An Orthodox Approach to Diplomacy
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"Maybe if you don't want that language to be used, don't be imperialistic." Becky Short-Hailey declared. "I'm not prepared to take lectures on democracy from a Gaulois regime with a monarch. Who voted for Queen Margrethe, huh? Can a country really be democratic without the liberation of the proletariat? And Kristian, we would do all those things anyway on our own. Icholasen doesn't need multilateralism. Icholasen can act unilaterally because we're a big power here. A big deal! Honestly, the only reason me and Bernie are still here is the free jammie dodgers. Bernie loves a jammie dodger."
"I do!" Bernie said moving his arms upward with enthusiasm, nearly hitting Nigel Farage in his neverending neck.
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Foreign Minister Parly: Ms. Becky, is it? Perhaps you are mistaken as to what a constitutional monarchy is...the monarch serves no purpose but to be a representation of the state. She is, what do you say...set dressing as it were. There to perform theatre so that decisions can be made by the democratically elected National Assembly of Gallorum and carried out by the Government of Gallorum. We were voted in by the will of our people. But neither here nor there; I'm sure Piane can get you caught up on the appropriate political science for failed despots book later.
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Becky retorted, "our mission in Icholasen is to end the vanity of nations. It seems, other than Inquista, you must be one of the most vain nations in Europe. 'Set dressing'? Seriously? Surely, instead of houses and dinners for royals, you could do the same for the homeless and poor. I'm sorry if this disturbs your liberal sensibilities, I imagine you do not wish to face about the flaws of your oligarchic regime, preferring to stay ignorant and blind."
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Parly: The only oligarchs I see were the ones who usurped power from the rightful government of Icholasen. We will take no lectures from you on how we conduct our affairs and look after our people.
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"OKAY, lets take an hour break for lunch. Please feel free to contact your governments on what has already been discussed, and reflect on whats been stated so far. I am sure we can still come to some sort of agreement."
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NIgel immediately stood up and called PM Johnson to enter the room in exchange for him.
PM Johnson: "Now hold on for a second Ms. Becky, you just said that you helped those rebels in their violent approach. That is not forgivable and you shall be detained for such crime of promoting violence!"Adm. Anderson stands up and cuts PM Johnson.
Adm. Anderson: "I cannot agree that our equipment is not replaced, Icholasen, Gallorum, and Inquista must be demilitarized for 1 month. And you (points to Ms. Becky) and all of you leaders of the communist party of Icholasen shall be detained for such acts that imposed a great threat to our nation! You shall be disbanded in the name of justice and HM George I. Heil König Georgius Der Erste!" -
Bernie took a bite of his raisin bran while Becky angrily stirred her coffee. "Can you believe Parly?" Becky said.
"Uhh... no I can't" Bernie said.
"I can't wait until we crush capitalism Comrade Sanders."
"Me neither, Becky. Gotta stop all those billionaihs from Inquistah profiting off our damn healthcare."
"Absolutely Comrade. Absolutely."
The two ate nibbles from the spread laid out by Kristian, their genderqueer host. They both grabbed fruit, some cheese and some bread and discussed their next steps in the negotiations. It was a nice enough spread, but it would have been nicer if everyone got a share according to their need.
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Foreign Minister Parly and Admiral Casabianca excused themselves from the table and went off to their area of the room. The aides brought what had been paid for by the government. It was a spread of grapes, fruits, vegetables, hummus, various cheeses, crackers and wine.
"Christ, did she not think of any fucking optics when she picked this for us?" Parly grumbled. Florence had a history of being involved in the armed forces, much like the Prime Minister. However, she would have thought that because they were sisters in arms that they'd pick something a little more humble and lower class than this.
"I think they did that on purpose," the Admiral whispered under his breath. "We are supposed to be showing the Nicolezians what's what with the cheese. Les Vaches Rouges, remember?"
"Ah," Parly sighed. "Well, I guess we're just going to keep bumping heads then."
The government issued phones rang. It was FaceTime. Parly answered as it said La Eagle. She knew who it was. She answered and a smiling Baschet was in the Hotel Matignon looking at them.
"Allo, ca va?" asked Baschet.
