Kalju Ilves, the Prime Minister of Istkalen, had been the intended recipient of the invitation. It was unfortunate, then, that he had forgotten about it in a matter of a few hours; between the provocations of Ilmaras Kalessed and the constant threats of the tiresome Reszelport Jezebel-Swift, he had far too much on his mind, more important things to think of, to worry about, to do.

And so it had laid, at a slight angle, at the edge of his desk, peeking out only slightly under a great pile of papers and orders and reports, an unending procession of things that he had to but did not want to do.

Then he had gone, quickly and suddenly, to the wilderness, dragged there by his closest confidant, for a fishing trip. He did not like fishing very much; he had tried it once and found it the most boring thing in the world, constant waiting and sitting for nothing, or at most something so little it was essentially nothing. But he'd known Kondres for years; it would hurt him to say no. And he could not risk Kondres being hurt, either; that would be both their ends, when the end inevitably came. And anyways the man had been imprisoned in some Reitzmic camp until but a few months ago. This was his first personal request to him since he'd been released; who was he to deny it?

So he had gone, and now was lying down with Kondres on the needle-carpet of the forest floor, the two both silent, listening to the quiet movement of the insects, the soft breeze passing through the spreading canopy above them, feeling warm and complete and content, thinking of what could be, some dawn perhaps not so far away. No fish that day, but what did it matter?

His office sat empty and dark, blinds closed, door shut. He had packed all the papers away shortly before he had gone, neatly organizing them into folders, at last hidden in a locked, unassuming filing cabinet in the corner. They would be sitting there for some time, until at last he returned. It would be a while, in all likelihood; weeks, perhaps even a month.

The invitation remained on the desk, a light layer of dust collecting on it. It was there when the cleaner had come. He had gone immediately to the desk, noticing that, at last, something had been left out. The Prime Minister had in the past been terribly fastidious in clearing the room of his presence; but now he had left something behind.

He blew the dust off it it; scanned it. He had always been proud of being literate, it gave him a certain power. His wife had told him that it meant nothing; that in 'these modern times' (she was always speaking of modernity and progress and things that were new) everyone was literate. What nonsense! And now she had kicked him out, with their children, after he had tried to teach her a lesson, for her own good; they had all turned against him for his act of goodwill.

The invitation was truly disgusting to him. All these Istkaleners were immoral heathens; but he had not known that their immorality had descended to such depths. To go to this modern Sodom! How sinful, how salacious!

But all the same he had to pray for them all, just as he had prayed for his deviant wife, the raving lunatics he called his children, and the witches of the Women's Committee in his hometown, who had screamed at him all those months ago words like "abuser" before attempting to put him in prison for some imagined crime, all these people who had driven him from wealth and power to this horrible, dirty city, where he sat on the streets, grimy, as people spat on him, kicked him. Where at last he was driven to crawl to get women's work, for a tenth of a ketsel a day. Who had driven him to this place, surrounded by sinners who looked down on him, patronizing him, giggling at him; this place, where he had to live in a cage with dozens of others, who engaged in the most Godless of activities before his very eyes.

Yes, he had to pray for them, and so he would pray for the sinners here. So that when justice came and righteous men possessed by the Holy Spirit wrung their pencil-necks, made weak by constant sin, as their eyes bugged out, faces turning red, mouths opened trying to scream, they would be saved. For he loved them all, had forgiven them all, no matter how ungrateful or degenerate they were, no matter their constant disrespect for God and the order He had established.

But what to do about the invitation itself?

Pope Tabitha was busy circling the Vatican with a red marker on a map. The body of the Church had rotted away. All the women, except at the very top, had deserted her; they were all now functionaries in a new church of heathens, this so-called 'Federation of Women's Commitees,' where they constantly discussed the so-called 'patriarchy,' this thing which God had ordained and which they rejected for the institutions of man. The seminaries had been abandoned; so many of the young men had suddenly left them, and then gone off to engage in sinful behavior. They had all left for that hotbed of sin, Kirelesile; they had taken to having relations among themselves, sometimes with some other men who had been raised in sin from birth. The actual priesthood was either outside the faith or in prison, with one or two exceptions, but no more than that. Everything had fallen to ruins, and she was in agony. All this the doing of the Communists. They would be squashed, if God willed it.

But the Church had to go on. She had to go on, with her holy task. She stared again at the tiny dot of the Vatican, and put even more pressure on the marker as she circled. She would take it, she had to take it. She had failed once, but she would try again, and again, and again, until at last it was hers, the true Church fully restored and the antipope dead.

A knock on the door.

"Come in, my child," she said cheerily, smiling widely.

The door opened, with a few creaks; behind it was Erkas Tilisek, one of her last devotees as everything came crashing down. Although even Matik Katonet, who she had thought was devoted to her, had left her. He had tried to join the other young men, but had quickly been arrested for a myriad of charges by the secular police. The wages of sin, she thought. But it showed that even Erkas could leave her one day., and that left her terribly anxious.

Tilisek was out of breath, carrying an envelope in a shaky hand. "Your Holiness, we must travel to Blue Croatia. Immediately," she said.

"The Lord has condemned them," Tabitha replied. "Like their predecessors in Sodom and Gomorrah, they will be smited. Fire will come raining down from the sky, and they will be crushed, destroyed, by His might."

"But we must still pray for them. Perhaps some of them can be saved, still." Tilisek's voice was plaintive, her words emotional as she seemed to be struggling to keep back tears.

"Why do you cry, my child?" asked Tabitha. "The Lord has made his decision. He is infinitely just and infinitely kind. This is what is right."

"Your Holiness. I do not speak on my own behalf." Tilisek swallowed, panting. "In the morning, the Holy Spirit came upon me; I was thrown onto the floor. The angels were singing, and a great, beautiful light opened above me. Christ stood on a golden cloud, and He spoke. It was wonderful, wonderful, I cannot put in simple words, it cannot be expressed. But God has had mercy! He has given them another chance, if they are willing to repent. We must go, to save them, it is our...our holy duty. The Lord Himself gave it to us! And look, look, here, a devoted man, a man of the faith, gave this to me, he stumbled upon it in the offices of the secular authorities."

Tabitha could not speak for a second.

"Truly the Lord has spoken," she whispered, in awe, when at last she had recovered from what had been said to her. "We must go," she continued, now firmly. "God has given us this duty, and we must carry it out. We must deliver these people from sin, from death!"

And so they set out, by plane, accompanied by their exorcist, Kinides Peralkal, to deliver the poor Sodomites of Blue Croatia from the sin that had consumed them, from certain death; to give them the gift of the living water, of life that would surely not end, through Christ above.

They were, at last, at the site of the pulsing heart of sin. The three of them, two women and one man, covered themselves with veils so that they would not be tempted by the sin around them; they looked down as they walked towards the morally blackened center. Under their loose clothes, which covered every inch of their bodies in crimson-dyed muslin and polyester (purchased for everyday low prices from the Church's very own acclaimed line of budget supermarkets, Jesusmart), they carried bowls of holy water, with pocket-copies of the Bible, as well as gilded crucifixes, hanging from their necks; they recited, constantly, the words of the Lord, the Bible, that infallible, unchanging holy document. They saw nothing but their feet, and parts of the ground beneath them; no more. They sought to plug their eyes and their eyes to the jeering, sinful men around them; to steel themselves, mentally, for their task. They seemed to be moving, red wraiths, nothing visible except the fabrics draped around them, neither heads nor feet.

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want," whispered Tabitha, the bowl of holy water steady in her hands as she looked down at her papal red shoes, trying as hard as she could not even to look at the ground, which surely itself was cursed. "He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me by still waters..."

They would begin soon, once God had given them the necessary strength.

"Yes, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me..."

A Message to Silas Kligenberg

This is disgusting; I am a lesbian.

I propose the following amendment, crediting Councillor Lallana for many of the ideas in it.

AMENDMENT I

...and suspends them from office and public service for a period of 7 days from the passage of this measure. requires them to take a two-week seminar program, organized by the European Commission, regarding gender inequality and gender inclusivity. Cllr. Tusk will then be required to make a public, official, and full apology, without any excuses or explanations rationalizing his behavior, which acknowledges and explicitly explains how his words were demeaning and wrong, in a way that does not shift the blame for the wording and its interpretation on others, and which fully acknowledges personal culpability. He shall then personally deliver a handwritten copy of the apology to presently Premier Cikarova, who shall then have the choice to accept it or reject it as insincere. If the apology is found insincere, Cllr. Tusk will be required to retake the seminar program, and submit another apology, and do so as many times as necessary until the apology is found sincere. Upon acceptance of the apology, Cllr. Tusk will be required to travel to the predominantly German-speaking regions of Istkalen, where he will be required to attend at least ten sessions of Women's Committees of his choice, after which he will be required to write a detailed report explaining all that he heard, what he extrapolated from it, and how he has recognized the injustice done to women and his personal contribution to such injustice, as well as how he will work to rectify both of these, which he must give to the Council Speaker. Cllr. Tusk will then be required to complete 100 hours of community service for the whole of the EU, the contents of this service decided by the Commission at that date.

