Commission Debate, June 2023

Istkalen

I already said what I am going to do. I am going to work with the IAC to loosen the enforcement of laws. We will not go after member-states for tiny infractions, or for making adjustments to their own cultural situations. I am also not going to go and do random constitutional reforms and whatnot and waste people's time and money, I am going to let the Council lead on this so that it is the member-states who are in charge. And I am going to work with the Council on the good things I am going to do, which I have already talked about, so that people's interests are taken into account.

I think this is good. Maybe it is not concrete, but vague ideas that are good are better than concrete ideas that are bad, bad ideas such as yours to turn the EU into a bank to give people's money to various bureaucracies they will have to pay even more for, just for it to be embezzled or wasted on graft-ridden projects.

BrumBrum

Ricarda Schmitz: I seem to remember another candidate who had similar ideas to yours called Sara Porter. Nations weren't so keen on national sovereignty when she suggested the idea! Are you the new Sara Porter of Europe the man with no ideas .

Istkalen

I have talked about my plans many times here. I am going to make more funds for border protection and climate, and make it clear to the member-states that the laws will not be enforced strictly - that the IAC, who is supposed to enforce the laws, will not sue them or anything for little ridiculous things. I have listed them and more on my website, and I have also given a speech about them on Zoom. I think you are a bad person, for saying false things like this again and again.

Inquista

No, I don't plan to do regional updates like Commissioner Reynels did. Foreign regions aren't interested in reading them. Instead, I'll communicate relevant updates as they arise to the proper foreign channels and officials.

Elthize

Thank you, Belinda. Now, I don't want to repeat myself too much here, but as I've said before, collaboration has been one of the main pillars of my campaign, and I believe I have made outstanding achievements in that regard. Of course, due to geography and differing cultures, there will always be some distance between Europolis and the member states. However, I have always made a concerted effort to contact all member states, which is why I initiated the Fourth European Union Leaders Summit in May this year, that is one example. I will never shy away from giving all member states a platform to express their concerns or opinions.

Spain

Thank you, candidates. You may now make your closing statements. This is your final chance to explain to the European people why you deserve to be elected to the European Commission.

BrumBrum

Ricarda Schmitz: Thank you , tonight you have heard our visions or lack of visions in some cases and our policies or lack of them in some cases. I will make a simple promise to you if elected, I will respond to all messages within 1 week, I will serve you, I will make sure my vote at least is in on the deadline in all EDA votes. I will in short actually do the job you elect me to do. I know this doesn't seem much , its not revolutionary but apparently doing your job is now something special.

I will also seek reform to ensure that it is easy to recall inactive councillours by working out a time thats reasonable to respond in and if that time is exceeded the councillour gets warnings with obvious exceptions over key holidays or when the council and commission is on holidays, if they get three strikes they would be removed. This is something all my opponents oppose because they support a lazy do nothing commissions being allowed to exist.

Finally I will seek to reform the EU's organisation , not to waste money as is done now in having 47.1 billion euros most of which is not spent in the EDA funds by month 6 but by making applications easier for smaller projects , seeking to have actual local experts making decisions not some super centralised bureaucracy ensuring any project from any country under a certain amount probably 500 million Euros to 2 billion Euros with inflation adjustments each year before a comission vote is triggered because we need to get funds moving. I will ensure this is balanced out with audits and requirements to pay back money if states are found to have misused funds and face reforming of government policy or being blacklisted or prevented from accessing any EU funds. My policies are common sense reforms put the experts in charge , the people who know local and nation contexts within the bounds of directions and guidelines from the EU. What you will get with me is a hard working , effective and communicating commission. Contrast this with a candidate who just promises to do what brings the most happiness or whatever that means or a comissioner who has been part of the problematic commissions who have been part of the inactive commissions of the last few years who have made the EU the joke it is today falling so short of its grand potential to protect Europeans and aid in sustainable development. That is your choice an active , listening EU delivering for you or an EU with no clear policy other than "delivering the most happiness" or the same old , same old of the politicians who have already proven to be less active than is desirable. So what you do you want an EU that delivers or an EU that fails , if you like me want an EU that delivers vote for me, the only one to have actually shown concrete plans rather than vague platitudes or some unknown policy you only get if you vote them but they don't have the balls to tell you what that policy is! Vote for the only candidate with a clear plan!

Istkalen

I have promised to return happiness to you all, and that is what I am going to do. I will secure your borders to prevent bad people from coming into your country, and fund climate transition in order to improve your quality of life while protecting your employment. I won't waste your money on reforms that will be rejected by the Council; I will use my and the IAC's mandates to do what reform I will do, for example to make sure that the enforcement of European law does not encroach on your culture. I am going to stand for prudence and against corruption when the EU distributes your money, so that it benefits you and not bad people.

Here are your other choices. A woman who constantly lies to people, even though they know that she is lying, who has run for this position only so that she can give your money to her cronies under the guise of white elephant projects such as the 4 billion euro cycle path to nowhere. And another woman who moralizes constantly about various things and whose previous terms have been all and only about such moralization.

So there is Ms. Ricarda "Corrupt Liar" Schmitz, and Ms. Sofie "holier-than-thou" Čikarová. And then there's me. Mr. Akem "Happy" Linek - the only one who will make you all happy. I am going to sing a song about it now.

European citizens, spread yourselves through the nations
Shout out the message, the message of joy
Of the candidacy of Linek, Mr. Happiness

(2x)

Let's be sincere, let's be frank
We hate hypocrisy; we hate chicanery
We thus oppose Schmitz and Čikarová, the very embodiments of these sins
We'll vote for Mr. Happy

(2x)

[Linek hums a section which is meant to be instrumental as loudly as is possible, before repeating the first section again (without repeats), after which he against hums the instrumental portion]

Our chosen candidate, Akem Linek
Our chosen candidate, Akem Linek, Lord Happy - here by providence
Embezzlers, liars, you ought to watch out
Akem Linek will defeat you soundly

He'll chase you all out into the bin of refuse
He'll clear out the swamp of graft and corruption
Akem, he'll do it all

Vote Akem Linek for Premier Commissioner! Thank you! Farewell!

Inquista

Tonight, I ask you to lend me your support. In a world where decisions are often made by elites disconnected from the struggles of everyday people, I offer a fresh perspective for our Union's foreign affairs. I have faced the darkness of mines and have emerged strong, determined, ready to serve our collective Union. Together, we can shape a foreign policy that reflects the hopes and dreams of every European. Let's strive to make a difference for all Europeans tomorrow, together.

Thank you.