Spanish Aniversary Day
-
Since the music was playing so loudly, Mikaela couldn't really hear what Theodora was saying to her over the phone. She was standing in the middle of the dance floor, music on blast, and screaming into her mobile device. "Where am I!? Is that what you're asking!? Uhh, I'm in Ibiza, which is in... I'm not really sure what country! Hello!? Oh! What club!? It's called El Burro Marica!"
Mikaela hung up the phone when she suddenly saw Prince Tommy of Icholasen appear out of nowhere with a crate of Four Lokos. Mikaela's heart began to beat fast and her eyes glistened. Prince Tommy was Mikaela's favourite burro marcia. Mikaela carefully observed how Tommy then began to fix up a jaeger bomb for his sister Anastasia. Mikaela walked up to the pair of royal siblings.
"Tommy! I can't believe you're here! I tried inviting you, but when I called, it said your phone was no longer in service. I ended up texting your number neighbour instead and met this lovely geriatric woman, Candace, who I invited in your place."
Mikaela pointed toward a very old lady in a wheelchair, who was seated in the very far corner of the club, sitting completely motionless with her head slung backwards.
"Isn't she lovely?" Mikaela mused before then waving and shouting at her. "Hey! Candace! Great party, huh? Looking fab, girl!"
Candace remained motionless in the far corner, with her face glazed over and her eyes open, but not blinking.
"She's a wild one. I bet she's already drunk out of her mind. Although, speaking of getting drunk out of their mind, Tommy, I hope you're staying sober. Tonight is Penelope Cruz's birthday and I don't think we can afford to have one of your episodes tonight," Mikaela said, placing her hand on Tommy's shoulder.
Mikaela suddenly gasped as she touched Tommy. "Oh my gosh, Tommy. Tell me it's not true. There are vicious rumours going around... people are saying you're like... working an actual job. Please tell me who started this slander and I promise you I will make sure that it stops. I have a very good lawyer who specializes in libel cases. He's the one I used against you several times when you said terrible things about me in the press. The one who called you a terrible, spoiled brat with crippling addictions? You remember him? I can give you his number."
Mikaela interrupted her long-winded and one-sided conversation by taking sip of her vodka soda before continuing. "Oh, and Tommy! You have to see the man I got myself. You'll be so jealous," Mikaela gushed as she pointed to Captain Fernandez-Velasquez, who had now taken his shirt off to show his entire naked chest. The Captain was still pulling off his wild dance moves on the dance floor, performing complicated stunts that seemed to be like gymnastic acrobatics.
"I know you could never get anything like that, but don't worry, because I have a plan. See, I always have your back? I've always had this fantasy you know, of like..." Mikaela explained in a hushed tone, pointing to herself, then towards the Captain, and then at Tommy. "You know how they say one's company, two's a crowd, and three's a party? Well, if you behave yourself, maybe we can have a party at the end of the night. Who knows?"
Mikaela's proposition was suddenly cut short when she heard the most fabulous remix of her song Call My Name playing. Mikaela turned around and shouted in excitement. Mikaela's excitement quickly turned to dread, however, as she heard JLo's voice take over the track. "No, not again!" Mikaela yelled, dropping her vodka soda onto the ground.
Mikaela's eyes darted around the club when she suddenly saw JLo live in the flesh, lip syncing away to the song. "What is she doing here? I said no JLo!" Mikaela thought to herself. Mikaela's eyes then darted to Irene, who seemed to be enjoying herself. "Irene von Scorpious!" Mikaela thought.
Mikaela then took at JLo. "I can't believe she has the audacity to steal my song, then show up unannounced at my own event, and then put her own lyrics over yet another song of mine. The audacity of her. The A-U-D-A-C-I-T-Y!"
She had no idea how to rectify the situation and felt paralyzed. Mikaela then glanced back at Irene and slowly began to move toward her. "Irene, this is officially the worst Penelope Cruz birthday bash ever," she said upon reaching Irene, with tears welling up in her eyes. "The big booty bitches party has been ruined. What should I do? What can I even do? JLo is here!"
Mikaela then grabbed Irene by both her shoulders and began shaking her violently like one of her shake weight exercise routines. "Help me!"
