Eurovoice 38 // Neomantua, Angleter

[Angleter]

OK, let's kick off the home stretch with a quick trip to New Birmingham, where we've got William Shatner in Sirion TV headquarters, ready to give us the votes from the hosts. Isn't that right, Bill?

You're totally right, Nick! Great show out there in Neomantua; you've done Angleter proud tonight!

Thanks very much, Bill.

Now... the results... of the Angleteric... televote... are like so:

Reitzmag - 7
Inquista - 6
Nofoaga - 5
Marnoua - 4
Conch Kingdom - 3
Red Croatia - 2
Czech Slavia - 1

Thanks, Bill. And the big points?

8... points... go... to... ICHOLASEN!

10 points... for... MALBORYA!

And the 12... points... from Angleter... are going... to... MENNRIMIAK!

12 points for Mennrimiak! Thanks Bill!

[Angleter]

We're now heading a little further afield - just a bit - to Eastern Haane, and Tristan. Hello, Tristan!

Hello, Nick!

Let's have the results of the Eastern Haane televote, please.

Absolutely, Nick. Our points are as follows:

Red Croatia - 7
Nofoaga - 6
Czech Slavia - 5
Inquista - 4
Conch Kingdom - 3
Reitzmag - 2
Spain - 1

Brilliant. And the 8, 10, and 12, please.

Our 8 points go to MALBORYA!

10 points... it's ICHOLASEN!

And it's 12 points for FREMET!

Thank you, Tristan, have a good evening!

[Angleter]

Moving very swiftly on, we're dialling up one of the Icholasens - not entirely sure which one, but it's the one with the incomparable Stephanie DeVey. Good evening, Stephanie!

Good evening, Nick!

May I have the Nicoleizian votes, please?

You can! Our points are:

Fremet - 7
Spain - 6
Malborya - 5
Inquista - 4
Eastern Haane - 3
Mennrimiak - 2
Marnoua - 1

Thank you.

And the points you've all been waiting for. 8 points... CZECH SLAVIA!

10 points... NOFOAGA!

And 12 points... RED CROATIA! Thank you and goodnight!

Thank you very much Stephanie! So, as soon as they'd lost it, Spain retake the lead. But bear in mind they still have yet to vote, so it's still very much all to play for.

[Angleter]

Fresh off that 12, it's time to go to Red Croatia, and Queen Latifah!

Hello, Nick!

Now, who do the people of Red Croatia want to be Queen, or King, of EuroVoice 38?

Well, the Rechroatian votes are as follows:

Mennrimiak - 7
Spain - 6
Inquista - 5
Czech Slavia - 4
Marnoua - 3
Angleter - 2
Eastern Haane - 1

Great, thanks. And the big points, please.

Red Croatia's 8 points are going to Fremet.

Our 10 points are going to Nofoaga.

And it's 12 points from Red Croatia to... ICHOLASEN!

Thank you, Your Majesty! 12 points for Icholasen, putting them back into the lead.

[Angleter]

Now, it's time to make a long-distance call... except we're not, because he was performing tonight, so he's here. But in the green room, it's time to make EuroVoice history as we get the first votes from outside Europe, with Bono and the results from Conch Kingdom! Bono?

Hello, Nick!

How's, er, how's the Edge?

The Edge is fine.

How's Adam Clayton?

Adam Clayton is fine.

How's, er, the drummer?

The drummer is fine.

When did you last see the gang before tonight?

I met them last Thursday, at a pop concert.

Who were playing?

We were.

Right. Didn't see that advertised, you should sack your PR people!

We have.

Good. Now, can we have the Conch Kingdom votes, please?

Yes.

Reitzmag - 7
Marnoua - 6
Red Croatia - 5
Fremet - 4
Angleter - 3
Nofoaga - 2
Mennrimiak - 1

Great. And the big points?

Our 8 points go to Czech Slavia.

10 points go to Spain.

And the first ever 12 points from Conch Kingdom go to... ICHOLASEN!

Thank you, Bono! I hope you enjoy the rest of your time in Neomantua.

[Angleter]

Now, we're going to Mads Mikkelsen, in Vayinaod. Now Mads, I don't think this is going to be a win for Vayinaod this time...

[Mads remains expressionless]

...but maybe you could teach me, and the rest of Europe, something. What is the correct way to pronounce Vayinaod?

[Mads pronounces Vayinaod correctly]

Thank you, Mads. Now, let's have your points, please.

Yes; our points are as follows:

Inquista - 7
Leagio - 6
Malborya - 5
Icholasen - 4
Conch Kingdom - 3
Reitzmag - 2
Angleter - 1

Thank you. And the 8, 10, and 12, please.

The 8 points from Vayinaod go to Czech Slavia.

Our 10 points go to Fremet.

And our 12 points go to... Nofoaga.

