
Behind the Headlines: Get to Know the Real Piane Daggot
Piane Daggot, thank you so much for joining us via hologram today. Your connection looks great in 4K! How is the hologram campaign going? Are you using one of those 5G networks that Juncker loves to talk about?
Hey squirrel friend! I’m serving hologram realness yas. I would to be, however I’m just borrowing the wifi at a Starbucks in Europolis.
Ah, that explains why at least 20 voices can be heard coming from your end. Could you tell us what your go-to Starbucks order is?
I always get a strawberry frappe with extra strawberry syrup so it’s red - like the people’s flag.
Sounds delicious! Running for Commissioner for Internal Affairs is pretty demanding, so I imagine you need all the caffeine you can get. Let's get to it. You’re running on a platform of peaceful coexistence, especially in terms of the UNSR. However, if you could make peace between any feuding politicians or celebrities, as Internal Affairs Commissioner, who would they be?
I think Juncker and Winston need to hug it out. Imagine all the Junckers, living life in peace. I feel sorry for the kids, I mean the trains, caught in the middle of it. They'll probably need to choo choo over to therapy after their bitter arguments. Sad!
It would be great if that feud could finally get settled in 2021. You’ve proven yourself a tactical mastermind, as you helped plan Operation Parva Coles during the civil war in Reitzmag. What RTS games helped you prepare for that battle?
Yes, as a veteran I find it therapeutic to play games like that. I particularly enjoy the Red Alert series. It reminds me of my time on the battlefield, fighting for what I believe is right. I am, however, now glad that we have peace in all the conflicts I have served in, and all my battles are now in front of an LED clad gaming computer.
Red Alert is a great game. We also heard that you are quite good at Among Us. Describe your Among Us playstyle. What’s your strategy like? Also, what’s your take on the latest map ‘the Airship’?
As someone who has fought on a front line, I know how to kill. Therefore, yes, I humbly admit I am good at the hit game, "Among Us". I normally kill off any capitalist globalists first. You can tell by their usernames. Anyone who uses words such as "I" or "me" is definitely a globalist. I then skilfully work my way through the crewmates. I enjoy the map, but I think it might be a little too big. I hope the neoliberal market didn't have anything to do with that.
Earlier today, you released a campaign playlist of your favourite songs. We’ll include a link to that playlist here. Can you tell us about your favourite bops on that playlist, and how those songs have personally impacted you?
I chose these hits because they are all such danceable bops. It’s time to celebrate! They are such great bops. Savage by Megan Thee Stallion really speaks to me, as well as Feeling Myself by Nicki Minaj and Beyoncé. These are both empowering tunes, and the playlist tries to include songs that make you feel like THAT bitch. I Am What I Am is also great, we can all be who we want to be. I included Kings and Queens by Ava Max as those are the people I would like to remove from their positions, as a socialist. Ava has a great song, but it doesn’t matter the gender of the monarch, it is still a poor system of government! I also included some Eurovoice bops. I am a HUGE fan of the contest. Skorápy Orechu is one of my favourite songs of all time, and I heard it for the first time at Eurovoice in Cesae Vauvra in 1985. I also chose You Don’t Own Me by Lesley Gore, I like to imagine that the means of production are singing this song to the bourgeoisie. You don’t own me! These are some great songs and I’m sure your readers will get a kick out of them too.
Tell Me Ma? Skořápky Ořechů? Savage? Good taste. On a similar note, could you give us any TV recommendations? What series are you currently binging on Netflix?
I am currently binging "Border Patrol: Icholasen." It's kind of an old series, but it still holds up. It's from around 2014 and follows a group of border patrol agents as they try to keep Icholasen free of dairy produce, and other illicit and harmful substances. It really is amazing to what lengths people will go to to smuggle dairy into Icholasen - that in itself makes it very enjoyable, but sometimes scary. It's great for binging as it is always new. There are no two episodes alike. As a Minister in the Interior department in Security, I met members of this newly modernised patrol. It is still interesting though to see how it operated under the old regime.
As you know, June is LGBTQ Pride Month. Who are some of your favourite drag queens?
In Inquista, it HAS to be Madame Marco, but I have many favourites from all across the continent. When I'm in Prague, I love to visit a bar called DefenestrateHER, a mainly lesbian bar that serves drinks in window-shaped glasses with the handle being some poor protestant being pushed out. There is a drag queen there called Dominika Dvořáková who does the best impression of Marie Rottrová I've ever seen in my life. She does all the songs. Also, the late great Nicoleizienne, Divine, is one of my favourites. She often performed in London in the 1980s where I worked as a Communist Party Official. It was great to blow off steam after work with a drink and a show.
Sounds like you know how to enjoy a good Friday night. Let's turn this into a scenario. Two countries are negotiating for peace after a conflict, and you have to mediate between two foreign ministers. The two ministers want to talk over some food and drinks. What sort of restaurant are you taking them to, and what will your drink of choice be?
I would take them to a tapas bar in Ibiza because it encourages cooperation. Tit for tat. You can have some jamón if I can have some calamari. They will soon get the idea to translate that into their problems. As for drinks, of course I love Mojitos. I was famously photographed and SHAMED on social media for having one on public transport. But now I’m head of the Nicova so who’s laughing now?
You're an avid user of public transport, and your Commission campaign is being run in a carbon-neutral way. Protecting the environment is clearly very important to you. Do you have any pets, and what animal do you think is very underrated?
I don’t have any pets right now, unfortunately. Animals need a lot of care, and since I’m so busy I know I couldn’t give them the love and attention they need. If I could choose, though, I would get some terrapins. They are so small and cute, definitely underrated. I’m not sure what kind of care they need, but they are freshwater tropical so it could be relatively intense! But one day I will have some terrapins.
Aww, those are very cute. Now, onto a very short round of some word association. I'll give you a word, and you tell me what word first comes to your mind. Ready? Marx.
Prescient.
Oppression.
Capitalism.
Trains.
8G.
Ice cream.
Dangerous.
Freedom.
Marie Rottrová.
Ok, I now have 4 words for you, and you have to pick one to describe yourself: hotter, sweeter, cooler, butter. Which ones resonates with you?
Butter.
Thank you so much for joining us from Europolis, Piane. It was a pleasure to have you.
No, thank YOU!