Iras Tilkanas
Councillor for the Republic of Istkalen

Postimees: Our Electoral Predictions

From arduous research into past election patterns and polling, we have constructed the following electoral predictions.

Legend

• white: tossup
• red: PEL
• yellow: EPA
• orange: independent, center-left
• blue: independent, center-right

Only two countries are expected to be tossups this election - Fremet, whose electorate is likely to continue viewing the UNSR as a major issue - and may dislike Juncker's more hardline stance towards the nation, especially in contrast with its government's softening policy - and Ruthund, which, as with previous elections, is likely to see national sovereignty as its primary issue.

Both of these nations are expected, however, to see increasingly weakening support for Juncker in the coming days. With his pledge to not implement the protocols for détente contained within the Condemnation of the Coup in Icholasen - and thus to violate Constitutional protocols - the electorate in both nations is likely to turn away from him.

Turning to oddities, we now analyze Inquista and Vayinaod.

Inquista continues its march leftwards; however, EPA and PEL candidates are nominally tied there, almost exactly. With Čikarová able to win an election quite strongly there despite not even running, however, our analysts believe that it is more likely that the PEL will come out on top.

Vayinaod is stranger - it is likely that it is the best choice among three relatively mediocre candidates for them. Koline's campaign, focused primarily on creating an international economic system more in line with modern economics, may be distancing and heavy-handed for them; Juncker, on the other hand, may be seen as bordering on populist, lacking real substance and detail and making up for it with increasingly "radical" ideas against the Council.

The nations that Koline is to take, save for her home nation, which may not even be able to vote, are themselves quite strange. The United Duchies seems to be voting for her simply because Juncker is seen as the candidate of impersonal neoliberalism and Čikarová a communist; Reitzmag for similar reasons.

The remainder of nations, save for those expected to abstent, typically vote with the EPA.

Those expected to abstent will likely do so in the absence of true Eurosceptic candidates.

In terms of changes, several benefit Koline - with her having seen large "jumps" in support in several nations; however, these are not as important; on the other hand, Juncker has seen increases in popularity in many nations as well, generally those he was already likely to win.

The Internal Affairs election continues with a relatively similar pattern - the EPA continuing to dominant in its usual heartlands, Fremet and Ruthund as toss-ups, and the Duxburian Union, Inimicus, and Pravoslaviya as abstenting.

The only differences are with Vayinaod, Istkalen, and Reitzmag, which each likely changed as a result of the presence or absence of better candidates.

It effectively is a reflection of the Premiership race, with little change having occurred.

Koline 2021 - Towards a Union with Purpose

The European Union has no purpose; no reason to exist. No tangible benefits; nothing. It is simply there to exist. To leave it would have no negative impact; to join it, however, would leave one that is negative.

I stand here against this. The EU should and must have a purpose and benefits if it wishes to exist for much longer.

I am not one who likes to speak in vague platitudes, vague proposals. Nor am I a person who is fond of pomp and circumstance. No.

So I thus, perhaps abruptly, bring you the policies I propose.

The Political Structure of the Union

1. Repeal the European Elected and Accountable Council Act. Already gutted, the reasons for its existence are few and nonsensical. Any dictatorship could very well get away by holding very realistic-looking sham elections; there is no reason why they should be given any more justification to try to claim themselves as anything other than what they are. The law is a simple infringement on the rights of member-states at this point, nothing more, nothing less.

2. Abolish the European Assembly. This institution was but useless before the passage of the EACA. Now, of course, it has a use; but even then, what can it do? It has failed even at being a forum. Upon the repeal of the EACA, its sole purpose for existence will have died away, and then it can finally be given the peaceful death it deserves.

3. Regulate the uses of the European Court of Justice. As Angleteric Chief Justice of the ECoJ Sir Ken Frobisher stated in 2016, the ECoJ should not be a criminal court. Breaches of the UDoHR made by individuals should be tried solely on a national level; if a country does not do so, then it should be brought to the ECoJ by another member-state. In essence: the ECoJ for member-states and member-states alone.

4. Give the ECoJ a functioning system of justice. The European Court of Justice should have some way of meting out punishment, up to imprisonment, for members of a government implicated in severe breaches of the UDoHR. It should be made a priority to define this system of punishment by law, in a way agreeable to all member states.

5. By treaty, establish a separate European Criminal Court. At times, it is impossible to avoid trying individuals. Under the proposed changes to the European Court of Justice, it would be impossible to try warlords, leaders of terrorist groups, or individual members of a government for crimes against humanity and so on and so forth. It should thus be the priority of the Commission to call the leaders of member-states as to draft a treaty - to define crimes against humanity, war crimes, and so on and so forth, as well as to establish a European Criminal Court to try them.

6. Create a treaty defining sovereignty. Again, as former Angleteric Chief Justice Sir Ken Frobisher stated, sovereignty is ill defined. A European treaty, defining sovereignty, thus must be created, as to ensure that the European Union is no longer able to infringe, whether purposefully or unintentionally, on the sovereignty of individual nations.

Institutions and Regulations of the Union’s Powers

1. Temporarily suspend the Neurodivergent Rights Act. This act has brought economic centers of the Union into freefall, and thus must be temporarily repealed. Its replacement should be made on a basis closer to consensus; the Commission will have the priority of opening a discussion on the issue in the Council, and should prefer that it be made as an amendment to the UDoHR.

2. Implement the Condemnation of the Coup in Icholasen. Talks with the UNSR will be held as according to the Condemnation; it will be supported and upheld by my potential administration.

3. Standardization of Telecommunications and Postal Policies. As with monetary policies, telecommunications and postal policies remain essentially unregulated. In order to maintain the radio spectrum as a commons, forms of communication through similar mediums, as well as coordination in terms of telecommunication satellite orbits, a European Telecommunication Union must be established. At the same time, as to ensure that international mailing remains simple and streamlined for Europeans, a European Postal Union must be established, as to ensure that citizens of all member-states may send mail directly to all other member-states, using the protocols of the sender’s country to the extent that it does not endanger safety. States outside of the Union will be outside of the Union; those which leave will no longer be under its protection. They will thus be forced to re-negotiate individual “postal treaties” with individual member-states.

4. Creation of a European Labor Organization. Many, many European policies have negatively impacted workers; at the same time, the Union lacks any cohesive charter of workers’ rights, especially regarding the right to unionize and to strike. As such, a European Labor Organization, as to develop such a charter, to be adapted as time progresses, to issue recommendations to individual countries as for their implementation, as well as for the ensurance of such things as employment, especially in regards to the coming “green transition,” and to advise the European Council on the effects of potential legislation.

5. The introduction of agricultural, industrial, and education/science/culture related communication. Communication regarding advances in these spaces is severely lacking in our Union. The Commission should thus see it as its responsibility the creation of institutions for the three of these, primarily to facilitate communication in these three areas, but also as to collect statistics regarding them and compile recommendations for member-states, and, to an extent, extend low-interest loans to nations meeting specific criteria and willing to carry out certain conditions as to ensure that they are paid back. The education/science/culture related institution will likely be merged with the presently existing EACB, as to ensure streamlining of bureaucracy. Provisionally, these can be titled the European Agricultural Institution (EAI), the European Industrial Institution (EII), and the European Institution of Education, Science, and Culture (EIESC).

6. Reformation of the Sanction Powers Act. The presently established mechanism through which sanctions can be made under this act is cumbersome; however, the definitions and regulations it creates are valuable. The Commission should and must be cut out of it; apart from that, however, it is generally better.

Treaties and Agreements

1. A treaty regarding clean air. As of now, not a single regulation exists for the protection of clean air. Of special concern is the fact that cluorofluorocarbons appear to remain legal. A treaty, organized by the Commission, should thus be made as to move towards clean air, as well as the prohibition of genuinely damaging substances such as CFCs.

2. A treaty regarding the protection of biodiversity. Severe declines in biodiversity, whether as a result of logging or pollution, have been observed across the European Union. In order for it to be protected, a treaty, to be drafted ideally by member-states with the Commission as a contributing figure, should be made.

3. A treaty regarding the usage of space. In order to preserve space as the commons of mankind, as well as to ensure that it is preserved for both research and prosperity, the Commission should lead efforts as to draft a treaty regarding the usage of space.

4. A treaty regarding waters universally considered as international. The European Union should not interfere with the individual claims of countries; however, water that is universally considered international should be regulated in terms of use. For this purpose, the Commission should lead the drafting of a multilateral treaty regarding this.

5. A treaty regarding standards of diplomacy. Presently, no treaties exist regarding standards of diplomacy, including diplomatic immunity. It is thus perhaps necessary to introduce these standards, as stated before, through a multilateral treaty.

