PREMIER COMMISSIONER DEBATE

WITH PIYERS MORGANOV

Piyers Morganov: Hello, good evening. I'm Piyers Morganov, and tonight I'm going to be grilling the three candidates who want to be your next Premier Commissioner. These two women, and one man, want to run the European Union, and I'm here to test them on their knowledge, pin them down on their plans, and help you decide who you want to lead the region for the next four months. The stakes are high, so I'm not going to hold back, I'm not going to take any prisoners, and I'm not going to let them keep anything in reserve.

So without further ado, it's time to introduce the three candidates who are after your vote tonight:

SOFIE CIKAROVA, from Czech Slavia. A passionate left-winger, Sofie came third the last time she stood for Premier Commissioner. What makes her think she can do better this time; and what does she make of the instability in her own country and the entire European Union, and her own role in that? It's time for the real Sofie Cikarova to stand up.

JEAN-CLAUDE JUNCKER, from Spain. No stranger to many Europeans from his time as Internal Affairs Commissioner, Jean-Claude is campaigning to 'bring the real European Union back'. But is that the European Union he lost during his time on the Commission? Behind the tanks and trains and planes, we're going to get to the bottom of the real Jean-Claude Juncker.

ISKIRIS KOLINE, from Istkalen. Dr Koline has a detailed plan for Europe, but will it hold together under the spotlights of the debate? And what does she make of her war-torn country and the recent abolition of the Republic of Istkalen; what makes her think she has the answers that all of Europe should follow? Will the real Iskiris Koline shine through tonight?

Before we start, I'd like to remind our candidates not to break the rules! Their opening statements will take 6 minutes, so that's 2 minutes each ((OOC: 300 words)). Afterwards, there'll be a free debate period ((OOC: 24 hours)) in which the candidates can argue with each other at great length, provided they stay within my 1 minute ((OOC: 150 word)) limit each time they speak.

Following that, we'll take questions from our beloved European audience, for which candidates will be able to answer for 2 minutes ((OOC: 300 words)), followed by a free debate period where candidates can argue, provided they stay within the 1 minute limit ((OOC: 150 words)).

Furthermore, if any candidate is mentioned by any other candidate, they have an automatic right to reply for 1 minute ((150 words)).

But without further ado, it's time for the candidates to give us their opening statements; their elevator pitch as to why they should lead the EU through the summer of 2021. Let battle commence!

CAMPAIGN LAUNCH

TSETINYE, PRAVOSLAVIYA

The Dragan Trympov Make Europe Great Again theme song plays as Trympov takes the stage

Thanks, folks. Thanks.

Isn’t this election crazy, folks? Isn’t it ridiculous? All these candidates, there’s so many, I don’t even know who half of them are! And they’re all going round doing these speeches and rallies, which, by the way, I invented. Nobody gives me credit for it, and that’s OK, but I was the first to do that, OK? And now everybody does it, and to be honest, I don’t think they’re doing it very well, but that’s fine, they can do that.

So this election, folks, has so many people and so many speeches, and they’re so bad. The more they speak, the more places they go, the crazier it gets, folks. Now, I wasn’t going to run in these elections, OK? It’s not like I don’t have better things to do with my time; I have my business, I have my own country, I have the Make Europe Great Again Foundation, so I have so many things to do. But I’ve been watching the shows, all the shows, and the more I see these people talk, I think what the hell’s going on? Who are these people and why do they want to do all these crazy things?

Therefore, I am officially announcing that Dragan Trympov is standing for the office of Premier Commissioner of the European Union. Because it’s so important, folks, that we don’t let any of these other people in charge of the region.

You know, when Whiteford stood down, I was so glad, I thought, thank God, folks. Thank God. I told you she’d be a disaster and, well, was I right or was I right? Our region still has so much Communism, we’ve got the Emperor of Inimicus being shot out of the sky, we’ve got some real bad things going on in Eastern Haane and Nofoaga, and Whiteford has failed so badly. So the EPA tapped her on the shoulder and they said ‘Whiteford, you’re not going to win, time to go.’ Bye-bye!

So things are as bad as they were four months ago, and now these candidates just want to make everything even worse. The EPA have nominated Angela Merkel – remember her? That was days ago, and she still hasn’t got her papers in! Can you believe that? As of now, Merkel is not on the ballot! Maybe she’s having second thoughts. If you had the EPA, the globalist elites, come and say, you have to be their candidate for Premier, and you have to defend them, would you do it?

