Blue Croatia Ponders: Should Straights Have Rights?
-
Kalju Ilves, the Prime Minister of Istkalen, had been the intended recipient of the invitation. It was unfortunate, then, that he had forgotten about it in a matter of a few hours; between the provocations of Ilmaras Kalessed and the constant threats of the tiresome Reszelport Jezebel-Swift, he had far too much on his mind, more important things to think of, to worry about, to do.
And so it had laid, at a slight angle, at the edge of his desk, peeking out only slightly under a great pile of papers and orders and reports, an unending procession of things that he had to but did not want to do.
Then he had gone, quickly and suddenly, to the wilderness, dragged there by his closest confidant, for a fishing trip. He did not like fishing very much; he had tried it once and found it the most boring thing in the world, constant waiting and sitting for nothing, or at most something so little it was essentially nothing. But he'd known Kondres for years; it would hurt him to say no. And he could not risk Kondres being hurt, either; that would be both their ends, when the end inevitably came. And anyways the man had been imprisoned in some Reitzmic camp until but a few months ago. This was his first personal request to him since he'd been released; who was he to deny it?
So he had gone, and now was lying down with Kondres on the needle-carpet of the forest floor, the two both silent, listening to the quiet movement of the insects, the soft breeze passing through the spreading canopy above them, feeling warm and complete and content, thinking of what could be, some dawn perhaps not so far away. No fish that day, but what did it matter?
His office sat empty and dark, blinds closed, door shut. He had packed all the papers away shortly before he had gone, neatly organizing them into folders, at last hidden in a locked, unassuming filing cabinet in the corner. They would be sitting there for some time, until at last he returned. It would be a while, in all likelihood; weeks, perhaps even a month.
The invitation remained on the desk, a light layer of dust collecting on it. It was there when the cleaner had come. He had gone immediately to the desk, noticing that, at last, something had been left out. The Prime Minister had in the past been terribly fastidious in clearing the room of his presence; but now he had left something behind.
He blew the dust off it it; scanned it. He had always been proud of being literate, it gave him a certain power. His wife had told him that it meant nothing; that in 'these modern times' (she was always speaking of modernity and progress and things that were new) everyone was literate. What nonsense! And now she had kicked him out, with their children, after he had tried to teach her a lesson, for her own good; they had all turned against him for his act of goodwill.
The invitation was truly disgusting to him. All these Istkaleners were immoral heathens; but he had not known that their immorality had descended to such depths. To go to this modern Sodom! How sinful, how salacious!
But all the same he had to pray for them all, just as he had prayed for his deviant wife, the raving lunatics he called his children, and the witches of the Women's Committee in his hometown, who had screamed at him all those months ago words like "abuser" before attempting to put him in prison for some imagined crime, all these people who had driven him from wealth and power to this horrible, dirty city, where he sat on the streets, grimy, as people spat on him, kicked him. Where at last he was driven to crawl to get women's work, for a tenth of a ketsel a day. Who had driven him to this place, surrounded by sinners who looked down on him, patronizing him, giggling at him; this place, where he had to live in a cage with dozens of others, who engaged in the most Godless of activities before his very eyes.
Yes, he had to pray for them, and so he would pray for the sinners here. So that when justice came and righteous men possessed by the Holy Spirit wrung their pencil-necks, made weak by constant sin, as their eyes bugged out, faces turning red, mouths opened trying to scream, they would be saved. For he loved them all, had forgiven them all, no matter how ungrateful or degenerate they were, no matter their constant disrespect for God and the order He had established.
But what to do about the invitation itself?
Pope Tabitha was busy circling the Vatican with a red marker on a map. The body of the Church had rotted away. All the women, except at the very top, had deserted her; they were all now functionaries in a new church of heathens, this so-called 'Federation of Women's Commitees,' where they constantly discussed the so-called 'patriarchy,' this thing which God had ordained and which they rejected for the institutions of man. The seminaries had been abandoned; so many of the young men had suddenly left them, and then gone off to engage in sinful behavior. They had all left for that hotbed of sin, Kirelesile; they had taken to having relations among themselves, sometimes with some other men who had been raised in sin from birth. The actual priesthood was either outside the faith or in prison, with one or two exceptions, but no more than that. Everything had fallen to ruins, and she was in agony. All this the doing of the Communists. They would be squashed, if God willed it.
