Blue Croatia Ponders: Should Straights Have Rights?
-
President Carter was never faced with a threat like this before. Even when his nation faced war, he knew that there was some honor to be had in losing your life to a worthy opponent. But to lose one of the greatest ABBA hits to KidzBop? This would be a disgusting, vile thing to witness. In order to relieve himself form the pressure of his situation, he turned on SOS by the magical group and found the lyrics more relatable than ever.
"WHEN YOU'RE NEAR ME DARLING, CAN'T YOU HEAR ME SOS?
THE LOVE YOU GAVE ME, NOTHING ELSE CAN SAVE ME, SOS!"But as he was mourning the potential loss of Dancing Queen, crying but in a manly way over this frightening prospect, he came to a beautiful realization. "I know exactly what to do. Security, don't hesitate. Don't fear the KidzPop hell reigning upon us."
Suddenly, the impressive security guards ran out in fashion that would make Pamela Anderson from Baywatch worry for her career, their hot chiseled bodies dominating the delegation from Istkalen and escorting them to an isolated room in President Woods' home, cuffed them to chairs and made sure that they won't be up to any funny business. "In this country, we'd send your straggot asses to conversion therapy and turn you into literal cocksuckers, proud Blue Croatian men. But sadly, you only suck mmetaphorical cock. Losers. Luckily for you, we don't have enough time to convert you to the correct sexuality, but we have enough time for.... THIS!"
The security guard picked up his phone and furiously hit numbers for 50 seconds. "I am President Carter Wood's Security, and I have something to say. I have a challenge for you... slap some sense into these straggots challenge. Can you be here to filapplication in a momentarily? You can? Oh, fantastic!"
He then looked over at the delegation. "Someone is about to talk some damn sense into you."While the security was taking care of the zealots, President Woods appeared in front of his people, who were worried about losing their beloved hit.
"HOW COULD YOU RISK LOSING DANCING QUEEN??? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, PRESIDENT??? EXPLAIN YOURSELF!!!"
The President laughed in a self assured manner, as if he was not the slightest bit worried. "Don't worry, I know what I've done." He then cleared his throat before explaining his reasoning. "First: This is an empthy threat. These people are religious and they know damn well that KidzBop covering Dancing Queen would summon Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, and they're not called that because they're horse hung, believe me. Second of all, if we DO somehow lose Dancing Queen, this will help us identify with the most heavy-handed ABBA songs. We will be able to identify with the beauty of SOS, Fernando and Waterloo more than ever. And thirdly, even if they force the KidzBop version on us, I'll make sure that MY rendition is even more successful!"
President Carter then ascended above the people with a wire that brought him to the rootftop of his home. From there, everyone attending the event could see him just by looking up. "Let the show begin." Suddenly, the instrumentation to Dancing Queen began, backup dancers popped out of nowhere and stood beside him on the roof and the crowd instantly went wild.
"17 year old Britney Spears, this one goes out to you!
You can seduce!
You're everyone's muse!
Having the time of your life!
Oh, watch those creeps
Chasing after teens
Digging the Jail Bait Queeeeeeen!It's 1999 and political correctness is low
While you're coming out with your show
You're serving vocals, you're serving choreo
But everyone is focused on your derriere
And when you get the chance...You are the Jail Bait Queen!
Young and sexy, only 17!
Jail Bait Queen, cover that Rolling Stone magazine, oh yeah!
You can seduce!
You're everyone's muse!
Oh, watch those creeps
Chasing after teens
Digging the Jail Bait Queeeeeeen!"The crowd got even wilder as they saw President Woods slay the fuck out of this musical number. "And with this, my dear guests, everyone from the foreign delegations is permitted to enter! Come on in!" As the delegates entered Carter's home, they would see a ball room connected to a dining hall filled with upper class Blue Croatians with whom they would have fun with tonight. The President himself however, went on to the secluded room with the Istkalen zealots to give them a lesson before changing his costume and joining the other people in his ball room. But as he saw them, he just sighed and turned around instantly, knowing that they'll be taken care of by the mystery guest that was about to arrive and lecutre them.
He walked toward the door, looked back, and said: "For the record, I'm Carter Woods, President of Blue Croatia and the best gay porn star in the world. Coalition of the Rightwing Straight Religious Nuts, with your permission, you need to put your situation to rest. Once again, the world have proven: Anything the straights can do, gays can do better." He shut the door and walked towards the ball room to talk with the high society people.
