITEFORD. White. Ford. Let me tell you about Whiteford, OK? Last month, her own country throws her out. That's it. Gone. She got thrown out of that country like a dog, and now she wants to rule us all. Whiteford is a mess.
We need someone with the stamina to stand up to Communism and win, not someone who lost to the Communists last month. Can you imagine having Whiteford as Premier? You'd give her two weeks and then there'd be a big red flag flying from the Commission buildings, going woo-woo-woo-woo-woo. She's so weak, it's laughable. [Trympov imitates a flag blowing in the wind]
Folks, we need to Make Europe Safe Again. Europe is not Europe anymore. Last month I said it looked like the EU was falling apart and it's just got worse since then. The crazy Communists are taking over everywhere – except Pravoslaviya – and our leaders aren't changing, they aren't leading.
It's time for the globalists to step aside. They don't talk about anything else other than migrants first, minorities first, and it's so bad. It's time to put all our countries first, but they won't let us do that. Just look at what they did to Beaufort. Just look at what they did to Coventry. And just look at what they did to Craticus – and this Whiteford, she supports that! She's for the violence, she's for the chaos, just so long as it's not against me. That's what she thinks.
And we need a complete and total shutdown on the Kligenberg family's bank accounts – who, by the way, are funding Antoni Reynels and the European Centre for Progress – until we can figure out what the hell is going on. The only way we can make Europe safe again is if we stop the people who fund the globalists and keep them in power. The only way we can get rid of the Communists is if we get rid of the globalists, put our countries first, and bring back law and order to the EU.
The globalists can't fight the Communists, folks. They're haters and losers, they just keep losing and losing and losing. And I'm a winner. I have a very successful business where I win every day. We've been winning in Pravoslaviya since 2016. And it's time we started winning all over Europe, because we can't afford to lose any more.
But the globalists are being funded by the Kligenbergs and they're the political wing of the fake news media that says, among other things, that Taylor Swift isn't alive in Pravoslaviya. We need a Europe-wide effort against fake news, folks. And you know, when the globalists killed Craticus in Inquista, you know who was right there?
That's right – Plastic Surgery Woman! For years I've been saying this woman's mad, she's got real issues, and everyone's like 'oh Trympov is wrong, Trympov is misogynist, Trympov is whatever', well guess what? Trympov is right. We don't want people who've mutilated themselves to look like Taylor Swift elected in Europe.
Our region has terrific potential, folks. We can be the region we used to be before the globalists started having their way on everything. We can start winning again. We can be safe again. We can bring back the EU, bigger, better, and stronger than ever before, but I alone can solve the problems we've got. If I get elected to the Commission, we will Make Europe Great Again! Thank you very much.
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CAMPAIGN RALLY
NORDSYEN, VAYINAOD
With Vayinaod Democrats
Thank you! It's so good to have all these people here to support Anders Stoltensson for Archkonsul – and me for Commission, of course, but that's OK, he's the main guy here. We love Anders. Great guy.
Vayinaod has loads of oil. That's what you've got, right – some countries have other things, but when you think of Vayinaod, you think 'OIL'. You know, Gallorum has a lot of coal, and Fremet has a lot of furniture, and that's OK. Rhine Ruhr has a lot of uranium and, and metals, like tungsten. They've got a lot of tungsten. And tungsten's a very important metal, folks. You need it to make lots of things, like the lightbulbs.
But the old lightbulbs, which you can't get these days. Lots of tungsten in them, but you can't get them! They're so much better than the new ones, does anyone agree? The new ones, they don't light up like the old ones – I remember when my daughter Ivanka put one of the new ones in the house, and I said "Ivanka, turn on the lights!" And she said "it is on!" And I didn't believe her, I was saying, "Ivanka, the lights aren't on! It's dark in here," and she said it's these new lightbulbs. Because they're darker to save more energy.
But here we like OIL, OK? And Anders is the best guy for managing the oil, trust me. I follow all the resource news because I'm a businessman – that's what I do, I'm in business, so I read all the business pages – and Anders is going to do a great job with the oil. So we're all going to vote for Anders.
And more importantly, we're all going to vote for Trympov.
We need our leaders to do a much better job in Europolis. It's a total disaster over there. The European Council, oh boy. The European Council, folks, is led by someone who shouldn't even be there. My good friend Tupac – great guy – he's our European Councillor in Pravoslaviya, and he did a great job pointing out the hypocrisy over there. But he can't do that alone. He needs me over there, and he needs all of you to get me over there, OK?
But Speaker Edward Firoux. Did you know – by the way, did you know, who is Firoux sleeping with? GISELA STUART! One of the worst Commissioners of our time.
But this guy, he wants all the Councillors to be elected. This is the only thing he cares about, OK – this is the guy running the European Council. So he wants all the Councillors to be elected. But he doesn't want his own government to be elected! He's supporting this [comedy Spanish accent] 'caudeeeeeyo' guy, and nobody elected him! Can you believe that?
But wait, it gets worse. Because this Firoux was fired, OK? He was fired like a dog. Paul Craticus went to him and said 'YOU'RE FIRED'! Right? He did a little Trympov thing, 'YOU'RE FIRED'. So you all know Firoux goes and calls the globalists, the Kligenbergs, all of them, and says 'WAAAAAAH, MOMMY, WAAAAAH DADDY, BAD MR CRATICUS FIRED ME, WAAAAAH' – it's true! And so they have Craticus killed. Now there haven't been any elections in Inquista since, but this Firoux, all of a sudden, he's back in his job – somehow, he's automatically Speaker again, I don't know how that works, but that's fine, nobody reports that – but how is he back in his job? Does anyone know?