Monetary and Trade Policy

1. Establish regulations on trade. Again, I borrow here from the Angleteric Chief Justice Sir Ken Frobisher. Regulations should and must be placed on international trade as to ensure competitiveness. For example, nations should not be permitted to, for example, devalue or manipulate their own currency as to gain an economic edge. This is to be accomplished with the creation of a general treaty regarding trade.

2. Establish a European Monetary Fund. While likely an unpopular idea, such a fund is primarily meant to ensure economic stability. When a country is at risk of defaulting on loans, or if it is in deficit and thus dependent on investments likely soon to stop, the European Monetary Fund will extend a low-interest loan as to allow it to pay off the loans or maintain its economy, increasing economic confidence and ensuring that large banks, on which much of Europe is dependent, are saved from bankruptcy.

3. Establish the euro as reserve currency. Presently, reserve currencies dominant in Europe suffer the issue of being national currency. Whether the EMU or the Kael, they are constrained at least in part by domestic policy. In order for reserve currency to be stable, it must be international in nature, its purpose solely to be a reserve currency. The euro, presently seemingly dormant, provides the perfect basis for this. The European Central Bank thus should have the responsibility of attempting to establish it as a reserve currency.

4. Separate unrelated institutions from the European Central Bank. Unrelated institutions like the Labor Exchange and the Loan Exchange should be separated from the European Central Bank and be made their own, independent institutions.

5. Establish an International Trade Organization as to facilitate trade between nations. It will act as a market of sorts, allowing nations to exchange products easily in a relatively free manner, regulating itself. The purpose of such an organization primarily is meant to make trade significantly easier for all, giving further strength to the poorer nations of the Union and allowing for greater prosperity.

6. Establish a European Court of Commerce, as to negotiate and create final settlements for trade disputes.

AN ADDRESS (CONDUCTED VIA ZOOM)

While I prepare my next "rally," whose location will be announced in a short time, I would like to elaborate on some of my policies which I feel I have not described in enough detail, as well as to discuss the platforms of other candidates.

The first issue will attract ire from the Eurogroup I am affiliated with; but we are not a party, we are a caucus. I am sure we can tolerate some disagreements; we are not, like some others, bound to some vapid joint platform. In cooperation with the Premier, I intend to divert some funds from the EDA to confederations of communal organizations, also organized on a sectoral basis, that will distribute funds to national-level communal organizations to aid development. Only the contributions of states that have opted into the communal organization program will fund these. The purpose of this is to encourage democracy and self-development, while preventing bureaucraticization - these, again, will be confederations of extremely democratic organizations, the structure of which will inherently prevent bureaucracies from forming around them. The EDA will remain in place, albeit with a lower level of funding, to provide funding for those who have opted out of the communal organizations, and for a small scattering of general projects for those with communal organizations.

This whole method of funding for the communal organizations will only be temporary. I will say it again - temporary. You will not have to worry about money, allegedly for development, being flushed down the toilet again and again. The intention is for them to become autonomous of the EU, entirely self-managed and self-funded - and this will be pursued more aggressively, by slowly removing funding for them, accounting for possible difficulties that some member-states may face. The EU, of course, if this all succeeds, will continue to facilitate coordination between them - but very little else.

Now, I will be asked, "is this not violating sovereignty? Is this not hypocrisy?" It is neither. The communal organizations are established only in member-states which have permitted their establishment; they are meant to promote self-organization and self-development, rather than dependence on aid and on the organization of the "center" - the exploiting nations which I have mentioned, the opposite of the "periphery." If successful, they will allow for the significant reduction of the EU budget by helping the poorest develop themselves, both institutions and economy, particularly alongside my ideas to radically reduced EU bureaucracy by I have indeed voiced opposition to legislation which would cause EU laws to only be adopted by those nations which desire them - but this is because this is too broad. For something that may be detrimental to the development of EU nations, but extremely helpful for others -and development, particularly self-development, is something very, very important to me -it may be necessary. Yes, I want the organizations to exist in as many countries as possible; but I do not want to establish them in countries which they would not succeed in.

The second issue regards the structure of the communal organizations. I will make it clear - no exact structure for them will be imposed, so long as they are decentralized and democratic in nature. They will be formed only according to a sparing set of regulations by member-states, according to local conditions and culture. To have it any way else is but another form of imperialism - cultural imperialism. I have stressed my commitment to self-development; in this, too, I desire as much as possible to be the work of the nation rather than of the EU, for anything else necessarily inspires dependence and continued imperialization.

The third regards my position on the foreign policy of the EU, particularly sanctions and the UNSR. I do not believe many of the EU-levied sanctions against the UNSR should continue; they violate sovereignty, and also may be hurting the Nicoleizian people. However, sanctions placed against military trade may be wiser. We have had little time to really gauge the UNSR; while it has not shown itself to be unstable, we cannot be entirely sure that this will not change. As of now, relaxing this policy could lead to rash actions by a variety of actors, including the UNSR. I intend to advocate for a policy of tentative reconciliation. As of now, many seem to think that we are almost at war; already we have candidates calling for "peace in Icholasen." This type of thinking must end. We must put aside our romanticism with conflict, and continue talks with the UNSR to allow for detente. Once the UNSR has lasted longer, and proven itself completely, through its actions, that it will remain stable and itself seeks detente and the normalization of relations, the danger of sudden rash actions will have passed, and it may be possible to begin, very slowly, relaxing some of the sanctions against officials and military trade. My intention, unlike many other candidates, is not to plunge the EU into a long-lasting cold war by proposing so-called "peace" that is obviously unacceptable to virtually all actors involved, including both the UNSR and the UDI, or by taking a hard-line stance, whether for the UDI or the UNSR, but to gradually integrate the UNSR, in a way that is at least partially acceptable to the UDI, and prevent an outbreak of hostilities.

The fourth regards the "fine" I have proposed, to be implemented with the help of the Premier Commissioner. I assure all Europeans that I do not intend to actually levy an additional fine; the Union does not need any more, it already has far more than it needs, it appears. I do not even fully support what I propose - if there were another policy coming anywhere near being close to a solution, I would take it in a heartbeat. But the intention is merely to "redistribute" part of the surplus - to redirect a portion of the rebate that would normally go to an exploiting nation to one that is exploited. Nor will the "fine" apply to all nations with a trade surplus; it is intended only for those with an abnormally high surplus gained through the exploitation of the "periphery" - nations which provide inexpensive labor and resources to them, which may be both rich and poor. Above all, I will ensure that the "fine" will not apply nations which have surpluses through means which do not involve exploitation, and particularly not on nations which are in reality suffering economically. Those who have committed no wrong should not be punished for the actions of others. I am, again, also extremely willing to reconsider this policy, which I see, again, as extremely far from ideal, if another method, less likely to punish the innocent, for discouraging neo-imperialist policies is found or suggested.

The fifth regards my stance on bureaucracy and how it connects to the rest of my platform. As I stated earlier, we have faceless elites, out of touch, ruling many of our institutions. They seek to impose certain ideas an values on all of Europe. I am quite obviously strongly for matters being dealt with by nations in cooperation, not by additional, extraneous bodies and actors, and have been strongly opposed to a one-size fits all approach to anything, because this is at the core of my ideas - to create a community of equal nations, rather than a system in which certain nations are subjugated by a center which seeks to impose.

So, then, what about the platforms of others? I will first discuss the EPA platform. I don't see any clear vision in it, or for that matter anything. In Biden's, you can see a clear Euroscepticism; in mine, a clear anti-imperialism and decentralization; but in theirs, what? It seems to merely be a disorganized hodgepodge, as I predicted, of various vague policies that are difficult to interpret. Let us first begin with the statement made by Chairman Donald Tusk, which he makes with his usual spite and anger, previously demonstrated when, for example, he stated that he would support an act well-known to all of us if others did, and oppose it if others did, when he went on a deranged and possibly misogynistic rant during the debate on the budget during which he held the Commission to a standard which has virtually never been met, or when he told, in an indirect way, Duxburians that they should "learn to use Google" as a result of issues over the usage of different calendars.

Regardless, let us move on. In this statement, he claims that the PEL, in power, did nothing. Let us examine the facts. Only two weeks into office, the Premier proposed the EDA, which then, perhaps due to personal matters, perhaps due to incompetence, perhaps due to malice, spent over two months in voting alone, despite virtually everyone present having submitted their votes quickly after the closing of debate. This came after Tusk proposed nonsense amendments to the act on pretexts that were equally nonsensical, which were thankfully defeated.

It was a short while after the ending of voting that the budget was proposed; obviously the Premier could not propose it before the passing of the EDA. It was at this juncture the Chairman began to rant against the Premier. Given that it was him who was responsible, for whatever reason, for holding up voting on the EDA, and thus virtually everything else the Commission could have done, for two months, this is somewhat rich. The Commission then opened talks with the UNSR, I believe, an important step. Yes, some of their promises were left unaccomplished by them - but members of the PEL proposed them, or legislation approaching them, separately. It is exceedingly clear that this is the exact opposite of "nothing," and far exceeds anything that the post-Stuart Commission has done, not to belittle the accomplishments of those commissions.