-
Amaziah ran back to his father who after the guards freed him from the Istkaleners. He was frightened a bit but he had to do what he did in his mind but he knew it worried his father. He hugged James and Yohanna and Said "Sorry I worried you but I couldn't let them do that." James replied reassuringly "Its fine , you did good there son. I know I can't stop you, I think you may have many new fans!" They noticed the crowd had noticed the commotion and seen what his son did . Amaziah went to join Jakob and Dana who by this point were mingling , they were known in circles to Gay and Bi-sexual. They were proud of what he did.
-
Prince Tommy entered the great Ball Room. Coincidentally, that’s what he called his living room. It was a sight to behold ! What magnificence. This is what happenned when you got gays to design your buildings, and not straight guys with no respect for the male form. Tommy then decided he would try to find the guy on The App.
‘Wya’ he asked. He could see this mystery man was close, he wondered which of these Blue Croat hunks was his mystery admirer ?
‘What are you doing ? Why are you on your phone ?' Carlos asked, somewhat hurt. Before they had left Ibiza Tommy said he wouldn’t go off without him on this trip.
‘Don’t worry, querido. I won’t leave you.’
‘Hmm.’ Carlos said.
A pause.
Carlos saw the buffet tray and was enticed by a chocolate finger. Mmmm a chocolate finger... It reminded him of a vacation in pre-volcano Nofoaga.
As he saw Carlos wander off he said: ‘honey I’m going to the bathroom.’
‘Okay.’ Carlos said, fixated on the food at this point.
Once arrived in the bathroom he went in a stall and opened up The App. He refreshed a bunch of times and saw the mystery man was very close. -
@Icholasen
"Pissing all by yourself, handsome?" President Carter said as he walked up to the urinal next to Prince Tommy. "I've been waiting for my chance to fuck up the Nicoletzian fuck-up." He winked before leaning over the urinal to compare their bladder instruments. "Let's compare sizes?" He said before going over and crossing their swords. "Wow, your's is as big as Serbia! But mine is asbig as Serbia with Kosovo. Let's commit genocide together, babe." He initiated a passionate kiss. -
Prince Tommy didn't know what a Kosovo was. He assumed it meant some kind of STD. "Ummm... what ?" Tommy said. He was into it until the ethnic-Albanian STD was mentioned. "You're cute, but... I stay #safe."
-
"Oh, I'll keep you #safe. I'm going to make sure that you're protected, well-respected, healthy. wealthy. rich and that bitch." He grabbed him and kept on passionately kissing him, his charisma being so overwhelming that one would willingly get an STI just to spend one night with him, one would risk his liiii-i-i-i-ifeeee to fee-e-e-e-l President Carter's body next to his. "Come on, Prince. Join the King in his bedroom."
-
Bishop Lallana left her Europolis office feeling down and dejected, having spent yet another day in the European Council debating and discussing miniscule bits of European law that had no real impact on the working class people of Europe, and having accomplished nothing that would help bring about the worldwide liberation of the proletariat.
How did the bishop go from leading the front lines of progressivism and revolution in Inquista - championing for the equality of all persons, fighting to dismantle the patriarchy and the class system, fighting against discrimination and prejudice, and campaigning for a sustainable and everlasting environment - to now having to sit around a stuffy room, discussing menial topics such as the European Space Agency, a European Commission veto, a European Order of Merit nomination, and so on.
Worse yet, any progress that the Bishop was part of in the quest for universal equality and liberation was sliding backwards. The Bishop recently had to assist and help navigate a socialist schism in Icholasen, guiding her comrades to help them from being killed or purged by others she once also considered comrades. Was the quest for worldwide peace, equality and freedom all but doomed?
"Useless," the Bishop bemoaned to herself. "I'm so useless. What am I doing?"
The bishop wrestled with these thoughts and felt on the verge of giving up.
As Bishop Lallana walked along the sidewalk, struggling with these thoughts, a light suddenly beamed from the sky. The beam of light began to grow, and soon many more beams of light also began to cut through the sky and shine on her. The bright light slowly began to envelop the bishop, and she could feel a burst of energy and warmth wash over her. A loud voice began to boom in her ears.
"Karinn," a loud voice boomed.
A sudden flash of light blinded the Bishop, forcing her to close her eyes. Upon opening her eyes, she saw God, the one true Communist Orthodox God, before her. The Lord was surrounded by His four archangels, Archangel Marx, Archangel Craticus, Archangel Shakur, and Archangel Mufasa.