HE WAS APPOINTED! That's right. This guy, he wants everyone to be elected, except his own government, and now he's not elected either! And these people are ruling us, folks. Can you believe it?
Europolis is a swamp, people. It's a swamp. That's what it is. It's all mud and weeds and little – bzzzzzt, bing bing bing – [comedy Spanish accent] mosquitos. You don't have mosquitos up here but they're bad guys, trust me. It's time to drain the swamp and Make Europe Great Again, folks. We need to make sure councillors represent their countries again.
But then we've got the low-energy ECoJ. These guys are so low energy, they listen to about one case every millennium. And you know, that's fine! That's good. Because all these cases are vexatious. That's the legal word – vexatious. That means they're really bad and there's no case. But the court has to listen and then say to the people who brought the case, 'go on, get out of here'. And it costs time and money. I've had a lot of these vexatious lawsuits in my time because I'm really rich. So people who want a slice of my money think, oh, I'll sue Trympov.
We can't have that. There was a vexatious case in the ECoJ against Pravoslaviya a few years ago, do you remember that? We need to stop the vexatious cases, and let me tell you, if we start draining the swamp, they'll start suing me, they'll start suing all the people who support me. And we won't take it, folks. If these vexatious cases get worse, and if the ECoJ after these elections is all globalists who are supporting those cases, then we'll take a look at that.
We're going to drain the swamp, folks. These people have to be stopped before they wreck up the place even more and let the Communists take over. We don't want Communism, but these globalists keep losing to the Communists.
Did you see Whiteford the other day? She was saying 'ohh, Icholasen's got a battle for its soul'. No, the battle's over. You lost. Bye-bye! She's 0-1 against the Communists, folks. We can't afford to let her in Europolis to make it 0-2. We need a winner in Europolis. We need someone who'll drain the swamp. And then we can Make Europe Safe Again. And we can Make Europe Great Again! Thank you, Vayinaod!
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CAMPAIGN RALLY
SAINT DOMINICO, INQUISTA
Folks, it's great to be here. Really great to be in Inquista. The way you guys have recovered from the coup – or revolution, some people like to call it a revolution, and that's OK – but the way you've recovered is fantastic, it really is.
And it's so sad that all the worst people in your country are trying to take over now. Councillor – and I shouldn't call him Councillor, because he shouldn't be there – Edward Firoux. I call him 'FIRED FIROUX', because he was fired. And boy, did he not like that. Like you look at all this craziness in your country, and where did it come from, it comes from Edward Firoux not liking the fact he got fired.
But he bans appointed councillors, and now he gets appointed as a councillor and that's OK, apparently. Nobody explains these things to me, but that's fine. We're supposed to trust these guys with the European Council? We're supposed to trust these guys with our countries?
And what about Plastic Surgery Woman? What do we think of her? Bishop... Kariiiiin.... La-lla-na! What do we think, good, bad? I think she's bad – you know, some people, they say actually she's not that bad, they tell me, 'Dragan, you should stop going after her, actually behind all the faces she's quite nice', but I think she's a nasty woman. Really nasty woman.
What does she want; she wants to be young, and she wants to be famous, right? Who doesn't want that? So she's watching the TV and she sees my good friend Taylor Swift – who, by the way, is alive in Pravoslaviya, and she's going to be voting for me; great woman, very talented – and she screams! She screams and she points at the TV and she shouts to her servants:
'I WANT TO BE HER! I WANT TO LOOK LIKE HER! I WANT IT NOW!'
And they try and they try but I mean, you look at her, did they do a good job? What do you think, good job, bad job? THEY BOTCHED IT! It was a botch job, right? So she's very sad now and she keeps taking it out on everyone – especially Dragan Trympov. Because you look at me, and this is all natural! Especially the hair! So she's upset at me and I understand that. But we're supposed to trust her in power? Give me a break.
So these two geniuses, Fired Firoux and Plastic Surgery Woman, what's their politics? What are they in it for? Is it you, or the illegal migrants?
[An audience member shouts out 'GISELA STUART']
Well maybe that's true for Firoux, maybe you're right. But they're not in it for Inquista [which Trympov pronounces 'Inkwista']. They don't care about that, it's other countries they love. Especially Dromund Kaas. These people love Dromund Kaas so much – it's their favourite country, they spend so much time talking about the Kaasians – they want to turn everywhere else into Dromund Kaas. They wake up every morning and they think, 'wouldn't it be so much better if this country were more like Dromund Kaas'?
So to do that we have this thing called the Refugee Protection Act, which is the worst law of all time, in my opinion. This Act basically says you have to accept Kaasian migrants. That's what it says; they'll say it doesn't mean that, but that's what it says.
If you're Kaasian, or Neo-Venetian, or an Icholasen person even, and you want to move to a rich country, you just get there – you pay criminals, like the Vulovich Bratstvo, to get there, and let me tell you they are making so much money off the globalists right now, believe you me – and you say 'I AM REFUGEE!' And then you can't do anything because of the Act, OK?
You try to send them back to where they came and they sue. They go to your courts, they go to the ECoJ, they sue. They say they'll be persecuted or whatever and they keep you in the courts forever. So they can't go back. So the globalists say you don't have to accept them; but this Act says you have to, as far as POSSIBLE – not realistically possible, POSSIBLE – find some other rich country to have them. So you get to any rich country and you're good, OK? Even if that one doesn't have you, you're probably going to some other rich country – you've got nothing to lose!
So because of this Act, there's so many migrants now. We need to repeal the Refugee Protection Act, folks. It's time for a CITIZEN Protection Act. Because the globalists aren't in it for you, folks. They're the ones at the table saying 'oh, but what about the foreign, we need to look after all the foreign'. We need to get them off the table.