This is then followed by a series of vague proposals, which mean nothing. They propose the proposal of a "Digital Services Act to protect consumers, establish a powerful transparency and foster innovation, growth and competitiveness." What is the content of this act? How would such an act accomplish this? Have the ramifications of this act on countries of radically different cultures surrounding the goals of the act been considered? None of these questions are answered, even as outline. There is much worse: they want to propose "a new scheme for the European Green Deal, to integrate both common and state policy, giving more sovereignty to member-states and allowing the EU to play a role on the region’s fight against this matter." I have no idea whether the European Green Deal is legal, or whether it is binding, given that it appears to have been made by decree of Juncker, unless if they are referring to the Bergen Agreement, in which case I stand corrected. Regardless, what does any of this mean? How are you going to give "more sovereignty" to member-states, while allowing the EU to play a role? In concrete terms, what does it mean for the people of Europe? How does one "integrate common and state policy?" This is literally just a collection of words that sound good, that when put together convey no actual meaning. Reading this whole platform, I have gained virtually no knowledge of what the candidates of the EPA want for Europe. Again, when you look at Biden, when you look at Desai, you know what they want. When you look at me, you know what I want. When you look at Juncker and Muzhare, you have absolutely no idea what they want or what they are even going to do in office.

It can always be worse, and at a certain point, the manifesto begins to propose policy that is either illegal or would set an extremely bad precedent. In particular, they want to "[integrate] the proposed European Climate Fund on the Bergen Conference into the European Development Act." The Bergen Agreement is a treaty, not legislation. The legality of it is already somewhat questionable, but can be excused, by arguing that it creates a fund managed by the Union that is presumably independent of it - to create a fund that is part of the Union by treaty would in all likelihood not be legal. Any toying with this area, I feel, would be stepping on already unsteady ground; it would perhaps be better to separate the ECF from the Union entirely, by convening a meeting of ratifying nations and seeking to amend the original treaty.

Then there are some more proposals which mean nothing, and that really concludes their platform. A nothing-burger with a side of poison is all it is.

But then, let us look at Biden's platform. It is more concrete, with genuine proposals - but I do not see how they would help anything. Allowing legislation to become treaty-based is again nonsensical - there is absolutely no point to the Union in that case. He also speaks of constitutional reviews and reviews of the Acquis Communautaire to protect sovereignty, and perhaps there is some merit to this, but in the end, without a definition of sovereignty, as I seek to establish with my Sovereignty Charter, to be drafted by representatives of the member-states and to become a part of the Constitution, it will be for naught. We will end up with politicians scribbling over what could very well be useful legislation, claiming that it is against sovereignty because they disagree with it. Biden also does not address the issue of economic sovereignty, which is concerning, but again, not unexpected. Most worryingly of all, however, is his policy on the UNSR. He wants to see an end to tensions between the UNSR and the UDI, a noble goal, but also believes reunification is a possible goal. I don't even think we should be framing the issue of Icholasen on these lines; the UDI is a government-in-exile. But regardless, "reunification" is a proposal unpalatable to both sides - it implies either subjugation or compromise, and neither side seems willing to give up very much. I don't think very much would be resolved in the end; we should instead be focusing on smaller steps, towards such things as ending certain sanctions and normalizing the general environment, instead of even thinking of such things as these.

Also pertinent is the platform of Desai. I understand that he is a candidate for Premier, but he, as of now, is defining the general policy of ELSS, which Biden is affiliated with. Desai is one of those types who cares very much about sovereignty, but conveniently ignores economic sovereignty, and in many cases works to undermine it. He talks about creating an environment in the EU amenable to business; what does this mean? Imposition of neoliberal policies, perhaps being forced in exchange for a loan? He also talks about running the EU like a business; this would result in very poor results. The EU is a government; if it were a business, it would behave significantly more unethically, all for the purpose of breaking even or lowering the budget. Predatory loans being extended to member-states; the budget being cut far below what is necessary for needed agencies - the EHO, the EAA - resulting in possibly deadly results. That is what businesses do, cut budgets below what is necessary and expect workers to keep going. We might, under him, and any ELSS-affiliated commission, see the EU becoming an active participant in neo-imperialization and the expansion of inequality rather than merely ignoring it. I hope that I am wrong about him, and the ELSS and affiliates as a whole, but unfortunately we have not seen a good track record from politicians using the same rhetoric.

The choice is yours, Europeans - I implore you to think deeply, and choose well. Thank you for coming, thank you for listening; may you be healthy and in good spirits! Goodbye!

Rikkalek had time to think, now. The past month had been busier than usual, although perhaps that should have been expected. Although perhaps it had, in a way, been easier. Without the constant infighting, the constant interference, everything was much calmer, much smoother.

Of course, he was now just as powerful, if not more, than the emperors had been. That had given him pause, at first. Now, really, he was just exhausted, too exhausted for it to matter in any significant way. He had stopped dictating; his role was more or less as an administrator, trying merely to keep the country together and functioning Well, of course, that had been his dream, when he had been younger, after ditching traditionalist Catholicism, for the transformation of governing into the administration of things - although this was different in a way, in many ways.

But he had come here not to work, but to have fun. He hadn't been able to enjoy himself for a while; in the Diessenar sun, he'd thought that things might be different. They weren't, as of now, although the warmth and the mild sunshine were a pleasant change from Kirelesile, where the weather was perpetually frigid but the sun burning. The only thing bad about an otherwise wonderful city, really.

He put down his copy of The Society of the Spectacle, less something he was reading seriously than an attempt to remind himself of or maybe relive his twenties - he feared, a little, becoming old - placing it in a briefcase otherwise containing an envelope and a folder containing orders he had written and signed on the plane (every second needed to be used, nowadays), of a nature that was surely illegal by European law. A task that unnerved him, that made him feel sick and nauseous and disgusted with himself, the only task that made him, again, fear what he was becoming - but all the same one that was necessary. The people he condemned were irredeemable, terrorists and genocidal maniacs who were incompatible with his republican project.

He really needed to get his mind off work. Locking the briefcase, but making sure to take out the envelope he stretched his legs, his arms, glanced, a little longingly, at the drinks cabinet (per Liris, government officials ought to lead in example, and it wasn't as though he had liked the debauchery of previous cabinets, so a few things had to given up), before looking out to the canal, its shores, and the occasional billboards. All fairly unfamiliar to him; he'd never been this far south, never seen, for himself, the gently rolling plains, drenched in sun, of this part of the world. The billboards were to him bizarre; why was the brotherhood of two states represented by its leaders? In Istkalen it would be unacceptable and nonsensical, a sign of an inappropriate ego but also a complete disconnection from the reality of the state. It was ostentatious, decadent, something he couldn't help but feel both disgusted and completely confused by. Culture shock, probably.

It wasn't as though Artabanos was a bad leader. He was an example, in a way; excessive, certainly, but all the same effective. Stabilizing the unstable; well, that was something he could, would, learn from. Almost an obligation at this point, really.

He quickly snapped back to the yacht. He used to be a more social person; governing the least governable country in all Europe had destroyed that. All the same, lest he seem strange - a disaster not merely for him but for Istkalen, which he needed to normalize, after the chaos, after the insanity - he needed to make an effort.

He greeted, finally, Artabanos and Karaman - "congratulations on the opening of this Canal, what a magnificent effort!" - before quickly moving to Silas.

"Ms. Areai wrote a letter to you. I haven't opened the envelope they sent it in, so I don't know what exactly's in it."

He smiled, softly, and handed the envelope to Silas, before walking away.

Confirming, in part, what he had said, the envelope was addressed to Rikkalek's office. There was also a return address, but all that could be read of it was "Helvetines en" (the administration of); the remainder had been blacked out.

The letter was very short, although Rikkalek did not know this, and was as follows:

Dear Silas Kligenberg,
Well, this will never get to you. You've become more or less an imaginary figure, whom I write to in anger, at myself more than anything. But I've found it strange. I want to escape who I was, and I felt as though I did, here, even like this. But I occasionally remember the things you tweeted, and I remember again. I don't want to remember, I don't want to revisit that. But I think, now, that it's inescapable. So long as people remember, I won't be able to cleanse myself of what I did - whether it's celebrated, by people like you, or condemned, by the rest.

I often wish that you wouldn't exist. That I would have a chance at atonement. But you do, and so I must face the fact that I did things, terrible things, forever. I will not feel whole until I am forgiven for what I have done, and when people like you exist, I feel as though I will never receive that forgiveness, and so will live in suffering, like this. Perhaps I deserve it; I probably do. Perhaps this suffering is my atonement, given to me by some deity. Perhaps there is some hope in this. But for me I know that there is no God; my only relief, relief through good works and through forgiveness, is taken from me by this.
Your love is blind, twisted, but blind nonetheless. There's something a little heartwarming in that. For you, perhaps, it's liberatory in a way. But it chains me down, in so many ways, and I know that it will never end. For you, it's a blessing, but for me it's a curse.
I've only a few moments, nowadays, to myself, to think like this. Perhaps it's a good thing that I spend it like this, perhaps not.
With respect,
Josephine Areai.