But while they’ve got Merkel, in a room, trying to convince her not to drop out, they’ve sent Juncker out there to tell you what they’re going to do to Europe. And oh, boy. This guy came here and said he was going to take your money, and give it to big corporations, big telecom companies, so they can do 5G. With TV aerials, which, folks, is not going to work, OK? You can’t do 5G with TV aerials.

But it’s OK! It’s fine, folks, because we’ll get some of the money back. Some. Not as an investment; he wants to get the money back in taxes. Isn’t that ridiculous? It’s a gift! He’s literally going to gift your money to big telecom companies, and there’s no return except in tax revenues. I’m a businessman, OK, and that is the single worst deal of all time; not for Juncker, because if he wins, that’s OK, you don’t get to vote him out in four months’ time because he can’t run. It’s the worst deal ever for you. The ordinary, forgotten people of Europe, and her nations, getting screwed by globalist politicians and their big corporate friends. That’s the EPA, people. They’re in a big globalist alliance against you.

So then I hear about the ELDR, and their candidate for Premier is a woman called Maria Kerstin, OK? She’s supposed to be 36, she looks about 50, but that’s OK, I’m not going to criticise her for that. And so far she’s fallen for a fake meme, can you believe that? If you told Kerstin that they’d taken ‘gullible’ out of the dictionary, she’d go running up the stairs, get the dictionary off the bookshelf, flick, flick, flick. And she’d find it in there and she’d say, well, folks, looks like we need to update our dictionary. It’s true!

And by the way, when she’s going round doing these speeches, she keeps saying ‘oh, I’m not completely ELDR, I don’t always agree with the ELDR, I think the ELDR is wrong on this,’ and you think, well, what do you agree with the ELDR on? She’s only in the ELDR to say she doesn’t like it, and you know what, I don’t like the ELDR either, so maybe that’s something we can agree on.

But her proposal to cut the budget contributions of poorer countries – isn’t that so crazy? She wants the richer countries – DU, Inquista, Angleter – to pay more. But no, she says they’re not going to pay more. So I’m like, how does that work? Maybe she wants the EU to run out of money, or maybe she’s lying, I don’t know.

But she wants to make the richer countries pay more, relatively speaking, at least; and those tend to be the bigger countries, and to really smack them down she wants to make sure they don’t get proportional, fair representation in the Council. That’s so wrong and it’s going to destroy Europe, folks. You pay more, but you don’t get more say. Those countries are already getting screwed, and this Kerstin wants to screw them so much more, it’s ridiculous.

And then there’s Winston! That guy is the single biggest snake in European politics, OK? He was all ‘oh, I love Dragan, I love Trympov’, because he wanted me to drop out and endorse him, OK? And then he turned round and said ‘oh, let’s have a federal Europe, isn’t Trympov bad’. Winston is such a mess, it’s laughable. And now he wants to tell all your schools what to teach, he wants to put your money into crazy projects that’ll never work, like this giant tube thing, and all these satellites in space, with lasers.

Folks, the EPA want to take your money and give it to their globalist friends; but the ELDR want to take your money, play with it themselves, and of course, give it to migrants, because these people are ‘Migrants and Minorities First’. They don’t care about ordinary people, folks. They don’t care about you. And the radical left candidates – well, folks, you don’t need me to tell you they want to take your money too.

If we’re going to Make Europe Great Again, then we need to stop taking people’s money. People are losing enough money, it needs to stop. I promise I will not increase the EU budget if I am Premier Commissioner. No more crazy spending projects, OK?

There’s only two other candidates who get this, folks. Many people have been asking me, Dragan, what do you think about Cocx? And I hear what he says about fiscal responsibility, and it’s great, but I haven’t heard much about Cocx. Some of what he’s been saying, I like, but I haven’t seen enough of Cocx. I can’t trust him to stand up and not flip-flop, OK? And folks, nobody with that name is getting elected – it’s so sad, but he has to change it if he wants to win!

The other candidate, of course, is the great John Oliver. That man, OK, he knows how to rattle the globalist elite in this region. He’s not afraid to say what he thinks; I hear he’s being a little more serious in his tone right now, and I think that’s good, he knows we need to unite this region. But he’s a good guy, and he’s going to work with me to Make Europe Great Again, and he’s going to keep calling out what’s wrong with our region, and that’s great, and I hope you all vote for him for Internal Affairs.

