UNSR Elections 2020

[Icholasen]

FOREIGN AFFAIRS TOWN HALL PART THREE

SDV: Welcome back to the final part of the Foreign Affairs Town Hall. We are now going to discuss so-called 'Free Icholasen. Should the UNSR interact with any nations who recognise Free Icholasen, Jane Birkin.

JB: I think we can, to an extent. If the recognise both nations, then I am okay with that. But if they just recognise so-called 'Free Icholasen' then we should cut all ties, if they haven't already cut ties with us. I am all in favour of reaching out a hand to the international community so long as they reach out a hand to us too.

SDV: Madame Laucre.

CL: We should not interact with any country who has recognised Free Icholasen, even if they recognise us. To quote Miss Taylor Alison Swift, 'The old Icholasen can't come to the phone right now. Why? Because she's dead.' If reactionaries are going to continue to recognising a dead state, with no land and no legitimacy, we shouldn't give people who recognise them the time of day.

SDV: And now for closing statements. Jane Birkin you may begin.

JB: Comrades, a tricky path lays ahead of us. But I believe, with diplomacy and dialogue, we can reintegrate into the international community and foster peace in Europe. I think we should absolutely keep a strong military, but we can afford to reallocate some of that money to the people who need it most by using our nuclear deterrent as a deterrent, rather than a bloated military that takes money from schools and hospitals.

SDV: Madame Laucre.

CL: Right now is the time for strength. The globalists only respond to physical strength. That is what the AÉN does not understand. They do not care about diplomacy, they do not care about goodwill. They care about the market of 75 million people here in Icholasen that they have lost. They have lost a cash cow and they will do anything to make us move an inch from Socialism. Will we let them move us? To exploit us once again? Absolutely not.

SDV: Thanks for watching folks, remember to tune in for the first day of election coverage on Tuesday.

[Icholasen]

SDV: Today we're taking a look at some of the poll data. We can see that since the first poll after the TANKIES and the ANL unified, the TANKIES had a bounce in the polls. The AÉN only beat the TANKIES in the 20th of June poll, which must be slightly worrying for the AÉN camp. Despite this, the AÉN has consistently been within the margin of error for beating the TANKIES and could definitely pull through when the elections happen.

In some specific national races, the TANKIES are doing much better. Bernie Sanders' approval rating is at about 80% and as such is expecting to win election as Foreign Minister. Him being a potential candidate for Korojaunu also increases the TANKIES' likelihood of having a TANKIES consul of the plebs elected and thus the control of the executive branch of government. Despite this, polls are relatively close at about 54% to the TANKIES and 46% to the AÉN for the position of Consul of the Plebs.

[Icholasen]

Baskin: 'I do not believe in state atheism'

Today Harriet LeRauk commented saying that 'state atheism is the way forward. We should be actively and energetically promoting atheism in the UNSR.' Baskin disagreed, saying that she does not believe in state atheism, and thinks that all religions should be allowed to exist and thrive. 'There's nothing in the Christian Bible that goes against socialism. Quite the opposite.' Baskin said. Icholasen is split down the middle on religion, with about 45% of people identifying as Christian (of many different kinds), 45% of people identifying as 'atheist' and 10% of people identifying as other religions, or refused to reply to the question.

'There's nothing worse than the state intervening in what you can think about religion, state atheism is not the policy we should enact right now. We need to build consensus with all Nicoleizians. French speakers, Nicoleizian speakers, religious people and non religious people. Everyone has a stake in our society. Don't get me wrong though, I believe in secularism, there should be no link between the Church and state. But, we must still respect peoples' religions.'

Harriet LeRauk hit back, 'Carole Baskin is again acting as an outrage monger of the government doing anything. Baskin loves to tell people what to do, and acts defensive when people tell others what to do. Which is it, Carole?! Can we tell people what to do or not?'

[Icholasen]

Kim Yo-Jung, Ausnat Candidate for Miens Marx, Announces Support for Nicova Expansion

'I think that the defense of the revolution is more important than any 'freedoms' one might lose with a Secret Police. If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear.' Said Yo-Jung at a campaign event in Marxssauks. 'We need to make sure that the Nicova is A. Funded, B. Expanded, and C. Has enough powers to carry out its duties. We need to support the vanguards of the revolution so that Communism can continue here in Icholasen and not be corrupted by capitalism.'

Kim Yo-Jung continued, 'I want criminals to feel terror. And, believe me, they will, if TANKIES are voted into all branches of government. We will not allow reactionaries to spread reactionary thought here in Icholasen.' She concluded.

[Inquista]

June 22nd, 2020
Creusot, Honoré-Mercier
Campaign Rally

Bishop Lallana on the cover of Vogue Proletariat

Good afternoon, Creusot! I am so pleased to be in such a young and energetic city. Wow, I can really feel your energy this afternoon! Keep this energy up for the next few days as Icholasen heads into the elections.