We're only going to Make Europe Great Again by getting the globalists off the table and putting citizens first. Citizens. First. That's the truth, folks. And we're going to do it, folks. Together, we will Make Europe Great Again and we will Make Inquista Great Again too! Thank you all, you're terrific, you are all so good!
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CAMPAIGN RALLY
AURELIS, GALLORUM
With Michel Kligenberg
Thank you. And thank you, Michel Kligenberg, for sharing this stage with me. It's a really tremendous honour to be here with the good Kligenberg! He's a good guy, Michel. The rest of that family, I hope he won't mind me saying, not so great – some, I'm sure, are good people, but a lot of them are big, big globalists, and unfortunately, they're involved in some very nasty business. But Michel is a terrific guy. Maybe if all the Kligenbergs were more like him we'd be in a better world.
Many people have been asking me, 'Dragan, who should I vote for'? And I say, it's simple. For Premier Commissioner, you vote for me. And for Internal Affairs, you also vote for me. Foreign Affairs, do what you like; but for the other ones, vote for me. And in Gallorum, who are you going to vote for?
MICHEL KLIGENBERG! That's right. Great guy.
But some of my advisors, they tell me, 'Dragan, you should pick one office. Premier or Internal. Pick one, you can't run for both.' And I say, why not? You pick just the one, that's surrendering one to the globalists, OK? I don't want to do that. We don't want globalists on the European Commission. NO GLOBALISTS, am I right?
So I've been watching all the other candidates, I don't know about you. Have you been watching them? What do you think – good people, bad people? Do we trust Jean-Claude Juncker? This guy, OK, first of all, how do you pronounce his name? It's got the J but he's Spanish, so is it Junker, Yunker, [comedy Spanish accent] Hoon-care? I don't know. I like Hoon-care. I'm going to say it that way. Jean-Claude Hoon-care. [From this point onwards, read 'Juncker' as being pronounced 'Hoon-care']
So anyway, Juncker turns up in Reitzmag with this great big tank, and I think 'hey, what's going on here, is this another coup?' Is this guy trying to do a coup of Europe or something? And he gets out of the tank and gets on stage with this Air Marshal Copala [which Trympov pronounces Co-Pah-La] who, of course, was part of the coup that put the [comedy Spanish accent] caudeeeeeeyo in charge of Inquista [pronounced 'Inkwista']. So now you have to call it [comedy Spanish accent] Inkeeesta, or so I understand. But of course this guy loves Copala, because she helped make Inquista Spanish, OK? And Juncker is Spanish, so that makes sense. Juncker and Copala, what a pair.
But then with her right next to him on the stage, he calls the coup, that she was part of, a coup! What a mistake! And then he's talking about peace, oh, we have to be peaceful, so peaceful! This guy, OK, like two minutes ago was rolling into Copala City on this yuge tank! Give me a break.
And then I flick through the channels, OK? I don't bother to watch the end of Juncker. So I switch over to Winston. And he's a good guy, he endorsed me. I don't know why he's still running for Internal if he endorsed me, but that's OK. He wants me to be Premier. But I switch over to watch him speak and I can't believe my eyes! He's paratrooping in, and he's got these planes, big fighter jets, and there's smoke coming out of them, going zhoom, zhoom, zhoom over his head! And this guy, he's also saying 'oh, so peaceful, need to have peace'!
This guy's from Reitzmag, OK? And I have a lot of respect for Reitzmag. They crushed those Communists like a dog, I couldn't believe it. They had an uprising one day and then like three days later their leader was going 'oh, no, I surrender, I surrender!' And they got the Inquistans in to go 'bing, bing, bing, BOOOM, BOOOM' all over the Communists. But then they go 'oh, I didn't mean it! I didn't mean it! When I said bomb the Communists, I didn't mean bomb the Communists!' So I don't get that, and I don't know what Winston thinks about all this – maybe he is for the bombing, or maybe he was always against it, I don't know – but in my opinion, you're either for the bombing, or you're not.
Pravoslaviya under Metodi Pravoslav – and me – has a great record on Communism. We've had no coup, no uprising, nothing. We got rid of our Communists 30 years ago and we did it by being strong, being consistent, being proud of who we are, and putting citizens first. We made Pravoslaviya great again, folks, and Michel here is going to make Gallorum great again too. And together, we are going to Make Europe Great Again! Thank you!
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CAMPAIGN RALLY
LANTGÅRD, FREMET
With Nikki Olemann
Isn’t this great? So good. So many people! What a great turnout. You know, I am a big fan of Fremetian furniture, it’s the best. I have a lot of offices all over Pravoslaviya, and when I need new furniture, I always tell my people – get it from Fremet!
Normally I tell them to buy Pravoslaviyan as much as they can, but for Fremet’s furniture, I make an exception. And people back home, they say, ‘oh, Trympov’s not buying local’, and I say, I’m allowed one, OK? I’m allowed one thing that I prefer to get from abroad, and Fremetian furniture, it’s just so good.
So I’m a big fan of Fremet. Such a beautiful country! And I’m so glad that Nikki Olemann invited me here to speak. I’m a big fan of Nikki; she’s a great leader, a great cheerleader for Fremet. You can’t do better than Nikki, she’s really terrific.
But our problem is most of our leaders right now, they’re not like Nikki. Especially in Europolis. The globalists, the elites who run the region, do you think they care about Fremet?
These guys, OK, they have let you down so many times. And they’ve let us all down, and how stupid do they think you are, if they keep coming back and asking you to vote for them?