-
Cayetana suddenly noticed how a circle of people formed around what seemed to be two women fighting
"I wonder what all of that is about" she thought. "Finally something interesting!"
The Duchess of Athenaesios approached the mob and found Mikaela shaking her beloved Irene's sculpted shoulders rather vigorously.
"What should I do?" she said to herself. "Forget that I am the head of state and government of one of the economic powers of Europe and punch that whore in the face or do nothing to protect my queen and cowardly let that psycho break Irene's delicate collarbones, as to maintain my dignity?"Cayetana, having had a glass or eight too many of neat Brandy de Jerez on the rocks hadn't understood that Mikaela was actually asking for Irene's help, and strode towards the Inquistan with an aim to destroy.
"What the actual f*** do YOU think you're doing, you dirty plebe? Don't you know you lumpens are meant to treat us nobles with R E S P E C T? Get your prole hands off her right now!" she shouted with a slurred voice. "Are you okay, my queen? Duchess of Athenaesios, at Your Majesty's service and pleasure."
-
Somewhere in Ibiza...
Hello, this is the 112,what's your emergency?
The 112 agent notes the emergency.
Thanks, we'll be there as soon as possible. Hungs up the phone and calls Policía Nacional.
Hi there, calling from 112. A person has reported many scandal on El Burro Marica bar. Let me send you the coordinates.
"Ok, we'll be there now"
-
Though the other guests were letting themselves go and acting like fools, Irene was very aware of the paparazzi at this event and how they were going to portray all of this drama. She already knew that by looking insanely good and getting JLo's singular attention she made herself a star of the show, but she wanted to take it further.
She looked at the drama between JLo, Mikaela and Cayetana as a golden chance to get herself good publicity. She first affirmed Mikaela and tried to push her into acting on her worst instinct. "I say you go up and slap her off the stage. Who does she think she is?"
Then, after seeing an angry Cayetana verbally attack Mikaela, she whispered in her ear to manipulate some more drama out of this. "Oh, thank you for protecting me. I have such a thing for strong women who can push nuisances out of the way..." As she was whispering, she seductively touched Cayetana's big booty, suggesting that she's in for a reward if she fucks Mikaela up. *Will you do that for me?" she uttered, elegantly walking away in case Cayetana obeys.
-
Tommy cleaned up the broken glass that Mikaela spilled. "Why did I suggest changing to glass cups instead of plastic cups? Honestly screw the planet if it’s sustaining life such as Mikaela’s.” Tommy thought to himself, scooping up the glass from the floor, and then mopping over the already sticky floor. Soon, the floor would become so sticky it would become unbearable. Tommy finished up cleaning while all hell broke loose and went back to the bar and thought about what Mikaela had said to him. In thinking, he forgot the “Suelo Mojado” (wet floor) sign! Dios mio! While Tommy watched WWE: Spain unfold in front of him, he tried, in vain, to process what Mikaela had said to him. He realised now that everyone back home would know he works here, so he could no longer avoid them and the press, people might come to Ibiza for him, rather than cheap package holidays.
What also bothered him, is that Mikaela didn’t think he had someone here in Spain. I mean why else live in Ibiza if it wasn’t the ancestral home of his - well, he didn’t know exactly what him and Carlos were. It had been several days since his competition, whatever that was, and Carlos still hadn’t returned to Ibiza so Tommy was annoyed. But annoyed enough to have a revenge threesome with a soldier and Mikaela Kligenberg?
Anastasia came up to the bar and gestured at the folly. “Tommy what are you going to do about this mess?”
“Uhh, watch I guess? I can’t afford cable so this is the best entertainment I’ve had in weeks.”
“You are totally amoral, you know that?”
“Yes.”
“Okay maybe it is a little entertaining, can I come behind the bar though? I don’t want to become collateral damage.”
“That dress IS collateral damage. But of course, come back here.”
Anastasia came behind the bar, grabbed a drink and filled it half way with gin, and halfway with tonic.
“You’ll have to pay for that you know.”
“What? No mates rates?” Anastasia said mid-sip.
-
Frenzied by Irene's delicate touch and sultry words, Cayetana strode towards Mikaela, who had somehow managed to evade her.