"Les vaches rouges sont terribles," commented Parly in an exasperated manner. "It looks like we are just going to yell at the communists some more. Anyway, we need to keep going. It seems like there's movement on refugees but that's it. The Reichs want us to disband our military."
Baschet paused for a moment before she laughed over the phone.
"Oh, you can't be serious. No, that's never happening. If they keep asking for silliness, we should ask for them to pay more and more. If they don't accept, then work with Inquista and the Nicolezians to split the country up at that point," Baschet replied. "We don't have time for this; the bigger issue across La Manche is at hand."
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During the lunch break, Air Marshal Harriet Copala arrived at the conference building in Nyetthem. She quickly made her way to the small room where Bishop Secretary Finsch was eating his lunch and watching all old vine compilations on his phone.
"There will never be an era like 2016 again," Bishop Secretary Finsch sighed as he reminisced.
"Bishop Secretary! Good to see you!" Copala excliamed as she entered the room. The Bishop Secretary nearly dropped his phone and turkey sandwich as he shook in fright.
"Where have you been? I've been waiting on you," Bishop Secretary Finsch commented in exacerbation upon seeing the Air Marshal.
"I was engaged in a dogfight with a communist in Reitzmag and then had to escape from a torture dungeon in Icholasen. It's a long story," Copala smiled as she shook her head. "Anyway. What did I miss?"
"It's been a great time. The Reizic delegate has been smacking his shoe against the table, while this girl named Becky's been slaying the Gallic delegates with her wokeness."
"So has anything been achieved?"
"From what I just told you, does it sound like anything has been achieved?"
"No."
"Exactly. Anyway, you have to come and see this vine. Road work? I sure hope it does!" Bishop Secretary Finsch laughed as he slapped his knee.
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"Alright I would like to invite everyone back to the table now.
From now on I would request no teleconferences for people to join us or switching out delegates please. These will be the final delegates from now on, but I would like to give a very warm welcome to Air Marshal Harriet Copala.
Could we hear the details of your so-called Air Marshal Plan and the potential for it at this conference? I am interested to see if it could be integrated into the peace process at all. "
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PM Johnson rushes to stand up after hearing the Gaulois offer.
PM Johnson: "I agree to the Gaulois deal, but make sure the equipment should be of high quality."Adm. Anderson: "I also would like to emphasize that Inquista may not do the same thing, they shall work on the rebuilding of the entire Reich."
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Foreign Minister Parly: We certainly do not make bad equipment. We will work with you for any customisation we can deliver to you.
Parly seemed to know something about the communists in the room as she decided to take a different approach. Simply don't engage with them at all. So she didn't look at Short-Hailey or at Sanders. She simply looked at the Inquistan delegation or the Admiral next to her. Every now and then she'd look towards Kristian.
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"Certainly... ummm... Mrs. Nylund, is it?" Copala hesitantly asked.
"Mister. It's a mister," Bishop Secretary Finsch muttered under his breath as he pretended to cough.
"Mr. Nylund! I certainly can," Copala quickly recovered.
"Firstly, in order for East Moreland to be properly rebuilt, it will require a political environment that will allow it to prosper and thrive. In order for this to happen, the Air Marshal plan will include the following political terms: East Moreland shall be renamed New Moreland. New Moreland shall be recognized as a special and autonomous Reich within Reitzmag, and it will also be recognized as a holy Reich for Inquistan Orthodox citizens within the country. New Moreland will be governed by a new democratic government, which will be elected on its own terms, but communist parties will be banned.
"Secondly, all displaced persons in New Moreland shall be allowed to relocate to any other Reich within Reitzmag, or attempt to claim refugee status overseas. However, as I understand, there are't that many survivors anyway, and apparently a good many of them are Inquistan Orthodox. All Inquistan Orthodox refugees within New Moreland will not be given refugee status in Inquista, and instead, will be redirected to a camp on New Moreland's Capsian Sea coast. There, the Inquistan Orthodox Church will develop a new city, which will become the capital city of New Moreland and the main focus of the Air Marshal Plan's investments. This city will be called Copala City. All other Inquistan Orthodox citizens across Reitzmag will be encouraged to move to Copala City as New Moreland is being rebuilt. These Inquistan Orthodox emigrants will help resettle and repopulate the Reich, as well as to rebuild it and its economy.