Bishop Lallana was shocked to see the Lord himself, but was even more surprised to see Craticus both make his way into heaven and become an archangel. Apparently mass murder was a forgivable sin after all. Archangel Shakur wasn't a surprise at all, the Bishop knew he had been dead a long time ago and that the fake Tupac Shakur from Pravoslaviya was a fraud all along, in addition to their fake Taylor Swift and the fake claims made by Trympov about the Bishop’s alleged plastic surgery. Archangels Marx and Mufasa were a welcome sight, and were among the most important figures of spiritual relevance to the Bishop herself, alongside Jesus Christ, of course.
"Karinn, you have forgotten us," Archangel Mufasa declared with a stern voice of disappointment.
"No! How could I?" Bishop Lallana cried out defensively.
"You have forgotten who you are, and so have forgotten us. Look inside yourself, Karinn. You are more than what you have become. You must take your place in the proletariat's revolution."
"How can I go back? I'm not who I used to be."
"Remember who you are. You are Bishop Lallana, you are one of the Lord's children, and a true revolutionary who will help abolish all class systems. Remember who you are," Archangel Mufasa continued to warn, as the light slowly began to fade, and God and His four righteous archangels began to fade from the Bishop's sight.
"No, please! Don't leave me!" Lallana called out, hoping to ask questions of her own.
"Remember."
"Lord! Don't leave me!"
"Remember."
ZAP! It was as if Lallana had been struck by lightning. After being jolted with energy, the Bishop had been flung onto the ground. When she got back up, it appeared that she had been transported to some other part of Earth. The Bishop wasn't sure where she was or what was going on. It was a very out-of-body and strange experience.
The Bishop realised that there was some sort of fuss going on in the building in front of her, where the press were hounding people as they entered the facility. Lallana pushed her way past the press and went inside, where she saw many faces she recognised. Lallana saw Prince Tommy and Carlos, whose wedding she officiated just over a year ago, as well as a figure who appeared to be Taylor Swift, or a younger version of herself, or perhaps the drag artist Madame Marco - and in all cases, a dear friend - in addition to Michelle Visage and RuPaul, who had just recently rudely rejected the Bishop's request to join her judging panel for the New Republic's Next Top Councillor.
Lallana then bared witness to Tabitha and Tilisek's horrid speeches, whose sickening and hypocritical words chilled her to her core and made her feel sick. The Bishop's blood began to boil and she felt the need to compose herself, and so she quickly sought to find a bathroom where she could wash her face and cool down.
"How can someone who espouses belief in the Creator also dare speak so horribly about the Lord's children? How dare they speak so repulsively of God's own work and intentions? How can the love of homosexuals be sinful when their love is just as real and pure as the love of any other person? Gays are just as loving, loyal, faithful..." Bishop Lallana thought to herself, opening the door to the first bathroom she came across.
The Bishop opened the door and was dismayed to see some sort of salacious activity going on between President Carter and Prince Tommy.
"Well, some gays will go to hell, just statistically speaking," the Bishop rationalised to herself in a whisper.
Normally, Bishop Lallana would immediately retreat from the situation to save everyone from embarrassment and humiliation, but as the figure who officiated and was the witness of Prince Tommy's wedding vows to Carlos, Bishop Lallana could not let this go.
"Alright, that's enough of that, boys," Lallana commanded, walking into the bathroom and cockblocking whatever was going on. The Bishop dragged both men by their arms back to the main stage to everyone else.
Lallana had to make a point to Prince Tommy as well as to the Iskalenic delegation, and she knew she couldn't do it without a sense of authority. How would she gain such authority? By commanding the stage, of course.
Bishop Lallana decided to perform a special rendition of her previous performance at Prince Tommy's wedding, reminding him of his vows.
"Little boys who play with fire get their fingers burned," Lallana warned, pulling Prince Tommy onto the stage with her.
You tied the knot, remember me?
So, you got blue balls, but you shouldn't take chances on dicks like you do
That's something you should think throughThere's that look in your eyes
I can read in your face that your feelings are driving you wild
Ah, but boy, you're not a childWell, I can dance with you, honey, if you think it's funny
Does your partner know that you're out?
And I can chat with you, baddie, flirt a little maybe
Does your partner know that you're out?Take it easy, take it easy
Try to cool it, boy
Think twice and slow
Does your partner know?Take it easy, take it easy
Try to cool it, boy
Think twice and slow
Does your partner know?I can see what you want
But you seem to already have the one to be searching for that kind of fun
So maybe don't run and be doneNow you're so cute, I like your style
And I know what you mean when you give boys a flash of that smile, smile
But boy, you're no longer a childWell, I can dance with you, honey, if you think it's funny
Does your partner know that you're out?
