Blue Croatia Ponders: Should Straights Have Rights?
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@Istkalen As soon as the delegation from Istkalen arrived, the crystal blue skies became cloudy and birds that were happily chirping on the trees changed their melody to a dark, conniving one. President Carter, just as he was done giving a thumbs up to Prince Tommy's "yh" reply on Grindr, could sense a dark force enter his presence... but not in a sexy way. This is the moment he both anticipated and feared.
"The straights have arrived."
Due to Blue Croatia's shallow understanding of foreign countries, he did not know exactly what he was going to be up against, but he could smell the heterosexuality and Christianity off these new arrivals. The scent was so strong it could be sensed from approximately 202 miles away (how close he was to Prince Tommy according to Grindr).
In preparation for what was about to ensue, he turned on Nicki Minaj's Pound The Alarm (Roman Remix, because he can only listen to female artists if they are performing as their male alter ego). He knew every lyric to the altered version, and it perfectly fit what he was planning.
"In this nation, I own a hundred percent
Some call me Daddy, some call me President
We might all be gay, but this ain't like Ibiza
We worship Sean Cody, not Minnelli LizaSexy, sexy, that's all I do
If you need a gay porn star, let me call a few
Whips, cuffs and that high quality smut
Will help me turn these good Christians out"While President Woods was preparing for the boss fight, the mini bosses (the press) made their way to Istkalen's delegation and showered them with questions.
"What childhood trauma triggered you into having this worship kink?"
"Is this black veiled presentation a social commentary on the popularity of blank profiles on Grindr?"
"Are you planning to rip all of this off once you pay President Woods... a special visit?"
"Didn't that straggot bitch Kim Kardashian wear this to the Met Gala? How unoriginal."
"Who is this Jesus person and what is he doing to you to have you this whipped? Damnnnn, tell us everything, don't be greedy!" -
“OMG you guysss, how did y’all know?” This was actually the first time Ross shared the world that he’s transgender.
“For the glory holes… Mama there ain’t nothing glorious about them. BUT I hope they are not only in Carter’s bathroom but in every bathroom in Europe!” Ross was quite the fan of them and shared a deep history with one of his best friends… Prince Tommy! With whom he started his adult “acting” career. After close examination of his Grindr profile a new information was brought to the media’s attention! Ross is a TOP! Does this mean prince Tommy is actually a power bottom!?
“I have claimed, for lifestyle purposes, Malibu Barbie’s convertible and Ken’s skinny jeans. So I'm playing both games hunty.”
-
Tommy checked The App once again and grew impatient with the replies. Why was he checking it ? It was a night with gays right HERE in front of him. He remembered his time with Ross fondly. Where princes in the past found glory in war, he found glory in holes. Those were the days. Though if the tape got out he’d be in for it. He tensed up, paralysed with fear. Where was the tape ? It was done back in the days when it was physical not an iPhone recording à la Hunter Biden. But then he sighed a sigh of relief: he remembered he signed an NDA. No one breaks NDAs.
“So Ross how was your journey here ? Join the now high club yet ?”
The Union of Nicoleizian Socialist Republics
Chairman of the Communist Party: Michul Jirluchuz ☭
EU Councillor: Poppy Carlton-Romanov (EPA)
Korojaunu in Exile: Eilidh Whiteford ☆
Monarch in Exile: Queen Anastasia II ♚ -
James, Yohanna, Amaziah, Dana,Mathias,Jakob,Sara and Uri Mizrachi-Roscoe arrived to the ball James had been asked to show up with his family for the nation as other government departments were busy. To be honest he didn't mind it was one of the nice perks of the job and it would be good for his family especially his son Amaziah to get out in public events given all he had gone through.
They arrived by a budget airline . They knew Croatia was one of the more "different" societies but hoped thay'd accept them as a straight family.They saw Prince Tommy and the Blue Croatian leader and went over to chat , he said "This is my allegedly hot wife Yohanna and our children. Must say you have a beautiful country here , the welcome has been fantastic at he airport".
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The sinners were chattering, chatterng, their poisonous words everywhere at once. Tabitha could feel the tendrils of darkness and corruption reaching deep into her soul, slowly poisoning her. A terrible, screeching voice, surely the voice of the Devil, spoke in her head, trying to tempt her.
"They're having such fun, look, look. Throw off your veil, look at them! Join them! Leave God, who does nothing but oppress you. Taste freedom, this freedom I offer you!"