But the Church had to go on. She had to go on, with her holy task. She stared again at the tiny dot of the Vatican, and put even more pressure on the marker as she circled. She would take it, she had to take it. She had failed once, but she would try again, and again, and again, until at last it was hers, the true Church fully restored and the antipope dead.
A knock on the door.
"Come in, my child," she said cheerily, smiling widely.
The door opened, with a few creaks; behind it was Erkas Tilisek, one of her last devotees as everything came crashing down. Although even Matik Katonet, who she had thought was devoted to her, had left her. He had tried to join the other young men, but had quickly been arrested for a myriad of charges by the secular police. The wages of sin, she thought. But it showed that even Erkas could leave her one day., and that left her terribly anxious.
Tilisek was out of breath, carrying an envelope in a shaky hand. "Your Holiness, we must travel to Blue Croatia. Immediately," she said.
"The Lord has condemned them," Tabitha replied. "Like their predecessors in Sodom and Gomorrah, they will be smited. Fire will come raining down from the sky, and they will be crushed, destroyed, by His might."
"But we must still pray for them. Perhaps some of them can be saved, still." Tilisek's voice was plaintive, her words emotional as she seemed to be struggling to keep back tears.
"Why do you cry, my child?" asked Tabitha. "The Lord has made his decision. He is infinitely just and infinitely kind. This is what is right."
"Your Holiness. I do not speak on my own behalf." Tilisek swallowed, panting. "In the morning, the Holy Spirit came upon me; I was thrown onto the floor. The angels were singing, and a great, beautiful light opened above me. Christ stood on a golden cloud, and He spoke. It was wonderful, wonderful, I cannot put in simple words, it cannot be expressed. But God has had mercy! He has given them another chance, if they are willing to repent. We must go, to save them, it is our...our holy duty. The Lord Himself gave it to us! And look, look, here, a devoted man, a man of the faith, gave this to me, he stumbled upon it in the offices of the secular authorities."
Tabitha could not speak for a second.
"Truly the Lord has spoken," she whispered, in awe, when at last she had recovered from what had been said to her. "We must go," she continued, now firmly. "God has given us this duty, and we must carry it out. We must deliver these people from sin, from death!"
And so they set out, by plane, accompanied by their exorcist, Kinides Peralkal, to deliver the poor Sodomites of Blue Croatia from the sin that had consumed them, from certain death; to give them the gift of the living water, of life that would surely not end, through Christ above.
They were, at last, at the site of the pulsing heart of sin. The three of them, two women and one man, covered themselves with veils so that they would not be tempted by the sin around them; they looked down as they walked towards the morally blackened center. Under their loose clothes, which covered every inch of their bodies in crimson-dyed muslin and polyester (purchased for everyday low prices from the Church's very own acclaimed line of budget supermarkets, Jesusmart), they carried bowls of holy water, with pocket-copies of the Bible, as well as gilded crucifixes, hanging from their necks; they recited, constantly, the words of the Lord, the Bible, that infallible, unchanging holy document. They saw nothing but their feet, and parts of the ground beneath them; no more. They sought to plug their eyes and their eyes to the jeering, sinful men around them; to steel themselves, mentally, for their task. They seemed to be moving, red wraiths, nothing visible except the fabrics draped around them, neither heads nor feet.
"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want," whispered Tabitha, the bowl of holy water steady in her hands as she looked down at her papal red shoes, trying as hard as she could not even to look at the ground, which surely itself was cursed. "He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me by still waters..."
They would begin soon, once God had given them the necessary strength.
"Yes, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me..."
-
@Istkalen As soon as the delegation from Istkalen arrived, the crystal blue skies became cloudy and birds that were happily chirping on the trees changed their melody to a dark, conniving one. President Carter, just as he was done giving a thumbs up to Prince Tommy's "yh" reply on Grindr, could sense a dark force enter his presence... but not in a sexy way. This is the moment he both anticipated and feared.
"The straights have arrived."
Due to Blue Croatia's shallow understanding of foreign countries, he did not know exactly what he was going to be up against, but he could smell the heterosexuality and Christianity off these new arrivals. The scent was so strong it could be sensed from approximately 202 miles away (how close he was to Prince Tommy according to Grindr).
In preparation for what was about to ensue, he turned on Nicki Minaj's Pound The Alarm (Roman Remix, because he can only listen to female artists if they are performing as their male alter ego). He knew every lyric to the altered version, and it perfectly fit what he was planning.
