Pan-European Festival of Czech Culture

[Czech Slavia]

Competition organized by the Ministry of Culture of Czech Slavia

Millions of hearts across the world are rejoicing as one of the most wonderful day in the history of Czech Slavia is approaching, birthday of the paramount leader, comrade president Albína Reiserová. For this special occasion, the Ministry of Culture of Czech Slavia gives the fans of the Czech culture all over Europe a chance to partake in the celebration by celebrating Czech culture, compete and win two weeks of holiday in Czech Slavia with a chance to meet comrade president herself!

Devoted fans of Czech culture are invited to register a festival of Czech culture with the Ministry and organize this festival in their countries. On these national festivals of Czech culture a competition is to be held giving the attendees a chance to create their own work of art. These works of art can be in a form of paintings or poems in Czech style. Organizers of the festival will pick one to ten of the best submitted pieces and send them to the Ministry of Culture of Czech Slavia, where one winner from each state will be picked. Winners will be awarded a two week holidays in Czech Slavia and with a meeting with comrade president Reiserová. In case of successfully organized festival, the organizers can turn to the Ministry of Culture to cover their expanses. The Ministry of Culture of Czech Slavia reserves the power to reject any submissions that do not satisfy the values of Czech culture. Fans of Czech culture of all ages and backgrounds have a chance to take part in the competition! Not all submissions from one country have to be submitted at the same time. All works have to be submitted until August 1, 2021 (including August 1, 2021)

Submission form

Country of origin:
Name of the author:
Gender of the author:
Age of the author:
Name of the art piece:
The art piece:

[Istkalen]

Country of Origin: Istkalen
Name of the author: Ilisapit Iykrat, leader of the Communist Party of Istkalen and amateur poet
Age of the author: 54
Name of the art piece: Her Love, A Poem Cycle
The art piece:

I.

She looks
at the masses
toiling
below

She smiles.
She is very happy.
The nation is flowering.
All the workers are freed.
The liberation is finished.

Through her leadership
we are led into paradise.

Through her leadership
our fields are bountiful
our factories productive

II.

We are happy
We are content

Happy
Happy behind her
We know she loves us
We smile
She smiles
We are united

We must follow her
She is above all.
She is our mother
We must listen to her unconditionally

All is beautiful

III.

She sends us
We go

We go there
to the yellow land
land of the city

We work
We work forever
All the time, happy

We are free
We are happy
We are happy behind her
We listen to all she says
We work in the yellow land
without end
without tiredness
for her

IV.

Her loving caress
is our reward
for our work in the yellow land

It is all we
pursue
in our work there

It is all we
must pursue
there

We work there
We can because we are
strong and stalwart
men and women

V.

We remember how we went to the factories
of the yellow land
She stood before us
Smiling
Another, shining like plastic
Across her
They embraced
She screamed
2000 Kč
The plastic woman
gave her
the money
We went with her
willingly
Happily, smiling

She beats us,
but we love it
For it is from our mother,
through the plastic woman
Her rebuke is
her love, we know
Every day
we await our beatings
because of this

VI.

We return. She loves us,
and she has brought us back
to her loving arms

We work hard in our Czech lands,
hour upon hour,
for her

It is our duty
We help her
We follow her
We obey her,
for she loves us
truly
truly
and would not do
anything wrong
to us

VII

Everything that she
does is for us
when she gives our labor to the yellow land
to the plastic woman
it is for us

when she gives us ourselves to the yellow land
to the plastic woman
it is for us

when she gives our lives, our culture to the yellow land
to the plastic woman
it is for us

when she gives our lands to the yellow land
to the plastic woman
it is for us

VIII

She is
mother

She is the only mother
We devote to her
Devote

She cleaned us
when we were
in the womb

Through her
we were born
into this world

Through her
we exist

Through her
we are happy

We are content

She loves us
unconditionally

We love her
unconditionally.

[Inquista]

Country of origin: Inquista

Name of the author: Katherine Vestinas
Gender of the author: Female
Age of the author: 17
Name of the art piece: Rose Bloom
The art piece:

---

Name of the author: Remigo Jutus
Gender of the author: Male
Age of the author: 19
Name of the art piece: Girlboss Victorious
The art piece:

---

Name of the author: Cardi B and Meghan Thee Stallion
Gender of the author: Female
Age of the author: 28 and 26
Name of the art piece: WAP (Working-ass Proletariat)
The art piece:

I said, certified treat
Seven days a week
Working-ass proletariat
Make that foreign intervention game weak, woo (ah)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, you messing with some working-ass proletariat
Bring a bucket and a mop for this working-ass proletariat
We give you everything you got with this working-ass proletariat

Work it up, comrade, there’s no charge
Extra long and extra hard
Put our working-asses right in our space
Free public services, no credit card
No one on top, we all gonna ride
We do kegels while we abide
Don’t talk with our mouths, work is our prize
This proletariat is working, we act like a hive
Tie capitalists up like it’s a surprise
Let's role play, it’s our turn to nationalise
We will park our big mean tanks
Right in their little garage
Get the guillotine, make capitalists scream
Out in public, make a scene
We’re the cooks, we can clean
But let us show how we got these rings (ayy, ayy)