She closed her physical eyes as God opened those in her mind. At once she could see the tempter, glistening red, cracked skin, rotting teeth, terrible horns rising from his high forehead. Tortured, wide snake's eyes, flickering constantly.
"Begone, Satan!" she screamed. "In the name of Jesus Christ, Lord and Savior, I command you!"
Satan before her turned to look at her. His terrible eyes widened even more in shock, his mouth opening, a terrible scream rising out of his gaping maw. At last his skin began to melt, then his flesh, dripping, dripping at last into a pile of dark earth.
Now before her was Jesus, who turned to look at her, gently, smiling. A majestic figure, softly glowing. In his presence one felt nothing but warmth and love.
She ran to him, embracing him; he smiled again, holding her. She felt almost like a child in the arms of a loving father, her worries gone away.
And all of a sudden a great flame ran through her, animating her with holy energy, ripping her apart from Christ but not His wonderful presence. And she knew, then, that the Holy Spirit was with her.
Her eyes aflame, she began to scream in strange tongues she had never before known but now, suddenly, fully, truly understood; and, at once, she understood what she must do. She threw the veil off her head as Tilisek, possessed by the Holy Spirit as she was, drew a circle in holy water around them all, and begun, at last, to sing, to the tune of YMCA as she waved her arms crazily in the air, Tilisek and Peralkal providing backing vocals as they softly chanted, sometimes sung, in many tongues, dancing wildly in the holy-water circle, circling constantly around Tabitha.
"My child! You have been led astray!"
"My child! You must now truly pray!"
"My child! For we all must be saved!"
"And there's only one! Way! To! Salvation!"
"My child! Oh, you are now lost!"
"My child! Oh, truly lost!"
"My child! Do you know the true cost!"
"That sin leads to damnation!""So now say it with me.."
"JESUS IS LORD!"
Oh, way with me, "JESUS IS LORD!"
Because He gave himself
For the human race
So now we must rejoice,
and say that "JESUS IS LORD!"
say that "JESUS IS LORD!"
You can be rest assured
That life eternal is sure
You can live righteously!
.... -
While the family were socialising Amaziah noticed the performance by Tabitha. Now he was normally a quieter shyer type and it was't a fight he was expected to be involved in as a straight person which is why it was a total surprise to James and everyone when suddenly he went off and approached Tabitha and then interupted her shouting "Stop , you big meanie. You are a disgrace to Jesus and not showing love. Your the one who will burn in hell if you continue. Appologise now and stop they don't deserve your hate." James turned round to see it , he was concerned but at the same time proud clearly his raising Amaziah to accept different people of all types including different sexualities had paid off.
-
The delegation from Istkalen and President Carter were both GIVING at the same time, slaying the game and feeling their oats with musical numbers that represented their ideals.
Though these two energies were opposite, they were.... equal. The magnetic forced of radical Christianity and flamboyant homosexuality somehow completed one another. They were so appalling to one another it flipped back into them being attractive to one another.
Like a plus and a minus, a sperm and an egg, a talented pop diva and Selena Gomez, these two opposites fed off one another.
In this glorious moment of simultaneous pussy popping and Christ worship, the cloudy skies became clear again and a rainbow appeared over the Blue Croatian sky.
The press was thrilled. They were not only extremely enthusiastic about the change in wearher, but they surprisingly loved the religious nuts' performance. "I never knew the Straights could be so... camp! Yessss, it is giving Jesus Christ Superstar. Praise and worship, babe. Praise and worship." The gays applauded at the campiness of the people that thought they belonged in hell. Even Amaziah's interference was met with enthusiasm.
"Yess, Zaddy Amaziz.. uha? Whatever your name is, yesss Zaddy give us the drama!" The paparazzi were quick to snap photos and capture this moment. "READ HER, DRAG HER, SLAY HER, WHO IS SHE???"
President Carter looked at this from his surveilance camera with rage. "My people don't even know how hard I snapped because my performance was not public, but these dumb bitches are giving the Gays everything they want? I am NOT going to be outslayed by these straggots."
Suddenly, a hologran of President Woods appeared before the red carpet attendees.
"Istkalen's delegation, though your religious propaganda was Christian... your underwear wasn't Andrew Christian. My dear, you are up for banishment."The crowd was gagging, as they knew what this meant. President Woods was referencing Blue Croatia's most famous show, Chad's Deag Race, where drag king would compete in impersonating the superior gender. If they failed to do well in challenges like spittibg as far as they can, they were put up for elimination in lipsyncs for their lives where they would perform songs by artistic legends like Pitbull, Flo Rida and Kane Brown.