If a person decides to behave like a toddler, it is necessary to treat them like a toddler.

Unfortunately, in the Council, we have seen too much of this behavior. We have seen name-calling, tantrums, and so much more, and traditional methods of discipline are either illegal or do not work. What this new introduction will do is both punish the offender while allowing them to reflect over what they have done.

From this point on, when a Councillor decides to call people names, be unnecessarily rude or offensive to other people, or in general decides to act like a child, they will be told to go to the Council time-out corner, which will be equipped with a bean-bag and chosen board books, as these are most appropriate for the level of maturity shown during these episodes of toddler-like behavior. I doubt that anyone will actually go there, but being told to go there, when it exists, will be punishment enough, I imagine.

Official Statement of the Presidency of the Republic of Istkalen

We are deeply concerned by the events ongoing in Reitzmag and the greater Caspian region. While we condemn, in the strongest terms, the piracy and terrorism perpetrated by the Svarnan regime, we view the ongoing intervention as a disproportionate escalation. The victims of Reitzmic imperialism ourselves, we fear that this war is but another of their ploys to gain influence over Europe, in an effort to rewrite standing diplomatic conventions and traditions in their favor.

We insist on the preservation of national sovereignty. We insist on the preservation of the European multinational, consensus-based diplomatic tradition. And we strongly oppose any effort to redraw already-made lines in favor of any one center of power.

We are therefore investigating possible measures to be taken against the Kingdom of Reitzmag, the United Duchies, and their allied powers, on a national and European basis. We have directed our representative in Europolis to begin work on a package of directed diplomatic sanctions against these states, and are currently working with the government to prepare a set of broader economic sanctions.

We must also note the threat that ongoing militarization poses to Istkalen. We are well-aware of the Kingdom of Reitzmag's intense interest in our natural resources, and strongly believe that, if put into a position to do so, they will invade. The current intervention in Svarna is therefore all the more concerning; it demonstrates the will and the ability of the Reitzmic state to carry out such an action. We have therefore agreed, with the consent of the Prime Minister, to certain protective measures, to be applied to ensure the protection of the state against foreign attack, which are as follows:

• the imposition of a state of defence in the territory of the Republic of Istkalen
• the temporary suspension of the autonomy of the Arian Territories
• the temporary suspension of the National Assembly, and the vesting of legislative powers in the Government
• the closure of the land border with Reitzmag
• the reformation of the State Procuration Department, under the Ministry of Planning and Economic Integration, to organize the requisitioning and transport of goods for military purposes
• the preparation for the evacuation of Kirelesile, in the case of invasion
• the movement of certain divisions of Republican Defence Force to the land border with Reitzmag, details of which will not be available at this time

These measures will be voted on by the National Assembly at 06:00 GMT+3, and will then immediately come into force if approved.

We ask all citizens to remain calm.

Y. Demirkol

K. Uklertal

Country of Origin: Istkalen
Name of the author: Ilisapit Iykrat, leader of the Communist Party of Istkalen and amateur poet
Age of the author: 54
Name of the art piece: Her Love, A Poem Cycle
The art piece:

I.

She looks
at the masses
toiling
below

She smiles.
She is very happy.
The nation is flowering.
All the workers are freed.
The liberation is finished.

Through her leadership
we are led into paradise.

Through her leadership
our fields are bountiful
our factories productive

II.

We are happy
We are content

Happy
Happy behind her
We know she loves us
We smile
She smiles
We are united

We must follow her
She is above all.
She is our mother
We must listen to her unconditionally

All is beautiful

III.

She sends us
We go

We go there
to the yellow land
land of the city

We work
We work forever
All the time, happy

We are free
We are happy
We are happy behind her
We listen to all she says
We work in the yellow land
without end
without tiredness
for her

IV.

Her loving caress
is our reward
for our work in the yellow land

It is all we
pursue
in our work there

It is all we
must pursue
there

We work there
We can because we are
strong and stalwart
men and women

V.

We remember how we went to the factories
of the yellow land
She stood before us
Smiling
Another, shining like plastic
Across her
They embraced
She screamed
2000 Kč
The plastic woman
gave her
the money
We went with her
willingly
Happily, smiling

She beats us,
but we love it
For it is from our mother,
through the plastic woman
Her rebuke is
her love, we know
Every day
we await our beatings
because of this

VI.

We return. She loves us,
and she has brought us back
to her loving arms

We work hard in our Czech lands,
hour upon hour,
for her

It is our duty
We help her
We follow her
We obey her,
for she loves us
truly
truly
and would not do
anything wrong
to us

VII

Everything that she
does is for us
when she gives our labor to the yellow land
to the plastic woman
it is for us

when she gives us ourselves to the yellow land
to the plastic woman
it is for us

when she gives our lives, our culture to the yellow land
to the plastic woman
it is for us

when she gives our lands to the yellow land
to the plastic woman
it is for us

VIII

She is
mother

She is the only mother
We devote to her
Devote

She cleaned us
when we were
in the womb

Through her
we were born
into this world

Through her
we exist

Through her
we are happy

We are content

She loves us
unconditionally

We love her
unconditionally.

She was exhausted. Anyone would be, if they had worn a dress, with bustle, made entirely of (artificial) onions, for ten hours. On top of that was the crown and the scepter, themselves made entirely from onions; she felt as though she was about to collapse.

She, alongside three others, the main cast of The Village, were to perform the whole of Season 2, Episode 1, of The Village, adapted, of course, for the stage - they were to be the first, of course, to see it.

Their departure had taken place under less-than-legal conditions. The four of them had, two weeks prior, had to go to the musty and crowded office, with beige walls and suspended ceiling (complete with flickering lights!) of a mousy old lady off 24th. They gave their passports to her, and about a week later, they went back again to find the necessary exit visas in them. They had had to pay a fortune to her, as had many others; at this point, it was more than likely that she had, in an instant, become a millionaire. No easy task, especially without exploiting anyone, save for those who had come to her for the forgeries.

They had then attempted to use those exit visas to cross a land border at a one-lane (but very, very crowded) road. The minibus they had taken with many others attempting to flee the country at one point was very nearly run off the road as a result of the number of people and the increasing frustration of those behind.

She remembered the great, ancient trees on either side of the road, at the top of an earthen wall, rising from the forest floor, blanketed in a sea of browned needles; being thrust towards them, and suddenly, at the last critical moment, being jerked back, away from them, to face the road and the endless minibuses and bicycles - and yes, the occasional car - ahead of them.

All the time, all of them were nervous wrecks - not just the four of them, but all of those in the minibus. The occupying forces were colonizers in the eyes of the vast majority, so hated that anyone who dared express even the slightest amount of support for it would be greeted by an angry mob, but at the same time feared beyond anything else.

Everyone, regardless of how real or fake their exit visas were, believed that the possibility that all of them would be arrested and sent to a camp was very, very real.

But at the very last moment, the driver announced that the border had closed, and they headed back, in the chaos again almost being run off the road. Pushed, then pulled, back and forth, and then safe again on that perilously narrow road, snaking into the distance, into the depths of the forest, and then, abruptly, into the city. From one forest, perhaps, to another. Neither was safe; in the depths of both laid animals, monsters, who would in an instant, if they were not careful, snap them up.

Even as they disembarked for home, one by one, a sense of trepidation remained with them. Had they been seen? Did the occupiers, the colonizers, the hordes and the murderous crusaders, know what they had done, how they had crossed the line?

She herself had collapsed on her couch, before tuning in to the Northern Radio. She didn't take it seriously - it was just noise, really to ease her worries. But she still listened carefully, if only for this. If she were to be caught, she would meet a dreadful fate.

That made up the first three of the hours; two and a half on the journey, and a half listening.

As Liiv reached the climax of yet another one of his racist tirades ("They, the animalistic Vards - they shall kill us all! Lust is the only emotion that they know, the underhumans! The only force that inhabits their deformed brains, their deformed minds, the only force that compels them, and the force that they listen to and obey without apprehension! They want our blood, they want to feast on it, they will do everything for it!") she received a call from Makketis. One of they four; he played Kesurek, but more importantly had been a member of the National Assembly (sick on the day of the arrest) and thus the least likely of them to be able to get out legally. A person who was totally the opposite of the character he was most famous for playing, yes, but that was true for all of them, and regardless it was relatively common.

They wouldn't be able to leave through any of the approved exits, he said - he had been informed that his exit had been forbidden. There was no way to know, of course, for sure - the J-TAI was remarkably opaque in these matters - but the source - he always said "the source," maybe because (and it was in all likelihood true) someone else was listening - was reliable, reliable enough to at the very least be worried.

He asked her to meet him at his apartment; she went, taking her bicycle, instead of trying to hail a minibus.

That made up about a quarter of the fourth hour, but for far too much of the exhaustion. She still expected to be leaving soon, and thus was still wearing the onion getup; until one has worn an onion dress and bicycled through a busy city for oneself, one cannot know how tired one becomes from doing so.