Because there are Communists in this region – real nasty guys – and they sense how weak these globalists are. They’re doing coups, they’re doing uprisings, and it’s so chaotic – Icholasen, Neo-Venetia, Reitzmag, and everyone I talk to is asking me ‘Dragan, who’s next?’ And I say ‘I don’t know’, because with the globalists in charge in Europolis, it really could be anyone.
The globalists are weak on coups, they’re weak on Communism.
And their policies are so bad, OK? It’s mass immigration, and it’s globalist economics, OK? They want cheap labour and big multinational corporations doing everything, and small businesses all over Europe are getting screwed because the system is rigged, folks.
The globalists in politics have rigged the system in favour of the other globalists in big business. And Europolis has done nothing about it because, like I say, these folks just don’t care about Fremet! They don’t care about your furniture company because you don’t have lobbyists, OK?
Folks, I know all about this because I’ve been in business and politics. I had a small business when I started out – now, it’s not so small – but when you have a small business you see how rigged it is.
And when you’re a farmer – oh, boy. Have the globalists got it in for you or what?
Many people have been asking me ‘Dragan, do you want to destroy the EU?’ And I say ‘of course not’, OK? That’s fake news. Because why would I want to run for Commission if I didn’t want it to do anything? Isn't it crazy? Isn't it ridiculous? These globalists and their little bing-bing-bing in the fake news media want you to believe that I want to destroy the EU.
Right now, the EU is doing a terrible job. But with me in charge, we could make it good, don't you think?
We can make the EU great again by doing great things with it. And when I’m on the Commission, we’ll set to work getting it to do great things that actually matter to real people like you. We’re going to repeal the Refugee Protection Act, which, in my opinion, is the worst law of all time. And we’re going to bring in new laws to make sure small businesses and farmers can be competitive and don't get screwed by the globalists, big business, and their lobbyists.
This is what we’re going to do, folks. We’re going to make small business great again. We’re going to make farming great again. We’re going to make our countries great again. And we are going to Make Europe Great Again! Thank you.
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CAMPAIGN RALLY
NYETTHEM, VAYINAOD
With Lorens Henningson
Wow! What a crowd! There's so many of you, it's so terrific. We are going to win, and we are going to win big, folks. And you know who else is going to win big? Lorens Henningson! Lorens is a tremendous guy, he's so strong on all the issues, and he'd be a great leader for Vayinaod. This guy will be so strong on oil, you wouldn't believe, OK? Great guy.
Last time I was here I was all the way on the other side of the country in Nordsyen. You guys have such a big country! My advisors, they don't understand, they're all like 'Dragan, why are you going to Nyetthem, you've already been to Nordsyen', and I told them, I said, 'this country is so yuge, you wouldn't believe'. Beautiful country.
But last time I said a few things about the ECoJ and how we need to protect Europe from what they call vexatious lawsuits. The word is 'vexatious', OK? Some people say 'frivolous' too, that's a good word, but I prefer 'vexatious'. And that's lawsuits that have no case behind them, they're just after money or whatever, and I get a lot of them because I've been so successful in business and some people are haters and losers. And I said we need to stop these vexatious lawsuits because we won't Make Europe Great Again if we're in the courts all the time, OK?
And so the other day, I'm watching all the shows, which I do, and I can't believe my eyes! Winston, it says on the little tick-tick-tick at the bottom of the screen, is suing Juncker! And I go to my people and I ask them 'WHAT'S GOING ON?' And it's so crazy you wouldn't believe, folks. So Winston has gone to the ECoJ because Juncker said the Spanish government, not the Reitzmag government, came up with this train thing first.
So I don't know who came up with this train thing first and, more to the point, I don't care, OK? And neither should you. It'll never happen. But this lawsuit is so crazy, it's so ridiculous, that the whole ECoJ says 'hey – we don't want to hear it'. Because it's vexatious! And this guy Winston, he's supposed to be a lawyer! If he's this bad a lawyer, bringing these crazy lawsuits, then how bad will he be on the Commission?
Look, I like Winston, he's a good guy. I don't know if he's a globalist. He's not as bad as Juncker, and maybe he's not as bad as Whiteford. Antoni Reynels, I don't know, I don't know enough about him. But Winston's going down the wrong path, and it's so sad.
But here's the thing, folks: do you trust Winston, or Juncker, or any of the others, to stand up to vexatious lawsuits? Do you trust the globalists to fight the coups and win? And do you trust the globalists to care about people like you?
There's winners in the world, folks, and there's losers. Right now we're being ruled by losers, and it's so terrible. We keep on losing everywhere, and that means everyone else has to lose with them. It's time to Make Europe Great Again, with Lorens Henningson here in Vayinaod, and me in Europolis. That's how we start to win again – in Europe, in Vayinaod, and then you'll win with us, because winners are winners, OK? Winners are winners. So let's win and WIN BIG-LEAGUE! Thank you!
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CAMPAIGN RALLY
VERINGTON, DUXBURIAN UNION
Folks, it’s so good to be here in the Duxburian Union, it’s a really terrific honour. The biggest country in the European Union, you can’t get better than that.
You know when Pravoslaviya first joined the EU, I asked my advisors – and I was a businessman at this time, OK – what’s the deal with this thing? What’s the biggest country? And they said it’s the Duxburian Union, so I asked them, how many people does this country have on the European Council? And they said ‘one’. And I asked what about the little countries, then, what representation have they got if the biggest country only has one! And they said ‘one’. So I said ‘that’s crazy, the biggest country should have more!’