"Inquista is the largest economy in Europe and we are typically known for being economically prudent. However, my government is prepared to spend a significant amount of Church funds into reconstructing New Moreland and makings its economy even greater than before the war. The Inquistan Orthodox Church is willing to spend billions of Inquistos in direct economic stimuli and in direct investments. Copala City will be the main focus of rebuilding New Moreland's economy. Some money will also be spent in rebuilding the rest of the Reich as well, though. Majority of these funds will be focused on rebuilding civil infrastructure, houses, hospitals, schools and a new and environmentally sustainable electrical grid.
"As part of the plan, Inquista shall also provide tax credits to Inquistan investors who invest in or create businesses in New Moreland. Other countries are encouraged to follow suit. Inquista shall also - and this is the signature policy of the Air Marshal Plan - establish the The Air Marshal Copala Grant, which will pay-off all student loans to any European or Reizic citizen who has graduated from university within the last five years and has established a business in New Moreland for more than two years.
"As part of the Air Marshal Plan agreement, Reiztmag will not have to pay Inquista any reparations, and Inquista will withdraw from the country."
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PM Johnson shows Air Marshall Copala a list of the issues on the Air Marshall plan.
- HM George I already said to us a while ago that E. Moreland will be renamed as New Moreland along with another reich.
- E. Moreland (New Moreland) will be an autonomous region until it's development is achieved, but shall still be under the laws of the URR.
- New Moreland will remain in its current government structure, all parties are allowed to be elected including the communists.
- All reichs have been open for temporary residence of the refugees even before the conflict started, regardless of any characteristics.
- The new city planned can be agreeable, but bearing the name of Air Marshall Copala is against our will and morale as Reitzmen, let the government of the URR and us citizens decide on its name.
- The new city may not be a capital city unless approved by HM George I.
- The new city will rely on Nuclear or Solar Energy, we do not promote the use of pollutant sources of energy such as coal power plants.
- The cash incentives may be given but in the form of Reitzmic Pounds Sterling and its cost shall be decided by the Reitzmic government before distribution.
- The sea off the coast of the entire URR is named as Reitzmic Sea which is separate from the Caspian Sea.
In addition to this:
- Visa-free travel shall be implemented between Inquista and URR
- Rebuilding of Inquistan Orthodox Churches especially the Reitzmic Cathedral of Inquistan Orthodoxy
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"Oh its fine Marshal, lately I have expressed myself as male but it tends to deviate over time. You may just call me Kristian or High Representative if it makes it any easier.
I would like to point some things out, that there was a communist uprising in New Moreland or East Moreland (what the flavour of the month we are going here for is) its government and political structure failed. If peace is to be ensured, a new structure along with the autonomous nature of the region remaining with no conditions is essential to its progress. You can not just give a locality more freedom to make its choices only to rip it away from them, its undemocratic.
We need to discuss what exactly autonomy means for New/East Moreland, and to what extent is it just a special economic zone or are there entire portfolios such as healthcare, energy etc. under their control.
If Reitzmag is intent on allowing communists to be elected, would banning all communists from taking office be considered a fair exchange for that or even to go as far as banning this specific communist party and allowing a new one to be formed.
To be frank, I believe most of the Inquistan migrants there, along with Orthodox converts would be honored to have the name of Copala on their city but if it is agreeable to everyone it can and should be put to a referendum for the citizens of New/East Moreland.
Marshal Copala already stated as I quote 'environmentally sustainable electrical grid" as a goal for her plan. Inquistans are instinctively against nuclear technology and power so I would not expect their support for nuclear power at all in this matter. Speaking of which, what is the status of a rumored nuclear power plant in East Moreland.
Since for the most part it will be Inquistan money going into this plan, if not all, it is only fair to see initial values be offered as Inquistos as well as determine their alleged costs? Also if you wish to refer to a small portion of the Caspian Sea as the Reitzmic Sea that is on your nation. However, there is no discernible geographic difference in any portion of the Caspian sea and I am sure most nations here will refer to it as only one body of water.
I would like to hear other nations on the matter as well."
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"Thank you, Kristian. I must say, you're a brave trailblazer for gender equality and representation in the international relations arena.