"The terms are simple, Istkalenterianananses, if you perform better, you get to enter the event and we will let you host a religious Ted Talk that we will all listen to. If you lose, you drop the religious nonsense and have a gay good time tonight. NO DRAMA. The winner will be determined by crowd reaction."
"Choose your fiercest diva to go up against me in this Lipsync For Your Banishment, and we will perform our rendition of the same song. In order to make it fair, I am choosing a song that appeals to the gays, the straights, the elderly, the children, the taste having, the tastelsss, Blue Croats and Red Cdoats...."
"ABBA's Dancing Queen!"
The crowd clapped and cheered at the song selection. "Yup, that's fair, that's fair!" The security then had everyone gathering in a big circle to observed the spectacle.
Children were always instructed to be in the very first row, so the delegation from the Duchies was instructed by security to send them there to get the best view. "It is important that your kids see this from a close distance, as the two challengers are about to pop the corn and feed the children!"
-
"Oh. OH! Now this is my tea huntyyy" Ross said ecstatically.
"I will do the thing... Two straights stand before me. Boys this is the last chance to impress President Carter & save yourself from ELIMINATION!!! The time has come for you to lip sync... for... your... LIFE! Good luck and don't fuck it up!" -
Just before the lip sync starts RuPaul and Michelle get a tingling feeling...
"Ru... is that what I think it is?" says Michelle quietly
Ru just nods his head and slams the gas and goes zoom in his RuMobile!
During the ride, Ru slams 14 twinks (true gay style) while Michelle just sticks her head out of the car like a dog.
When they arrived both stepped out of the car and rushed to the main stage!
This lip sync needs an actual Blue Croatia's queen that would suit their needs in masculinity! Ru does a cool transformation like in Sailor moon or in Winx club and becomes her (old and raggedy) self.
"Now now... Boys we may start..." says Ru as the lip sync starts to smack the boots down.
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"Does voyeurism count as spying? If so... guilty! Otherwise, no, I'm not a spy, although I used to do a great agent Clover impersonation in some of my acts.
Am I mentally well? I'm as mentally well as all the other esteemed guests," Madame Marco commented, gesturing to Prince Tommy who was in the background, "which is to say I am of very sound mind."
At that point of time, Madame Marco couldn't keep up with the other questions the press were hurling at her, so she simply blew them [an air kiss] and made her forward onto the scene.
Madame Marco was ecstatic to see RuPaul dancing the house down boots yass gawd {tongue pop}. This was Madame Marco's first time seeing the legendary RuPaul, whom she considered one of her biggest heroes, live in the flesh.
The Inquistan drag queen cheered RuPaul on from the sidelines by snapping and waving her fingers. "Yass queen, you better werk!"
After catching a closer glimpse of RuPaul without any television filter, Madame Marco was taken aback by how busted she actually looked in person.
"Oh... yass... serving... fish realness!" Madame Marco half-heartedly cheered in disbelief. {rattle snake shade sound}
Madame Marco, later that night, speaking to the producers:
-
In anticipatoon of the Lip Sync For Your Banishment, the crowd started placing bets on who they thought was going to be the victor. For Blue Croats, debating who was going to win a fight was comparable to Red Croats debating who was going to win the divorce (they like to pretend the woman isn't always going to).
The reporters first asked the Lip Sync experts for their expert opinions, because yes, doing that for a living was supposedly better than being unemployed.
"The delegation from Istkalen seems to have the edge, as they are doing something unprecedented: they are heterosexual but not boring. If they choose a good fighter, President Carter might struggle to defeat this groundbreaking group!"After gathering the expert opinion of people who somehow get paid for this bullshit, the reporters went to the delegations from other states to weigh in and potentionally place their bets!
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Peralkal accosting Amaziah Roscoe"Blasphemy!" screamed Kinides Peralkal. "Accuser! The devil lives inside of you! But God is with me!" He laughed maniacally, a deep , far-too-long series of soulless 'ha's,' his eyes wide, his mouth gaping, revealing the endless, terrible, pitch-black hole that was his mouth, as he staggered towards Amaziah. He outstreched, at last, a spectral arm, bony finger pointing.
"Out! Out! Out, Satan! In the name of Jesus! In the name of Jesus, I cast the demon out of this poor child!" Peralkal's voice grew increasingly higher, a grating scream, his face contorting, melting into terrible shapes, expressions, out of fever-dreams, or nightmares.
