Irene didn't give a damn about anything that was going on in the world. Spain celebrating it's anniversary was an insignificant part of the Queen's day, as she had different priorities: like binge watching Riverdale and lusting after KJ Apa. She had no idea what the show was about, but that didn't stop her from watching an entire season over the course of a morning.
"Who did you think was responsible for the murder, Queen?" her servant asked.
"Murder? The show is about the epic highs and lows of high school football and the hot men that experience it, you dumbass."
"Ummmm... I apologize Queen, I am a bit dizzy." she promptly left the Queen alone, fearing being beheaded.
But suddenly, Irene's thirst session was interrupted by a voice mail from Mikaela Kligenberg:
"Hey girl, it's Mikaela calling. Today is Spain Day, which I think it means it's Penelope Cruz's birthday? Anyway, to celebrate Penelope, I'm hosting a party in Ibiza and the theme is big booty bitches, so naturally, I had to call you, and no, JLO will NOT be attending."
Irene gasped and immediately recorded a voice mail (that she sent 45 minutes later, to make Mikaela wait and display her dominance) saying "Ohmagosh, Penelope is my girl. Totes coming sis, love ya. Mwah!"
She didn't need to think much about the outfit she should wear if the theme is big booty bitches, as she had a whole closet dedicated to suitable outfits, so she immediately jumped on a plane and was ready to party in Spain.
While on the plane, she realized she didn't know any Spainish words except chola, so she decided to learn some Spainish by listening to JLO's Big Booty - the Spainish version [ESSENTIAL to listen while reading]. "As Chola is my witness, I'm gonna learn the lyrics of this big booty anthem and my girls Mikaela and Penelope will be shook. JLo might not be there physically, but she'll be there in spirit. Her booty is omnipresent."
When Irene arrived in Spain, she decided to go to the nearest bar to have some fun before the parade. Even though nobody was partying because it was way too early for that, Irene didn't care. She wanted to enjoy herself and she knew she could get other people on board, especially in the outfit she was wearing... Because Mikaela told her that, to honor Penelope, she has to wear a outfit that screams "big booty bitch" Irene wore a skimpy bikini that was considered racy even in a Mediterranean country like Spain during summer. She was living her best bootylicious life.
Though she knew very little Spainish, she understood body language and it was very clear that everyone was staring at her and following her every move. And she knew exactly what to do with the attention. She walked over to a table full of hot young girls and started communicating using the iconic lyrics from JLo's Big Booty.
"Girls with the cheeks, put a hand in the air!
Las chicas con buenos traseros levanten la mano!"
The girls started laughing, making fun of Irene, but they amused her and rose their hands anyway.
"All the sexy girls at the party...
Todas las chicas sexys en la fiesta...
Go and grab a man, bring him to the dancefloor!
Vayan y agarren a un hombre, traelo a la pista de baile!"
Though the Queen of Red Croatia was clearly a ridiculous person and very easy to laugh at, the girls realized that this was a golden opportunity to have some fun and decided to go with it anyway. So, they obeyed and began asking the men to dance. Soon enough, everyone in the bar was having the time of their lives... Singing, laughing, dancing...
And it was all because of JLo's big booty.
Thank you, JLo's big booty.