"In this nation, I own a hundred percent
Some call me Daddy, some call me President
We might all be gay, but this ain't like Ibiza
We worship Sean Cody, not Minnelli LizaSexy, sexy, that's all I do
If you need a gay porn star, let me call a few
Whips, cuffs and that high quality smut
Will help me turn these good Christians out"While President Woods was preparing for the boss fight, the mini bosses (the press) made their way to Istkalen's delegation and showered them with questions.
"What childhood trauma triggered you into having this worship kink?"
"Is this black veiled presentation a social commentary on the popularity of blank profiles on Grindr?"
"Are you planning to rip all of this off once you pay President Woods... a special visit?"
"Didn't that straggot bitch Kim Kardashian wear this to the Met Gala? How unoriginal."
"Who is this Jesus person and what is he doing to you to have you this whipped? Damnnnn, tell us everything, don't be greedy!" -
“OMG you guysss, how did y’all know?” This was actually the first time Ross shared the world that he’s transgender.
“For the glory holes… Mama there ain’t nothing glorious about them. BUT I hope they are not only in Carter’s bathroom but in every bathroom in Europe!” Ross was quite the fan of them and shared a deep history with one of his best friends… Prince Tommy! With whom he started his adult “acting” career. After close examination of his Grindr profile a new information was brought to the media’s attention! Ross is a TOP! Does this mean prince Tommy is actually a power bottom!?
“I have claimed, for lifestyle purposes, Malibu Barbie’s convertible and Ken’s skinny jeans. So I'm playing both games hunty.”
-
Tommy checked The App once again and grew impatient with the replies. Why was he checking it ? It was a night with gays right HERE in front of him. He remembered his time with Ross fondly. Where princes in the past found glory in war, he found glory in holes. Those were the days. Though if the tape got out he’d be in for it. He tensed up, paralysed with fear. Where was the tape ? It was done back in the days when it was physical not an iPhone recording à la Hunter Biden. But then he sighed a sigh of relief: he remembered he signed an NDA. No one breaks NDAs.
“So Ross how was your journey here ? Join the now high club yet ?”
The Union of Nicoleizian Socialist Republics
Chairman of the Communist Party: Michul Jirluchuz ☭
EU Councillor: Poppy Carlton-Romanov (EPA)
Korojaunu in Exile: Eilidh Whiteford ☆
Monarch in Exile: Queen Anastasia II ♚ -
James, Yohanna, Amaziah, Dana,Mathias,Jakob,Sara and Uri Mizrachi-Roscoe arrived to the ball James had been asked to show up with his family for the nation as other government departments were busy. To be honest he didn't mind it was one of the nice perks of the job and it would be good for his family especially his son Amaziah to get out in public events given all he had gone through.
They arrived by a budget airline . They knew Croatia was one of the more "different" societies but hoped thay'd accept them as a straight family.They saw Prince Tommy and the Blue Croatian leader and went over to chat , he said "This is my allegedly hot wife Yohanna and our children. Must say you have a beautiful country here , the welcome has been fantastic at he airport".
-
The sinners were chattering, chatterng, their poisonous words everywhere at once. Tabitha could feel the tendrils of darkness and corruption reaching deep into her soul, slowly poisoning her. A terrible, screeching voice, surely the voice of the Devil, spoke in her head, trying to tempt her.
"They're having such fun, look, look. Throw off your veil, look at them! Join them! Leave God, who does nothing but oppress you. Taste freedom, this freedom I offer you!"
She closed her physical eyes as God opened those in her mind. At once she could see the tempter, glistening red, cracked skin, rotting teeth, terrible horns rising from his high forehead. Tortured, wide snake's eyes, flickering constantly.
"Begone, Satan!" she screamed. "In the name of Jesus Christ, Lord and Savior, I command you!"
Satan before her turned to look at her. His terrible eyes widened even more in shock, his mouth opening, a terrible scream rising out of his gaping maw. At last his skin began to melt, then his flesh, dripping, dripping at last into a pile of dark earth.
Now before her was Jesus, who turned to look at her, gently, smiling. A majestic figure, softly glowing. In his presence one felt nothing but warmth and love.
She ran to him, embracing him; he smiled again, holding her. She felt almost like a child in the arms of a loving father, her worries gone away.