Now, full disclosure, I'm Inquistan [A mixed reaction of boos and cheers erupt from the crowd]. Boo! Yes, that's right. Boo! No, it's okay, you should all be fully booing right now. Inquista is a concrete jungle of capitalist exploitation, an environmental abomination and a skyline of complete inequality. The only thing that can save my country from economic and environmental collapse is if the Inquistan Orthodox Church embraces liberation theology and successfully integrates Marxism and ecotheology into its Church doctrine. Apart from this, the next worst thing about being Inquistan is that I can only speak English, and some Latin, so you will have to excuse my English. I know many of you are French-speaking, so please excuse me, but I couldn't miss out on this opportunity to visit you all.

I couldn't miss out on visiting you, because I know you are the future. Many of you are students. You will all shape the future of this country. However, I am gravely concerned about the future of your country, and how it could become an exploitative and godforsaken husk of concrete and sin, like Inquista. Your leaders are gambling with your future, and it is imperative that you all take destiny into your own hands. There is no graver threat to the young generation of today than climate change. Climate change is already happening. Earth is getting much warmer and it is already beginning to impact our seasons, increase natural disasters and effect our agricultural harvests and other important sectors of our economies. However, this is just the beginning. It will only get worse, and it will only become more impactful. Not only are your livelihoods and your quality of life on the line, but the entire lives of your generation are on the line, and leaders are gambling with it. Leaders are taking the young people of this country for granted and they're taking your futures for granted. It is enough. It is time that leaders begin thinking about the future generation, properly prioritize them, and tackle climate change with serious urgency. That's why I come to you all on behalf of the AÉN and on behalf of Carole Baskin, who need your support in the coming days.

A lot of people have criticized me for being "anti-industry" here in Icholasen. I am not. I stand in complete solidarity with industrial workers and I stand in solidarity with heavy industry. The notion that industry and ecology are two opposing forces is a false narrative, and is a lie that the TANKIES are selling you. The TANKIES don't care about about the environment or climate change, and they'd like you to believe that the environment is an enemy of industry. The TANKIES see the two as mutually exclusive. This is not the case. Your leaders could unleash a whole new modern Green Revolution onto the country, push for complete green industrialization, which would create millions of new jobs and millions of new economic opportunities. The AÉN knows this, and they would push for an environmental agenda that would save Icholasen from environmental ruin and would simultaneously open so many new economic opportunities. A Green Revolution would create many so many new jobs and create so much innovation, that Icholasen would become a beacon of industrialization and of environmental responsibility. In fact, a Green Revolution would bring so many new opportunities, it could create far more jobs than what current energy sectors provide. It's common sense. So why do the TANKIES oppose this? They're in the pockets of Big Oil, that's why.

The TANKIES are so whipped by Big Oil, that they don't care about any of the other industries. They don't care about farmers or about agriculture, who are the most effected by climate change. They don't care about technological sectors or green innovation. They don't even care about Icholasen's energy supply, because green energy would be more sustainable in the long-term, they just care about keeping oil in business. Who does oil even benefit? The TANKIES have no one to sell oil to, and they don't want to sell it either. The TANKIES want to see Icholasen become economically isolated, have nobody to sell their products to, except for Czech Slavia. So that's all they care about. They only care about oil, and they only care about selling it to Czechs, and they don't care about anyone else. Who does this hurt the most? You, the future generations of this country. Your livelihoods will bare the full and long-term effects of isolationism. You who have grown up with the European Union understand better than anybody, how important it is to be able to travel abroad, to study abroad and to have friends across Europe. The European Union is an exploitative institution led by a mediocrely-handsome at best neolib, and so it needs urgent reform, but it still offers more benefits than what isolationism brings, and the young generation know that. Isn't it also funny how countries like Czech Slavia participate and lick the boots of the European Union, but expect and want Icholasen to be ousted from it? Something doesn't add up there.

As I mentioned earlier, many of you are also French speakers. I really do love the Francophone Nicoleizian community. Marie Myriam, the AEN candidate for Minister for Romain Affairs, has an amazing agenda for protecting the rights, freedoms and culture of Francophones in Romain and in wider Icholasen. The AÉN understand the value and importance of Francophone communities in Icholasen, and they value the Franocophone contributions to Icholasen, its culture and even its economy. Nicoleizian Francophones have done particularly well in EuroVoice, which I don't think the TANKIE candidate understands, and I'd like for her to release her Spotify playlist immediately. I bet it's all just English, and it's all probably all Angleteric EV entries, which are tasteless.