And folks, maybe I still think it’s a little crazy, OK? But it kind of works, but only if the EU doesn’t try to do everything. We can only have one representative from each country if the EU doesn’t try to be its own country. And we don’t want the EU to be its own country anyway, folks. We like our own countries, OK? I like being Pravoslaviyan, you like being Duxburian, we don’t want to be anything else.
But you listen to some of the other candidates – oh, boy. What do you folks think of Winston? This guy, and I’m sure he’s a good guy, but he wants Europolis to control everything! I was watching the news, and I watch all the shows, and I see this interview he does in Valhalla, and he’s talking about doing healthcare, doing pensions, doing education, everything!
And this guy wants to limit military activities, OK? He wants you to disarm. While you’ve got Communists on your border, in Neo-Venetia, he wants you to disarm. Are you going to accept that? Is the Duxburian Union going to let Winston tell it to give up its weapons?
And then we have Juncker, and this guy is so wrong, you wouldn’t believe. He’s saying ‘ohhh, Winston wants to control your healthcare and your education’, but Juncker is just as bad, OK? In fact, he’s the worst. Juncker has so many crazy ideas, it’s ridiculous. So the Spanish government – or maybe the Reitzmag one, I don’t know – proposes this big train project, and nobody signs up. So Juncker is like this [Trympov puts hands on hips and pouts] ‘I DON’T CARE, MOMMY, I WANT IT!’ And now he wants to, and this is what he said, OK, ‘make all Europe join the project’.
And it gets worse, folks, believe me. This guy also wants an app! An app! So you can bing-bing-bing, ‘oh, so cute’ with Juncker, all night long! Hands up, folks, who wants a Juncker app? Who wants to be on an app with Juncker?
What would you do with a Juncker app? Throw Winston off a balcony? Go and drive over a tent city in a big tank? I don’t know. Give me a break.
But folks, guess who Juncker wants to pay for his app? Guess who Winston wants to pay for all his things? IT’S YOU! Ordinary folks, OK? Especially, ordinary folks from the Duxburian Union. Because your country is so big and so rich and so successful, and I respect that – but the other candidates look at you and they just see big Euro signs and their brains go ker-ching!
These guys have all these crazy spending projects because they don’t have any real ideas, folks. They don’t know how to Make Europe Great Again, and they don’t care about you, so they want you to pay for all these projects that nobody wants, so they can pretend they’re doing something.
The way we Make Europe Great Again is so simple, folks. We don’t have to spend to Make Europe Great Again. What we need is strong leadership, OK? We need to stand up to the coups, we need to repeal the stupid laws holding our countries back, and most importantly, we need winners. If we’re going to win as a region, we need winners in charge in Europolis.
And I look at the other candidates and I don’t see many winners, folks. You look at Whiteford. Folks, Whiteford is the biggest loser of all time. It’s a fact! She loses to the Communist coup in Icholasen, and she thinks, ‘hey, looks like it’s time for a promotion!’ That’s how it is in Europolis, OK? That’s how it is with the globalists – the EPA – in charge. You lose, and you go up.
Isn’t that crazy? You lose, and you get rewarded. ‘Well done, you lost, here’s an even bigger job’. I’m a businessman, folks. In my business, you get rewarded when you win. And everywhere I go, I’m told, the Duxburians – these guys, they’re so competitive, you wouldn’t believe. And it’s so true. You folks get it, OK? You reward success. You reward brains.
But in Europolis, with Whiteford and the EPA, it’s the opposite! And you know what happens when you put losers in charge. You keep losing, right? More often than not, you keep losing. We can’t trust the EPA globalists to keep ruling Europe like this. They’re doing such a bad job, and they’re going to keep losing and losing and losing until the whole region is total chaos, and Europe is no longer Europe. Our countries are no longer our countries. We don’t want that, OK? We can’t take the risk.
Many people have been asking me, ‘Dragan, you’re so successful in Pravoslaviya, why are you running for this’, and I tell them, you answered your own question, OK? You answered your own question. Because I’ve been successful. We need someone successful – we need a winner – to Make Europe Great Again. Not a loser, not a crazy spender – we need a winner!
And together, folks, we are going to win and we are going to win so big and so hard it’ll be the biggest victory you’ve ever seen. Thank you!
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CAMPAIGN RALLY
TSETINYE, PRAVOSLAVIYA
Sorry to keep you waiting! It’s been a big tour, and you know what, it’s not over yet!
Let me tell you, folks. Our movement is doing so great all over Europe. We’ve had rallies so far in so many different countries, and the crowds – wow! There’s so many people! We’re not alone, folks. We are winning all over Europe, like you wouldn’t believe. It’s so yuge, it’s terrific.
And we’ve got the globalists scared! They’re running around, like bing-bing-bing, ‘oh, we have to stop Trympov, how do we stop Trympov’, and now they’re spreading so much fake news, it’s laughable. These people will stop at nothing, OK? They will stop at nothing to keep their hands on Europolis.
This guy Juncker, who is the biggest liar, is going around saying I want to destroy the European Union. Isn’t that the craziest thing you’ve ever heard? If I wanted to destroy the EU, why would I be running for Commission? Isn’t that crazy, folks?
What do I want to do with Europe, folks? Do I want to destroy it? Does it say ‘Destroy Europe’ on here? [Trympov gestures to the lectern] It says – let’s read it, OK? Let’s read it together so Juncker can hear. It says MAKE EUROPE GREAT AGAIN! That’s what I want to do with the EU, OK? I want to make it great again. Because right now things are going so bad.