And all of a sudden a great flame ran through her, animating her with holy energy, ripping her apart from Christ but not His wonderful presence. And she knew, then, that the Holy Spirit was with her.
Her eyes aflame, she began to scream in strange tongues she had never before known but now, suddenly, fully, truly understood; and, at once, she understood what she must do. She threw the veil off her head as Tilisek, possessed by the Holy Spirit as she was, drew a circle in holy water around them all, and begun, at last, to sing, to the tune of YMCA as she waved her arms crazily in the air, Tilisek and Peralkal providing backing vocals as they softly chanted, sometimes sung, in many tongues, dancing wildly in the holy-water circle, circling constantly around Tabitha.
"My child! You have been led astray!"
"My child! You must now truly pray!"
"My child! For we all must be saved!"
"And there's only one! Way! To! Salvation!"
"My child! Oh, you are now lost!"
"My child! Oh, truly lost!"
"My child! Do you know the true cost!"
"That sin leads to damnation!""So now say it with me.."
"JESUS IS LORD!"
Oh, way with me, "JESUS IS LORD!"
Because He gave himself
For the human race
So now we must rejoice,
and say that "JESUS IS LORD!"
say that "JESUS IS LORD!"
You can be rest assured
That life eternal is sure
You can live righteously!
.... -
While the family were socialising Amaziah noticed the performance by Tabitha. Now he was normally a quieter shyer type and it was't a fight he was expected to be involved in as a straight person which is why it was a total surprise to James and everyone when suddenly he went off and approached Tabitha and then interupted her shouting "Stop , you big meanie. You are a disgrace to Jesus and not showing love. Your the one who will burn in hell if you continue. Appologise now and stop they don't deserve your hate." James turned round to see it , he was concerned but at the same time proud clearly his raising Amaziah to accept different people of all types including different sexualities had paid off.
-
The delegation from Istkalen and President Carter were both GIVING at the same time, slaying the game and feeling their oats with musical numbers that represented their ideals.
Though these two energies were opposite, they were.... equal. The magnetic forced of radical Christianity and flamboyant homosexuality somehow completed one another. They were so appalling to one another it flipped back into them being attractive to one another.
Like a plus and a minus, a sperm and an egg, a talented pop diva and Selena Gomez, these two opposites fed off one another.
In this glorious moment of simultaneous pussy popping and Christ worship, the cloudy skies became clear again and a rainbow appeared over the Blue Croatian sky.
The press was thrilled. They were not only extremely enthusiastic about the change in wearher, but they surprisingly loved the religious nuts' performance. "I never knew the Straights could be so... camp! Yessss, it is giving Jesus Christ Superstar. Praise and worship, babe. Praise and worship." The gays applauded at the campiness of the people that thought they belonged in hell. Even Amaziah's interference was met with enthusiasm.
"Yess, Zaddy Amaziz.. uha? Whatever your name is, yesss Zaddy give us the drama!" The paparazzi were quick to snap photos and capture this moment. "READ HER, DRAG HER, SLAY HER, WHO IS SHE???"
President Carter looked at this from his surveilance camera with rage. "My people don't even know how hard I snapped because my performance was not public, but these dumb bitches are giving the Gays everything they want? I am NOT going to be outslayed by these straggots."
Suddenly, a hologran of President Woods appeared before the red carpet attendees.
"Istkalen's delegation, though your religious propaganda was Christian... your underwear wasn't Andrew Christian. My dear, you are up for banishment."The crowd was gagging, as they knew what this meant. President Woods was referencing Blue Croatia's most famous show, Chad's Deag Race, where drag king would compete in impersonating the superior gender. If they failed to do well in challenges like spittibg as far as they can, they were put up for elimination in lipsyncs for their lives where they would perform songs by artistic legends like Pitbull, Flo Rida and Kane Brown.
"The terms are simple, Istkalenterianananses, if you perform better, you get to enter the event and we will let you host a religious Ted Talk that we will all listen to. If you lose, you drop the religious nonsense and have a gay good time tonight. NO DRAMA. The winner will be determined by crowd reaction."
"Choose your fiercest diva to go up against me in this Lipsync For Your Banishment, and we will perform our rendition of the same song. In order to make it fair, I am choosing a song that appeals to the gays, the straights, the elderly, the children, the taste having, the tastelsss, Blue Croats and Red Cdoats...."