As she approached her, she rolled up her dress, took off one of her heels and threw it at Mikaela's head, wishing for it to hit her right in the middle of her forehead.
Luckily enough, Cayetana's aim wasn't all that good under the effect of the devil's juice, and instead hit a vase filled with flowers that was beside her, breaking it instantly and drenching Mikaela in a mix of dirty stale water and vomit, as someone had apparently decided to use the vase as a toilet earlier.
Cayetana couldn't have wanted a better outcome.
"YASS! Now Irene will definitely make me her queen consort! At least for tonight..." shouted Cayetana. "Where are you, my love?!?" I have done as you requested! Where is my prize?"
Irene, unsurprisingly, was nowhere to be seen. Cayetana thought she must have gone to the bathroom, to wait for her before indulging their passions. So she walked towards the ladies' room and went in, only to slip in a wet, unused tampon somebody had accidentally dropped on the floor.
Now Cayetana too was soaked in a mixture of disgusting, unidentifiable fluids. She began sobbing, for she knew that Queen Irene would never take her in this state.
*What have I done?!?" she gasped. "I just assaulted a woman to have sex with another and look how it has all ended. I need to get my shit together right at this instant."
-
In that moment, the Police arrives onto the bar....
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemens. What's going on here?
-
Mikaela was drenched in what seemed to be a mixture of vomit and dirty water. Mikaela’s vision was blurred as her wet hair covered her face. Mikaela was in total shock of what had just transpired. Suddenly, Mikaela fainted. After a minute, Mikaela mustered up all the strength she could, and she managed to get back up onto both her feet. Once Mikaela regained her stability, she felt the arms of Captain Fernandez-Velasquez suddenly wrap around her.
"Are you okay, señorita?" the Captain asked empathetically.
"Yes, I'm fine," Mikaela quietly muttered, wiggling herself free from the Captain's grasp. In truth, Mikaela had endured far worse. Mikaela was very used to getting attacked for no reason, such as the time Prince Tommy assaulted her or the time Irene threw a good punch toward her.
Mikaela's eyes looked up at the Captain. She saw a worrying - yet loving - sparkle in his eye and it lit a fire within her. Mikaela then turned to look for Cayetana, but she was gone.
“Where is the Derectan Prime Minister?” Mikaela asked, as the quiet crowd just stared blankly at her.
“I saw her run for the bathroom. Shall I fetch her?” the Captain asked.
Mikaela nodded. The Captain was a 230lb mass of pure muscle. There was no way that Cayetana could escape him, and he would drag her back to the dance floor kicking and screaming if he needed to. The Captain suddenly went off in a quick flurry to the bathrooms. The Captain quickly re-emerged with Cayetana slung over his shoulder. He threw her onto the ground before Mikaela.
Mikaela took a step forward towards her. "Prime Minister, I am a peace-maker. I do not condone violence. There was a time when I took a stand against the war in Dromund Kaas," Mikaela explained, alluding back to her very brief days when she was the Commissioner for Internal Affairs, whereby she resigned her job following the continuation of the war in Dromund Kaas so that she could spend more time clothes shopping. "I do not fight... unless..."
Suddenly all the lights in the club turned off. The venue went pitch black dark. All of a sudden, a bright spotlight was then shone onto Mikaela, who was now in a sexy soldier's uniform.
"... it's for love."
▻ Fight For This Love starts blasting aloud.
Mikaela then jumped onto a nearby table and began dancing as she sang painfully off-key.
"Quiting's out of the question!" Mikaela sang as she punched and kicked the air while spinning. Mikaela took her military uniform hat and threw it into the darkened crowd.
"When it gets tough, gotta fight some more!" Mikaela sings before ripping the top half of her soldier's uniform off and throwing it away. Mikaela jumped from the table back onto the ground and continued her perfectly choreographed dance. Out of nowhere, El Capitán jumped behind Mikaela. El Capitán was nearly stark naked, wearing nothing but his combat boots and a thong, which accentuated his well-rounded peaches. The Captain began to grind on Mikaela as she danced.
"We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love! We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love! We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love" Mikaela sang as she spun around to face the Captain. The two locked eyes before both suddenly jumping away - Mikaela doing a back hand spring and the Captain doing a backflip.