At last, he blew with all his might, once, twice. "Out, Satan!" More blowing. His stagger was becoming a run; both his arms were now outstretched, hands curved, reaching out for Amaziah's neck.
"Lord, what are we to do?" whispered Tilisek weakly, her voice creaky. Her breathing was short as her eyes darted back and forth; from the mob of the demon-possessed which surrounded her to the slouching advance of Peralkal towards Amaziah. "Oh, Lord...help us! Give us guidance! I entrust all to you!" She looked down at her feet as she trembled, almost sobbing.
"Do not fear, my child," said Tabitha calmly. She turned to Tilisek, hugging her tightly. "The Lord will deliver us from this demonic challenge," she whispered into her ear. "He has never failed us. Have iron faith, my child, do not let Satan weaken it in his abode! We must save these poor sinners. Do not give up!" She shook her lightly, before at last letting go. "Trust the Lord!"
"But what can He do?" squeaked Tilisek. "We are in the grip of great evil, in the bowels of Hell, what can He do?" Her last word was a long wail, a scream, spoken as she looked up to the sky, to the heavens. Now she was truly crying, violently shaking as she prostrated herself before holy God above. "Oh, Lord, deliver us!" she screamed between sobs. "Deliver us! Forgive me, forgive us all, but Lord, take us from this place! I humbly beg you, I humbly implore you, in fear and awe! Cleanse us of what has dirtied us, but take us from this evil place!" She at last collapsed, convulsing, unable to speak.
Tabitha kneeled before Tilisek. "My child," she said soothingly, as she stroked Tilisek's back, "the Lord took us here, remember that. We must do what He told us to do. Would He abandon us on the mission He set for us? No! He will save us, He will find a way. He has all power, remember! What you are doing is giving Satan the final victory! Do not let you faith weaken, do not let the demons around us win! For that is what the greatest evil wants! Let us pray." She took Tilisek's hands into hers, holding them tightly. "Let us pray," she repeated again, firmly now.
Tilisek turned to look at her, eyes red and watering, lightly shining tears tracing their way down her cheeks. She nodded slightly, before closing her eyes.
"Oh, Lord," said Tabitha, "we are lost in a foreign, evil place. We do not have the strength to carry on the mission You set out for us, we are no strong enough. But we will not disobey You, for we know that You love us, for we love You, for we obey You as a child does a parent. Lord, we ask for guidance. We do not know what to do. Please lead us, please help us, to find the way. Lord, we ask also for faith. We find ourselves weakened, we find ourselves doubting. Take away our unbelief, we implore You. Give us faith that is iron-strong, unbreakable faith, Lord, so that we may devote ourselves to You, so that we may no longer fear when we are in service of You. Take away our sadness and our fear, our inhibitions that proceed from Satan. Replace these things with belief, with faith, o Lord, we implore You, Father we both love and fear."
And suddenly she felt the warm hands of God lifting them both up, surrounding them with true, unconditional love, carrying them to heaven itself. She felt, at last, young again, her aches and pains taken away and replaced with vigor and energy. Opening her eyes, she found herself in a beautiful place, an indescribable light of holiness, joy, and love surrounding her. She was no longer dressed in dark veils but pure white silk, warm, caressing her skin, comforting her.
A voice, terrible and loving at once, spoke, from all directions at once. "You have been a good servant, O Tabitha. You have been devoted to me, your faith has been unshakeable. I am always standing by your side. You will be delivered from your fear and your doubt, now and when the new world is created..."
She found herself burning from within, excitement and power bubbling from within her, consuming her. And suddenly she found herself in Sodom again, with Tilisek now standing firm by her.
Tilisek took out her phone to call someone. "Yes. It's me. How quickly can you come to Blue Croatia? Five minutes away? Very good, very good. And with your new release - it'll completely covered by the esteemed President Carter, don't worry, put his name all over it. He wants it to be his creation; he already seems inordinately proud of doing this. He wants to be known for it for eternity, he says. You're surprised? I hope it's good surprise. Of, of course, of course. I converted him. But it'll have to be 'Dancing Queen.' Some things, unfortunately, do not go away... Oh, that was already planned? Very good, very good...Yes, thank you very much, my pleasure. Goodbye!" She hung up, before turning to Tabitha, smiling and nodding, whispering words of great portent.