"ABBA's Dancing Queen!"
The crowd clapped and cheered at the song selection. "Yup, that's fair, that's fair!" The security then had everyone gathering in a big circle to observed the spectacle.
Children were always instructed to be in the very first row, so the delegation from the Duchies was instructed by security to send them there to get the best view. "It is important that your kids see this from a close distance, as the two challengers are about to pop the corn and feed the children!"
-
"Oh. OH! Now this is my tea huntyyy" Ross said ecstatically.
"I will do the thing... Two straights stand before me. Boys this is the last chance to impress President Carter & save yourself from ELIMINATION!!! The time has come for you to lip sync... for... your... LIFE! Good luck and don't fuck it up!" -
Just before the lip sync starts RuPaul and Michelle get a tingling feeling...
"Ru... is that what I think it is?" says Michelle quietly
Ru just nods his head and slams the gas and goes zoom in his RuMobile!
During the ride, Ru slams 14 twinks (true gay style) while Michelle just sticks her head out of the car like a dog.
When they arrived both stepped out of the car and rushed to the main stage!
This lip sync needs an actual Blue Croatia's queen that would suit their needs in masculinity! Ru does a cool transformation like in Sailor moon or in Winx club and becomes her (old and raggedy) self.
"Now now... Boys we may start..." says Ru as the lip sync starts to smack the boots down.
-
"Does voyeurism count as spying? If so... guilty! Otherwise, no, I'm not a spy, although I used to do a great agent Clover impersonation in some of my acts.
Am I mentally well? I'm as mentally well as all the other esteemed guests," Madame Marco commented, gesturing to Prince Tommy who was in the background, "which is to say I am of very sound mind."
At that point of time, Madame Marco couldn't keep up with the other questions the press were hurling at her, so she simply blew them [an air kiss] and made her forward onto the scene.
Madame Marco was ecstatic to see RuPaul dancing the house down boots yass gawd {tongue pop}. This was Madame Marco's first time seeing the legendary RuPaul, whom she considered one of her biggest heroes, live in the flesh.
The Inquistan drag queen cheered RuPaul on from the sidelines by snapping and waving her fingers. "Yass queen, you better werk!"
After catching a closer glimpse of RuPaul without any television filter, Madame Marco was taken aback by how busted she actually looked in person.
"Oh... yass... serving... fish realness!" Madame Marco half-heartedly cheered in disbelief. {rattle snake shade sound}
Madame Marco, later that night, speaking to the producers:
-
In anticipatoon of the Lip Sync For Your Banishment, the crowd started placing bets on who they thought was going to be the victor. For Blue Croats, debating who was going to win a fight was comparable to Red Croats debating who was going to win the divorce (they like to pretend the woman isn't always going to).
The reporters first asked the Lip Sync experts for their expert opinions, because yes, doing that for a living was supposedly better than being unemployed.
"The delegation from Istkalen seems to have the edge, as they are doing something unprecedented: they are heterosexual but not boring. If they choose a good fighter, President Carter might struggle to defeat this groundbreaking group!"After gathering the expert opinion of people who somehow get paid for this bullshit, the reporters went to the delegations from other states to weigh in and potentionally place their bets!
-
Peralkal accosting Amaziah Roscoe"Blasphemy!" screamed Kinides Peralkal. "Accuser! The devil lives inside of you! But God is with me!" He laughed maniacally, a deep , far-too-long series of soulless 'ha's,' his eyes wide, his mouth gaping, revealing the endless, terrible, pitch-black hole that was his mouth, as he staggered towards Amaziah. He outstreched, at last, a spectral arm, bony finger pointing.
"Out! Out! Out, Satan! In the name of Jesus! In the name of Jesus, I cast the demon out of this poor child!" Peralkal's voice grew increasingly higher, a grating scream, his face contorting, melting into terrible shapes, expressions, out of fever-dreams, or nightmares.
At last, he blew with all his might, once, twice. "Out, Satan!" More blowing. His stagger was becoming a run; both his arms were now outstretched, hands curved, reaching out for Amaziah's neck.
"Lord, what are we to do?" whispered Tilisek weakly, her voice creaky. Her breathing was short as her eyes darted back and forth; from the mob of the demon-possessed which surrounded her to the slouching advance of Peralkal towards Amaziah. "Oh, Lord...help us! Give us guidance! I entrust all to you!" She looked down at her feet as she trembled, almost sobbing.