The problems our region has are basically the same it had four months ago, because our current globalist Commission has done such a terrible job. So I’m not going to go round telling you what you already know. Not this time. Because we still need common sense against coups and Communism. We still need to stop the crazy spending projects. We still need to put the member states first, and let them put their citizens first.

Four months ago we went from nowhere to 30% of the vote, in a rigged system, in the space of a few weeks. We hit the globalists so hard, they didn’t know what was going on. This time we’re going to knock them out, OK? We are going to knock globalism out, and we will Make Europe Great Again! Thanks, folks.

Folks, you can't do this! It's illegal, you can't do it!

The law says, and I quote, OK, I am quoting this: "Should the European Commission decide to grant a Sanction Request, the Premier Commissioner shall propose a Sanction motion to the European Council."

And where is the sanction request for this? There isn't a new one. It's the same illegal one from last time. You can't do this off an illegal sanction request, OK, that's crazy. I'm a businessman, that's what I do, and if you tried that you'd get sued so hard your head would spin.

There needs to be a new, legal sanction request, and the Commission needs to look at it legally, before this thing comes back here. If you want to tell us what to do with our beautiful fluorspar, then you need to do it legally, OK?

Cllr Dragan Trympov

You'd choose yourself, I know. What an endorsement, folks. Maybe he's so proud of that because he can't get any endorsements from anyone else; I don't know. But I'd also choose myself to lead the EU, and I think so would the other candidates, right? Except maybe Merkel, she'd probably choose Whiteford, or Juncker, or Firoux, but that's OK.

But actually, Cocx is the biggest liar on this stage. I have always stood for the forgotten men and women of our region against the globalist elites. I’m supporting citizens, I’m supporting small businesses, I’m supporting farmers, I’m supporting ordinary people, OK? Now you look at Cocx, and he says he’s fiscally responsible, but he’s for the Green New Deal, and he says he’s against Schengen, but he’s as pro-open borders as Merkel, I mean, how does that work? It's so clear, folks, you can't trust Cocx to hold strong.

Everybody’s saying they’re for the Green New Deal, but nobody’s saying what they want that to include. And I’m pro-environment. I want to preserve our beautiful trees, our oceans, everything. And that’s great. But what these folks are talking about, and they’d never admit to it, except maybe Cikarova, is a radical socialist crazy spending project.

They’re going to take your money, and shut down your jobs, and probably give massive subsidies to global corporations that they say are part of making everything green, and if you complain they’re going to turn around and say ‘oh, it’s for the environment, if you don’t like it, you must hate the environment’. They’ll exclude their train projects, and all their other crazy spending projects that produce emissions, and they’ll make you pay for everything.

I want to protect the environment, yes, but I also want to protect the millions and millions of jobs – blue-collar, white-collar – in manufacturing, in oil and gas, in coal, in mining, in nuclear energy. Member states know best about their own countries, their own economies, their own climate, their own environment, so they need to take the lead on this issue.

What I will be doing is promoting innovation and technology, and talking to the member states to find out what they’re doing, and talk about whether they should be doing more, can be doing more, and how they can achieve that without cutting jobs, OK? We’re not going to go in and dictate to them. We’re not going to come up with some crazy spending project that says you have to close these factories, you have to spend this, you have to give this much to a so-called green corporation.

This Commission has achieved so little, it’s ridiculous.

Folks, we still have Communist regimes in Neo-Venetia and, of course, in Icholasen. Whiteford was in charge for four months and she hasn’t got her country back, in fact, she’s just moved it to Reitzmag, so now we have to pretend that Icholasen is in Reitzmag. It’s crazy, folks, but it is what it is, because this last Commission hasn’t got a grip. They haven’t got a grip on Communism, they haven’t got a grip on coups.

If you ask the Commission what have they done, all they can say is ‘oh, Juncker had a meeting’. And that’s true, folks. Juncker had a meeting with all the heads of government, where he talked about giving himself more time in power, and building a huge new office for himself, probably because he’s jealous of Trympov Tower, am I right? The member states, thankfully, were having none of it, but that’s why they don’t want the member states to have a say in the Council.

Oh, and they did an app. That’s it, folks. Four months, loads of violence, the region falling apart, and we get an app. Which actually has backfired so much, because people get the app, they have a look, they see this very small list of what the Commission has done, and they think ‘that’s it?’