"If it's' worth having, it's worth fighting for! Oh!" Mikaela sang as she slut-dropped. Mikaela then stared to breakdance, moving her lower body seductively with her upper body and her arms. The Captain performed a front hand spring towards Mikaela and then started shaking his rear end. Mikaela then got up and started grinding on the Captain as she repeated the chorus of her song. "We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love! We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love!"
Mikaela then spun around and stared at Cayetana. "I couldn't end the war in Dromund Kaas, but I can end this one."
The lights then suddenly turned on. The Captain appeared behind Cayetana, fully clothed in his legionnaire uniform. Captain Fernandez-Velasquez grabbed Cayetana with his arm and lifted her up from the ground and then slung her over his shoulder. The Captain carried her out of the club, where a group of Spanish policemen were waiting. "Tengo la perra, muchachos," the Captain said as he placed her on her knees on the ground. The Captain forced Cayetana's arms behind her back and he handcuffed her, which brought Mikaela much disappointment, since she wanted to use them on the Captain and Tommy later in the evening.
Mikaela looked down at Cayetana from the top of the stairs outside the club. Mikaela was worried. She cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted at Cayetana, "Girl! This is a truce! Call me when you get to jail, ok?!"
A feeling of strength and empowerment overcame Mikaela. She could feel all her muscles coming alive. Mikaela darted back into the club and scanned the venue to find the person she had been waiting many years to confront. Eventually, Mikaela's eyes locked on JLo. Mikaela then jumped onto the bar, where Anastasia and Tommy were watching from behind.
Mikaela pointed at JLo and began to talk in a raised voice. "You! What do you have to say for yourself? You know what you have done to me. You have stolen my song, Booty, which I wrote with Pitbull! I'm the real big booty bitch! What do you have to say for yourself? How will we settle this?!"
-
Excuse me sir, but what has this lady done?
-
JLo was so shocked by Mikaela's appearance that she forgot to lipsync her song, leading the crowd to boo her. Statements like "At least Mikaela is off-key live!!!" were shouted. JLo was so upset and annoyed with the situation, but she knew what she had to do.
"Look at this, guys!" She climbed up on the same bar as Mikaela and started twerking. The crowd was overjoyed and back to loving JLo. Who cared that she can't sing? It's not like that's her job. Her booty hypnotized them all.
"You think that you can top this? Just give up. You can fight fight fight for your love all you want, but my booty is undefeatable. It's a defense that can only be penetrated by something that you don't have, missy."
She then looked around the bar and shouted "Where my Latinos at? Don't our women have the best booties?" The Spainish speakers in the crowd became overjoyed and enthusiastically cheered, as they for some reason always took pride in knowing that their biggest celebrity is mostly famous for her ass.
"Do you think that this scrawny white girl could sing a song about big fat asses believably? Instead of me?" Though most of the crowd didn't respond, several extremely loud people yelled out a resounding NO. This was enough for JLo to feel victorious.
Full of confidence, she walked off the bar and towards the stage, paused, looked back at Mikaela and said. "For the record, I'm Jennifer Lopez, a celebrity that used to be relevant in the 2000s... With LATINA magazine's blessing, I declare you need to put your tiny ass to rest. Once again the world has proven: Anything you can do, a B-list fifty year old celebrity can do better." She strutted away and got on stage to lipsync Booty, ready to impress the crowd.
-
Miss López you should calm down.
Meanwhile, an agent realised of Candance body in the floor
Martínez, come here! Look, it's an old women. She doesn't breath. Call an ambulance. How much time have passed since this woman isn't breathing?
-
"She is guilty of attacking an icono marica," the Captain said. He then turned around and walked back into the club.
Mikaela was shook. Her booty power was truly outmatched by JLo. JLo also had an unfair advantage, with all the Latinos cheering her on. However, Mikaela was a local, so she had the home superiority at least. Once JLo's lip sync to Booty was over, the remix of Call My Name and Dance Again started playing again.
Singing even worse off-key than before, Mikaela started to sing as she popped her booty. Some of Mikaela's fellow locals went wild. JLo, who never seemed to be content with anyone doing their own thing, then started to sing along. JLo sang just as off-key as Mikaela, and the horrendous sounds of their voices joined together in an unholy matrimony, which actually sounded... half decent. The crowd went wild as JLo actually sang instead of lip syncing as she normally would, and they rejoiced in the utter chaos that was produced by their conjoined vocals.