"Do not fear, my child," said Tabitha calmly. She turned to Tilisek, hugging her tightly. "The Lord will deliver us from this demonic challenge," she whispered into her ear. "He has never failed us. Have iron faith, my child, do not let Satan weaken it in his abode! We must save these poor sinners. Do not give up!" She shook her lightly, before at last letting go. "Trust the Lord!"
"But what can He do?" squeaked Tilisek. "We are in the grip of great evil, in the bowels of Hell, what can He do?" Her last word was a long wail, a scream, spoken as she looked up to the sky, to the heavens. Now she was truly crying, violently shaking as she prostrated herself before holy God above. "Oh, Lord, deliver us!" she screamed between sobs. "Deliver us! Forgive me, forgive us all, but Lord, take us from this place! I humbly beg you, I humbly implore you, in fear and awe! Cleanse us of what has dirtied us, but take us from this evil place!" She at last collapsed, convulsing, unable to speak.
Tabitha kneeled before Tilisek. "My child," she said soothingly, as she stroked Tilisek's back, "the Lord took us here, remember that. We must do what He told us to do. Would He abandon us on the mission He set for us? No! He will save us, He will find a way. He has all power, remember! What you are doing is giving Satan the final victory! Do not let you faith weaken, do not let the demons around us win! For that is what the greatest evil wants! Let us pray." She took Tilisek's hands into hers, holding them tightly. "Let us pray," she repeated again, firmly now.
Tilisek turned to look at her, eyes red and watering, lightly shining tears tracing their way down her cheeks. She nodded slightly, before closing her eyes.
"Oh, Lord," said Tabitha, "we are lost in a foreign, evil place. We do not have the strength to carry on the mission You set out for us, we are no strong enough. But we will not disobey You, for we know that You love us, for we love You, for we obey You as a child does a parent. Lord, we ask for guidance. We do not know what to do. Please lead us, please help us, to find the way. Lord, we ask also for faith. We find ourselves weakened, we find ourselves doubting. Take away our unbelief, we implore You. Give us faith that is iron-strong, unbreakable faith, Lord, so that we may devote ourselves to You, so that we may no longer fear when we are in service of You. Take away our sadness and our fear, our inhibitions that proceed from Satan. Replace these things with belief, with faith, o Lord, we implore You, Father we both love and fear."
And suddenly she felt the warm hands of God lifting them both up, surrounding them with true, unconditional love, carrying them to heaven itself. She felt, at last, young again, her aches and pains taken away and replaced with vigor and energy. Opening her eyes, she found herself in a beautiful place, an indescribable light of holiness, joy, and love surrounding her. She was no longer dressed in dark veils but pure white silk, warm, caressing her skin, comforting her.
A voice, terrible and loving at once, spoke, from all directions at once. "You have been a good servant, O Tabitha. You have been devoted to me, your faith has been unshakeable. I am always standing by your side. You will be delivered from your fear and your doubt, now and when the new world is created..."
She found herself burning from within, excitement and power bubbling from within her, consuming her. And suddenly she found herself in Sodom again, with Tilisek now standing firm by her.
Tilisek took out her phone to call someone. "Yes. It's me. How quickly can you come to Blue Croatia? Five minutes away? Very good, very good. And with your new release - it'll completely covered by the esteemed President Carter, don't worry, put his name all over it. He wants it to be his creation; he already seems inordinately proud of doing this. He wants to be known for it for eternity, he says. You're surprised? I hope it's good surprise. Of, of course, of course. I converted him. But it'll have to be 'Dancing Queen.' Some things, unfortunately, do not go away... Oh, that was already planned? Very good, very good...Yes, thank you very much, my pleasure. Goodbye!" She hung up, before turning to Tabitha, smiling and nodding, whispering words of great portent.