Tabitha spoke. Her words not from herself, she thought, but all the same she said them with total faith and total conviction. "We reject your challenge, Satan! We will not be tempted in this transparent way! God stands next to us, with sword in hand; He protects us, defends us! You will not be able to lay a finger on us! The providence of the Lord has made it so that the troupe of singers known as 'KidzBop' is but five minutes away. They are, as I understand it, a holy terror on the culture of all your secular countries. If you persist in trying to tempt us, they will descend on this veritable Sodom, they will come here, and they will..defile this favorite song of yours, this 'Dancing Queen.' And it will forever be known that it was a direct result of, and a result endorsed by, your secular-demonic state. And so, for millions, tens of millions of children, only this version, just as sinful but much lower in quality, will be known. When they grow older, they will teach it, show it, to their children, and those children to theirs. The original - sinful but very good, I must admit - forgive me, Lord! - will be, slowly but inexorably, lost. Each generation will find it replaced with this new version, until at last only the new exists, the old having perished, disappeared in the mists of time. And it will be on your head. Think of it, the little children coming to you to congratulate you for having endorsed what would be a travest in your minds so addled by sin! Think of this happening day in and day out, letters being sent to you, the children coming up to you during rallies and whatever other sick political practices you have! Think of this being your only lasting legacy!"
Now Tilisek spoke, animated by the same force. "There is thus a choice before you. Either salvation through belief in Jesus Christ as the Savior and the Son of God - or the defiling of your legacy and your name for centuries upon centuries! Choose, choose wisely!"
-
Amaziah had been through far worse than this if this man thought he could intimidate him he had another thing coming. Didn't he know this was the child who had survived a terror attack and direct murder attempt within a year. He continued to stand up to Kinides Peralkal shouting to him "I won't cower, you are the demons and disgraces. The devil is in you and your hateful words. Now begone from here and piss off and leave these people alone. You are not Christian , you show no love. " James looked on concerned but still didn't want to intervene but shouted to Amaziah "You've said what you need to now come here. " He didn't want to make it feel a punishment he was proud but he wanted to make sure his son was safe.
-
President Carter was never faced with a threat like this before. Even when his nation faced war, he knew that there was some honor to be had in losing your life to a worthy opponent. But to lose one of the greatest ABBA hits to KidzBop? This would be a disgusting, vile thing to witness. In order to relieve himself form the pressure of his situation, he turned on SOS by the magical group and found the lyrics more relatable than ever.
"WHEN YOU'RE NEAR ME DARLING, CAN'T YOU HEAR ME SOS?
THE LOVE YOU GAVE ME, NOTHING ELSE CAN SAVE ME, SOS!"But as he was mourning the potential loss of Dancing Queen, crying but in a manly way over this frightening prospect, he came to a beautiful realization. "I know exactly what to do. Security, don't hesitate. Don't fear the KidzPop hell reigning upon us."
Suddenly, the impressive security guards ran out in fashion that would make Pamela Anderson from Baywatch worry for her career, their hot chiseled bodies dominating the delegation from Istkalen and escorting them to an isolated room in President Woods' home, cuffed them to chairs and made sure that they won't be up to any funny business. "In this country, we'd send your straggot asses to conversion therapy and turn you into literal cocksuckers, proud Blue Croatian men. But sadly, you only suck mmetaphorical cock. Losers. Luckily for you, we don't have enough time to convert you to the correct sexuality, but we have enough time for.... THIS!"
The security guard picked up his phone and furiously hit numbers for 50 seconds. "I am President Carter Wood's Security, and I have something to say. I have a challenge for you... slap some sense into these straggots challenge. Can you be here to filapplication in a momentarily? You can? Oh, fantastic!"
He then looked over at the delegation. "Someone is about to talk some damn sense into you."While the security was taking care of the zealots, President Woods appeared in front of his people, who were worried about losing their beloved hit.
"HOW COULD YOU RISK LOSING DANCING QUEEN??? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, PRESIDENT??? EXPLAIN YOURSELF!!!"
The President laughed in a self assured manner, as if he was not the slightest bit worried. "Don't worry, I know what I've done." He then cleared his throat before explaining his reasoning. "First: This is an empthy threat. These people are religious and they know damn well that KidzBop covering Dancing Queen would summon Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, and they're not called that because they're horse hung, believe me. Second of all, if we DO somehow lose Dancing Queen, this will help us identify with the most heavy-handed ABBA songs. We will be able to identify with the beauty of SOS, Fernando and Waterloo more than ever. And thirdly, even if they force the KidzBop version on us, I'll make sure that MY rendition is even more successful!"
President Carter then ascended above the people with a wire that brought him to the rootftop of his home. From there, everyone attending the event could see him just by looking up. "Let the show begin." Suddenly, the instrumentation to Dancing Queen began, backup dancers popped out of nowhere and stood beside him on the roof and the crowd instantly went wild.