Folks, it’s so obvious. We can’t risk putting the EPA back in charge of our region. We certainly can’t risk the ELDR, who are like the EPA, but frankly, they’re even worse. We can’t trust Cocx or the radical left. I alone, with John Oliver, will Make Europe Great Again.

Benfield, you are so wrong. This guy needs to stop looking at climate graphs and read the Constitution, OK?

The Constitution says, "Commissioners do not represent nor are they related to any government of any member state of the European Union". OK? And this is about Commissioners, the bill doesn't say we should have a councillor from Istkalen. In fact, it says here, "This Act does not constitute recognition of the right of Istkalen to representation on the European Council."

All we are doing is saying if someone wants to represent the European Union, and they're from Istkalen, then the actions of the J-TAI shouldn't stop that. This isn't the medieval warm period any more, Benfield, we don't stop people standing for election because of a conquest, or a war.

I mean, you should have seen this guy, folks. All the time he's been reading these graphs, going up, going down, climate and temperatures, and I don't know. The only temperature he knows about is that the Globalists have gone cold. The only graph he knows about is that the Globalists' support is going down. You could even say it's going down like a hockey stick.

So folks, if you're not scared of a little opposition, and you don't want the Reitzmic army going around stopping anyone you don't like from running for Commission, then you have got to vote for this bill. That's all it is, folks. That's all it is.

Cllr Dragan Trympov

INTERNAL AFFAIRS DEBATE

WITH TOUKER KARLOV

Touker Karlov: Good evening! I'm Touker Karlov, and welcome to the Internal Affairs Commissioner debate.

Europe is at a crossroads. That's not a big secret, we all know that at this point. Ordinary people from Fremet to the Duxburian Union, from Spain to Vayinaod, have a big decision to make. What path do we go down as a region? What will keep us together, keep us united as a region? What could tear us apart?

That's a real possibility right now. I don't know if you know that, but it's true. More than one country, some important countries, have spoken about breaking the region apart. We've gone from exits to Super Unions, and it can get worse, or it can get better. That relies on your decision in this election, and it relies on these candidates - their plans, their priorities, and what they'll do if they're elected.

We have five candidates vying for your support tonight. They are:

JOSEPHINE AREAI, from Istkalen. Areai brings with her a controversial past. Her name has echoed through the halls of Europolis for some time, in connection with more than one person. But is her future bright, and is Europe's future bright with her? Tonight, you can find out.

JOE BIDEN, from Reitzmag. Joe Biden is a political veteran. Politics is what he does. He's been in three parties, and now he's in none. He's charting his own path, but is it a path you want Europe to follow?

PIANE DAGGOTT, from Czech Slavia. Piane Daggott is Nicoleizian. She is, for all intents and purposes, a UNSR candidate. That might be OK with you, that might not. You might think she's wide awake, you might find her fast asleep. Tonight, she gets to make her case for your vote.

EMMA GRANGER, from Montenbourg. Emma quit the EPA leadership to stand for this role. Committed, or over-confident? Globalist, or just compassionate? You get to be the judge.

PETER LEESON, from the United Duchies. You may remember Leeson from a former Commission election. He didn't get elected this time; now we get to hear why he thinks he should get this position, this time.

Before I invite the candidates to give their opening statements, I'll start with a few ground rules. For their opening statements, candidates will have 2 minutes to respond ((OOC: 300 words)). That will be followed by an open debate period ((OOC: 24 hours)), in which time candidates can have 1 minute each to respond to each other ((OOC: 150 words)).

The same goes for the questions that follow - 2 minutes initial response, followed by free debate with a time limit of 1 minute.

With that cleared up, let's go to our first candidate. Start the clock, let's go!

Cllr Tusk is the leading paedophile in the European Progressive Alliance, or the Globalists, who I call Europe's biggest paedophile ring. They murdered Archbishop Craticus, tore him apart, quite literally, it's really nasty to watch, because he stood up to the paedophiles, and now, OK, they're going after me. That's fine, I don't mind that.

But folks, Cllr Lallana is in many ways worse, actually, than a paedophile. So Cllr Tusk, please, despite the fact that you're a paedophile, you like to do horrible things to kids, you take pictures and videos and you move them around and all sorts of horrible things - or so I hear, anyway, and I have it on pretty good authority, believe you me - let's do a truce, and agree to get this horrible women out of our Council. Agreed?