The TANKIE candidate for Romain Affairs has said the most deplorable things, and stands in opposition to Francophone Nicoleizian. The TANKIES, yet again, don't care about Icholasen's vast array of diverse communities, and therefore don't stand for true equality. They only want equality for the ruling class, which are Nicolophone, Czech-controlled reactionaries who love nothing except having a police-state and towing the line for Big Oil. They don't want Nicoleizians of all languages to be equal, they only prioritize one language, and that language is Czech.

The TANKIES don't prioritize green innovation or agricultural industries, they only prioritize oil. The TANKIES don't prioritize the future of young people or students, only old white men like Comrade Sanders. The TANKIES don't prioritize foreign relations, they only prioritize isolationism and getting medals of friendship from Czech Slavia. The TANKIES don't prioritize the freedoms of the people and the withering away of the state, they only prioritize the Nicova and a reign of terror.

The TANKIES offer an unacceptable future, and this is your final chance to all take a stand against it, before the TANKIES destroy all of you in their Nicova-led reign of terror. The Revolution will not thrive unless Icholasen thrives. Icholasen is thriving now more than ever, and we need to keep it that way. That's why you must support Carole Baskin and the AÉN. [Bishop Lallana then raises a communist crucifix to the crowd] God bless the Revolution, and may God bless Icholasen! Thank you.

[Icholasen]

Cathy Badger: being out of the EU turns politics into something people feel they own much more

Cathy Badger, TANKIE Auswirr (Assembly of Workers) candidate for Transportation and Warehousing has today given an interview about her thoughts on the European Union. The former editor of the publication Living Marxism expanded on her views about her adamence on the UNSR remaining outside of the European Union.

'I genuinely think that being out of the EU turns politics into something people feel they own much more. They engage in politics rather than passively sit back while the elites are making decisions on their behalf. It is not a guarantee what will happen now, but at least people can feel as though there is a possibility, no less than a possibility, that they might be able to shape the way things are going in the future. I want us to remain outside of the European Union, whatever the cost. Decisions must be made here, in Icholasen.'

These comments drew criticism from AÉN candidates for the Auswirr. Sophie Anderson, candidate for other services, said that 'European Union membership can ensure that we can affect change across Europe and allow our citizens to travel and enjoy visiting EU countries. I am proud of our multicultural society and it is threatened by us being outside of the EU.'

When asked about this, Badger said that 'multiculturalism and selfish identity politics have no roots in Marxism and should not be discussed. The only form of oppression that exists is economic, it just manifests in different ways. I don't think discussing multiculturalism and the darn LGBTs is productive, when the real enemies are capitalists.'

[Icholasen]

Icholasen Goes To The Polls

Nicoleizians are today voting for the Lower House of the Nicoleizian Legislature. Famous people up for election are Carole Baskin, Harriet LeRauk and others who are all vying for a seat in this large assembly. The Auswirr contains 832 members and represents the different sectors of the workforce in Icholasen. Polling is pretty 50-50, with no lead for any faction that breaks the approximate margin of error of 3.2%, and so it really is anyone's game.

Votes are being counted as they come in, with results starting to become available at around 10pm GMT. NBC's panel includes Stephanie DeVey, Megan Jirluchuz, Carole Baskin among others, with hinted special guests along the way.

[Icholasen]

ASSEMBLY OF WORKERS ELECTION

SDV: Welcome to election night, I am Stephanie DeVey your host for this evening. Today, the Assembly of Workers is being elected, the lower house of our parliament. With me tonight is a panel of guests from different political and social spectrums who will offer us their thoughts as the night progresses. These are Megan Jirluchuz, the daughter of Chairman Jirluchuz and panelist on the soon-to-be released show, The View. She is a TANKIE and supports that faction. Welcome.

Megan Jirluchuz: Thanks for having me.

SDV: We also have with us Misty Foxx, AÉN candidate for other services. Welcome to the show, Misty.

Misty Foxx: Thank you! I can't wait to discuss the issues.

SDV: We will also be getting commentary from other figures, we believe that Bishop Lallana will pop in for a brief chat, and also other TANKIES figures. But, for now while we wait for the votes to be counted, let's get predictions from both of our candidates. Let's start with Megan Jirluchuz.

MJ: I think that for me personally, that this should be a good night for us TANKIES, it's really whether we've done enough to convince the voters. I, personally, actually, have been doing a lot of campaigning I went all round to talk with people about the election and from my own experience I think that I and others did really well.

SDV: Misty?

MF: I think that the AÉN has probably done very well. You know, if I live to see seven wonders an AÉN majority in the Auswirr will be one of them, believe me. I actually even think it could be a landslide. In my Dreams it certainly is. That would guarantee cooperatives their rights and their freedoms to act and make the economy great for everyone.

SDV: Join us with the first results, hopefully, soon!

[Icholasen]

SDV: So our first result in is from the miners and construction workers. This was a very strong showing for the TANKIES here. It really is incredible. What factors do you think this is due to, let's start with Megan.