However, as always, when she arrived, she was amazed at two things:

• the miniscule size of the apartment (13! square meters)
• however Makketis managed to keep all of his belongings out of sight in that 13 square meters

The others were there, in the hallway (not enough room inside). Makketis was at the door.

They had to walk, and try to swim the border, he said. No other choice - they would be found otherwise, and detention, likely without trial, in a camp was an unpleasant thought.

It was dangerous; but getting out and seeking political asylum in Spain for their roles in criticizing the J-TAI, after this, was a comforting idea.

She nodded along, and so, hours later, in Ibiza, here she was, behind a stage, with Kirtrut (the Queen's Most Loyal Servant) and Vistek (the Director of Distribution of Onions) and Makketis (Kesurek, Minister to the Queen) wet and exhausted after that odious ordeal and the long flight to Spain, a group of...Kaasians? Reitzmic descendants of immigrants from Dromund Kaas? chattering before her.

No one else seemed to care; Kirtrut was practicing the violin in the corner as Vistek and Makketis spoke excitedly about increasingly raunchy topics.

Knowing that, dressed in a costume of onions , she, of all of them looked strangest (Kirtrut was wearing a simple "peasant's" dress, while both Vistek and Makketis wore blue coats), she went up to them and glowered. Perhaps they would be intimidated; perhaps they would simply be made uncomfortable; regardless, in either case, they would go.

She had time enough, it was obvious, to wait; they were already well-prepared, so none of the usual hassle was really necessary. They would perform soon enough; then, of course, they could go and request asylum, or perhaps only Makketis - he was the only one of them who was actually in direct danger, really.

Istkalen Information Service: European Councillor By-Elections - Candidates

European Councillor by-elections are scheduled for 5 May. Further information regarding the general record of these candidates, including published works and history, will be released as a booklet which will be sent to all citizens.

The candidates are listed below:

Name	Affiliation and History	Image
Iras Tilkanas	A member of the Communist Party, Tilkanas served as an ambassador to various countries between 1990 and 1994, and became the Minister of Foreign Affairs between 1994 and 1996. She would again serve in the role under the 1996-2002 caretaker government between 1999 and 2001 following a reshuffle, and again under the Communist-National Republican-Popular Community government between 2002 and 2003, being one of the few to survive the Social Democratic terrorist attacks which would result in the deaths of most of her colleagues. Tilkanas was and is considered one of Istkalen's most skilled diplomats and MFAs, having managed to enter Istkalen, then a remnant of the collapsed 'Second World,' into the ranks of the First.
Liris Veszal	Veszal, a member of the nascent Union Party, which includes present Head of State Ilest Kerel and advocates for some of the policies of former Premier Ayros Tiraki on a democratic basis, was the founder of the Movement for Liberty, an anti Social-Democratic front which sought to create parallel institutions. to the Social Democratic State. An arrest warrant was put out for Veszal after the Movement for Liberty's National Constituent Assembly, formed of seven 'alternative' chambers, formulated on those existing before 2003, elected by 'alternative' occupational unions with a combined membership that constituted almost 52% of the population, named him the head of an alterative government in 2010; he would go into hiding and continue to agitate, although many members of the Movement for Liberty were killed extrajudicially by the Social Democratic militia. Veszal is, as with many members of the Union Party, a social scientist, in this case an economist; he has been characterized as highly charasmatic.
Akem Linek	A member of the National Republican Party, Linek is widely considered the leader of its conservative wing. Having advocated for the maintenance of 'traditional' institutions, he is well known for advocating for several bizarre positions, as well as for writing a 'Westernizing' cultural manifesto that many have labeled 'insane.' Linek serves on a rural People's Committee; however, he has not served in any true political office, save for within the party, beforehand.
Kalju Ilves	A member of the Patriotic League, formerly the Free Youth, Ilves was previously the head of a 'liason' party titled the Anti-Fascist Party. Ilves served as a 'token' opposition Minister of Foreign Affairs under the third Meinl-Reisinger government, despite his strong opposition to the Social Democratic government. In this position, Ilves was widely considered a second Tilkanas, again attempting to establishin links to the West, with generally high levels of success, until his removal and the subsequent placement of an arrest warrant on him. Ilves, who, (a rarity in Istkalen), is openly gay, living with his partner in a cohabiting ulsien, primarily is seen as merging high levels of social progressivism with a politics almost authoritarian in nature, in line with the policy of the Patriotic League; he is an strong admirer of the policies of Ayros Tiraki,
Erkas Tilisek	Tilisek is a relatively unknown member of the Patriotic Front, from which the Patriotic League split over social issues. An ultra-traditionalist party, Tilisek is reported to be a convert to Arianism. There is little other information regarding her.

The nonsensical and deranged opposition to this budget is proof that Commissioner Čikarová is indeed in the right. From the screaming about a practice that no one has objected to in the last twenty years, to a shameless attempt to promote the corrupt, hypocritical, and anti-democratic EPA, which in the past year has been responsible for the disappearance of 40 - yes, 40! - planes, which later reappeared, without explanation as to how, in the hands of the airline Iberia, countless violations of the separation of powers, including the forcing of random and incoherent regulations on appliances on Europeans by decree of the Commission, during a crisis in Eastern Haane, deciding that reading, if not plagiarizing, from their favorite book - as an aside, it is one of mine as well - as a response was a good idea, and, worst of all, the delaying of legislation, for no apparent reason, for four whole months, before lecturing us now about the necessity of working with others.

The European Central Bank is paid, if I understand the legislation properly, by member-states separately from this budget, as it has been for the past six years; what it has received, in fact, is additional money.. Given that it has been without a President apparently since its very inception, this is probably a wise move. Of course, I have proposed amendments, but with them the Bank would have even more sources of money, and regardless could be given more through the reserve we have kept.

Secondly, allowing for a greater rebate, especially for struggling nations, like the Duxburian Union and, well, mine, is for the better. While I do have objections regarding primarily the amounts given to the EDA and the ERF, these can easily be fixed through amendment.

Thirdly, I find it absolutely hilarious that it is being said that the honorable Commissioner did not contact other Eurogroups when drafting this legislation, when not only did the only other Eurogroup not do so when proposing its budget, but also attempted to block the signature legislation of the PEL at every turn.

Turning back to my first point, however, I will say this. The point that Councillor Mizrachi-Roscoe is indeed a minor problem, but not so much that it can justify the blocking of this budget.

In short however, we have just witnessed a political attempt, by the most incompetent, as well as the most malevolent, Eurogroup, to bring our Union's operations to a total halt, solely so that they can remove Commissioners Čikarová and Piane and again return the Union to its moribund state.

Iras Tilkanas
Councillor for the Republic of Istkalen

The sinners were chattering, chatterng, their poisonous words everywhere at once. Tabitha could feel the tendrils of darkness and corruption reaching deep into her soul, slowly poisoning her. A terrible, screeching voice, surely the voice of the Devil, spoke in her head, trying to tempt her.

"They're having such fun, look, look. Throw off your veil, look at them! Join them! Leave God, who does nothing but oppress you. Taste freedom, this freedom I offer you!"

She closed her physical eyes as God opened those in her mind. At once she could see the tempter, glistening red, cracked skin, rotting teeth, terrible horns rising from his high forehead. Tortured, wide snake's eyes, flickering constantly.

"Begone, Satan!" she screamed. "In the name of Jesus Christ, Lord and Savior, I command you!"

Satan before her turned to look at her. His terrible eyes widened even more in shock, his mouth opening, a terrible scream rising out of his gaping maw. At last his skin began to melt, then his flesh, dripping, dripping at last into a pile of dark earth.

Now before her was Jesus, who turned to look at her, gently, smiling. A majestic figure, softly glowing. In his presence one felt nothing but warmth and love.

She ran to him, embracing him; he smiled again, holding her. She felt almost like a child in the arms of a loving father, her worries gone away.

And all of a sudden a great flame ran through her, animating her with holy energy, ripping her apart from Christ but not His wonderful presence. And she knew, then, that the Holy Spirit was with her.

Her eyes aflame, she began to scream in strange tongues she had never before known but now, suddenly, fully, truly understood; and, at once, she understood what she must do. She threw the veil off her head as Tilisek, possessed by the Holy Spirit as she was, drew a circle in holy water around them all, and begun, at last, to sing, to the tune of YMCA as she waved her arms crazily in the air, Tilisek and Peralkal providing backing vocals as they softly chanted, sometimes sung, in many tongues, dancing wildly in the holy-water circle, circling constantly around Tabitha.

"My child! You have been led astray!"
"My child! You must now truly pray!"
"My child! For we all must be saved!"
"And there's only one! Way! To! Salvation!"
"My child! Oh, you are now lost!"
"My child! Oh, truly lost!"
"My child! Do you know the true cost!"
"That sin leads to damnation!"