Cllr Dragan Trympov

I'd like to thank the candidates for their opening statements.

Our first question tonight will get to the heart of the disagreements in this campaign. All elections are a war of words, but this is a whole new arms race.

Peter Leeson, you've called Emma Granger a 'hypocrite' who wants a 'European monoculture'. You've also launched multiple broadsides at Jean-Claude Juncker, who isn't even running for this position.

Piane Daggott, your campaign has called Joe Biden 'shifty'.

Emma Granger, you've called some of your opponents 'architects of fear' and accused them of using 'conspiracy theories'.

Josephine Areai, you've said Peter Leeson is 'one step from insane'.

Joe Biden, you've dismissed many of your opponents' policies as 'malarkey'.

So my question is this: do you stand by all the statements you've made during this campaign so far; and do you believe the rhetoric in this campaign is helping to bring the EU back together?

You each have two minutes to respond ((OOC: 300 words)). You can then debate with each other, in turns of one minute each ((OOC: 150 words)).

@Istkalen said in Plastic Surgery Woman (Expulsion from Council) Bill:

On behalf of the Republic of Istkalen, I vote, in contradiction with the ravings of my Deputy Councillor, AGAINST this act. That makes, then, Cllr. Trympov, only 50% of non-pedophiles, if we are to believe your accusations, so far having voted for the act.

Iras Tilkanas
Councillor for the Republic of Istkalen

Hey, you are a paedophile. Thank you for admitting that Cllr Tusk is a paedophile too, though. Thanks.

Cllr Dragan Trympov

This is Dragan Trympov. I vote FOR this beautiful Act!

100% of NON-paedophiles who have voted so far have voted for the Act, folks, just saying!

Cllr Dragan Trympov

Cllr Tusk is the leading paedophile in the European Progressive Alliance, or the Globalists, who I call Europe's biggest paedophile ring. They murdered Archbishop Craticus, tore him apart, quite literally, it's really nasty to watch, because he stood up to the paedophiles, and now, OK, they're going after me. That's fine, I don't mind that.

But folks, Cllr Lallana is in many ways worse, actually, than a paedophile. So Cllr Tusk, please, despite the fact that you're a paedophile, you like to do horrible things to kids, you take pictures and videos and you move them around and all sorts of horrible things - or so I hear, anyway, and I have it on pretty good authority, believe you me - let's do a truce, and agree to get this horrible women out of our Council. Agreed?

Cllr Dragan Trympov

4th July 2021

PROTESTS AGAINST CASPIAN 'TRIUMVIRATE'

Patriotic protesters burned flags relating to the 'C3' countries in a protest in Belogradchik yesterday.

The Government has pledged to "take action wherever necessary" to counter the formation of a 'C3' bloc of Caspian countries, who have referred to themselves as a regional 'triumvirate', following widespread protests against the bloc over the weekend.

In a move that has blindsided Pravoslaviya and other regional players, the nations of United Duchies, Selvaris, and Reitzmag have agreed open-door immigration, liberalised trade, a mutual extradition treaty, and intelligence co-operation in an extremely wide-ranging treaty. The group have called themselves the 'C3' or 'Caspian Triumvirate', a move which has provoked outrage among Pravoslaviyan patriots.

Simeon Vukov, former leader of the League Against Corruption, told a large gathering in Belogradchik yesterday that "this bloc has been formed to dominate the Caspian and dominate Pravoslaviya. They have called themselves a triumvirate, which is a group of three people who dominate everybody else. Caesar, Pompey, Crassus. United Duchies, Reitzmag, Selvaris. They see themselves as the Caesar, Pompey, and Crassus of our region, and we are the people they want to dominate. We say they will dominate nothing but our corpses!"

Protesters have also called for Pravoslaviya to abandon the Caspian Treaty, which ties Caspian nations into a range of agreements on fisheries and resource exploitation in the Caspian Sea. While Selvaris has not yet acceded to the Caspian Treaty, it is entitled to do so, and upon doing so it would give the 'C3' a 60% majority on the Caspian Council, which would allow the new bloc to force through economic agreements that are favourable to the bloc's interests.

The Prime Minister, Metodi Pravoslav, has called for calm, and extended a warm welcome to Selvaris as a new member of the European Union. "We do not see any of these nations as unfriendly or hostile," he said in a statement issued via social media, "we simply ask them to recognise our concerns." Pointing to North Diessen's reaction to the formation of the C3, which has included curbs on co-operation with the United Duchies, Mr Pravoslav added that "these concerns are not unique to ourselves."