12 points for Nofoaga! Thank you, Mads, and thank you [a smug smile spreads across Nick's face as he prepares to get the pronunciation right] Vayinaod!

[Angleter]

Now things are really heating up. For our second last set of votes, we're going to Antequera in Spain, with Rosario Flores on the other end of the line. Hello, Rosario!

Buenas tardes, Nick!

Now, Rosario, as you'll know, Spain cannot score points from itself, and with just one set of votes left after you, Icholasen needs just four points from Spain to win EV 38. Can we have the results of the Spanish televote, please?

Certainly, Nick. The results of the Spanish televote are as follows:

Conch Kingdom - 7
Czech Slavia - 6
Malborya - 5
Eastern Haane - 4
Mennrimiak - 3
Red Croatia - 2
Nofoaga - 1

Thank you. And your 8, 10, and 12 points, please.

Our 8 points go to Inquista.

Our 10 points, from Spain, go to... ICHOLASEN!

[Loud cheering can be heard from the audience]

AND OUR 12 POINTS GO TO FREMET!

Thank you, Rosario, and commiserations!

[Angleter]

But! For the sake of completeness, we're now going to Simon Cowell and our final votes of the evening, from Reitzmag. Hello, Simon!

Hello, Nick!

How are you?

I'm absolutely fine, Nick.

Are you sure you're alright?

Positive.

OK. Can we have the Reitzmic televote results, please?

Sure.

Marnoua - 7
Inquista - 6
Nofoaga - 5
Angleter - 4
Fremet - 3
Spain - 2
Conch Kingdom - 1

Thank you. And the final points of EuroVoice 38, please.

Reitzmag's 8 points go to Malborya.

Our 10 points go to Mennrimiak.

And our 12 points go to... LEAGIO!

[Nick lets out a deep sigh as Leagio overtakes Angleter on the leaderboard]

Thanks, Simon. And that concludes EuroVoice 38, and it gives me great pleasure to say that our winners tonight are SHAM ROCK with TELL ME MA for the great nation of ICHOLASEN!

And here are the complete results of EuroVoice 38 in Neomantua:

[Angleter]

Now, before we invite the winner up on stage, I'd like to invite on stage the man who makes all of this possible, an Angleteric EV hero, the one and only PETER MONTFORT!

Thank you, Nick. Tonight has been yet another wonderful display of the rich musical diversity of Europe, and, for the first time, beyond Europe. Angleter and Neomantua not only put on a great show tonight, we made history. I'd like to offer my particular thanks to Conch Kingdom for taking part in EuroVoice, and making this a truly global contest.

EuroVoice has been such a wonderful family to me, and such a big part of my life since I became Chief Executive of EuroVoice way back in 2015. The first time I stood on a EuroVoice stage was when I announced the results of EV 26 in Inquista - can you believe that?

But nothing stays the same. We all have to move with the times, and that includes EuroVoice, and you know, it includes me too. EuroVoice needs fresh ideas and fresh passion. So I'm announcing tonight that, sadly, EV 38 will be my final EuroVoice as Chief Executive, and I'll shortly be asking the EUBC to organise an election among the member broadcasters so my replacement can be in place before EV 39 in Icholasen this autumn.

[Groans and sad noises emanate from the audience. The cameras pan across and zoom in on a woman in floods of tears]

It gives me great pleasure to round out my EuroVoice journey with such a great and historic contest, and to do so right here in my home co---

[Vayinaod]

Even though the crowd was cheering for the EuroVoice results, some people in the front row felt slightly unedged due to a certain man.

For a man who claims Eurovoice to be the voice of the homosexual cultist agenda that seeks to control Europe, a subsection of Europe Lead and Dominated by Reitzmag, this man had purphased front row seats (an entire subsection that spelt out ELDR in its true name in fact.)

Finally as Peter Montfort finalised his final words to Europe, this man finally had a chance to get his message out to the world. He stormed the stage, took the microphone from Montfort’s hands and proclaimed.

“F*** GEORGINA COLDWELL AND HER WH*** LIFE.

YOU ALL CELEBRATE THIS DECADENT PARTY OF HOMOSEXUAL IDEOLOGIES THAT ONLY SEEKS TO UNDERMINE THE VERY CORE OF EUROPE.

INQUISTA HAS BECOME SUCH A SL** FILLED CESSPOOL OF PUS FILLED CU**S THAT IT NO LONGER CAN EXCUSE ITSELF. THAT'S WHY THEY FELL FLATTER THIS CONTEST THAN CRATICUS DID WHEN HE WAS BRUTALLY MURDERED. KARMA RIGHT?!?!?