Tabitha spoke. Her words not from herself, she thought, but all the same she said them with total faith and total conviction. "We reject your challenge, Satan! We will not be tempted in this transparent way! God stands next to us, with sword in hand; He protects us, defends us! You will not be able to lay a finger on us! The providence of the Lord has made it so that the troupe of singers known as 'KidzBop' is but five minutes away. They are, as I understand it, a holy terror on the culture of all your secular countries. If you persist in trying to tempt us, they will descend on this veritable Sodom, they will come here, and they will..defile this favorite song of yours, this 'Dancing Queen.' And it will forever be known that it was a direct result of, and a result endorsed by, your secular-demonic state. And so, for millions, tens of millions of children, only this version, just as sinful but much lower in quality, will be known. When they grow older, they will teach it, show it, to their children, and those children to theirs. The original - sinful but very good, I must admit - forgive me, Lord! - will be, slowly but inexorably, lost. Each generation will find it replaced with this new version, until at last only the new exists, the old having perished, disappeared in the mists of time. And it will be on your head. Think of it, the little children coming to you to congratulate you for having endorsed what would be a travest in your minds so addled by sin! Think of this happening day in and day out, letters being sent to you, the children coming up to you during rallies and whatever other sick political practices you have! Think of this being your only lasting legacy!"
Now Tilisek spoke, animated by the same force. "There is thus a choice before you. Either salvation through belief in Jesus Christ as the Savior and the Son of God - or the defiling of your legacy and your name for centuries upon centuries! Choose, choose wisely!"
-
Amaziah had been through far worse than this if this man thought he could intimidate him he had another thing coming. Didn't he know this was the child who had survived a terror attack and direct murder attempt within a year. He continued to stand up to Kinides Peralkal shouting to him "I won't cower, you are the demons and disgraces. The devil is in you and your hateful words. Now begone from here and piss off and leave these people alone. You are not Christian , you show no love. " James looked on concerned but still didn't want to intervene but shouted to Amaziah "You've said what you need to now come here. " He didn't want to make it feel a punishment he was proud but he wanted to make sure his son was safe.
-
President Carter was never faced with a threat like this before. Even when his nation faced war, he knew that there was some honor to be had in losing your life to a worthy opponent. But to lose one of the greatest ABBA hits to KidzBop? This would be a disgusting, vile thing to witness. In order to relieve himself form the pressure of his situation, he turned on SOS by the magical group and found the lyrics more relatable than ever.
"WHEN YOU'RE NEAR ME DARLING, CAN'T YOU HEAR ME SOS?
THE LOVE YOU GAVE ME, NOTHING ELSE CAN SAVE ME, SOS!"But as he was mourning the potential loss of Dancing Queen, crying but in a manly way over this frightening prospect, he came to a beautiful realization. "I know exactly what to do. Security, don't hesitate. Don't fear the KidzPop hell reigning upon us."
Suddenly, the impressive security guards ran out in fashion that would make Pamela Anderson from Baywatch worry for her career, their hot chiseled bodies dominating the delegation from Istkalen and escorting them to an isolated room in President Woods' home, cuffed them to chairs and made sure that they won't be up to any funny business. "In this country, we'd send your straggot asses to conversion therapy and turn you into literal cocksuckers, proud Blue Croatian men. But sadly, you only suck mmetaphorical cock. Losers. Luckily for you, we don't have enough time to convert you to the correct sexuality, but we have enough time for.... THIS!"
The security guard picked up his phone and furiously hit numbers for 50 seconds. "I am President Carter Wood's Security, and I have something to say. I have a challenge for you... slap some sense into these straggots challenge. Can you be here to filapplication in a momentarily? You can? Oh, fantastic!"
He then looked over at the delegation. "Someone is about to talk some damn sense into you."While the security was taking care of the zealots, President Woods appeared in front of his people, who were worried about losing their beloved hit.
"HOW COULD YOU RISK LOSING DANCING QUEEN??? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, PRESIDENT??? EXPLAIN YOURSELF!!!"
The President laughed in a self assured manner, as if he was not the slightest bit worried. "Don't worry, I know what I've done." He then cleared his throat before explaining his reasoning. "First: This is an empthy threat. These people are religious and they know damn well that KidzBop covering Dancing Queen would summon Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, and they're not called that because they're horse hung, believe me. Second of all, if we DO somehow lose Dancing Queen, this will help us identify with the most heavy-handed ABBA songs. We will be able to identify with the beauty of SOS, Fernando and Waterloo more than ever. And thirdly, even if they force the KidzBop version on us, I'll make sure that MY rendition is even more successful!"
President Carter then ascended above the people with a wire that brought him to the rootftop of his home. From there, everyone attending the event could see him just by looking up. "Let the show begin." Suddenly, the instrumentation to Dancing Queen began, backup dancers popped out of nowhere and stood beside him on the roof and the crowd instantly went wild.