Mr Pravoslav promised that he would propose amendments to the Caspian Treaty aimed at guaranteeing Pravoslaviya's economic interests against the threat of domination by the new bloc. "We believe in the Caspian Treaty, and we believe in Caspian co-operation. What we do not believe in, and I believe even the C3 countries will agree to this, is using the Caspian Treaty as a means for a slim majority of nations on the Caspian to dominate and outvote everybody else." More specific proposals are expected to follow either on Sunday or in the early part of next week.

First of all, Piyers closed that Shiba Inu deal. The man was about to walk away, you can see on the tapes, he's about to walk away, maybe he's repelled by Cllr Lallana's plastic surgery, I don't know, but Piyers comes in and gets him back in. And the three Pomeranians were Ludacris, you were just recording them and you know it.

Folks, if I wanted to suppress opposing views, I would propose a bill to abandon opposing views from the Council, OK? I'd say, oh, ban Globalists, or ban Communists, or ban Patriots, or whatever. But I don't do that, because I like having different views, different people, you get people from all different backgrounds and it's really good, it's a lot of fun at times. And look, I have nothing against women, I've been married three times, I have a really beautiful daughter, I think women - most women - are great.

But really, Plastic Surgery Woman is so bad, it's unique, OK? In fact, maybe I shouldn't call her Plastic Surgery Woman, she's right, that's an insult to women, most of whom probably don't want to be associated with her. And she's going on about my language, oh my language is so bad! It's so bad! And she's saying 'ohhhh, Trympov has no dignity! Trympov's a murderer! Trympov's dangerous!' Give me a break. And this is her first act in this Council, saying these horrible things? We need to get her outta here! Get her out!

Because really, I am the most pro-refugee person, and by the way, the torpedo order was given by Metodi Pravoslav, not me, so get your facts straight. And Pravoslaviya is actually pro-refugee, because since then you don't get boats led by yuman traffickers, who are some very evil people, probably almost as bad as Plastic Surgery Woman herself - and maybe she's involved in that, I don't know - but they can't exploit these folks anymore, and that's good. That's stopped a lot more people drowning, OK.

So Plastic Surgery Woman wants migrants to drown, and she wants them to give money to yuman traffickers. Why? That's an interesting question, isn't it folks? Why? And many people are saying, and I don't know but I hear these are very good people, they're trying to save people, they're holding Globalists to account, holding paedophiles to account, so maybe they're worth listening to, but they're saying Plastic Surgery Woman is a yuman trafficker. She makes money when migrants get on boats, and she makes money when the boats go down and everybody drowns. And that's so sad when that happens, when people die that's not good, but she's laughing, OK, behind the plastic surgery, and maybe it's hard to tell, but she's laughing.

Do we want someone like that in our Council? We don't want people like that in her Council. GET HER OUT! Go back to mommy. Go back to daddy. Get out, Cllr Lallana.

Cllr Dragan Trympov

The only person who is being fired here is Plastic Surgery Woman, who's been fired before - by me, because I have great judgment - and now she's being fired again, because she's a loser, folks. We don't need losers in the European Council.

I mean would you listen to her language, OK, it's disgusting. Whenever I see her on TV, I go to my son Baron and say 'cover your ears!' I have to tell him 'don't talk like that woman, it's wrong!' Do we want parents all over Europe, when they're watching the Council - because I'm here, that's going to happen, because I actually got the best ratings with The Celebrity Apprentice, and let me tell you, they went up so far after I fired Cllr Lallana - do we want parents having to cover their little kiddies ears, saying 'don't listen to the Council, honey'? 'Don't listen to the Council, dear'?

And folks, she is such a liar. Do we want the little children tuning into the Council and hearing lies like 'oh, I've never had plastic surgery'? I mean you can see it all right here, all the work she's had done; maybe she would be better off without it, I don't know, it doesn't look great, but folks, we can't see what's behind her botched plastic surgery, OK? We can't see her real face, I've heard a lot of bad things, so maybe it's worse, but we don't know. But this liar cannot be allowed to come with her hideous mask into our Council!