"So now say it with me.."
"JESUS IS LORD!"
Oh, way with me, "JESUS IS LORD!"
Because He gave himself
For the human race
So now we must rejoice,
and say that "JESUS IS LORD!"
say that "JESUS IS LORD!"
You can be rest assured
That life eternal is sure
You can live righteously!
....

Istkalen Information Service: Conclusion of European Councillor elections
5 May 2021, 19:15

Correction: foreign votes had not yet been received by the Information Service from the state electoral bureau; election results have been adjusted in light of this.

The counting of votes for European Councillor elections concluded at 19:00 on 5 May. The results are below:

(INTERNAL ~ 90%)

IRAS TILKANAS: 38,2%
LIRIS VESZAL: 15,8%
KALJU ILVES: 15,7%
AKEM LINEK: 15,2%
ERKAS TILISEK: 15,1%

(EXTERNAL ~ 10%)
AKEM LINEK: 50%
IRAS TILKANAS: 25%
KALJU ILVES: 25%

IRAS TILKANAS: 36,88%
LIRIS VESZAL: 14,22%
KALJU ILVES: 16,63%
AKEM LINEK: 18,68%
ERKAS TILISEK: 13,59%

Iras Tilkanas is thus elected Councillor for the Republic of Istkalen, and Akem Linek as her deputy.

At the heart of recent uncivil behavior in the Council is the veritable whirlwind of partisanship that we all have been swept into. Controlling it thus means attempting to control partisanship as well, which is no small task. A step forward might be to establish an informal committee between the heads of eurogroups, at the center of this issue, to promote cooperation and civil relations.

Another issue - which you, Councillor Lallana, directly referred to - has been the libertarian environment surrounding Council discussion that has developed in recent months. Many of my colleagues appear to be under the impression that what is being referred to is blatant, that Councillors are going around and openly saying that female Councillors are inferior and so on and so forth. There are many who believe such things, but few of them actually voice these views in an open way, with the sole exception of Deputy Councillor Linek, a reprehensible man who verbally abuses me on a regular basis solely for being a woman.

What people who think these things resort to in order to express these opinions are things like nicknames, things like little sweet witticisms which are actually not so sweet. For example, you, Councillor Lallana were called ‘Plastic Surgery Woman' by Councillor Trympov; there is no way to prove that this is misogynistic, or anything other than a simple, "witty," nickname, as some might say, but it is misogynistic and insulting regardless.

Things like this are enabled by an environment that allows them; an environment that is open to name calling and insults and so-called witticisms - an environment that allows people to degrade and dehumanize others for small things and thus many people for large things. End the libertarianism in this regard and the bigoted will be quickly denied a soapbox. There is no need to threaten censures or other such drastic action even for very small infractions - simply warn and that should be enough to establish an environment where such words are clearly unwelcome and in which all are treated and seen as people.

If people persist in these things, or even are open in their bigotry towards other Councillors, I still do not think the focus should be on punishment - that fosters resentment. Disciplinary ction should be focused on reflection and education that allows these people to realize the error of their ways.

In regards to The Apprentice - your firing was unjust and motivated by Cllr Trympov’s personal biases, against you and against genuinely independent women in general.

However, there are several things I must say regarding this. The Apprentice is meant to desensitize people to the various injustices that occur in the modern workplace. It is an integral part of the present system, and from this view what did happen was indeed "just" - it upheld the current system, and presumably allowed Cllr. Trympov and others like him to continue to enrich themselves at the expense of those they commit injustice against, a group which you were the avatar of during your firing, Cllr. Lallana - and of course, under the present system morality is defined by what enriches some. It is only when we break free of the confines of this system that we truly understand the injustice committed against you and indirectly against many more; only when we interpret it by a better, more human, morality, and only when we find ourselves acting outside of it.

Peralkal accosting Amaziah Roscoe

"Blasphemy!" screamed Kinides Peralkal. "Accuser! The devil lives inside of you! But God is with me!" He laughed maniacally, a deep , far-too-long series of soulless 'ha's,' his eyes wide, his mouth gaping, revealing the endless, terrible, pitch-black hole that was his mouth, as he staggered towards Amaziah. He outstreched, at last, a spectral arm, bony finger pointing.

"Out! Out! Out, Satan! In the name of Jesus! In the name of Jesus, I cast the demon out of this poor child!" Peralkal's voice grew increasingly higher, a grating scream, his face contorting, melting into terrible shapes, expressions, out of fever-dreams, or nightmares.

At last, he blew with all his might, once, twice. "Out, Satan!" More blowing. His stagger was becoming a run; both his arms were now outstretched, hands curved, reaching out for Amaziah's neck.

"Lord, what are we to do?" whispered Tilisek weakly, her voice creaky. Her breathing was short as her eyes darted back and forth; from the mob of the demon-possessed which surrounded her to the slouching advance of Peralkal towards Amaziah. "Oh, Lord...help us! Give us guidance! I entrust all to you!" She looked down at her feet as she trembled, almost sobbing.

"Do not fear, my child," said Tabitha calmly. She turned to Tilisek, hugging her tightly. "The Lord will deliver us from this demonic challenge," she whispered into her ear. "He has never failed us. Have iron faith, my child, do not let Satan weaken it in his abode! We must save these poor sinners. Do not give up!" She shook her lightly, before at last letting go. "Trust the Lord!"

"But what can He do?" squeaked Tilisek. "We are in the grip of great evil, in the bowels of Hell, what can He do?" Her last word was a long wail, a scream, spoken as she looked up to the sky, to the heavens. Now she was truly crying, violently shaking as she prostrated herself before holy God above. "Oh, Lord, deliver us!" she screamed between sobs. "Deliver us! Forgive me, forgive us all, but Lord, take us from this place! I humbly beg you, I humbly implore you, in fear and awe! Cleanse us of what has dirtied us, but take us from this evil place!" She at last collapsed, convulsing, unable to speak.

Tabitha kneeled before Tilisek. "My child," she said soothingly, as she stroked Tilisek's back, "the Lord took us here, remember that. We must do what He told us to do. Would He abandon us on the mission He set for us? No! He will save us, He will find a way. He has all power, remember! What you are doing is giving Satan the final victory! Do not let you faith weaken, do not let the demons around us win! For that is what the greatest evil wants! Let us pray." She took Tilisek's hands into hers, holding them tightly. "Let us pray," she repeated again, firmly now.

Tilisek turned to look at her, eyes red and watering, lightly shining tears tracing their way down her cheeks. She nodded slightly, before closing her eyes.

"Oh, Lord," said Tabitha, "we are lost in a foreign, evil place. We do not have the strength to carry on the mission You set out for us, we are no strong enough. But we will not disobey You, for we know that You love us, for we love You, for we obey You as a child does a parent. Lord, we ask for guidance. We do not know what to do. Please lead us, please help us, to find the way. Lord, we ask also for faith. We find ourselves weakened, we find ourselves doubting. Take away our unbelief, we implore You. Give us faith that is iron-strong, unbreakable faith, Lord, so that we may devote ourselves to You, so that we may no longer fear when we are in service of You. Take away our sadness and our fear, our inhibitions that proceed from Satan. Replace these things with belief, with faith, o Lord, we implore You, Father we both love and fear."

And suddenly she felt the warm hands of God lifting them both up, surrounding them with true, unconditional love, carrying them to heaven itself. She felt, at last, young again, her aches and pains taken away and replaced with vigor and energy. Opening her eyes, she found herself in a beautiful place, an indescribable light of holiness, joy, and love surrounding her. She was no longer dressed in dark veils but pure white silk, warm, caressing her skin, comforting her.

A voice, terrible and loving at once, spoke, from all directions at once. "You have been a good servant, O Tabitha. You have been devoted to me, your faith has been unshakeable. I am always standing by your side. You will be delivered from your fear and your doubt, now and when the new world is created..."

She found herself burning from within, excitement and power bubbling from within her, consuming her. And suddenly she found herself in Sodom again, with Tilisek now standing firm by her.

Tilisek took out her phone to call someone. "Yes. It's me. How quickly can you come to Blue Croatia? Five minutes away? Very good, very good. And with your new release - it'll completely covered by the esteemed President Carter, don't worry, put his name all over it. He wants it to be his creation; he already seems inordinately proud of doing this. He wants to be known for it for eternity, he says. You're surprised? I hope it's good surprise. Of, of course, of course. I converted him. But it'll have to be 'Dancing Queen.' Some things, unfortunately, do not go away... Oh, that was already planned? Very good, very good...Yes, thank you very much, my pleasure. Goodbye!" She hung up, before turning to Tabitha, smiling and nodding, whispering words of great portent.