Juncker’s mind, OK, his brain, can’t imagine Europe being any other way to how it is now. Losers in charge, coups everywhere, chaos everywhere, they’re doing nothing, it’s just getting worse and worse. Our leaders can’t get anything right. And some people are saying that’s the only way it can be, folks. Juncker thinks that. And some people think ‘maybe we shouldn’t have an EU if it has to be like this’. But I don’t say that, OK?
I want to keep the EU, I want it to achieve great things, I want it to win again, I want to make it great again. And that’s what we’re going to do, folks.
But the other thing this guy says, is he says ‘oh, Trympov is extreme, he torpedoed the migrant boat’. And first of all isn’t it crazy that this is the first thing he cares about? These globalists are for illegal migrants first, and citizens last.
And everybody knows I didn’t order the torpedo. That was Metodi Pravoslav. I’m not like some people – [Trympov loudly whispers ‘it's Juncker!’] – I don’t steal other people’s ideas. If I did something, I say I did it; if someone else did it, I say they did it. And Metodi did the torpedo, because this illegal migrant boat kept ignoring all the warnings from our navy that they were attacking our border.
You can’t just stand down and let the boats through, because then you have more boats, and you have no borders. Effectively, you have no borders, and you have so many human traffickers – really nasty guys – making money, and you have more migrants drowning, OK? These boats are so bad, and the human traffickers don’t care, so the boats sink in the middle of the sea, and everyone on it drowns, and it’s so sad.
But Metodi, maybe he was a little trigger-happy, but you can’t deny he stopped the boats, and now nobody takes that journey, and nobody drowns. But nobody reports that, OK? Nobody reports that. And nobody reports that Pravoslaviya was found innocent in the ECoJ. Metodi did nothing wrong under EU law. They found no breach of the Constitution. No breach of the human rights.
And some of the people calling me an extremist – give me a break. These people are the biggest liars, the biggest hypocrites, and it’s so bad. Last week, Juncker went on stage with Copala, who is the biggest criminal in all of Europe, OK? This woman bombs a whole region of Reitzmag so bad, you wouldn’t believe. And this is after the war is over, by the way, she murders thousands and thousands of people, and you look at East Moreland now, and there’s nothing there.
There’s literally nothing left, OK? East Moreland does not exist any more. It’s like after the big ‘wheeeeeeeeee- BOOOOOM’ that killed all the dinosaurs. There’s nothing. Except maybe a few unexploded bombs, and this tent city which – and this is so disgusting – they named after Copala! Can you believe that, folks? And this is where Juncker, on his tank, goes and has his rally with Copala.
Juncker is the war crimes candidate, OK? He’s pro-war crimes, and he’s pro-coup, because Copala was one of those behind the coup in Inquista. And Whiteford is pro-coup as long as it’s not against her.
But Copala does this war crime, and Reitzmag – which, by the way, is where Winston is from – they invited the Inquistan air force in to do this, but then they change their minds, they say ‘oh, nothing to do with us’, and they go whistling away, like ‘whoo-whoo-whoo’. Crazy, am I right? And then, they kidnap that Communist foreign minister from Icholasen.
All these people, they think they can lecture me and say 'oh, Dragan's so extreme'? I am the least extreme person, OK? Their people have done so much worse, and it's so bad. I am the only candidate who’s anti-coup, anti-kidnapping, anti-carpet bombing, anti-crazy spending, and, most of all, anti-loser. I am the only candidate who can – and will – Make Europe Great Again. Thank you, folks!
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CAMPAIGN RALLY
NEW BIRMINGHAM, ANGLETER
[NB: Throughout this speech, Trympov continues to pronounce Copala as ‘co-PAH-la’]
So I was watching the shows yesterday, which I do a lot, I keep informed, I keep on top of everything. And who do I see? HARRIET COPALA! That’s right. Copala. Oh, boy. This woman, OK, she is the single biggest criminal in all of Europe. And she’s on TV, standing on what is, if you know science, actually the ashes of the people she murdered in Reitzmag.
Copala, by the way, I don’t know if you know this, but she wants to be Archbishop of Inquista! Can you imagine it? Look, I’m all for religion, I’m Orthodox, I’m Christian, I like Jesus, I think he’s a great guy, but I think Copala might have broken a couple of the commandments. Holds the Bible high, and then she puts it down and then she murders thousands of innocent people.
But hey – it’ll never happen! If you look at the polls, she’s eighth in the polls, she’s on 4%, she’s so far behind, it’s terrible. If they had a debate, she really shouldn’t even be on the stage, that’s how far back she is. Get this, folks – Copala is over ten points behind Plastic Surgery Woman in the polls! Did you know that? How bad do you have to be to be behind Plastic Surgery Woman? She’s even behind ‘someone else’. Anyone but Copala! That’s what they want in Inquista.
So Copala is a very angry woman, OK? She sees innocent people living their lives and it makes her angry. And she sees the polls and, well, you can see why that’d make her angry. And now she sees Trympov, on the TV, and I’m the only person who’ll tell the truth about this woman, and she gets so angry, you wouldn’t believe. She goes to her servants ‘GET ME A STAGE NOW! GET ME TO REITZMAG NOW! OR I HAVE YOU KILLED LIKE THE REST!’
But seriously, folks. The reason why nobody else speaks out against this crazy woman is they’re cowards. It’s simple, OK? Look what they did to Craticus. Look what they did to East Moreland. Juncker was probably on that stage terrified! Especially when he called the coup in Inquista a coup, he must have been so scared he was next!
So anyway, Copala sets up her speech and she forces all these refugees to watch – just like with Juncker – and isn’t that disgusting, by the way? Isn’t that so disgusting. These folks have been forced out of their homes and not only do they have to watch the woman who destroyed their homes, but they also had to watch Jean-Claude Juncker. These people have been through enough, folks.