I mean, she talks about my persecution at the hands of the Globalists, which I won - I'm here, I won, the Pravoslaviyan people voted for me, and by a much bigger margin than 51.31%, by the way - and she also says I represent the rich elite? She says being a councillor is something you get if your country wants to get rid of you, but she hasn't looked in the mirror - probably because it would break - but she's all over the place, folks. She thinks pulling in the second most customers in a task - which is wrong, by the way, she claimed one of Piyers Morganov's sales for her own, and everybody knows it - is some kind of achievement? She's gone even more crazy than usual because she's desperate, because she's been found out, and now she's going to be expelled from the Council forever.

And look, this woman is a Globalist and a Communist at the same time. That's completely wrong, OK, it's no surprise she's confused all the time. Even the Globalists and the Communists are looking at her like 'what'? They're like 'what'? Look, I don't often agree with Cikarova, and I don't often agree with Granger, but I get along with everybody, and Plastic Surgery Woman is so wrong. She's a liar, she's a fraud, she's a bully, her language is so bad and confused, she throws around crazy allegations, she's basicallu a flat cake. Cllr Linek is right, she's a flat cake, and she tricks people. We have got to get Plastic Surgery Woman out of the Council folks, and maybe into prison, we'll see. But first we get her out of the Council.

Cllr Dragan Trympov

Plastic Surgery Woman (Expulsion from Council) Bill

Presented by Cllr Dragan Trympov

PREAMBLE

An Act to expel Karinn Lallana from the European Council

DEFINITIONS

I. ‘Plastic Surgery Woman’: Karinn Lallana, hitherto European Councillor for Inquista

SECTION I – EXPULSION

I. Plastic Surgery Woman is expelled from the European Council with immediate effect.
II. Plastic Surgery Woman is banned from ever serving as a European Councillor again.

SECTION II – IDENTITY

I. The Council confirms that Plastic Surgery Woman is not Taylor Swift, and that the real Taylor Swift is alive in Pravoslaviya.

Folks, it gives me great pleasure to introduce the Plastic Surgery Woman (Expulsion from Council) Bill to this Chamber. This is the best Bill I, or for that matter any of you, have ever created in this Council, and really, I’d urge you all to vote for it, it’s going to be a great Act, and it’s what we need right now.

Cllr Karinn Lallana, who I like to call Plastic Surgery Woman, because she’s a woman, and she’s had a lot of plastic surgery, and it’s gone very badly for her, is the single worst person to have ever been put in the European Council, OK? She is by far the worst.

And maybe people will say, ‘oh, she’s not a demon child, she hasn’t thrown powder everywhere’, but you know what I say to that? You know what I say to that, folks? ‘Not yet’. Not yet.

Because we haven’t seen the real Karinn Lallana, people. In fact, you can’t see the real Karinn Lallana, because she’s hiding behind her botched fake face. It’s actually a security risk to have her in the Council, because she’s had so much plastic surgery, OK, you can’t see who she is. She could be anyone. She could be anyone in the world.

Except Taylor Swift. That is not Taylor Swift, even though she had the plastic surgery so she could look like Taylor, who as we all know is alive in Pravoslaviya. And you can all see right now what a bad job the surgeons did, OK, in fact, in that sense, I feel sorry for Cllr Plastic Surgery Woman, because she wanted to look like Taylor Swift, and really it looks nothing like her, and it’s really sad.

But we have got to expel her from the Council, OK? It’s a security risk, she’s delusional, and we shouldn’t have to share a room with this person. In fact, she is the worst bully in Europe. I have been victimised again and again by this woman. She has said the most disgusting things against me, and really, it shouldn’t be allowed. She said I tried to murder some other Fake Taylor Swift, when if anything she tried to murder Taylor Swift by plastic surgerying her face to look like her!

I am making a stand for anti-bullying by speaking up against this disgusting animal. This Council can send a message. Either that bullying is not OK, and if you’re a little different, a little weird, maybe you’ve got a wheelchair, or you’re a fat, like really yuge person, or you’re like ‘OHHHH AHHHH’ [Trympov flails arms wildly], then that’s OK, that’s a lot of fun. Or, alternatively, you can keep Plastic Surgery Woman in the Council and say it’s OK to bully those kids, flush them down the toilet while they’re going ‘AAHHHH NOOOO’ [Trympov flails arms and then covers his mouth and makes a ‘GLUB GLUB GLUB’ noise, followed by choking noises]. Really, it’s up to you folks, OK, it’s up to you.