Mikaela and JLo, who were both often criticized for being "dancers and not singers", knew how to pull some serious moves. Mikaela shook her flat booty as JLo twerked the house down. Sure, Mikaela didn't have as big of an ass as JLo, but she did have an impeccable sense of rhythm, and she was a talented dancer in her own right. After the two women finished painfully singing the song, and ass-qukaing the entire club, they were left drenched in sweat.
Mikaela gasped for air as she recuperated from all her dancing. She gave JLo an uncertain look. A smile crept across her face. Mikaela extend her hand out to JLo. "Your booty... is truly bootylicious."
-
Irene von Taurus
Irene was long fucking gone, as she did NOT want to be anywhere near Cayetana, whom she considered a stalker and only used for publicity. By the time she flew back to her home country, she took note of internet gossip sites talking about Cayetana fighting in the name of Irene, which affirmed the Queen's already strong status as a desirable sex symbol who even made heads of states go crazy for her. That made her very happy and made her sleep like a baby that night.
El Trisha
What nobody at Ibiza knew was that there was a legend overlooking their night. The iconic El Trisha... The woman who was exiled from Red Croatia for being too fat and is now getting her revenge by showing the world the power a plus size girl can wield by orchestrating high profile crimes well known across Europe.
And in order to pull off her latest stunt, she got help from her naive secret accomplice, Mikaela Kligenberg. After Mikaela's respect for JLo was reciprocated and the two made up, Mikaela suggested to JLo that they should move their performances outside. Always ready for an attention grabbing stunt like that, JLo agreed and the two called upon their audience to party in the outdoors part of the club where the cops who cuffed Cayetana were.
The sudden stampedo of wild drunk people distracted the police who were positioned out there, and so did the random fireworks and colorful smoke screen bombs (that deceptively looked like party props) went off. The police was suddenly so flabbergasted by the mess at the club that by the time they began regaining control of the situation, they noticed that Cayetana was missing while they couldn't mobilize themselves because of the huge amount of people partying all around them. It was the perfect crime that left no realistic window of opportunity for the cops.
When Cayetana regained her composure, she was instructed by Trisha (whom she most likely recognized) not to worry. "You and Queen Irene hit it off very well today. I am here to make sure you get the relationship you deserve!" She spoke in a cheerful and childish tone, suggesting that she orchestrated all of this because she was a fan of Iretana.
Cayetana had no way of knowing what exactly was going on, like how Trisha even knew about her attempted flirtation with Irene, so she didn't understand the complexity and the intention of Trisha's rescue.
Trisha, who hated Irene because she was Queen of Red Croatia (the country from which Trisha was exiled for being too fat), had eyes and ears following the Queen and got informed of Irene's seduction of Cayetana. She wanted to kidnap Cayetana to capture Irene's, and the world's, attention - demonstrating her competence in a highly publicized crime that the media was bound to tie up with the very famous Irene and Cayetana, a potential lesbian love affair between them and Cayetana's escape from prison. It was a complete mess and Trisha lived for it.
She escaped Spain with Cayetana using a jet Mikaela borrowed her, which was her last stroke of genius - as it was not a suspicious vehicle. Trisha was surprisingly brilliant at this, and paid close attention to those small details.
Eventually, the two women and Trisha's henchmen landed in a location unfamiliar to Cayetana and went to a very safe looking house that had a calming beach view. "You'll be hanging out here for a while, hope you like it!" Trisha squealed out of excitement.
-
After Mikaela and JLo finished performing yet another killer duet outside, all seemed to be going well as far as Mikaela was concerned. Colourful flares and smoke bombs were going off, which excited Mikaela. Party goers seemed to be screaming and running around. "They must have really enjoyed our performance," Mikaela said with pride to JLo, not realising that Trisha had set chaos to the party. Mikaela was glad that she was able to put her history with JLo behind her and that she could now consider JLo a friend. She had forgiven her for everything, and in fact, now hoped that they could collaborate on a future project.