"17 year old Britney Spears, this one goes out to you!
You can seduce!
You're everyone's muse!
Having the time of your life!
Oh, watch those creeps
Chasing after teens
Digging the Jail Bait Queeeeeeen!It's 1999 and political correctness is low
While you're coming out with your show
You're serving vocals, you're serving choreo
But everyone is focused on your derriere
And when you get the chance...You are the Jail Bait Queen!
Young and sexy, only 17!
Jail Bait Queen, cover that Rolling Stone magazine, oh yeah!
You can seduce!
You're everyone's muse!
Oh, watch those creeps
Chasing after teens
Digging the Jail Bait Queeeeeeen!"The crowd got even wilder as they saw President Woods slay the fuck out of this musical number. "And with this, my dear guests, everyone from the foreign delegations is permitted to enter! Come on in!" As the delegates entered Carter's home, they would see a ball room connected to a dining hall filled with upper class Blue Croatians with whom they would have fun with tonight. The President himself however, went on to the secluded room with the Istkalen zealots to give them a lesson before changing his costume and joining the other people in his ball room. But as he saw them, he just sighed and turned around instantly, knowing that they'll be taken care of by the mystery guest that was about to arrive and lecutre them.
He walked toward the door, looked back, and said: "For the record, I'm Carter Woods, President of Blue Croatia and the best gay porn star in the world. Coalition of the Rightwing Straight Religious Nuts, with your permission, you need to put your situation to rest. Once again, the world have proven: Anything the straights can do, gays can do better." He shut the door and walked towards the ball room to talk with the high society people.
-
Amaziah ran back to his father who after the guards freed him from the Istkaleners. He was frightened a bit but he had to do what he did in his mind but he knew it worried his father. He hugged James and Yohanna and Said "Sorry I worried you but I couldn't let them do that." James replied reassuringly "Its fine , you did good there son. I know I can't stop you, I think you may have many new fans!" They noticed the crowd had noticed the commotion and seen what his son did . Amaziah went to join Jakob and Dana who by this point were mingling , they were known in circles to Gay and Bi-sexual. They were proud of what he did.
-
Prince Tommy entered the great Ball Room. Coincidentally, that’s what he called his living room. It was a sight to behold ! What magnificence. This is what happenned when you got gays to design your buildings, and not straight guys with no respect for the male form. Tommy then decided he would try to find the guy on The App.
‘Wya’ he asked. He could see this mystery man was close, he wondered which of these Blue Croat hunks was his mystery admirer ?
‘What are you doing ? Why are you on your phone ?' Carlos asked, somewhat hurt. Before they had left Ibiza Tommy said he wouldn’t go off without him on this trip.
‘Don’t worry, querido. I won’t leave you.’
‘Hmm.’ Carlos said.
A pause.
Carlos saw the buffet tray and was enticed by a chocolate finger. Mmmm a chocolate finger... It reminded him of a vacation in pre-volcano Nofoaga.
As he saw Carlos wander off he said: ‘honey I’m going to the bathroom.’
‘Okay.’ Carlos said, fixated on the food at this point.
Once arrived in the bathroom he went in a stall and opened up The App. He refreshed a bunch of times and saw the mystery man was very close. -
@Icholasen
"Pissing all by yourself, handsome?" President Carter said as he walked up to the urinal next to Prince Tommy. "I've been waiting for my chance to fuck up the Nicoletzian fuck-up." He winked before leaning over the urinal to compare their bladder instruments. "Let's compare sizes?" He said before going over and crossing their swords. "Wow, your's is as big as Serbia! But mine is asbig as Serbia with Kosovo. Let's commit genocide together, babe." He initiated a passionate kiss. -
Prince Tommy didn't know what a Kosovo was. He assumed it meant some kind of STD. "Ummm... what ?" Tommy said. He was into it until the ethnic-Albanian STD was mentioned. "You're cute, but... I stay #safe."
-
"Oh, I'll keep you #safe. I'm going to make sure that you're protected, well-respected, healthy. wealthy. rich and that bitch." He grabbed him and kept on passionately kissing him, his charisma being so overwhelming that one would willingly get an STI just to spend one night with him, one would risk his liiii-i-i-i-ifeeee to fee-e-e-e-l President Carter's body next to his. "Come on, Prince. Join the King in his bedroom."
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Bishop Lallana left her Europolis office feeling down and dejected, having spent yet another day in the European Council debating and discussing miniscule bits of European law that had no real impact on the working class people of Europe, and having accomplished nothing that would help bring about the worldwide liberation of the proletariat.
How did the bishop go from leading the front lines of progressivism and revolution in Inquista - championing for the equality of all persons, fighting to dismantle the patriarchy and the class system, fighting against discrimination and prejudice, and campaigning for a sustainable and everlasting environment - to now having to sit around a stuffy room, discussing menial topics such as the European Space Agency, a European Commission veto, a European Order of Merit nomination, and so on.
Worse yet, any progress that the Bishop was part of in the quest for universal equality and liberation was sliding backwards. The Bishop recently had to assist and help navigate a socialist schism in Icholasen, guiding her comrades to help them from being killed or purged by others she once also considered comrades. Was the quest for worldwide peace, equality and freedom all but doomed?
"Useless," the Bishop bemoaned to herself. "I'm so useless. What am I doing?"
The bishop wrestled with these thoughts and felt on the verge of giving up.
As Bishop Lallana walked along the sidewalk, struggling with these thoughts, a light suddenly beamed from the sky. The beam of light began to grow, and soon many more beams of light also began to cut through the sky and shine on her. The bright light slowly began to envelop the bishop, and she could feel a burst of energy and warmth wash over her. A loud voice began to boom in her ears.
"Karinn," a loud voice boomed.
A sudden flash of light blinded the Bishop, forcing her to close her eyes. Upon opening her eyes, she saw God, the one true Communist Orthodox God, before her. The Lord was surrounded by His four archangels, Archangel Marx, Archangel Craticus, Archangel Shakur, and Archangel Mufasa.
Bishop Lallana was shocked to see the Lord himself, but was even more surprised to see Craticus both make his way into heaven and become an archangel. Apparently mass murder was a forgivable sin after all. Archangel Shakur wasn't a surprise at all, the Bishop knew he had been dead a long time ago and that the fake Tupac Shakur from Pravoslaviya was a fraud all along, in addition to their fake Taylor Swift and the fake claims made by Trympov about the Bishop’s alleged plastic surgery. Archangels Marx and Mufasa were a welcome sight, and were among the most important figures of spiritual relevance to the Bishop herself, alongside Jesus Christ, of course.
"Karinn, you have forgotten us," Archangel Mufasa declared with a stern voice of disappointment.
"No! How could I?" Bishop Lallana cried out defensively.
"You have forgotten who you are, and so have forgotten us. Look inside yourself, Karinn. You are more than what you have become. You must take your place in the proletariat's revolution."
"How can I go back? I'm not who I used to be."
"Remember who you are. You are Bishop Lallana, you are one of the Lord's children, and a true revolutionary who will help abolish all class systems. Remember who you are," Archangel Mufasa continued to warn, as the light slowly began to fade, and God and His four righteous archangels began to fade from the Bishop's sight.
"No, please! Don't leave me!" Lallana called out, hoping to ask questions of her own.
"Remember."
"Lord! Don't leave me!"
"Remember."
ZAP! It was as if Lallana had been struck by lightning. After being jolted with energy, the Bishop had been flung onto the ground. When she got back up, it appeared that she had been transported to some other part of Earth. The Bishop wasn't sure where she was or what was going on. It was a very out-of-body and strange experience.
The Bishop realised that there was some sort of fuss going on in the building in front of her, where the press were hounding people as they entered the facility. Lallana pushed her way past the press and went inside, where she saw many faces she recognised. Lallana saw Prince Tommy and Carlos, whose wedding she officiated just over a year ago, as well as a figure who appeared to be Taylor Swift, or a younger version of herself, or perhaps the drag artist Madame Marco - and in all cases, a dear friend - in addition to Michelle Visage and RuPaul, who had just recently rudely rejected the Bishop's request to join her judging panel for the New Republic's Next Top Councillor.
Lallana then bared witness to Tabitha and Tilisek's horrid speeches, whose sickening and hypocritical words chilled her to her core and made her feel sick. The Bishop's blood began to boil and she felt the need to compose herself, and so she quickly sought to find a bathroom where she could wash her face and cool down.
"How can someone who espouses belief in the Creator also dare speak so horribly about the Lord's children? How dare they speak so repulsively of God's own work and intentions? How can the love of homosexuals be sinful when their love is just as real and pure as the love of any other person? Gays are just as loving, loyal, faithful..." Bishop Lallana thought to herself, opening the door to the first bathroom she came across.
The Bishop opened the door and was dismayed to see some sort of salacious activity going on between President Carter and Prince Tommy.
"Well, some gays will go to hell, just statistically speaking," the Bishop rationalised to herself in a whisper.
Normally, Bishop Lallana would immediately retreat from the situation to save everyone from embarrassment and humiliation, but as the figure who officiated and was the witness of Prince Tommy's wedding vows to Carlos, Bishop Lallana could not let this go.
"Alright, that's enough of that, boys," Lallana commanded, walking into the bathroom and cockblocking whatever was going on. The Bishop dragged both men by their arms back to the main stage to everyone else.
Lallana had to make a point to Prince Tommy as well as to the Iskalenic delegation, and she knew she couldn't do it without a sense of authority. How would she gain such authority? By commanding the stage, of course.
Bishop Lallana decided to perform a special rendition of her previous performance at Prince Tommy's wedding, reminding him of his vows.
"Little boys who play with fire get their fingers burned," Lallana warned, pulling Prince Tommy onto the stage with her.
You tied the knot, remember me?
So, you got blue balls, but you shouldn't take chances on dicks like you do
That's something you should think throughThere's that look in your eyes
I can read in your face that your feelings are driving you wild
Ah, but boy, you're not a childWell, I can dance with you, honey, if you think it's funny
Does your partner know that you're out?
And I can chat with you, baddie, flirt a little maybe
Does your partner know that you're out?Take it easy, take it easy
Try to cool it, boy
Think twice and slow
Does your partner know?Take it easy, take it easy
Try to cool it, boy
Think twice and slow
Does your partner know?I can see what you want
But you seem to already have the one to be searching for that kind of fun
So maybe don't run and be doneNow you're so cute, I like your style
And I know what you mean when you give boys a flash of that smile, smile
But boy, you're no longer a childWell, I can dance with you, honey, if you think it's funny
Does your partner know that you're out?
And I can chat with you, baby, flirt a little maybe
Does your partner know that you're out?After giving a brilliantly choreographed performance and stunningly slutshaming a Nicoleizian royal, Bishop Lallana spun Prince Tommy off the stage and into Carlos' arms. Shaming their open relationship was a resounding success according to the applause that the Bishop received. "Call me to renew your vows, fellas," the Bishop quipped.
With the spotlight on her, Bishop Lallana used the opportunity to then speak directly to the Istkaleners.
"Tabitha, you must renounce your words and cease that bitter and malignant rhetoric at once. All human beings are made by the Lord's all-knowing and intentional design. We were all created in the Lord's image. God makes no mistakes. It is not for us to cast judgement. Division is what leads humans astray and towards sin. God placed us on Earth to be custodians of this Earth and to protect and nurture one another. We mock God and His work by not upholding Him, and by extension, by not upholding each other.
All humans regardless of any distinction are equal, and must be treated with equal dignity and respect. There is far more that we have in common than what separates us. Both straggots and f**gots - AND YES I CAN, YES I CAN SAY THAT WORD, STOP - must live in harmony, and we must support one another, so that we do not let Satan do what he does best, which is divide us. We must support both straight rights and gay rights. Most importantly, we must dismantle whatever separations the bourgeoisie have created that pit us, the working class, against each other."
Bishop Lallana then gestured for the crowd to remain content in the sidelines, while signaling to RuPaul, Michelle Visage and the Hilarious Ross Matthews that she would join them at the judge's table. Bishop Lallana finally gestured for the Istkaleners and for the Blue Croat President to step up to the Lipsync for Your Banishment.
While Bishop Lallana was preparing herself at the judge's table, Madame Marco popped up beside her. Bishop Lallana was Madame Marco's biggest idol, and Madame Marco had spent most of her drag career as a Bishop Lallana impersonator at her local gay bar, the Bishop’s Balls.
"Bishop Lallana! It is such an honour to see you!" Madame Marco quietly shrieked from the side. Seeing Lallana in person totally made up for seeing how busted RuPaul looked like in real life. Thankfully, Bishop Lallana didn't need a facekini.
"I totally do not believe what they say about you!" Madame Marco continued.
"Wait, what do they say about me?" Lallana asked, rather confused.
"You know, about the plastic surgery..."
"Oh, that's totally fake news. This is all natural. Anyway, it's good to finally meet you Madame Marco. I have to say, I had to do a double take, I wasn't sure if you were Taylor Swift or a double of myself!"
With the Lipsync for Your Banishment about to start, Lallana then politely dismissed Madame Marco to the audience.