But they all have to watch Copala do this crazy speech, and you can see her eyes are so wild, she’s so angry. And she’s saying ‘oh, Trympov this, Trympov that’, and she’s talking about how tough she is – I like people who can fight properly, OK? She’s so tough, she goes about 30,000 feet away from her enemies before she fights. Is that tough, folks? Do you think that’s tough? I think there are tougher guys out there. She’s tougher than Juncker, I’ll give her that.
And then she says I’m orange! Have you ever heard anything so ridiculous, folks? Let’s get this straight, folks. Dragan Trympov is not orange. This is a natural tan, OK? It’s the most natural tan. Beautiful. And she goes after me for my hands, and I’m thinking, OK, maybe this is a little personal. And my hands are not small and not fat, OK? Look! Look at these hands! Do they look small to – if you have the perspective – do they look small? They’re not small. I don’t know about Copala’s hands. Maybe they’re all webbed together like a frog. I don’t know. Many people have told me that, I don’t know.
What I do know is that Copala’s hands, her face is all red with blood. Blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her… her EARS! That’s right. And it’s the blood of all the people she’s murdered, OK? And the blood is red, like – and isn’t this a coincidence – Communism! Because if we put Copala up against Communism, we’re going to end up with Communism, folks – or some of us will, most of us will not be around to see the end. And this is Juncker’s best friend, OK?
And she’s there taking credit for defeating Communism, and she is the single biggest liar, in fact, she’s probably even worse than Juncker. Because Reitzmag defeated Communism in their country before she did the bombing which, by the way, is why Pravoslaviya was right to trust them to deal with it. Maybe if she read The Art of the Deal, she’d understand. But you look at Europe and she hasn’t deterred any Communists, and neither have any of these random women she talked about.
In fact, there’s so many more Communists around now, because now many people are saying, maybe Communism is the anti-bombing innocent people option. Isn’t that crazy? And it’s all down to Copala.
But there’s one woman Copala didn’t mention and maybe she’s a little embarrassed, and that’s OK. It’s Whiteford! Great hero against Communism, Whiteford! The Communists rise up and say ‘we’re in charge now’, and Whiteford stands before them and, so brave, she says ‘er, OK, but can I pack my things first’. And then she runs and runs and runs all the way to Europolis – probably sails a bit too, there’s some sea in between – and now she wants to be Premier. And Copala wants her to be Premier. Can you believe this?
If you want Whiteford to run Europe and hand it over to the Communists like she did with Icholasen, then you’re not an anti-Communist, no matter how many people you murdered. No. The reason Copala doesn’t want me in Europolis is because she’d be in jail, OK? It’s so simple. COPALA FOR PRISON! How about that? Copala for prison. This woman needs to be locked up before she kills any more people with her bing-bing-bing – BOOM! OK?
[The audience breaks into sustained chants of ‘LOCK HER UP’]
Now where was I? [The audience laughs] I think I was supposed to talk about trade, but this is so important. Because it’s how the globalists operate. And it’s why we can’t trust the globalists to defeat the Communists and the coups. They’re all over the place, they can’t get anything right – they’re losers, OK? Losers. Your government can't afford to abstain between the globalists and me, OK? Write to your government and tell them to vote Trympov.
Because we’re going to win, folks, and we’re going to Make Europe Great Again! Thank you. You're all so great.
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CAMPAIGN RALLY
PRAGUE, CZECH SLAVIA
Thank you. I think this is one of the biggest crowds yet! And folks, it is so good to be here in Czech Slavia, one of the great Slavic countries, alongside, of course, Pravoslaviya. I know perhaps I shouldn't say this, because I'm running for the Commission of all Europe, but, in my opinion, Slavic people are so great. You know, Juncker says he doesn’t like candidates from Eastern Europe, and by that, he means people like you and me.
And I don’t mind, that doesn’t offend me, I don’t need everybody to like me – but I don’t think someone who thinks like that should be in charge, OK? I think Slavic people are great, I think Eastern European people are great, I think all European people are great. And especially, Czech people. You have such beautiful women! I land here and I can hardly believe it! So beautiful! Ladies of Czech Slavia, would you need to go on the Juncker app? And do the whole bing-bing, bing-bing-bing, uh, SWIPE – oh, so cute – thing? I don’t think so.
And you all have such beautiful names! Like Ivanka. The globalists like names like ‘Irvine’, they want to call everybody ‘Irvine’, but I like Czech names. My daughter’s name is Ivanka, which is a Czech name, and it’s so beautiful, and, if I’m honest, so is she, OK? Good genes. She’s got good genes.
So I’m watching Juncker doing his last rally in Spain, and they show the crowd, and you know what was so weird? There was all European flags, and no Spanish ones. OK? They said, on the news, maybe there was a few, but I couldn’t see any! And this is what the globalists are all about, folks. They don’t want your countries to be countries. They don’t get out of bed for their own citizens. They want Europolis to be so powerful, and tell you all what to do, OK? Isn’t that crazy?
What the globalists, the EPA – Whiteford, Juncker, Firoux, all of them – want to do is so bad, you wouldn’t believe it. They’re using the EU to pick and choose which coups they like. The one in Inquista, they like; the one in Icholasen, they don’t like; the one in Reitzmag, they carpet bomb thousands of innocent people to stop it happening, OK? And many people have been saying to me, ‘Dragan, who’s next? Are we next?’, and I say, ‘I don’t know’. Because as long as the globalists are in charge, I just don’t know.
What I want to do on the Commission is oppose all coups. I’m going to be fair, and I’m going to support governments, especially those that put their citizens first.