And I can chat with you, baby, flirt a little maybe
Does your partner know that you're out?After giving a brilliantly choreographed performance and stunningly slutshaming a Nicoleizian royal, Bishop Lallana spun Prince Tommy off the stage and into Carlos' arms. Shaming their open relationship was a resounding success according to the applause that the Bishop received. "Call me to renew your vows, fellas," the Bishop quipped.
With the spotlight on her, Bishop Lallana used the opportunity to then speak directly to the Istkaleners.
"Tabitha, you must renounce your words and cease that bitter and malignant rhetoric at once. All human beings are made by the Lord's all-knowing and intentional design. We were all created in the Lord's image. God makes no mistakes. It is not for us to cast judgement. Division is what leads humans astray and towards sin. God placed us on Earth to be custodians of this Earth and to protect and nurture one another. We mock God and His work by not upholding Him, and by extension, by not upholding each other.
All humans regardless of any distinction are equal, and must be treated with equal dignity and respect. There is far more that we have in common than what separates us. Both straggots and f**gots - AND YES I CAN, YES I CAN SAY THAT WORD, STOP - must live in harmony, and we must support one another, so that we do not let Satan do what he does best, which is divide us. We must support both straight rights and gay rights. Most importantly, we must dismantle whatever separations the bourgeoisie have created that pit us, the working class, against each other."
Bishop Lallana then gestured for the crowd to remain content in the sidelines, while signaling to RuPaul, Michelle Visage and the Hilarious Ross Matthews that she would join them at the judge's table. Bishop Lallana finally gestured for the Istkaleners and for the Blue Croat President to step up to the Lipsync for Your Banishment.
While Bishop Lallana was preparing herself at the judge's table, Madame Marco popped up beside her. Bishop Lallana was Madame Marco's biggest idol, and Madame Marco had spent most of her drag career as a Bishop Lallana impersonator at her local gay bar, the Bishop’s Balls.
"Bishop Lallana! It is such an honour to see you!" Madame Marco quietly shrieked from the side. Seeing Lallana in person totally made up for seeing how busted RuPaul looked like in real life. Thankfully, Bishop Lallana didn't need a facekini.
"I totally do not believe what they say about you!" Madame Marco continued.
"Wait, what do they say about me?" Lallana asked, rather confused.
"You know, about the plastic surgery..."
"Oh, that's totally fake news. This is all natural. Anyway, it's good to finally meet you Madame Marco. I have to say, I had to do a double take, I wasn't sure if you were Taylor Swift or a double of myself!"
With the Lipsync for Your Banishment about to start, Lallana then politely dismissed Madame Marco to the audience.
-
Tabitha screamed at the guards. "Unhand me, you uncircumcised Philistines! How dare you accost the Vicar of Christ, the Supreme Pontiff, in this way!The wrath of God will surely fall upon you!" She struggled, wriggling like a worm, head flailing as she tried to bite those restraining her.
"You will go to Hell upside down for this!" shrieked Tilisek, face red, voice an earpiercing, grating screech, high enough to shatter glass She thrust herself forwards, violently thrashing, kicking, spitting at her captors. "You will burn forever! You will be dragged into Hell alive! The Lord will smite you!"
"In the name of the Lord, I compel you to leave these human bodies!" chanted Peralkal, again and again in a monotone, completely unmoved. He stared straight ahead, eyes glassy; his feet dragged against the ground as he was manhandled.
Such was their chorus of screams, going on and on as they were dragged into the house and sat in a room. Even after the guards had left, they continued to wail, screams and shouts and squeals echoing, crescendoing at last into something akin to the sound of Hell and the damned themselves. It enveloped them, entered them; for them there was nothing but the sounds they made, nothing to do but continue to scream curse after curse and hope for deliverance by the merciful hand of the Lord.
At last, a frame of light opened, illuminating the dark room. Tabitha knelt, her bounds chafing, straining at her skin. "Oh, Lord! You have delivered us!" she shouted, with great joy, before realizing that the man before the door was the chief of the Sodomites, the prime servant of Satan on Earth. She did not listen to his tempting words, all dark tendrils pressing their way, painfully, into her chest, into her soul. The light of the Lord was with her, an unbreakable barrier protecting her from the radiating evil standing before her, burning the darkness he sent forth, keeping her from the slavery of sin. She turned to stare at him, and at last spat a large drop of phlegm at his face. "In six months," she proclaimed, her voice determined and firm, "you will wake up, and you shall find yourself cured!" Her voice lingered on the last word, only slowly trailing off.