"17 year old Britney Spears, this one goes out to you!
You can seduce!
You're everyone's muse!
Having the time of your life!
Oh, watch those creeps
Chasing after teens
Digging the Jail Bait Queeeeeeen!It's 1999 and political correctness is low
While you're coming out with your show
You're serving vocals, you're serving choreo
But everyone is focused on your derriere
And when you get the chance...You are the Jail Bait Queen!
Young and sexy, only 17!
Jail Bait Queen, cover that Rolling Stone magazine, oh yeah!
You can seduce!
You're everyone's muse!
Oh, watch those creeps
Chasing after teens
Digging the Jail Bait Queeeeeeen!"The crowd got even wilder as they saw President Woods slay the fuck out of this musical number. "And with this, my dear guests, everyone from the foreign delegations is permitted to enter! Come on in!" As the delegates entered Carter's home, they would see a ball room connected to a dining hall filled with upper class Blue Croatians with whom they would have fun with tonight. The President himself however, went on to the secluded room with the Istkalen zealots to give them a lesson before changing his costume and joining the other people in his ball room. But as he saw them, he just sighed and turned around instantly, knowing that they'll be taken care of by the mystery guest that was about to arrive and lecutre them.
He walked toward the door, looked back, and said: "For the record, I'm Carter Woods, President of Blue Croatia and the best gay porn star in the world. Coalition of the Rightwing Straight Religious Nuts, with your permission, you need to put your situation to rest. Once again, the world have proven: Anything the straights can do, gays can do better." He shut the door and walked towards the ball room to talk with the high society people.
-
Amaziah ran back to his father who after the guards freed him from the Istkaleners. He was frightened a bit but he had to do what he did in his mind but he knew it worried his father. He hugged James and Yohanna and Said "Sorry I worried you but I couldn't let them do that." James replied reassuringly "Its fine , you did good there son. I know I can't stop you, I think you may have many new fans!" They noticed the crowd had noticed the commotion and seen what his son did . Amaziah went to join Jakob and Dana who by this point were mingling , they were known in circles to Gay and Bi-sexual. They were proud of what he did.
-
Prince Tommy entered the great Ball Room. Coincidentally, that’s what he called his living room. It was a sight to behold ! What magnificence. This is what happenned when you got gays to design your buildings, and not straight guys with no respect for the male form. Tommy then decided he would try to find the guy on The App.
‘Wya’ he asked. He could see this mystery man was close, he wondered which of these Blue Croat hunks was his mystery admirer ?
‘What are you doing ? Why are you on your phone ?' Carlos asked, somewhat hurt. Before they had left Ibiza Tommy said he wouldn’t go off without him on this trip.
‘Don’t worry, querido. I won’t leave you.’
‘Hmm.’ Carlos said.
A pause.
Carlos saw the buffet tray and was enticed by a chocolate finger. Mmmm a chocolate finger... It reminded him of a vacation in pre-volcano Nofoaga.
As he saw Carlos wander off he said: ‘honey I’m going to the bathroom.’
‘Okay.’ Carlos said, fixated on the food at this point.
Once arrived in the bathroom he went in a stall and opened up The App. He refreshed a bunch of times and saw the mystery man was very close. -
@Icholasen
"Pissing all by yourself, handsome?" President Carter said as he walked up to the urinal next to Prince Tommy. "I've been waiting for my chance to fuck up the Nicoletzian fuck-up." He winked before leaning over the urinal to compare their bladder instruments. "Let's compare sizes?" He said before going over and crossing their swords. "Wow, your's is as big as Serbia! But mine is asbig as Serbia with Kosovo. Let's commit genocide together, babe." He initiated a passionate kiss. -
Prince Tommy didn't know what a Kosovo was. He assumed it meant some kind of STD. "Ummm... what ?" Tommy said. He was into it until the ethnic-Albanian STD was mentioned. "You're cute, but... I stay #safe."
-
"Oh, I'll keep you #safe. I'm going to make sure that you're protected, well-respected, healthy. wealthy. rich and that bitch." He grabbed him and kept on passionately kissing him, his charisma being so overwhelming that one would willingly get an STI just to spend one night with him, one would risk his liiii-i-i-i-ifeeee to fee-e-e-e-l President Carter's body next to his. "Come on, Prince. Join the King in his bedroom."