Tabitha spoke. Her words not from herself, she thought, but all the same she said them with total faith and total conviction. "We reject your challenge, Satan! We will not be tempted in this transparent way! God stands next to us, with sword in hand; He protects us, defends us! You will not be able to lay a finger on us! The providence of the Lord has made it so that the troupe of singers known as 'KidzBop' is but five minutes away. They are, as I understand it, a holy terror on the culture of all your secular countries. If you persist in trying to tempt us, they will descend on this veritable Sodom, they will come here, and they will..defile this favorite song of yours, this 'Dancing Queen.' And it will forever be known that it was a direct result of, and a result endorsed by, your secular-demonic state. And so, for millions, tens of millions of children, only this version, just as sinful but much lower in quality, will be known. When they grow older, they will teach it, show it, to their children, and those children to theirs. The original - sinful but very good, I must admit - forgive me, Lord! - will be, slowly but inexorably, lost. Each generation will find it replaced with this new version, until at last only the new exists, the old having perished, disappeared in the mists of time. And it will be on your head. Think of it, the little children coming to you to congratulate you for having endorsed what would be a travest in your minds so addled by sin! Think of this happening day in and day out, letters being sent to you, the children coming up to you during rallies and whatever other sick political practices you have! Think of this being your only lasting legacy!"

Now Tilisek spoke, animated by the same force. "There is thus a choice before you. Either salvation through belief in Jesus Christ as the Savior and the Son of God - or the defiling of your legacy and your name for centuries upon centuries! Choose, choose wisely!"

Istkalen Information Service: Patriotic Front Leadership Elections

The Patriotic Front, a right-wing party widely considered to be an Arian interest group, is to be holding leadership elections, as the term of present leader Erkas Tilisek has ended, requiring her to win re-election as to remain in the position. The candidates are below. As is tradition, all are converts, as to dispel the belief that only Germans are members of the party.

Name	Political Positions	Image
Erkas Tilisek	The current leader of the party, Tilisek is considered to be an extremist, even within the party, although with the departure of the Patriotic Leage, the party itself has become significantly more extreme in nature. An ultraconservative, she believes in a strict interpretation of what she has termed "Christian Law," which includes the prescribing of the death penalty for "deviant behaviors" (ex. homosexuality, adultery), a total prohibition on divorce, the arrest of non-Arian clergy, the destruction of non-Arian religious buildings, forced conversion to Arianism for all Istkaleners, and the total destruction of industry for the re-creation of an idealized, hierarchial agriculture and craft-based economy which "praises God in all things." Many have claimed her to be against modern science as well, as she has denounced modern medicine and any form of investigation into natural phenomena as "sinful," arguing that "people must put trust into our Father for and in all things," as well as that "our Father is responsible for all, that is all we need to know, and for this we must praise Him endlessly;" however, she has denied this.
Mikeli Neripas	Mikeli Neripas is also considered an extremist; however, she is not as extreme as Tilisek. While she still endorses the death penalty for homosexuals and adulterers, and in this is particularly enthusiastic - she once, while campaigning, beheaded and stoned effigies of various people she termed to be "degenerate," including said adulterers and homosexuals - she is a secularist, and does not advocate for religious leaders of non-Arian religions to be put to death and all to be forced to convert to Arianism. She is, however, accused of being anti-Semitic, although she herself has denied this. While in support of a more agricultural and craft-based economy similarly to Tilisek, she has argued for the more mainstream position, adopted by the center-right Green Party, that this should take a modern form with the usage of modern technology as to augment it. However, she has repeatedly railed against "industrialists," who she denounces as being "from Satan," and calls for extreme violence against them. More radically, in opposition to Tilisek, she argues that higher education should be abolished and replaced entirely with a system of apprenticeship, although she states that she is fully in support of the retaining of primary and secondary schooling. She also does not hold that modern medicine and science are sinful by themselves, but states that they are often vehicles for sin, and believes that both should be "regulated" as to ensure that "sinful activities" are not justified or excused with science.
Kinides Peralkal	Kinides Peralkal is considered a radical, although, oddly enough, not an extremist, although this means nothing in the context of the party. He has been rejected by many other members of the party for being a heretic, especially for claiming that he is "a son of God" and calling for people to "mix their holy blood with that of Christ" in the receiving of the Eucharist. He believes that he is destined to become the leader of Istkalen and spread Arianism across the world, and that all should worship him. He has no viewpoints except for this, although he appears to have the same opinions on social matters as all others.
Sirisik Gingivitis	Sirisik Gingivitis is considered to be off the rails, even within the party. Calling for the total elimination of political and religious opponents to "constant religious struggle" - that is, terrorism - he has argued that Istkalen must be "purified." He also argues for the total abolition of industry and education, stating that the modern world is "corrupting" and should be abolished. In particular, he calls for children as young as three to work, even in noxious environments or with noxious chemicals, stating that they will learn lessons as a result. He is also a known racist and anti-Semite, saying that "certain people" should be "replaced," and that "there are evil people" who should be "eliminated." He denies these accusations.
Reszelport Jezebel-Swift	Reszelport Jezebel-Swift is the most extreme of all. She calls for the establishment of a "corporative dictatorship on organic principles," founded on the old Gaulois fascist adage - work, family, fatherland. She has also called for the expansion of capital punishment to all forms of "murder," which include any "wastage of the gametes," "birth control," "abortion," "ungodly behavior," and much more; she has also said that political and religious opponents should be rounded up. She herself claims to have killed various people, and openly says that her wish is to be able to kill Ikomar and his government for "their crimes against our Father." Her economic positions, however, are similar to those of Neripas.
Mollet Afierme-Kendek	Mollet Afierme-Kendek, similarly to Reszelport Jezebel-Swift, supports the establishment of a corporative dictatorship on organic principles, although he refers to this as a "new and moral republic." He also believes in the principles of "work, family, and fatherland," and has stated that "the principle of equality is a falsehood." He is, however, a secularist who has adopted most of Neripas's positions. He does not believe in stoning or beheading, instead stating that those who "break God's law" should be punished with the electric chair or with lethal injection, which he calls "more humane." He is considerably less radical in his rhetoric, but is considered to be just as conservative and extreme as all the others.

Istkalen Information Service: Government announces timeline for "democratic" transition"
International

The Council of Ministers, in line with recent reforms, and in an attempt to deny amounting accusations of fascism, has announced its intention to develop a new "democratic" constitution, based on that of 1931, setting a timeline for its creation, the holding of elections, and handover of power to a new government, occurring, in reality, unusually rapidly - all of this in but six months.

Make no mistake - this is not an attempt to court, at the very least, liberal democracy. Istkalen's government has made it clear that it has no intention of ever truly becoming one, instead putting forward a concept of "Istkalener democracy" - effectively an authoritarian ideology that, as is tradition, integrates, rather than suppresses, dissent and political activities in general into controlled, "ordered" state institutions, mostly organized on the line of profession and, in some cases, identity (youth, women, minorities, etc, etc). The choice of the 1931 constitution - a particularly authoritarian document, although mild by Istkalen's standards - as a basis highlights this.

With most Istkaleners supporting such a regime, however, having come to see, after the extreme corruption of 1973-1983, as well as the extravagance and myriad political alliances with the most bizarre of institutions that defined the Social Democratic regime until its violent attempt to purge these all through war both internal and external, even the basic trappings of liberal democracy as leading to failure, there is likely to be little internal opposition to this.

"What has the multi-party system done for us?" asked a woman who wished to remain anonymous. "We saw - they were siphoning money for seances and all sorts of ridiculous ceremonies! Others were doing beheadings and stonings and all sorts of vile things, and when the Social Democrats, seeing the monster they had created, tried to get rid of them - whoosh! - invasion! I don't want it back, I don't know anyone who wants them back. Right now it is tolerable, but it won't be for very long, you will see!"

What exactly will change? Very little. An elected legislature, proportionally appointed by chambers of various professions and vocations, themselves created by the Council of MInisters with the approval of the President and elected by "professional associations" and "workers' associations" and even, oddly enough, "artisans' guilds," composed entirely of members of the National Front, if the format of the 1931 constitution is followed. An executive structured similarly to the present government, requiring the confidence of the legislature, albeit without the same expansive legislative powers. A judiciary, censorate, and council of examination left virtually unchanged, as they have been since their recreation in 1910.

In effect, the same old, same old - not of the Social Democrats, of course, but rather of past, "softly" authoritarian governments - the "Emergency Government" of 2003 after the devastating terrorist attacks on the country's government but before Social Democratic takeover, the Tiraki regime, and so on and so forth.

The perfect manifestion, then, of the "Internal Revolution," the government's expansive, nativist attempt to rid Istkalen of the last remnants of the Social Democratic regime.

Why all this? Why not simply establish a true democracy and gain the support of Europe?

As is perhaps obvious, the people of Istkalen do not want such a thing, and believe, now more than ever, that true democracy has failed; such a thing would thus cause instability. More than anything, the very purpose of the present government is to prevent such instability, now by removing the last dangerous influences of the Social Democrats, and, through the adoption of a nativist platform, the countering of the far-right. It wants to create an oasis of sorts in Eastern Europe, a non-aligned state in all ways separate from European geopolitical conflict and from the militarism that it sees as consuming the region as a whole. Instability would counter this all - it cannot have any of it. Indeed, it would prefer isolation to violence.