MJ: I think that it's the Sanders pull. He is literally a war hero and I think that Nicoleizians want to see him have an easy ride in power once they put him there. In my own, personal, experience with Sanders - I actually consider him to be a great friend of mine - we really got on, he's so charismatic and nice and I just think that the people of Icholasen want him to be the best. These tallies are great and I think the TANKIES will end up, maybe, around 55% of seats in the final tally. I mean both these constituencies were not just gifts for the TANKIES, we had to work to achieve these massive percentages, and no doubt Sanders' 80% approval rating helped us.

SDV: Misty, do you think that you guys can recover from these two defeats?

MF: Absolutely - there's still so many different categories of workers yet to come - 14 more and 93% of the seats left to go! There's no reason why it's over for us, I think any betting man would bet on the AÉN, why didn't the TANKIES get all of the mining seats? Sounds weak to me. I also think that people from both factions appreciate Sanders without feeling the need to vote for him in this, the lower house election.

[Icholasen]

SDV: A major declaration today, with Manufacturing releasing their seats. 72% for the TANKIES and 28% for the AÉN. A small result in Utilities, with 55% to 45%, another TANKIES win. If things continue in this way it will definitely be a TANKIES majority here. We have with us Harriet LeRauk who joins us from the count at the Syndicat Pour la Fabrication, (Union for Manufacturing). We understand you've just been elected, Ms. LeRauk.

Harriet LeRauk: Yes! It's an honour to be elected to represent the people of the manufacturing sector, I will work tirelessly to represent them in the Auswirr.

SDV: Where do you think the night is going?

HLR: I think it'll be a great night for us TANKIES, of course I'll be modest about it, but Utilities represents a very broad set of people and we won there. I think that that 55/45 split will continue as the night goes on.

SDV: And so what do you think will be the first piece of legislation that the Auswirr passes?

HLR: I hope that we collectivise agriculture. I really do, I hope that we can make sure that agriculture works for all of us.

SDV: Thanks Harriet.

[Icholasen]

SDV: We have another two results coming in, and these are wins for the AÉN - but is it enough? Let's talk to Rebecca Bareham. Ms. Bareham.

Rebecca Bareham: Hello all you naughty folks at NBC.

SDV: What do you make of the most recent votes?

RB: I think that they're not enough for the AÉN. In retail they should've got similar figures to the TANKIES in Manufacturing, about 72%. They, of course, didn't manage that and so they really are treading water. If votes continue like this then it will be a TANKIE majority in the Auswirr.

SDV: But AÉN supporters would say 'hey, we won in retail and in wholesale trade, we're goin to win the whole thing.'

RB: It's not about winning -- this isn't winner takes all. They needed to win by larger amounts in these last two areas where they do better because we, the TANKIES, won with huge margins in the first three results, mining, manufacturing, construction. So, I think it is a very difficult job when they didn't manage to capitalise on their support base in retail.

SDV: Misty, what do you think about that?

Misty Foxx: I think that we still have a shot, but I agree that it doesn't look great. It does look like the TANKIES will either win or the AÉN will win but will a small majority. I think though that that gives my faction, the anarcho-communists a great opportunity to make our voices heard if the AÉN somehow salvages a majority out of this.

[Icholasen]

SDV: These results are somewhat worrying for Baskin as she believed that she could convince a lot more people who work in finance to come to her side. She believed that they would support the AÉN's choice to delegate more industry to cooperatives. This requires more, smaller, financial contracts that banks and other financial institutions offer to them. However, it seems as though finance workers were split on the issues. With some preferring centralised control of industry, which offered the finance industry contracts to work on the financing of projects working for the state. We are now going to speak to Mathias Laroux who is an AÉN candidate for Finance who was sadly not elected, he was the 30th person on their list, losing out by a handful of votes. Mathias, what do you make of these results?

Mathias Laroux: They are very disappointing, we really thought we could capitalise on the TANKIES weaknesses here, and in Transportation and Warehousing. We really thought that transport workers would come out and support us, but I suppose not.

SDV: What do you think the final results will be?

ML: I don't think that they will be catastrophic, but they won't be good. I think that the TANKIES will maybe get around 55% of the seats, like Harriet LeRauk said. Us only picking up 52% of finance workers is really, really bad news - it isn't a very convincing result for us.

SDV: I think some would say that 52/48 is relatively convincing?

ML: I don't know about that, Stephanie.

SDV: Mmm. Do you think that you'll be able to pick up the Ausnat or the Korojaunu-ship?

ML: No.

SDV: Oh. Well, we'll hopefully catch up with you later - have fun tonight! Misty Foxx, what do you make of Monsieur Laroux's comments?