Gobble them, swallow them, blood drip down the side of them (yeah)
Quick, jump them 'fore they turn to bourgeoisie (yeah)
We tell them we work, never tell them when revolution 'bout to be
We'll run down on them 'fore we suffer a capital flee (pow, pow)
Don’t talk that shit, bite our lips (yeah)
Ask for cars while we drive them quick (while we drive them quick)
We really ain't gonna stop working for a thang (yeah)
We already made up our mind up 'fore we came (ayy, ah)
Now get our boots and our coats (ah, ah, ah)
For this working-ass proletariat
We make new phones just for pictures
Of this working-ass proletariat (click, click, click)
Meet quota demands just to kiss
This working-ass proletariat (mwah, mwah, mwah)
Now make the factories run if you wanna
See some working-ass proletariat (yeah, yeah)

Look, you need a hard hitter, more than mediocre
You need a Pilsner drinker, you need a non-smoker
Not a garden snake, you need a red cobra
With fangs for teeth, will never roll over
We got some money, work is where we’re headed
Proletariat A1, good social credit
We got beards, well, some tryna grow it
We read Marxist, now we be socialist
We don't wanna sit, we don’t wanna be broke
We wanna gang, we wanna be woke
We want our President to touch that lil' dangly thing
And shove propaganda to the back of our throat
Our head of state is fire, paramount mommy
Mine all day and never come out groggy
We work those thangs like the foremen behind us (yeah, ah)
We toil hard and now the state gonna provide us, woo

Workers, we support the state, handcuffs, leashes
Never betray our class, let the capitalist know they cheating
Put them on their knees, give them something to believe in
Never lost a fight, never taken a beating (ah)
In the food chain, we’re the ones that eat ya
If they eat cake, they’re a bottom feeder
Big D stand for big dreamer
We could turn capitalists into dust before we ever meet ya
If they don't hang, then we’ll shoot ‘em bang
You can't hurt our comrades, we don’t feel pain
If they run from us and ask, "Who is it?"
We ride them over quick, in our President’s name
Ah (we do chores in the house)

Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, you messing with some working-ass proletariat
Bring a bucket and a mop for this working-ass proletariat
We give you everything you got with this working-ass proletariat
Now from the top, make it drop
That's some working-ass proletariat
Now get a bucket and a mop
That's some working-ass proletariat
I'm talking WAP, WAP, WAP
That's some working-ass proletariat
We cook macaroni in a pot
That's some working-ass proletariat, huh

(There's some chores in the house) x 3
(There's some chores in the house) x 3

---

Name of the author: Jimin
Gender of the author: Male
Age of the author: 25
Name of the art piece: Butter
The art piece:

Smooth like butter, like kulaks undercover
Gon' start a revolution breaking into your heart like that (ooh)
Cool shade, tanned, yeah, we owe it all to our motherland
Hot like sand, yeah, we're making you sweat like that (break it down)

Ooh, when we look in the mirror
We'll melt your heart into two
We got that Reiserová glow, so
Ooh (do the boogie, like)

Side step, right-left, to the beat
High like the moon, rock with us, baby
Know that we got that heat
Let us show you 'cause labour ain’t free
Side step, right-left, to the beat
Get it, let it roll

Smooth like butter, pull you in like no other
Our country’s mother (we never make her mad)
Ain't no other, especially no bourgeoisie robber
Straight up, we got ya
Making you fall like that (break it down)

Ooh, when we look in the mirror
We'll melt your heart into two
We got that Reiserová glow, so
Ooh (do the boogie, like)

Side step, right-left, to the beat
High like the moon, rock with us, baby
Know that we got that heat
Let us show you 'cause labour ain’t free
Side step, right-left, to the beat
Get it, let it roll

Solidarity with ours fists, we’re nice guys
Got the right bodies and the right minds
Rolling up with the Party, we got the right vibes
Smooth like (butter), the President (loves us)
Subbotniks, pull up and we lay low
All the Party members get moving when the bass low
Got comrades right behind us when we say so
Let's go

Side step, right-left, to the beat (right-left, to my beat)
High like the moon, rock with us, baby
Know that we got that heat
Let us show you 'cause labour ain’t free (you know that labour ain’t free)
Side step, right-left, to the beat
Get it, let it roll

Smooth like (butter), cool shade (stunner)
And you know we don't stop
Hot like (summer), ain't no (bummer)
You'll be like, "Workers of the World Unite"
We gon' make you rock, and you say (yeah)
We gon' make you bounce, and you say (yeah)
Hotter? Sweeter! Cooler? Butter!

Get it, let it roll

[Icholasen]

Country of origin: UNSR

Name of the author: Constance DuBois
Gender of the author: Female
Age of the author: 54
Name of the art piece: Captured by Fascists
The art piece:

Name of the author: Anne-Marie Goldstein
Gender of the author: Female
Age of the author: 34
Name of the art piece: Heroic Nicoleizian Forces Save an Ungrateful Reitzmag
The art piece:

[Czech Slavia]

On the behalf of The Ministry of Culture of Czech Slavia I thanks all that have taken a part in this year's Pan-European Festival of Czech Culture and to all that organized such festivals. After reviewing the submissions, it was decided that a book about Czech art, signed personally by me, will be sent to some of the competitors so they can get better acquitted with the Czech art style since they have shown an interest in it, but weren't able to satisfy the values of Czech culture.