Because the globalists – and, it’s so sad, but I have to include Winston in this, in fact, he is arguably the worst for this – want to impose what they call ‘free trade’ on all of Europe. You can look it up, they’re all talking about it. Free trade. Sounds nice, folks, doesn’t it?
But we all know what this means, folks. You know what it is. They’re going to make things so much easier for big multinational businesses to break into your economy and dominate everything. And the globalists want this, because they’re so close to the big businesses, the Kligenberg family, all of that, they’re all [kissing noises] ‘oh, so cute; oh, I love you’. And also, because they want to destroy our borders and destroy what makes our countries so great, OK? That’s what they mean by ‘ohhhh, bring people together’.
I want to keep our countries great. Countries have trade deals, and that's fine, if that's what they want, but they should do it between themselves, OK? What works for themselves is fine, but the globalists in Europolis want to force it on everyone whether or not it's good for them. 'I DON'T CARE, MOMMY'. That's what they're like. That is the motto of the EPA, OK? 'I DON'T CARE, MOMMY. I WANT IT, DADDY'.
So the trade is such a huge problem that so many people are going to have – small business, farmers, workers, everyone – if the EPA get back in. If you vote for Juncker, who appeared on that stage with Copala, who is Europe’s biggest murderer. If you vote for Whiteford, who was removed by her own people and now wants to rule everybody else. And even if you vote for Winston.
The way we Make Europe Great Again, folks, is by passing laws to support farmers, support workers, support small businesses, against globalism and big business. We need to break down the rigged system in Europolis that is destroying what makes every individual country so beautiful and so great. The EPA and Winston talk about ‘free trade’ – I talk about good deals, OK? I want a good deal for workers, I want a good deal for everybody.
And I’m the best at making deals. I do it for a living. I even wrote a book called The Art of the Deal, and maybe, after they lose, the other candidates should read it, OK?
Tomorrow, folks, we’re going to start voting. All over Europe, our movement is about to be activated. We’re going to work together, we’re going to WIN, and we’re going to Make Europe Safe Again. We’re going to Make Europe Prosperous Again. We’re going to Make Europe Win Again. And, together, we are going to Make Europe Great Again!
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CAMPAIGN RALLY
CERVÈRA DE MARNOUA, MARNOUA
What a beautiful city you folks have here. It’s so nice, I can’t imagine living here. It’s like paradise! So beautiful, really terrific.
But folks, we’ve got such an important election coming up tomorrow. It’s our biggest chance, and some might say our last chance, to Make Europe Great Again and take our countries back from the globalists in Europolis. People like Whiteford and Juncker have been in charge for so long, and their leadership is so bad, we’ve got coups everywhere, chaos everywhere. It can’t get worse, it really can’t.
The coups are such a yuge problem for Europe. The violence is so bad, it’s terrible. But our leaders in the EPA don’t care about it. They don’t care, because they don’t care about you. If you ask Juncker, and even Winston, what their number one issue is, they’ll tell you it’s trains.
Isn’t that so crazy? Trains. But it’s true. Those two have argued so much about trains, you wouldn’t believe. Juncker brought it up; Winston tried to sue Juncker in the ECoJ – a vexatious lawsuit, and I am so against vexatious lawsuits, they’re such a disaster, it has to stop – and then he failed. So now they’re fighting about it.
And Winston, OK, comes out with this crazy poster, saying Juncker’s a fraud, he’s greedy for power, everything – and it’s so true – but there’s a yuge Reitzmag flag on it and it hits me, OK? Winston is standing up for the old Reitzmag government. He wants to take credit for their – or he says it was theirs – train idea! But he’s been running away from that government because of the time they kidnapped the foreign minister, the Communist guy, from Icholasen.
So Winston can have it one way, or the other – he can claim credit for the trains and take the blame for the kidnapping, or he can stop talking about the trains and say the kidnapping was nothing to do with him. But he won’t, because our leaders are total hypocrites.
This obsession with trains is so bad, OK? There’s only one real train in this election, and that’s the Trympov Train. And you’re all welcome aboard! Free tickets for the Trympov Train.
But trains, and infrastructure, I’m a big fan of, but it needs to be done by countries, because they know these things best. Not by crazy globalists in Europolis with a big map. They go to bed at night and they dream, they think ‘ohhhh, look at these trains, choo-choo, everybody loves me – oh, there’s another coup, never mind – choo-choo!’
Marnoua, OK, in your country, you’ve got six-lane motorways and so much infrastructure, it’s amazing. It’s so good. So it’s you who should decide what comes next, if you need more infrastructure, what kind you need, and where, and all that. But the globalists want to take your money and tell you what kind of infrastructure you’re having, whether you like it or not, whether it’s good for you or not. ‘I DON’T CARE. I WANT IT, MOMMY. I WANT TWAIN’.
The way we Make Europe Great Again is by helping countries put their citizens first, OK? Help them do what is best for their countries, and make their own decisions, because, folks, you’re all grown-ups, right? The only babies are the globalists in Europolis – the EPA, Juncker, Whiteford.
Especially Whiteford. She loses her own country so she screams and she cries so loud that they’re trying to give her all of you to rule. We can’t afford Whiteford, OK? Or we’ll have coups everywhere, like there was in Icholasen when she was running that, and she did such a terrible job there, you wouldn’t believe.
So tomorrow, we all need to vote, folks. It’s our moment to take back our countries, to Make Europe Great Again, and to say to Whiteford, and Juncker, and all the EPA globalists – even Winston, who, actually, is probably the single biggest globalist – YOU’RE FIRED! Let’s do it, folks. Thank you!