"Just to quickly address my Reitzmic counterpart's points:
"Clearly the first point isn't an 'issue' if it's already called New Moreland. If the Air Marshal Plan agrees with current reality, then there's agreement, not an issue.
"I echo what the High Representative said on point two and we can discuss what autonomy means for the Reich,.
"And no, the communists will be banned. The Inquistan Orthodox Church, Inquistan investors and almost certainly the entire European community - minus Icholasen and Czech Slavia - are not going to put money into a place that risks a communist government coming to power and seizing everything. We're literally discussing rebuilding a post-communist ruin right now. Opening the door to potential communism isn't going to get anyone excited about starting a business in New Moreland. There's either no communist party or there's absolutely no rebuilding or investment. Pick one. This isn't negotiable.
"I'm not sure how the fourth point is an issue. I never said that wasn't the case. The plan was just making clear that's fine.
"Fifth point is non-negotiable.
"The sixth point is fine, but King George will have to either agree to it or there's no plan at all. It's non-negotiable. Also for clarity's sake, I meant the capital city of New Moreland, not Reitzmag.
"Seventh point also seems to not be an issue. I literally said a sustainable electrical grid. I have no idea how you seemed to interpret that as meaning coal power plants. Yes, obviously nuclear and solar energy are fine.
"Point eight is confusing and I don't think you understand what I meant. Inquista's direct investments, which will obviously be in Inquistos, will be allocated as we wish. Obviously the Inquistos, once in circulation in Reitzmag, will be converted to your currency. We're certainly not giving the money directly to the Reitzmic government, sorry. Also, there aren't cash incentives. There are tax credits though, which are deductions on taxes in Inquista to Inquistans who invest or start businesses in New Moreland.
"Point nine is pointless and cute. You can call the Caspian Sea whatever you like. That's completely irrelevant to the plan, I was just describing geography.
"I am offering to withdraw all of our forces in your country, despite controlling your airspace and having divisions and divisions of forces on the ground. I am also offering to wipe the slate clean and agree that Reitzmag shouldn't pay Inquista anything, even though I could continue to press for war reparations and ask for billions from your country. Lastly, I am also offering for the EU's largest economy to invest billions into your country. This entire plan is clearly a massive benefit for Reitzmag, and the benefits for Inquista are basically negligible, apart from the fact that we will make life better for our Inquistan Orthodox compatriots in your country. Rejecting this plan is just as fine with Inquista, we're just as happy to continue to control your airspace, have our troops parked in your country, not pay you anything, and also have you instead pay us the war reparations we deserve."
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PM Johnson calmly begins to speak.
PM Johnson: "Well, you might need to ask permission from HM George I if you want such name of the new city and its status as capital city of E. Moreland. One thing is for sure, if he is pleased of the developmental status of the said new city, then he would let it be the capital of E. Moreland via Royal Decree. The name would need to be negotiated directly and personally with our monarch. The autonomous status should not mean that they will have a separate government and head of state. E. Moraland shall remain as what it had been part of since the past centuries." -
"I believe no party here except for perhaps our delegates from Icholasen who want New/East Moreland to be its own state. Everyone else here is committed to New Moreland remaining part of Reitzmag. That said autonomy means that they would remain under the jurisdiction of Reitzmag at least for the purposes of foreign affairs, defense, and of course recognition of the Monarch.
Due to the clear cultural distinction that is in New Moreland, I propose that the following matters be devolved to New Moreland unless Marshal Copala had different intent:
- Economic Development
- Tourism
- Culture
- Housing
- Rural and Urban Development
- Food, Agriculture, Forestry, Fisheries
- Public Administration, and local government
- Health and Welfare
- Education
- Energy
- Infrastructure, including transportation
All other matters would remain centrally in Reitzmag. The Autonomous Reich of New Moreland would contain its own assembly, and governor both elected by its citizenry. Any other thoughts on the matter?
Mr. Johnson if you're not able to completely negotiate for your state right now was there much use for you to be here? Do you need a few minutes to contact your monarch for such a relatively small thing such as a city name?"
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PM Johnson: "I have already spoken to HM George I, he said that he would approve the name of New Harriett City. He also said that he would agree to make New Harriet City as the capital of New Moreland if it would become a new center of development when it is completed."
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"New Copala City. You mean New Copala city?" Copala corrected.