Misty Foxx: I think he's wrong, we can definitely pull back from this. He is just bitter that he missed out on the opportunity to serve in the house. I am still very optimistic we can pull this out of the bag.

SDV: Thanks Misty.

[Icholasen]

BASKIN CONCEDES

SDV: Yes, that's right, folks, Baskin has conceded the Auswirr election tonight, and we can go live to AÉN campaign HQ where she is making a statement.

Carole Baskin: Comrades. It is a solemn night tonight. I think that we have lost this election. I hope I’m wrong. I hope I’m made a fool of, believing that to be a case.

I do not think we have managed to carry the people to a libertarian leftist victory. Let us not be mistaken, however. We have 3 more elections this week - which is a great opportunity for us to fight back. We must use this pain we are feeling right now and use our vote to vote for ecology, for freedom, for justice and for communism on every level of government.

Whoever wins this battle, one thing I’m absolutely certain of is we are winning this war. We will triumph comrades. Remember on Thursday, Saturday and Monday that we want communism on the local level, a small police, no collectivisation, no centralisation. It is up to you now, folks, to carry on the vision that we have failed to deliver here, but we will be back this week and in 2 years to make the case for the AÉN's platform.

I won't be taking any questions, thank you.

[Icholasen]

SDV: Hello, welcome back from Carole Baskin's concession speech. Shockin stuff. I have with with me Bishop Lallana of Inquista and Megan Jirluchuz. Bishop Lallana what do you think of Baskin's concession? Is it too soon?

Karinn Lallana: I don't think it's too soon. I think Comrade Baskin has seen the writing on the wall. It seems like tonight is turning out to be a big win for Big Oil, and a missed opportunity to bring green innovation to Icholasen's manufacturing and heavy industry sectors.

Megan Jirluchuz: I, personally, actually know a lot of people in so-called 'big-oil' -- I would actually call a lot of them my dear friends -- and they would really resent you demonising them. Look. You neoliberals turn people away by demonising ordinary people - it's really disgusting and honestly actually intellectually dishonest.

KL: Excuse me, I am not a neoliberal. You know you've struck a chord with a reactionary when they start calling you a neoliberal. You have no defense against what I said, besides to call me a neoliberal, which makes you guilty. I'm a liberation theologist, who has studied the bible thoroughly and came the sensible conclusion that Jesus was a social anarcho-syndicalist, not a neoliberal. You, on the other hand, are some champagne socialist who has never worked a day in her life and you leech off your dying father's name like you're some pretend bourgeoisie dynasty, except you know you never could be. You think you're the Nicoleizian Kligenberg family, but sorry sweetie, you aren't.

MJ: You know my father is the greatest man I know -- and I don't think anyone in Icholasen disagrees with me on this. You know he is literally the man who freed us from capitalism, and you're trying to undo that. My father is the greatest Nicoleizian I know, and you know what? I find that an affront to me and my family. I think the real person who is losing is you because you feel the need to come for me and my family and I am very offended by that. I think the real problem here is that you and your ilk just hate the working people of Icholasen. They are people whose industries are at risk of eco-fascists like yourself, who would struggle to pay the bills under your so-called green revolution -- and, you know, I actually have a lot of friends who tell me that that would ruin them. And champagne socialist? Oh pulease.

KL: There is no doubt your father is a great man and great revolutionary. He may have won the revolution, but can the TANKIES win lasting liberation for the people? Virtually nobody on this entire planet recognizes your father as the leader of Icholasen, and they want nothing to do with him or this country. The TANKIES are not looking to establish a communist state that can thrive and co-exist peacefully and prosperously in the long-term, they want to return Icholasen to the last communist state that flopped. Under the TANKIES, this state will flop harder than your book, Dirty Sexy Praxis. I saw the reviews on that... just terrible. Nobody wants anything to do with your family. Only under the AEN, will other countries want to engage with Icholasen.

MJ: Socialism in one country is an ideal that works. You know, my brother didn't get deployed at age 19 in the revolution, and Stephanie DeVey's brother, too, were not deployed so that Icholasen can 'peacefully coexist' with people who want our system to fundamentally change. And you know my father's record - I know not everything is about my father - is that Icholasen has asserted itself for the first time, like, ever, against forces that want to destroy us. You know this show is a lot like the whole of Europe - capitalists screaming at you just for believing it communism. It's ridiculous. All communists aren't evil. I think that you shouldn't focus on my book, or your book - the Bible - you should focus on Marx's book, the most important book that there is.