The sinner simply left without comment, turning, shutting the door as though nothing at all had happened.
The Lord, she realized, had visited him, transformed him. The demons within him had been driven out, and he no longer feared rectification. "Victory," she screamed joyously. "Victory, great victory of the Lord!" She jumped forwards, and found herself released from her chair, bonds broken. Her skin stung slightly, red and scratched, but it was no matter. In shock, she looked back, eyes wide, and again shouted in praise and joy. "Lord, Lord, I praise You, Your amazing power! O Lord, I prostrate before You, how great You are!"
Tilisek, for her part, gently stroked her crucifix, a small blade pointing out from its end. "Where would I be without you?" she whispered to it. "Still tied to that chair, waiting for whatever tortures these sinners were to visit on us. Oh, the Lord provides, but only to those who help themselves!" Her pinky moved back and forth across its edge, before at last pushing back a small, shallow tab. The blade retracted back into the crucifix, and Tilisek put it back to hang on her neck.
It was simple to leave the room, to again emerge into the crowd of condensed evil and there stand as the only representatives of goodness and God. Some disturbed woman was now shouting at Tabitha.
"My child," Tabitha responded to the rants of the woman she did not know, "you have been led astray. What you speak of is a product of the Fall. The Earth is cursed, breaking down, because of man's original sin; this behavior is simply a product of this. A creation not of God, but of the flaw of man. I do not hate these people - certainly not! - I want to let them feel the light and grace of the Lord, as I have, to let it flow over them and wash away the imperfections of their cursed births. Perhaps I once believed the doctrine of hate, but I prayed, and the Lord took it away from me and showed me the truth. I am here, the three of us are here, in His glorious name, to deliver these people from the sin that weighs on them so heavily into the calming and loving embrace of the Eternal Father above."
Tilisek now spoke. "You are in grave danger, my sister," she said softly. "The Devil has led you astray, led you down this path of heresy, made you a false teacher, a false prophet. Do not let him hold his control over you any longer! Free yourself from the chains of sin, and find the Lord. Pray for faith, pray for forgiveness, and find yourself liberated of the weight that is holding you down."
"The Devil's competition is beginning!" rasped Peralkal, standing in the distance, wildly flailing his arms. 'What shall we do, Your Holiness?"
"We shall have faith in the Lord," said Tabitha, steadily walking to the stage. She turned to frown at the judges, in their unnatural getup; but she continued her march unshaken. She could see the whole of the accursed, sinful audience of sodomites now; she would now show them the light. "Hallo!" she shouted, smiling as widely as she could, before madly cackling. Above her, a projector suddenly turned on. The uploads of 'KidzBop' to Youtube could now clearly be seen. The page reloaded, and now a new video was visible, titled, "KIDZ BOP Kids - Dancing Queen (Official Music Video)." Another reload. Now an even newer video appeared - "KIDZ BOP Kids - Waterloo (Official Music Video)." Now it was "KIDZ BOP Kids - Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Friend After Midnight) (Official Music Video)" that joined the rest.
Tabitha dissolved into laughter as the page reloaded again and again, each time revealing a new cover. "These are the natural wages of sin!" she shouted. "I present the same choice to you yet again," she continued. "Either live with this - or repent of your sins and accept Jesus as your savior so that you may all be saved!"
-
ACT III
FINALEJennifer Coolidge walks in the room.
"Holy fuck, you kids made a mess. Ok, everyone, out my house, chip chip! i rent out my crib to the President, but instead of pimping it out, this mess is what happens."
Everyone gets escorted out and told to go back to wherever the hell they came from.
"Now, let's turn on some real fucking music."
Jennifer plays FIESTA SALSA QUINCENIERA BAILA and drinks wine until passing out.
THE END
-
The Mizrachi-Roscoes enjoyed the entertainment together dancing ,singing joking with each other and the other guests as the night went on. Amaziah went round the room on his own too with Jakob and Dana getting a little flirty with some of the younger guests of the ball who were LGBT including getting involved in the gay humour. Amaziah was with Jakob as this went on teasing his step-brother as he often did. He had quite a personality as many discovered that night he also showed his disgust at KIDZ BOP shouting "This is music? Cats are dying" . He made faces and mocked KIDZ BOP , he was more of a Halestorm type person and heavy rock person anyway.