Mikaela's phone suddenly went off when she received a notification. The phone notification informed Mikaela that her private jet had taken off. "It's very weird that Trisha needed to hop onto my jet on such short notice. Anyway, I'm glad that I can help a girl out," Mikaela thought to herself. As Mikaela looked up from her phone, she realised the party was quickly dispersing. The police had already been at the scene for a while, and they seemed to be more agitated than ever. Most of the party goers, too, seemed agitated (from Mikaela's voice, most likely), and they were now fleeing the scene. As party goers were dispersing, policemen were wondering around in front of the club, asking the patrons if they knew where Cayetana was.
Mikaela's heart stopped beating. What happened to Cayetana? Mikaela began hoping that she didn't accidentally do anything. As panic set in, the Captain appeared by Mikaela's side and he placed his arm around her.
"Hola hermosa mujer," he smirked with a flashy smile.
Despite the Captain's charms, Mikaela couldn't contain her anxiety. "What's happening? Why haven't the police left? Where is everyone going? We were just getting the party started!"
"They're looking for Cateyana," the Captain explained. "During your performance, some lady in a pink car showed up and kidnapped her while the police were being distracted. I thought I should stop her, but my feet couldn't help but dance to your beautiful music," the Captain explained.
Mikaela froze. She couldn't believe she had once again played the part of a pawn in someone's schemes. Mikaela sighed. This happened every single time. "Well, at least she is safe. I didn't want her to actually go to jail," Mikaela thought to herself, calming down.
"What's the matter?" the Captain asked.
"Nothing," Mikaela said shaking her head. Mikaela then smiled and looked at the Captain up and down. "You need to go back into the club. There's a room there in the back. I think it's a storage room? I'll meet you there in 5."
The Captain smiled and darted back into the club. Mikaela pulled out her phone and recorded a voice message, "Hey queen! Girl, you have done it again. Constantly raising the bar for us all and doing it flawlessly. I'd say I'm surprised, but I know who you are, I've seen it up close and personal. Girl, you make me so proud and I love you."
Mikaela sent the voice message to Trisha. Mikaela then recorded another voice message.
"Hey. Hope you're ok. Sorry that you've been abducted by Trisha. Didn't mean for this to happen. We'll talk again soon, hun. Oh! Also, I have a great lawyer who can negotiate a hostage situation if you need it. I was abducted once by this wild Os Corelian fish monger lady and this lawyer managed to get me free by trading me for 3 goats and 2 chickens. He knows how to negotiate a great bargain! Anywho, talk to you again soon."
Mikaela meant to send the voice message to Cayetana, but her finger accidentally grazed the screen and she ended up sending the message to Queen Irene instead. Without noticing, Mikaela then put her phone away and observed the scene. It was now dead quiet, with a few party stragglers outside and a few police officers walking around the premsies. Mikaela decided to head back into the club.
The club was completely empty inside, much like Mikaela's own head. Queen Anastasia and Prince Tommy were still there, but that was likely because Prince Tommy actually had a job to do and he was tasked with cleaning up the bar at the end of his shift. Mikaela approached the bar and gave Tommy a devilish grin.
"The Captain and I are going to be cleaning up and stocking things back in the storage room. Would you mind come help us out. What if you... showed us where things belong? Hahaha, just kidding. Unless...?"
Mikaela then turned around waltzed to the back of the club, right into the storage room.
-
EL FINAL
Tommy looked at Mikaela, totally stunned. He had been enjoying his time here with Anastasia but the revenge threesome idea sounded more and more appealing. Carlos still hadn't arrived back in Ibiza and he had been ever so lonely. He never cheated on Carlos, even though they never talked about being exclusive. Anastasia on the other hand was glad she stayed out of this whole mess, including any lewd nonsense.
"Do you know what Mikaela yes-" Tommy said, his words being cut off by him noticing a movement in the corner of his eye. Who was it that had entered the club?
Carlos had entered the club, with a suitcase and all his luggage. "Approchez approchez!" Carlos said. "On va danser le big bisou!"
Tommy and Anastasia approached him and joined in in dancing the big bisou, Anastasia found some random Spanish man and dragged him along with her, and Tommy partnered with Carlos.
Tommy, extending the fig leaf of peace said: "Mikaela, do you want to join us dancing the big bisou?"
The Kingdom of Spain