KL: How can the communist state of Icholasen survive in the long term without peaceful coexistence? It's either that or an eventual conflict. If there's going to be conflict, then there's going to be a war, and I hear those Fremetians are buildings rockets. The next thing we know, this country will be flattened to the ground. Best case scenario, Icholasen launches nuclear weapons first and the entirety of Europe is wrecked in a nuclear conflict. It goes without saying, this isn't a good outcome. Nor are the economic ramifications. You're a shill for Big Oil, but who do you hope to export it to? Czech Slavia? Eastern Haane? You have two options, and both those countries are poor basket cases who trade with the rest of Europe anyway. Icholasen will become politically, diplomatically, economically and strategically isolated. That can last for a short while, but not forever. Free Icholasen will build support in Europe during this process. It is only through engaging with Europe, that the bourgeoisie Nicoleizians can be defeated. Icholasen can fully co-exist with Europe and remain unwavering in its values of communism and Marxism. Marx, who, by the way, was a prophet of God sent to correct mankind's exploitation and greed. The Bible was the first true red book, not that I expect you to know, because you haven't read Lester or Wynn. Do you even follows Jirluchuz Thought? It seems like you have no thoughts, judging by your arguments.

MJ: You know I think everyone in Icholasen knows that you don't cross veterans, and I think what you've said is actually very offensive to them. They fought for Icholasen's freedom to not have to engage with others. Y'know all the men in my family have served or actually are serving and I think you're being incredibly distrespectful to them, and my family and my father actually. You kno-

KL: Ok stop right there, you imperialist scum. You don't need to remind me of how deep war crimes run in your imperialist familial roots. We get it, you're related to Hariett Copala. Now, I was about make a very nuanced point about the intersection of Marx's dialectics and Jesus's dialectics, before you very rudely interrupted me. Will you let me speak?

MJ: Well will you let me finish?

KL: Well will you let me speak?

MJ: Well will you let me finish?

KL: Well will you let me speak?

MJ: Well, okay, actually can I just ask you a question?

KL: Ask me what? Are there dairy cows in Icholasen? Only one, and she's looking at me.

MJ: Well I'm looking at a Bible thumping reactionary.

KL: The only thing I'm reactionary about is your lipstick, which doesn't suit you. Actually, I'm revisionist - it would look good on anybody but you.

MJ: To be honest I can't even tell what you're thinking because you have enough botox in your face to lift your tit to your eyelid.

KL: Watch your tone. I'm warning you, watch your tone. I can't believe you're personally attacking me even though I have been nothing but polite to you. I have been so civil, but you can't help yourself but go for the low punches. That's fine, I'm the only principled one here and it shows. Is this how you speak to your father, you little brat?

MJ: Are you really bringing MY father into this? You know this is why Nicoleizians haven't voted the AÉN to power here. Because snobby globalist reactionary neoliberal shills like you like to take aim at national treasures like me. Go back to your microstate with your micromind. And that isn't racist because my nail technician got crabs from an Inquistan.

KL: Take that back. You TANKIES can't help yourselves, you're all racist. Name one race you don't think is a simpleton who can't understand council communism. I know I'm not racist because I could name at least three. You?

MJ: Well do you think all TANKIES are racist? Do you think all TANKIES are racist?! This is the reason that so many Nicoleizians didn't vote for the AÉN because we're accused of racism, or LGBTLMNOPQRSTUV-phobia just for saying that Marx emphasised economic exploitation. And you know Marx was right, it is the biggest form of discrimination. And you know what? Jesus hated the gays that love you so much. Matthew 5:17 and 18. Jesus said he hadn't come to abolish the laws of the prophets. That means, sweetie, that he supports stoning gay people. Now who's homophobic? Fucking botox bitch.

KL: God loves everybody equally, ok? If you've seen depictions of God in books or movies, you'd also know he has a great big beard, alright? I'm not saying God is Marx, but they're awfully close. I won't take any more of this sacrilege and your racist, homophobic, white and heteronormative tone. I've been treated so unfairly here. Megan is treating me so badly, Stephanie. Is this is how TANKIES think it is acceptable to treat other comrades? This is shameful. I won't have any more of this.

(Bishop Lallana takes her mic off her chest and throws it on the table, slams her hands on the table, and then abruptly gets up to leave)

KL: So much for the tolerant left. I have never felt so unwelcome in my life. Is this future of Icholasen? Disgusting.

(She storms off the set)

MJ: Well so much for the tolerant lib-left.

[Icholasen]

SDV: The gap is tightening, but does this mean that Carole Baskin's cessation was too soon, or that she saw the the end before anyone else? We are talking to Harriet LeRauk.

HLR: Hi Stephanie.

SDV: What do you make of the education services figure - weren't you expecting that to be a lot closer?

HLR: Yes we were. We're sure that we will recover the lost ground there, but it certainly isn't ideal. It isn't a huge number of seats though.

SDV: Is that a hint of worrying I see?

HLR: No. I just think caution is necessary. These were rather small constituencies anyway.

SDV: Thanks Harriet. Always a pleasure. We have on now Misty Foxx.

MF: Hey Stephanie.