---

Icholasen:
Mrs. DuBois submitted a work called "Captured by Fascist" depicting an event from the history of her nation and while the work is of high quality it wasn't painted in the Czech style. Likewise the piece submitted by Mrs. Goldstein "Heroic Nicoleizian Forces Save an Ungrateful Reitzmag" depicts an event from the history of her nation and despite of its high quality it wasn't painted in the Czech style. For this reason no winner from Icholasen can be declared, but both competitors will receive the book about the Czech culture.

An image from the book depicting how to draw a character in 9 steps.

---

Istkalen:
Mrs. Lykrat has submitted a poem called "Her Love, a Poem Cycle". In the poem the author appears to praise the system in Czech Slavia, but she does so only to criticize Czech Slavia for it's democratic system, depicting it as a system in which one must follow unconditionally and be happy, and diplomacy focused on co-operation, good relations and non-interference, depicting the President of the Republic as selling the nation to the "Yellow land" and the "Plastic woman". Czech poems however do not use the style of celebrating something to hide a criticism and neither do they call a well respected women "plastic" or depict beaten people as happy for their beatings. For that reason no winner from Istkalen can be declared, but the competitor will receive a book about the Czech culture.

An image from the book, regarding not suitable styles of critiques.

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Inquista:
Cardi B and Meghan Thee Stallion have submitted a song "WAP (Working-ass Proletariat)" together. The song celebrates the working people in their just fight against the oppressors. The lyrics of the song are a marvel to behold, for instance the line "don't talk with our mouths, work is our price" shows it is your actions that matter, not your words. However, referring to the Mother of the Masses as "Mommy" appears inappropriate and demeaning. The song also has a line "You need a Pilsner drinker" which propagates alcohol and goes against the values of Czech culture.

Mr. Jimin has submitted a song by the name "Butter". The song's lyrics indicate a love for the country and are overall of high quality, despite the message not being strong enough.

Mr. Jutus has submitted a painting "Girlboss Victorious" which is without any doubt a masterpiece. The picture bravely rejects gender stereotypes by showing a strong woman, most likely in a position of power, riding a tank with "Victory" being written on the tank. The sun itself is very happy to witness such a scene and putting on its cool sunglasses it salutes the lady and gives her a thumbs-up. A very powerful and moving picture.

Miss Vestinas has submitted a painting called "Rose Bloom", celebrating nature by showing beautiful roses blooming under the gentle sunshine, This work also managed to show the correct use of symbolism as one can imagine the roses as the loyal people and the Sun as the Socialist Republican Party, shining on the people bribing them happiness and safety. And just like with flowers turned toward the Sun, people turned towards the Socialist Republican Party prosper and bloom, while those turned away from it wither and die. Which is a very strong message delivered flawlessly.

For this reason, the Ministry of Culture of Czech Slavia decided to declare Katherine Vestinas the winner from Inquista of the 2021 Pan-European Festival of Czech Culture. She will be awarded with two week holiday in Czech Slavia and with a meeting with comrade president Reiserová. Vestinas will receive a ticket for her travel by Friday 3rd. Congratulations.

Karel Šín, Minister of Culture of Czech Slavia

[Czech Slavia]

Second Pan-European Festival of Czech Culture organized by the Ministry of Culture of Czech Slavia

As a anniversary of one of the most important events in the modern history of the Czech nation , the birthday of the Great Leader, comrade President for Life Albína Reiserová, approaches the Ministry of Culture of Czech Slavia decided to again provide the fans of the Czech culture to partake in celebrating this important event and have a chance to win two weeks of holiday in Czech Slavia with a chance to meet comrade President for Life herself!

The rules remain the same as in the previous year. Devoted fans of Czech culture are invited to register a festival of Czech culture with the Ministry and organize this festival in their countries. On these national festivals of Czech culture a competition is to be held giving the attendees a chance to create their own work of art. These works of art can be in a form of paintings or poems in Czech style. Organizers of the festival will pick one to ten of the best submitted pieces and send them to the Ministry of Culture of Czech Slavia, where one winner from each state will be picked. Winners will be awarded a two week holidays in Czech Slavia and with a meeting with comrade President for Life Reiserová. In case of successfully organized festival, the organizers can turn to the Ministry of Culture to cover their expanses. The Ministry of Culture of Czech Slavia reserves the power to reject any submissions that do not satisfy the values of Czech culture. Fans of Czech culture of all ages and backgrounds have a chance to take part in the competition! Not all submissions from one country have to be submitted at the same time. All works have to be submitted until August 1, 2022 (including August 1, 2022)

Submission form

Country of origin:
Name of the author:
Gender of the author:
Age of the author:
Name of the art piece:
The art piece: