Internal Affairs Commissioner Debate, October 2021
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Internal Affairs Commissioner Debate
With Lex Burnley
Lex Burnley: Hello, hallo, hola, bonjour, ciao, ahoj, and welcome to the Internal Affairs Commission debate, where we are streaming live from the Gisela Stuart Firoux Cultural Centre here in Europolis. My name is Lex Burnley, and I will be kiki-ing tonight's debate sesh.
Oooooh, gworl. Europe has done already had herses, and she's still going through it. Just when we thought we've seen it all, there's always another disaster, catastrophe or day in Strathae waiting to battle the European Union. Tonight, we are joined by seven girlbosses and/or political has-beens who stand ready to "serve" the European Union as your next Internal Affairs Commissioner. Only one lucky candidate will have the honour of snatching the title of Internal Affairs Commissioner, and the Eurocrat pension prize that comes along with it. Who decides who wins? You get to decide, Europe!
Of the seven kings and queens standing before us, we have, from left to right, the OG girlboss Maragret Thatcher, a hologram of transracial icon Kittichat Thongthang -who is simultaneously debating in the Premier Commission debates at this very moment, former Commission 2nd-runner up and mister congeniality Joe Biden, the not-actually-dead-but-still-living Ilmaras Kalessed of the PEL, Paul-Gabrielle Muzhare who is serving EPA realness, strong independent woman Sanna Marin, and last but not least, Sebastian Piñera Echenique, who is the first Ganian many of us have ever heard of.
Let's take a moment to familiarise ourselves with the rules of tonight's kiki before all the contestants - I mean candidates - begin spilling the tea. Each candidate shall begin by making an opening statement, which shall last only as long as any of my former boyfriends, which is a maximum of 2 minutes at best ((OOC: 300 words)). Once all the candidates are done spilling the tea, there will be a free clapback period ((OOC: 24 hours)) where all of the candidates can drag each other freely across the stage, provided that they only do so for 1 minute at a time ((OOC: 150 words)).
The clapback period will be followed-up by our question period, in which I will select especially pointed and passive-aggressive questions from Political Stan Twitter, and ask all of the candidates to answer them. All candidates will have 2 minutes ((OOC: 300 words)) to answer these questions, followed by a shade-throwing period in which candidates can read other to absolute filth, but must keep their responses as short as Queen Anastasia's engagement to Prince William, which was about 1 minute long ((OOC: 150 words)).
Once all the tea has been spilt, we'll end this spectacle with closing statements, in which each candidate can just off for like 2 minutes ((OOC: 300 words)).
If any candidate has been dragged by another candidate on stage, then the candidate in question can clapback right away with a short 1 minute statement ((OOC: 150 words)).
I don't want to miss tonight's episode of Red Croatia's Next Flop Model, so we can't go over time. So, ladies, we need to be quick and clear with our responses ((OOC: if you are not answering questions during the allotted timeframe, or are being inactive, then we will not wait for you. Keep up, and stay active in the debate)).
Alrighty then, let us enjoy our last few moments of light, because some serious shade is about to go down. My dears, please begin by making your opening statements ((OOC: you will have approximately 24 hours to make your statements)).
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SEBASTIAN PÍÑERA: Bueno, es un gran honor estar aquí en este debate democrático. Me gustaría decir lo que, según mi visión merece esta querida Europa. Primero no quiero una Europa dividida y sin voz... quiero una Europa unida, democrática y sin diferencias de peso político. Segundo este comisionado trabajara en conjunto con un equipo serio y responsable... y por último y lo más importante,es, que no iremos a quedar de brazo cruzados mientras se violen los derechos humanos; acá no podemos quedar quietos o decir ''no hay que meterse en los asuntos internos de los países''; y quiero decir que esta frase esta equivocada, debemos cuidarnos entre todos y eso quiero hacer, eso quiero para Europa. muchas gracias!
ENGLISH:
SEBASTIAN PÍÑERA: Well, it is a great honor to be here in this democratic debate. I would like to say what, in my view, this beloved Europe deserves. First, I do not want a Europe divided and without a voice ... I want a united, democratic Europe without differences of political weight. Second, this commissioner will work together with a serious and responsible team ... and lastly and most importantly, we are not going to stand idly by while human rights are violated; here we cannot sit still or say "we must not interfere in the internal affairs of the countries"; And I want to say that this sentence is wrong, we must take care of each other and that I want to do, that I want for Europe. Thank you so much! -
Tonight my mission is simple: to bring you into the shoes of the femboys and catboys. Although many are just starting to take notice that there are indeed femboys and catboys and some may be hearing about them for the first time, these marginalized people have long been subject to descrimination, mockery, and even harassment. Europe, it is 2021 and yet we still see discrimination and bigotry across the continent. From Inquista, to Spain, and up to my home in Ruthund, we see countless tragic stories of femboys and catboys being denied the respect they deserve. I hear these stories in my own home of Ruthund. Mjawaz from Mekilfothjoz writes to me about being made fun of on the street by teenagers just for wearing cat-ears and a tail when he was going about his business on the street-- just the cat ears and tail, folks. Njahoz, a femboy from Kazmurbirha often gets called a “sissy boy” on dating apps. These disheartening stories of the femboy’s and the catboy’s plight must change. And that's why our movement is here today. All across Europe, we have seen the rise in a movement to bring this injustice to an end and it will not stop in the streets, this movement will go all the way up to Europolis.
What we need is a fundamental transformation in the European constitution on how we treat femboys and catboys, because their rights are of the utmost importance in our societies. We need a voice here and now for these marginalized peoples and as a transracial catboy, I am glad to be representing my brothers today. Thank you!
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Before I begin, I'd first like to thank Mr. Burnley for organizing this debate; it's a great honor to be here. Now, let's get to business. We need, desperately, a Europe that is a community of equals. A Europe where nations, in all their diversity, come together to collaborate as independent, dignified, respected partners. This is a transformation that will take a very long time to finish, but one I intend to at least begin. While I cannot go into detail into it as of now, I have laid out a concrete and detailed plan in order to accomplish this, with a focus on decentralization, democracy, and sovereignty of all forms, not merely one.
I am saddened to say that many of my colleagues competing against me in this race cannot say the same. Some of them have done nothing more than endlessly repeat platitudes and buzzwords; others are far more odious, and propose extreme solutions which ignore important issues. One seeks to virtually abolish the Union by leaving it unable to do anything of consequence; another is the face of the system of things to come, who continuously participates in the commodification and fetishization of entire cultures, and seeks to expand this to everyone and everything. Still others have either been completely absent or have been single-issue campaigners.
Let us stand up for our own dignity, Europeans; for independence, for respect, and for justice. Let us stand up against the demagogues and the populists, and let us create a new and better Europe for us all.
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Lex Burnley: So trues besties, so true. Thank you for your opening statements! Moving on to some free debate, each of you will now have the opportunity to pose questions and debate each other with short 1 minute statements. As always, if someone comes for you, you're allowed to clapback. Whoever wants the floor may have it. Drag 'em.
((OOC: questions/statements may only be 150 words maximum; if your candidate has been specifically mentioned, you may have an additional 150 words. Several back and forths will be allowed. If you have still not made your opening statement, you may continue to do so now. Free debate shall last for ~24 hours.))
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Thank you very much Mr Lex.
Im gonna be loud and clear as im here to make a statement.
Im not here representing an ideology, not PEL left, not EPA right, not Europeist not Eurosceptic, Im not here to talk about the importance of women in power positions, im not here to talk about racism, I am here to listen and be listened by the Europeans from Mennrimiak all the way to the Duxburian Union.
I was born and raised in Mennrimiak a country where all citizens have the same opportinities and that helped me get to where i am today in a sense but im not here to emphasise the importance of equality im here to emphasise the importance of comunication with the people, In Mennrimiak and all around Europe the people is free but sometimes its not heard all we do is hear on the news about the latest wardrobe of the Inquistan Archibishop or the newest gadget used by Mr Juncker on his most recent rally or even about the scandals of the military occupation of istkalen, but you know what we never hear? The opinion of those being directly impacted by those happenings.
I could have entered this race as a PEL or EPA member and gotten even more chances of winning but it would have just been running for the interests of a party and not for those of the citizens of Europe, thats why im running as independent.
i dont promise a more united Europe, i dont promise a Europe for the Nations
I promise an European Union for the voice of its citizens to be heard.
Thank you for listening. -
The principles I stand on are independence, decentralization, and democracy for the people of Europe; to give the people and nations of Europe true agency under a model of mutual respect and cooperation. I do not stand for the imposition of any ideology outside of this; I do not stand for demagoguery ; I stand for this and this alone. My actions alone demonstrate this clearly and categorically. Some may ask, "well, what does this all mean;" it does, in fact, mean something very concrete, which I have defined over the course of my campaign. No one else here can honestly say the same about themselves.
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Well, I will be brief on this statement but direct. I am here not only to improve what is already underway, I am also to dialogue and present proposals to be voted on and approved, we need a Europe where there can be no social divisions, less between countries and I repeat, I will look for the best solution for topics such as commerce, tourism, culture and also human rights and I include the LGBTQ + community. Plans to revitalize the union and not destroy it
We deserve a more agile curator, where everyone is heard, making proposals and receiving responses. -
Lex Burnley: Y'all are not shady boots. Alright, well, we have our first question! Charlize from Saint Dominico, Inquista, is wondering... "as Commissioner for Internal Affairs, you will be in charge of either directly leading or appointing directors to many of the EU's institutions, such as the European Health Organization. How do you feel about the current administration of EU institutions, and do you think these institutions are operating as desired?"
((OOC: You'll have ~36 hours to respond, and as always, you can also comment on someone else's answer. If there's an active debate going I will extend the time.))
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I believe this question regards the functioning of said institutions, so I will answer it according to that interpretation.
Very many of our EU organizations have become bloated, unnecessary bureaucracies. The ESA, for a while, wanted to construct a spaceport; the EHO, on the other hand, seems, even now, hell-bent on becoming a full-blown EU-wide health ministry. There is no reason for Europe-wide agencies to do what national-level organizations can, particularly considering the vast distances, political, cultural, and economic, that exist between many EU member states. Radical reform is necessary.
The issue here is mostly of the structure of these agencies; it distances them from the member-states and centralizes power in a few. My intention is to reform them to become federations, or rather confederations, of national-level ministries, which will work to present a united front of action on important issues that must be dealt with on an EU level - climate change, for example, or pandemic preparedness - while offering a more flexible model, so that decisions may be adapted, in content and in enforcement, to the individual conditions of member-states. This will also have the added benefit of reducing the size of EU bureaucracy, as well as in adding flexibility in structure as well.
In short: I do not like the present administration of EU bureaucracy, and I do not think that it works well or effectively in any sense of those words. It needs massive change in the direction of decentralization.
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Good day people of Europe. I'd like to firstly thank Lex Burnley for hosting this Internal Affairs Race Debate, for the nice introduction, and for allowing us candidates to show who we really are and what we fight for. To introduce myself further, I am Joe Biden and I am here as an independent candidate for Internal Affairs Commissioner. Last elections, I failed to win the race for the same position. But now, we will do everything to win for the betterment of Europe. It's time we reform Europe, because Change is Coming.
When I resigned from my position as Chief Secretary to the Royal Household, I have been observing the European Union and how it had been behaving recently. And I felt its oppressiveness, I felt how overpowered it has become. With that, I knew that its member-states are slowly hating it. People are wanting their nation to withdraw from the union, seeing that it has no more chance of changing itself.
But here I am, offering myself and my services to all of you. I am here to establish the correct reform and changes for Europe. We don't need the malarkey that had entangled us into a messy union. It's time we listen to the voices of the nations. It's time we let the nations decide. It's time we make sure that promises are fulfilled. It's time that we act and not just speak. So if you vote for me in the coming European Elections, I will make sure that my words will be my actions and we will do it in four months. We will save Europe without lengthening our term. Thank you and have a great day to everyone!
Thank you for the question Charlize. My stand on this is simple, they are all operating in malarkey. There's too much eurocracies and it's time to decrease them or limit their powers. In my administration, we will study the establishment of an institution classification in which some are only opt-in and some are required for membership. We will also look into the ways we budget these institutions so that we don't give the money of the people of Europe to simple plain malarkey. As Ilmaras just said, we need to decentralize the EU. Although I think we don't just need to decentralize the EU, we need to also declutter it from too much unnecessary bureaucracy. That is all for now, thank you.
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Mr. Biden, do not misrepresent my words. When I speak of decentralization, I speak, in part, of cutting the fat - removing functions from EU bureaucracies that national-level ministries are perfectly capable of handling. I have stated this explicitly before, and implied it quite heavily here. I believe, as I said, that this may be accomplished by turning EU bureaucracies into confederations of national-level ministries - the whole explanation of which I will not repeat again.
I would, then, like to ask you the following questions: What is malarkey? Which of our EU bureaucracies is so unnecessary that it must be abolished wholesale, rather than merely being pared down and decentralized as I suggest? And why is this?
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I oppose Ilmaras' principle of making ministry confederations from agencies. Europeans pay taxes to fund their national level ministries, and you want them to pay again for confederations.
Malarkey, for me, is anything unnecessary that exist but do not benefit the people. For your second question, the ESA is the first one to be abolished, it only wastes money for something that member-states can do through themselves or in cooperation with other member-states. The ELE may also be abolished and its powers merged with that of the EDA. The EPO may also be abolished and that all patents registered in any nation be recognized by the EU as a whole. And finally, the EAA may be transformed into a more general agency which would handle highway numbering, aviation standards, and other national standards.
These are just our initial plans, and we will study other steps we may take. Thank you.
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Please stop misrepresenting my positions. It is getting very annoying. I do not intend to make anyone pay again for these reformed agencies; that will obviously be paid through the European budget. Secondly, none of these agencies need to be abolished. Yes, as a space exploration agency, the ESA can be abolished; but it may also be reformed into one coordinating scientific development in space - for example, facilitating an agreement giving slots to independent researchers for research that must be conducted in space. With regards to the ELE, it has no relation to the EDA. I don't even want to think of the chaos that would very obviously result from your proposal for the EPO. Finally, your proposal for the EAA would make it an unwieldly bureaucracy that would, in that unwieldly-ness, further detach it from the member-states.
We need sane, informed policy that protects the nations, not this.
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Lex Burnley: Thank you, everyone! Onto our next question. Josefina Álvarez from Pamplona, Spain, wants to know "what would be your first measure if you won the race? Why?"
((OOC: You'll have ~36 hours to respond.))
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My first action would be to begin the process of drafting a Sovereignty Charter, which will be created by representatives of member-states and which will delineate the powers of the EU and define sovereignty. Possibly included could be a mechanism allowing member-states to adapt legislation to national conditions, although perhaps this would be better done separately.
Why is this so important? Some of the one-size-fits-all legislation passed by the Council have profoundly damaged the lives of many workers and the economies of many nations, or in others forced the adoption of regulations completely nonsensical due to cultural and other differences. We need to limit this, and, where completely impossible to do so, allow member-states breathing room, to preserve their independence, prosperity, and dignity. However, we cannot do this without possessing clear definitions - that would merely result in political opportunism and demagoguery, ending in such disastrous policies such as that Mr. Biden proposes for the EPO.
In essence, we need to protect sovereignty in all its forms, political, cultural, and economic in a rational manner - and this is the perfect place to start.
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First of all, my team and I are not going to make a very direct decision, that is, one that does not affect the work that is being done and the one that was done. We are going to open a dialogue table, so that all states can express their concerns, proposals, visions, along with a deep and detailed analysis of the operation, effectiveness, etc. I repeat, we will not take hasty decisions, we will put various issues on the table such as tourism, the economy and also human rights. And this is where I will make special emphasis, reflecting on violent demonstrations, repression among others, but I also want it to be known that in human rights I will not make a distinction between countries, because currently in my country the Federal Republic of Gania, a terrorist attack that occurred recently that It causes a serious situation of social crisis that it is currently facing. As a commissioner, there will be no impunity or silence, Europe deserves an agile and serious commissioner.SPANISH:
En primer lugar yo y mi equipo no vamos a tomar una decisión muy directa es decir, que no afecte el trabajo que va haciendo y el que se hizo. Vamos a abrir una mesa de dialogo, para que todos los estados pueda expresar sus inquietudes, propuestas, visiones, junto con un análisis profundo, detallado del funcionamiento la eficacia etc. Repito no tomaremos daciones precipitadas, pondremos varios temas en la mesa como turismo, economía y también los derechos humanos. Y es aquí que hare especial énfasis, reflexionando sobre manifestaciones violentas, represión entre otros, pero ademas quiero que se sepa que en los DDHH no hare distinción de países, por que actualmente en mi país la Republica Federal de Gania, ocurrió recientemente un atentado terrorista que provoca una grave situación de crisis social que actualmente esta enfrentado. Como comisionado no habrá impunidad ni silencio, Europa merece un comisionado ágil y serio.
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Lex Burnley: Iconic. We're now reaching the end of the debate. Before we finish, you each have 2 minutes ((OOC: 300 words)) to pop off and let Europe know why you're the best choice.
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I want to tell Europe that we have lived through very difficult times, times of silence, of impunity, times where those who used repression, lack of compassion, went unpunished; I inform all those who are in hiding, they will be tried or else they will have to submit to responsibility, to listen to those who have no voice. Europe deserves to change in various aspects, economy, tourism, laws, human rights and also socially. Keep in mind that I cannot make this change alone, we have to do it together in a big way, I will work with the Europeans to improve and achieve what we all want, a great Europe. Thanks!SPANISH:
Quiero decir a Europa que hemos vivido tiempos muy difíciles, tiempos del silencio, de la impunidad, tiempos donde aquellos que usaban la represión, la falta de compasión quedaron impunes; informo a todos aquellos que están detrás o escondidos, van a ser juzgados o de lo contrario deberán someterse a la responsabilidad, a oír a aquellos que no tienen voz. Europa merece cambiar en varios aspectos , economía, turismo, leyes , derechos humanos y también en lo social. Aviso que este cambio no puedo hacerlo solo debemos hacerlo juntos a lo grande, trabajare con el pueblo europeo para mejorar y lograr lo que todos queremos, un gran Europa. muchas gracias!
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Europeans, my vision is simple: it is one of independence, dignity, and justice for all. Where nations and peoples can be free of interference in their affairs by any actor; where they may go about their normal lives. A Union which encourages self-reliance, self-development, but also mutual aid; a Union of partners free and equal in respect and dignity. A decentralized Union, a democratic Union, where institutions are close to the nations and the people, where both can actively participate in them. A more flexible Union, as well, which adjusts to the conditions of the member-states, to their cultures, to their wildly different economies, rather than forcing on them one thing. A Union which is more specialized in its functions, instead of being broad and unaccountable. A Union which is a genuine community of independent and cooperating nations. A Union constructed in a methodical and pragmatic way, rather than through sudden bursts of ideology.
A democratic Union, a liberated Union.
This will take many years to accomplish; those who say that it can be done quickly are lying to you. However, I hope, more than anything else, to be able to lay the first gleaming stone in the construction of this new Union.