SDV: Hi Misty. What do you make of these latest results?

MF: I think they are very encouraging. We are shocked that we beat the TANKIES in education services by such a large percentage - 20% is really an achievement in that sector.

SDV: Do you think that the election is turning out in your favour?

MF: Absolutely. I think and hope that we will see AÉN control of all branches of government.

SDV: Thanks Misty!

MF: Peace out.

(Misty throws a peace sign and blows a kiss)

SDV: Health and social care was very very close, which highlights another piece of bad news for the TANKIES. They hoped that their policy of increasing funding more than the AÉN would win over most hospital workers, and it certainly worked for some, but not for others. The size of this constituency of workers means that the smallest changes can mean a seat is stole from the other side. If the AÉN had gotten a vote share of 0.6% higher, they would've clinched another seat. And same for the TANKIES but just 0.8%. This is much closer than they were hoping, our forecast predicted they'd get 55% of the vote in health and social care, and they haven't.

Leisure and hospitality is another area where the TANKIES were expected to win for their support for terrasses chauffées, but that didn't necessarily translate into votes. This is also at odds with our projection. We believed that the issue of terrasses chauffées would come up a lot more, with 60% of restaurant workers believing that it is a fundamental part of how their business operates. However, a lot of people must've believed the AÉN's other policies outweighed this factor.

With me is political analyst George Foucault.

George Foucault: Thanks for having me.

SDV: What do you think these results mean for the TANKIES?

GF: It's terrible news for them, Stephanie. They were expecting to win in both of these sectors of the economy - and these are big constituencies with big consequences for screwing up. And they screwed up. This puts my prediction for the Auswirr down to the wire. It will be incredibly close and it won't be until we get the very last results that this election will be decided.

SDV: What do you think the impact of the TANKIES' failure to gain ground in health will do?

GF: It will either cost them the election or strength in controlling the chamber. Without the hearty majority that we projected before, it will be difficult to out-vote rebellious factions within the party. Though this also extends to the AÉN. If they do win, they will be at the mercy of their factions -- which are much more disruptive than those of the TANKIES. I think we can definitely see dairy prohibition come back to Icholasen very very soon as both the TANKIES and the anarcho-primitivists are in favour of scaling back dairy consumption.

SDV: And what about the role of Speaker of the Auswirr - a very prized position.

GF: I think that the anarcho-primitivists won't vote in a TANKIE Speaker of the Auswirr, but the second highest position is the leader of the party in the Auswirr which could fall to the anarcho-primitivists, rather than the establishment AÉN that Baskin leads. This could lead to feuds about any number of things, and a confused system of whipping.

SDV: Thanks for that Monsieur Foucault.

[Icholasen]

SDV: Opposite extremes here for these last two constituencies and a difference of 3 seats so far. Incredible stuff. With me is the newly elected Députée for Other Services, Rebecca Bareham.

RB: Hi Stephanie. You're looking ravishing tonight.

SDV: Oh, well thank you. What do you make of these most recent results.

RB: Ooh it's a tight one, isn't it? 3 seats in it - wow. I don't even know what will happen. I can just hope that us TANKIES pull through.

SDV: And do you think that you will?

RB: I have no idea. I'm not really a politician. But I think that's the beauty of our system, y'know. An... actress... like myself can come to power to represent my comrades in my filming cooperative. Us girls at Bareham Studios control the means of production -- the cameras, the black leather couches, the fake taxis - all of it. In Czech Slavia, at our sister studio Czech Hunters, the Czechs that are hunted also control their means of production. Isn't that just great?

SDV: Certainly. Why, then, do you think that people in other services voted so heavily for the AÉN.

RB: I think that the AÉN offers people more perceived freedom, but I for one think punishment is important in society. Both on camera and off.

(Rebecca cracks her whip)

[Icholasen]

SDV: And so we have our last results. This has pushed the AÉN to having a majority of 20 seats. But, what do these last results tell us? Are they a surprise. We have Georges Foucault here in the studio with us.

GF: Hi Steph.

SDV: Hi George. Are these last results at all surprising?

GF: Absolutely, we did not think that the devolved and local government workers would support the AÉN in these numbers, they have so much to gain from a bigger government, but I suppose that other factors influenced their decisions. This is the biggest constituency and so any fluctuations big or small have a massive impact on the result of the election.

SDV: Interesting. What about agriculture?

GF: This one was not a surprise, the AÉN oppose collectivisation and as such agricultural workers supported them en masse. Some clearly agreed with the TANKIES' policy on agriculture, though.

SDV: Carole Baskin has said she will make a victory speech in the morning, but has thanked her staff and her faction for their efforts.

SDV: And here is the new Assembly of Workers or Auswirr. With a majority of 20, can Carole Baskin as speaker hope to push through all of her legislative agenda?