And let’s face it, the so-called election where this woman got made a councillor is so rigged. First of all, it should not have happened anyway, the state of Inquista is a fake state ever since they murdered Paul Craticus and threw him out a window because he stood up to Globalism.

But most importantly, I mean 51.31%, come on, folks. Do you believe 51% of people in Inquista, a great country, a beautiful country that voted so many times for Archbishop Craticus, voted for that? I don’t. The last time they did a poll on who they wanted as councillor, she was on like 17%, and that was a little high, let’s be honest here.

She’s been rigged into that seat by the Globalists. You can’t see her face behind what is basically, if you think about it, a mask, OK? It’s a plastic mask, and a really bad one at that, like those ones you get in a joke store – that’s what she has on permanently, and that’s who we’re letting into our chamber? But she’s that, and she’s a bully as well, she says the most disgusting things. She’s had botched face surgery, she’s had botched brain surgery, and she’s probably in the Vulovich Bratstvo as well, and as we all know, they killed Francois Beaufort, who was a good guy, I liked him, but they killed him, they’ve done a lot of bad stuff, and it’s really not what you want.

Right now, folks, we have a sick person in the Council, and her name is Karinn Lallana, or Plastic Surgery Woman. We don’t want sick people ruling our region; in fact, if you let her stay in the Council, then every other country will leave, because they don’t want this psycho ruling over them. Even Inquista, actually, maybe that’s why Inquista voted for her, which they didn’t, but if they did, it’s to get rid of her, get her out of Inquista and into Europolis, and then they’ll leave the EU but they won’t let her back in. And that’s a smart idea but it’s at our expense, folks, and we’d be so stupid to accept her into our Council, OK?

I’m a businessman, OK, and I’m quite a successful one. I own a lot of buildings, a lot of very tall buildings, I work in property so I deal a lot in tall buildings, and one of the buildings I own is the tallest building in Tsetinye, and I have buildings in Belogradchik, and all over, and before that I went to a very prestigious school – and they say if you go to that school, you’ll do great in life because they teach you common sense, OK, they teach you common sense and business sense, which really is the same thing – and you learn so much in your life and I think at this point with the success I’ve had, actually, I’ve learned almost everything. Not quite everything, but I’m almost there, I’d say.

And one of the things I’ve learned is that sometimes you have to be ruthless, in business, in politics, in everything. You have to, if there’s something that’s going to hold you back, you have to cut it out before it does damage, and Plastic Surgery Woman, we have got to cut her out before she damages everybody like she’s damaged her own face and brain.

If we don’t vote for this Bill, this wonderful Bill, and then it becomes an Act, once you pass a Bill it becomes an Act, so it’ll be an Act; but if we don’t make it an Act, there’s no telling what this crazy woman will do. You can’t see her, her language is so bad, she’s delusional, she’s got so many problems, and really, she shouldn’t be here. And if you vote for this Bill, this Act, then actually, she won’t be here, and that’s the best thing for the EU, it’s the best thing for Inquista, it’s really the best thing for everybody, except her. But the worst thing for her is usually the best thing for everybody else, so really, that’s a good thing. In my opinion, that’s a good thing.

So I say vote for this Bill, let’s expel Plastic Surgery Woman, and make sure she never comes back, except, maybe, if she changes her face again so much we can’t tell it’s her. But we’ll deal with that if it happens. For now let’s just pass this Bill. Thanks, folks. Thanks.

Cllr Dragan Trympov

The Kingdom of Pravoslaviya votes as follows:

For Premier Commissioner:

1. Iskiris KOLINE
2. Sofie CIKAROVA

For Internal Affairs Commissioner:

1. Joe BIDEN
2. Peter LEESON
3. Piane DAGGOTT

The Kingdom of Pravoslaviya votes as follows:

1. Andreas EKKA
2. Benjamin STEYN
3. Robert RINDER

Thank you, candidates. I have one final question for you. You each have 2 minutes ((OOC: 300 words)) to answer this and, if they wish, include a final statement to the voters.

Joe Biden will have an additional minute ((OOC: 150 words; so 450 in total)) to answer his previous question and, if he wishes, respond to Emma Granger and Piane Daggot.

My final question to all the candidates is this:

Recently, Commissioner Birdane hosted the Bergen climate conference. But in this entire debate, not one of you has mentioned the word 'climate' or 'environment' once. Do you believe it's the EU's responsibility to take action to tackle climate change and protect the environment; and if so, what would you do on that issue if elected?