ICHOLASEN IS A COMMUNSIT HELLHOLE FROM WHICH WE SHOULD ALL JUST CUT OFF ITS F**ING CCK AND [CENSORED FOR SET PERIOD TIME] AND AFTER WE DO THAT STUFF IT RIGHT INTO [CENSORED FOR SET PERIOD TIME] THAT EXCUSES ITSELF AS INQUISTA.

HEY YOU F**KING CAMERA POINT YOUR CAMERA AT THAT B**** DOWN THERE!

For some odd reason the Camera man actually does pan over to a random young woman who bares no real resemblance to Georgina Coldwell

LOOK YOU FS ITS GEORGINA COLDWELL ALIVE AND WELL. THANKS FOR STEALING MY LIFE FROM ME YOU C!.

NOW LET'S ALSO RECOGNIZE THAT THE GOD FEARING COUNTRY OF NOFOAGA AND MALBORYA HAD THEIR WIN STOLEN FROM DID. SPAIN TOO I GUESS BUT EH THE ENTRY KINDA SUCKED LETS ALL AGREE.

BEFORE I LEAVE HERE TONIGHT WITH MY GOOD FRIEND, PETER MONTFORT, LET ME JUST SAY ONE FINAL THING. WINSTON ORGANIZED THIS CONTEST TO SLOWLY ALLOW COMMUNIST SPONSORED MUSIC AND CULTURE TO SEEP INTO EUROPE. DO NOT FALL FOR IT! DONT LET REITZMAG’S PLACEMENT FOOL YOU, IN EV40 THEY WILL WIN AND START THEIR DOMINATION OF POWER AS WINSTON CONTROLS THE EU POLITICALLY VIA THE COMMISSION AND F***BOY FIROUX’S COUNCIL, AND CONTROLS IT CULTURALLY VIA THE ONLY REAL SOURCE OF ENTERTAINMENT IN THIS GODFORSAKEN CONTINENT.

MY NAME IS JOHN OLIVER AND F*** GEORGINA COLDWELL.”

Eurovoice security finally managed to get on stage and escort Oliver away, presumably to face some judicial reprimand.

[Inquista]

Inqusitan expats and tourists in the audience cheer when Montfort announces his resignation. The cheers turn into a loud echo of boos as John Oliver interrupts Montfort in order to espouse conspiratorial beliefs about a deceased girl.

[Angleter]

[Montfort, who had been whisked away from the deranged man when he stormed the stage, was returned to centre stage, looking slightly shell-shocked. The microphone was placed back in his hands. The audience applauded and cheered louder and louder, prompting Montfort to smile]

"And without further ado, I'm pleased to introduce my successor--- no, I'm joking! I would, of course, like to apologise for the language there, although if you sat through the Vayinaodic entry, it's basically a spoken word version of that."

"I hope that man gets the help he needs. We all make mistakes in our lives and in our work. Letting Mr Oliver host EuroVoice was one of mine, and one I regret to this day. But I hope Mr Oliver can one day come to terms with what he did to Georgina Coldwell, to the Inquistan people, and to the whole EuroVoice community."

"The best that we can do---"

[Montfort is momentarily distracted by the sight and sound of John Oliver being beaten up by EuroVoice security]

"The best we can do is refuse to let those who hate the music get in the way of the music. So let's get ready for a new era of EuroVoice, starting in Icholasen with EV 39, and let's celebrate Sham Rock and their big victory tonight! Sham Rock, come on down!"

[Sham Rock join Montfort and Nick Knowles on stage to collect the EuroVoice trophy]

[Icholasen]

Sham Rock all came onto the stage - including the man who played the piano. Anne Barrett, the lead singer, took to the stage, draped in a UNSR flag.

"It is really an honour to win Eurovoice. You know, I think everyone here in the audience is the belle (or beau!) of Neomantua city! I'm glad I could bring a little bit of folk to Eurovoice. Who doesn't love folk? It seems in the audience there's a disturbance, he is not handsome, he is not pretty and he definitely is not the belle of Neomantua city... Sad! But onto the main speech. I'd like to thank Angleter for this amazing show. The graphics were stunning, and really improved on those at Eurovoice 35 in Icholasen! It's also great to have so many nations here, and that's really a credit to the draw of Angleter as a European cultural powerhouse. New Birmingham and all cities across Angleter produce great artists. Such as,' she checks her notes, 'Drake Bell! I'd also like to extend my thanks to Peter Montford. What a man.' She purred and winked at the Big Cheese. 'What. A. Man. Without him,' the Inquistans in the audience roared with applause, 'what would Eurovoice be?' Anne Barrett continued despite the applause. 'Montford, otherwise known as 'Beefcake Supreme' and 'The Lion of the EUBC', has done so much good work for Eurovoice. It'll be great to see who his successor is, and how they will build on his great work. And so finally, I'd just like to say thank you!! I love my country. Next time in Cesae Vauvra!" There was a mixed reaction from the crowd.