GF: Probably not. It depends what kind of legislation she wants to do. I think that she will be able to push through anything that has a broad support among the AÉN, but anything else will fail and will not pass the Auswirr.

SDV: Thanks George. And so, that concludes this, the first of 4 elections that will be taking place this week. What a week it will be.

[Icholasen]

ASSEMBLY OF NATIONALITIES ELECTION

SDV: Hello and welcome to the Assembly of Nationalities Election. 40 Seats of the Assembly of Nationalities are up for grabs tonight. This is a new election so there are no holds or gains - yet. The election counts will come out from the central authority of the Republic. Whichever republic counts first will release first. The most high profile candidates for this body are probably Cécile Laucre and Jane Birkin, who both represent seats in Romain - the southernmost country in Icholasen. They will hopefully give us their thoughts about the election as the night goes on, along with others. The first person we have with us is Amanda Hildern who is the candidate for the region of Frumussuau which is on the coast with Fremet. What do you think Nicoleizians made of the rocket launch on Tuesday?

Amanda Hildern: I think that that definitely had a huge impact. Only a few kilometres away is a hostile state that launches rockets into the air for no reason. It's madness. People in Frumussuau know that we're in the literal front line if Fremet starts shit. We know that, and we also know that the AÉN do not care, they want our arms budget decimated. While it would be lovely to have peace and love with Fremet, we can only have retaliatory strength.

SDV: We also have with us Barbra Midlar who is hoping to win a seat in Selerloau which is a suburban region near Cesae Vauvra.

Barbra Midlar: Thanks for having me on the show. I - obviously - completely disagree with Ms. Hildern, I think that the people want more money for schools, hospitals and other services, rather than maintaining a huge military that actually doesn't mean much as we have nukes anyway.

SDV: Well lots to discuss tonight, let's see what happens. The 4 Republics are racing to count and release their results. Which faction will come out on top?

[Icholasen]

SDV: Here are the votes for the Romain Socialist Republic. As we can see it seems to be an alright showing for the AÉN, but what do you think Ms. Hildern?

AH: I think that this is a bad result for the AÉN here - they could've picked up Romain City, but they didn't. With a chamber of only 40 members until the elections next year that's going to be a loss they can't afford to lose.

SDV: Barbra?

BM: I think that one seat lost here won't really change much. Hopefully. I mean even if we do lose this election due to the Fremetian rocket, we still have control of the Auswirr. The Ausnat might - and I emphasis that that is still up in the air - be an unfortunate loss, but one that won't prevent the AÉN from having an impact in the entire country.

SDV: We have a series of key races - let's have a look of those in much more detail.

SDV: Ms. Hildern, what do you make of this result?

AH: I do not think it is at all surprising, this is a very liberal and agricultural part of Romain and I am not at all surprised it went to Jane. I think that 60% of the vote - which I believe is what she got - is a healthy percentage and as such is not really a possible target for us, the TANKIES.

SDV: And here is the Romain City results.

SDV: Andréa Charpentier won here, just. She got 51% of the vote and Paul Berger got 49%. Mrs. Midlar, what do you think of this result?

BM: I think it really isn't what we wanted. This is honestly all Ursula Von Der Leyen's fault. If that rocket hadn't launched, then less people would feel the need to beef up our military and have a firmer stance on the capitalists. I think that their fears were confirmed, though I don't think that voting for the TANKIES would help alleviate that fear, in fact I think that they would continue provoking the capitalists, ending with war or skirmishes.

SDV: Thank you. We will be back with more analysis.

[Icholasen]

SDV: Cécile Laucre had been elected in Leuse Valley with 57% of the vote, and we're pleased to be able to join her in Carnac-sur-Leuse. Hello Cécile.

Cécile appears in front of a green-screen image of Carnac-sur-Leuse

CL: Hiya pet.

SDV: Congratulations on your election. What do you make of the results coming out of Romain?

CL: I think they're very encouraging. I wasn't sure if we would pick up Romain City, but we did we managed to. Obviously, I would've prefered more seats here, but I think that this was the most we were going to get out of Romain. Unfortunately, we don't have as strong a following here.

SDV: Do you think that Vayinaod is also an imperialistic capitalist country who is trying to take images of Icholasen from space?

CL: I think so, they are filthy capitalist imperialists and I really hate Carita Falk. Falk her. I also think that their Eurovoice entries amount to acts of war upon the whole European continent. Really really terrible entries. I wish we were in a post Post Malone era, but unfortunately we still have to suffer his musical 'stylings' to this day.

SDV: Indeed. Do you have any thoughts about the Nicoleizian space industry?

CL: Me and Sanders have been discussing reviving a pre-revolution space operation that was paused while we figured things out. We will definitely seek approval for that programme in the hopefully TANKIE controlled Ausnat.